Alternative names for Nerve.com's outrageous sex positions

Below are images shown at "Position of the Day: Sex Every Day Every Way (from Nerve.com)." Amazingly, I did not make these up. But I do have some alternative names for the positions shown.

They call this one "The Happy Landing":



I call it: "The creepy elementary school gym teacher during recess."

Nerve calls this "The Slinky":



I call it: "The Herniator." Or "I'm sure my contact lens is here somewhere"

Nerve calls this "The Stick Shift"



I call it: "The you fucked my right arm right off my body." (That's some good fucking when you lose an appendage!)

Nerve calls this "The Three O'Clock Appointment":



I call it: "The I can't believe you can levitate!" Or "The I told you my dick gets really hard."

Nerve calls this "Rock A Thigh Baby" (because the best names for sexual positions are ones that remind you of childhood nursery rhymes!?):



I call it: "The 'Where did we get this giant rocking chair?' No, seriously, it's like ten feet wide."

Nerve calls this: "Yin Yang":



I call it: "The I said, 'hell no' not elbow!" Or "The I'm sure my contact lens is here somewhere."

So yeah, now you can totally start having sex every day in these ways. That will work out really well for you, I bet.

Labels: ha

Permalink | 7/02/2008