Vooza: Weak Password

We've been busy cranking out new funny tech-related videos at Vooza. The latest deals with passwords and security questions.

Labels: funny stuff, Vooza

Permalink | 6/17/2013 | 0 comment(s)

80% right now

Funny or Die writer-director Jake Szymanski on the key to topical videos: "Sometimes it's better to do a video at 80% right now than 100% if it takes five days."

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 6/13/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Kevin Hart roasting the Cavs in the Lebron era

Kevin Hart jokes around with LeBron James & his Cavs teammates (this is pre-Heat).



"Backstage after Kevin's show in Cleveland...LeBron James, Mo Williams, Delonte West, Danny Green, Sebastian Telfair & Leon Powe comes by and jokes around."

Labels: funny stuff

Permalink | 6/12/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Wed 6/12 - Hot Soup with Shillue/Fowler/more

HOT SOUP is back EVERY WED NIGHT at Ella Lounge at 8:30pm. Free show + happy hour drink prices.

LINEUP THIS WEEK:
Tom Shillue (Comedy Central)
Jermaine Fowler (In Living Color)
Luke Cunningham (Late Night with Jimmy Fallon)
Claudia Cogan (New York Magazine top new comedian)
Andy Blitz (Conan)
Mark Normand (Conan)
Matt Ruby (MTV)

RSVP to confirm your spot:
FREECOMEDYWEDNESDAYS@gmail.com

Full event details at Facebook.

Labels: hot soup, shows

Permalink | 6/11/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Video of my set last week at UCB-LA

Here's me doing a set at UCB-LA last week.

Labels: funny stuff, videos

Permalink | 6/11/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Tom Shillue on where he gets ideas

Tom Shillue's answer to "How do stand-up comedians come up with content/ideas for shows?"

An idea usually starts with having an experience that triggers an emotional response- often anger, frustration, bewilderment, or more rarely, happiness. Then comes the hard part- they set about figuring how to communicate this to an audience of strangers in a funny way.

Sitting waiting for a bus may be boring, but "Waiting for buses sure is boring!" is not a great topic. But "do you think aliens wait for buses?", while not particularly funny, is a start. So, you write it down. Comedians have notebooks filled with things like "do you think aliens wait for buses?" Right now, my instincts tell me the idea is going nowhere, but you never know. 98% of a comedians notes will go unused on stage.

The 98% figure is the key I think. Want to write a great joke? Write 100 of them. One or two will be good. Probably.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 6/10/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Kurt Metzger on We're All Friends Here podcast

Kurt Metzger guests on newest We're All Friends Here podcast. Hosted by Mark Normand and me. Listen at iTunes or Cave Comedy Radio.

Labels: podcasts, we're all friends here

Permalink | 6/07/2013 | 0 comment(s)

The big story here isn't rape culture, it's social media culture

The big story here isn't rape culture, it's social media culture. It's the way we're talking (or not talking) to each other. Online, everyone is outraged, offended, cruel, mocking, trolling, or attacking. But what they are TRULY communicating is this: Look at me. I'm lonely. I'm bored and hate my job. I'm craving human connection. I seek validation. I'll type anything to get someone/anyone to pay attention to me.

That's why people say nasty stuff online. It's not a sign of genuine misogyny or outrage. It's a sign that technology is eroding human connections. When we stare at screens all day, the threads that tie us together fray. And that is making us sad, afraid, and lonely. All this online negativity is our response. The medium is the message.

Also, follow the money. The real winners in any online "debate" are the companies who profit from page views (e.g. Facebook, Twitter, Gawker, Salon, etc.). They are the ones converting all this emotional diarrhea into cash. These companies have no economic incentive to provide actual solutions or constructive engagement. They want us to keep yelling, provoking, and stirring the pot – as long as it makes people hit reload and they can sell your data to Bonobos and show you a "hot deal" on Tory Burch Reva Ballerina Flats from Neiman Marcus.

We didn't solve rape jokes six months ago. We're not solving them now. We won't solve them when this debate happens again in six months.

But hey, if you're bored at work and spouting off on all this helps you feel alive, then go for it. I mean, I get it...Why the hell do you think I wrote this!?

P.S. Please don't use YouTube comments to prove any point in your article/story/whatever. At that point, you might as well "quote" the gorillas at the zoo flinging their crap.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 6/06/2013 | 1 comment(s)

Birbigs on how to take something personal and make it relatable

In The Onion, Birbigs discusses what he learned from confessional comedians.

I watched people like Marc Maron and Doug Stanhope, and other confessional comedians who I admired. Also, my first manager was this guy named Lucien Hold, who has since passed away. He was the original talent booker for The Comic Strip on the Upper East Side, so he passed [i.e. let onstage—ed.] Jerry Seinfeld and Larry Miller and Chris Rock, and Eddie Murphy used to play there when he was 18 years old. He took me under his wing, and one of the things he said at one point was, “You should really write about yourself, because no one can take that away from you. No one can steal it.” That was very instructive toward where I went.

If you talk about something that only happened to you, no one can ever accuse ya of being hack.

One challenge of going personal is that it's tough to get people to identify with what you're talking about. Gay marriage or the differences between men/women or fast food are topics ripe for joking. Playing basketball in a Jewish youth league? Not so much. Here's how Gary Gulman deftly manages that...



...Below, Birbigs talks about how to take something personal and make it relatable.

When you’re writing something, no matter how specific and personal it is to you, you need the audience to feel it’s about them. That is the balancing act of writing something personal, is that you need to get really specific with yourself and somehow make that feel really specific to the audience. I’ll give you an example of that. I’m trying to come up with an analogy right now for the stage. Last night I performed at Union Hall, and I’m doing so many talk shows and personal appearances that I want to be able to say things in a comedic way about making the film that people will understand, that’s relatable. But making a film is actually entirely unrelatable. There’s nothing relatable about it, it’s nothing like anything anyone has ever done, except like, 100 people in the world. You need a million dollars to do it. Not only do you need a million dollars, you need to be willing to blow a million dollars. It’s a small subset of the world, and fortunately it wasn’t my own million dollars.

So I came up with an analogy this week that I think is going to work, and it worked last night onstage. Directing your first film is like showing up to the field trip in seventh grade, getting on the bus, and making an announcement, “So today I’m driving the bus.” And everybody’s like, “What?” And you’re like, “I’m gonna drive the bus.” And they’re like, “But you don’t know how to drive the bus.” And you’re like, “Well, I’ve been watching the bus driver, and I’ve been playing close attention. I’ve been watching other people’s bus rides. I know what I like, I know when I think a bus ride is good, and I have a notebook of things that I’ve written down that I’ve observed about other bus rides.” Sometimes you drive the bus to the location, sometimes you drive off a cliff. That can happen. So it feels very risky, but then if you get to your destination, it feels like it pays off in such a big way.

Related: Start off learning how to "cook rice"

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 6/05/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Food jokes (aka another Eater video)

I'm in Eater's WE LOVE FOOD, Episode Three. And it goes a little something like this...

Labels: funny stuff, videos

Permalink | 6/04/2013 | 0 comment(s)

I'm in LA this week at French Toast, Tiger Lily, and Put Your Hands Together

Come see me, LA. Links below have more info.

Sun 6/2: French Toast
Mon 6/3: What's Up Tiger Lily?
Tue 6/4: Put Your Hands Together (RSVP here)

Labels: shows

Permalink | 6/02/2013 | 0 comment(s)

HOT SOUP is back on Wed (5/29) with Dan St. Germain and more

HOT SOUP is back EVERY WED NIGHT at Ella Lounge at 8:30pm. Free show + happy hour drink prices.

LINEUP THIS WEEK:
Greg Warren
Maddog Mattern
Kevin Barnett
Dan St. Germain
...and more!

RSVP to confirm your spot:
FREECOMEDYWEDNESDAYS@gmail.com

Full event details at Facebook.

Labels: hot soup, shows

Permalink | 5/28/2013 | 0 comment(s)

"All head, dead from the neck down"

From Brian Eno: A Sandbox In Alphaville by Lester Bangs.

No. I think the trouble with almost all experimental composers is that they’re all head, dead from the neck down. They don’t trust their hearts, I think, and tend to take themselves with a solemnity so extreme as to be downright preposterous. I don’t see the point, really. I’ve always abandoned pieces which succeeded theoretically but not sensually.”

In theory, theory is a waste of time. At least that's how I feel. Well, I think I feel that way. But now we're back to theory. Hmm.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 5/27/2013 | 0 comment(s)

George Carlin describes how Bob Dylan and other musicians guided him to being more than just a comedian

George Carlin describes when he learned “not to give a shit.”



Found it at How the Great George Carlin Showed Louis CK the Way to Success. More Carlin goodness: 101 Greatest George Carlin Quotes (example: "If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.").

Just watched "Back in Town" again recently. He is so amped up and does not let up for the entire show. Astounding level of intensity.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 5/23/2013 | 0 comment(s)

On camera, everything has to be tiny

An interview with Brooke Thomas on casting. Here she describes bad behavior she sees and why you need to be "tiny" for the camera.

Not listening, not taking direction, over-acting. You’re on a camera, everything has to be tiny. You can’t act, you have to just be. People want to act, and I get it – you’re an actor, you want to act – but it just doesn’t work for camera. I can’t take time to work with them, though. “Thank you. Next.” You have three minutes with each actor to put on camera. So my thought is, if you don’t have commercial training, please don’t go out on commercial auditions. It seems ridiculous, like, “How hard can it be to do a commercial?” But it’s a skill. You’re reading a cue card, while trying to relate to the camera, and you have 30 seconds to come across. Don’t think that because you have an MFA from Yale that you can come in and do a commercial. You might not be able to. It’s a skill you need to learn. It’s fast, you have to be prepared, you have to be confident, you have to listen, it is not easy at all.

The more I do video stuff (like Vooza), the more interested I get in the differences between what's funny on camera vs. what's funny on stage. The camera magnifies everything. A subtle look or reaction can make a bit fly onscreen but would get lost onstage. And the hard push you need to sell a bit during standup can come across as desperate when filmed.

Oh, and here's a related recent tweet:

Comedy is made up of people who constantly mock commercials yet are dying to be in one.

— Matt Ruby (@mattruby) May 16, 2013

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 5/20/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Interview: How Fear Can Be a Motivational Tool

My big motivator: Fear.



It's from Capture Your Flag's Erik Michielsen latest interview with me. Third year in a row we've done a Q&A like this. Here's the full playlist from this year's interview at YouTube. And here's Year 2 and Year 1.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 5/15/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Great standup tips on crowd work and more from John Roy and Jared Logan

John Roy's "Entirely Free Comedy Class" is a great way to get off the ground with your standup with tips from a truly funny comedian. I especially liked guest "teacher" Jared Logan's explanation of how/why to do crowd work.

Try the socratic method. The great philosopher Socrates used to ask questions of people and then re-state their answers back to them, often with hilarious results (seriously, most of Plato is like one big long comedy routine). So do that. Ask the person anything, like what’s your name? what do you do for a living? where are you from? — and then repeat their answer back to them, in your own words. Repeating the answer in your own words not only starts to create the tension that will provide laughs, but it also helps the rest of the audience follow along. As you progress, the questions are naturally going to get more complex, because that’s how a conversation works. If you ask a person what they do for a living, they can just say “human resources manager” but your next question is naturally going to be more complicated. You might ask “What does a human resource manager do?” or “Do you enjoy it?” The person has to consider these types of questions more deeply and give a longer, more interesting answer. Then you repeat their answer in your own words. If you are honest, and let a bit of your own point of view start creeping in to your summary of their answer, you will get laughs. If the answers they give don’t make sense to you, don’t worry! That’s a golden opportunity! Re-stating something you don’t understand is funny. Be honest and summarize it in a way that sums up what you think they were trying to say.

This is really all there is to it. But you have to commit! Keep going until someone says something funny. Don’t get nervous and bail early because you’ve asked a couple questions, they’ve answered, you’ve restated, and nobody has laughed. Good crowd work takes patience. If you’re being honest and keeping it positive, something funny will happen.

One of my favorite things is doing crowd work and just telling the truth about how you feel about the situation and getting a big laugh off it. Moments like that are when I feel most like a funny person instead of a guy telling jokes.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 5/14/2013 | 0 comment(s)

5/15 HOT SOUP Comedy Show with Drucker/Zimmerman/Sims

HOT SOUP is back EVERY WED NIGHT at Ella Lounge at 8:30pm. Free show and ya get happy hour drink prices too.

LINEUP THIS WEEK (5/15):
Mike Drucker (Fallon writer)
Joe Zimmerman (Beards of Comedy)
Zach Sims (Moving to LA!)
...and more!

RSVP to confirm your spot:
FREECOMEDYWEDNESDAYS@gmail.com

Full event details.

Labels: hot soup, shows

Permalink | 5/14/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Poke life and something will pop out the other side

Steve Jobs in 1994:

When you grow up you tend to get told the world is the way it is and just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family life, have fun, save a little money.

That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact, and that is: everything around you that you call life, was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.

The minute that you understand that you can poke life and actually something will, you know, if you push in, something will pop out the other side, that you can change it, you can mold it. That’s maybe the most important thing. It’s to shake off this erroneous notion that life is there and you’re just gonna live in it, versus embrace it, change it, improve it, make your mark upon it.

I think that’s very important and however you learn that, once you learn it, you’ll want to change life and make it better, cause it’s kind of messed up, in a lot of ways. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.

Passive vs. active. What's it gonna be?

Labels: miscellaneous

Permalink | 5/10/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Hot Soup tonight (5/8) w/ Katz/Machi/Smith/Lucas Bros.

HOT SOUP is back EVERY WED NIGHT at Ella Lounge at 8:30pm. Free show and ya get happy hour drink prices too.

LINEUP THIS WEEK:
Louis Katz
Joe Machi
Lucas Bros
Doug Smith
...and more!

RSVP to confirm your spot:
FREECOMEDYWEDNESDAYS@gmail.com

Full event details.

Labels: hot soup, shows

Permalink | 5/08/2013 | 0 comment(s)

I'm a guest on Offstage podcast

I'm a guest on the newest OFFSTAGE W/ CHRISTIAN POLANCO PODCAST.

Matt Ruby is a comedian and writer who recently wrote a powerful essay about spending the last days with his dying father. It got a tremendous response across the internet and he came by to talk about it, amongst other things.

Listen as they cover relationships with fathers, supporting the comedy community, and preferring women who are strangers over being introduced.

Was a fun chat. Check it out.

Labels: funny stuff, podcasts

Permalink | 5/06/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Watch me make fun of Dunkin' Donuts, McDonald's, and Canadians

Eater's WE LOVE FOOD, Episode Two.

Labels: funny stuff

Permalink | 5/02/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Does drinking help or hurt?

"My manager was concerned, he said 'Mitch, don't use liquor as a crutch.' I can't use liquor as a crutch... because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely screws up the way I walk. It ain't like a crutch, it's like a step I didn't see." -Mitch Hedberg

Mitch is also the guy who needed to down a bottle of Jack moments before hitting the stage at Letterman. Unfortunately, we all know how that turned out.

A Slate article asks, "Hemingway, Fitzgerald: Did alcohol help or hinder the great writers?"

The great comedic actor W.C. Fields had a similar realization. Fields initially started drinking onstage and on set because he thought it loosened him up and improved his comic timing. But since he had a naturally high tolerance for alcohol, it took increasingly large quantities to keep him loose. (Fields once estimated that he imbibed “eight or ten cocktails, possibly a bottle of champagne, and a half dozen or more bottles of beer and ale per day.”) He insisted that drinking had never interfered with his work—until shortly before his death, when he told a friend from his hospital bed, “I’ve often wondered how far I could have gone had I laid off the booze.”

Being fucked up a lil' has helped me at times onstage. Loosens me up when I'm feeling stiff. But I started backing away from it a few years ago because I hated the idea that it might be something I'd NEED to do before performing. The idea that I have a big set so I'd have to go out and pound some shots first creeped me out. That's not a sustainable approach. You have to be able to bring your A game sober. Otherwise you're on a dangerous path.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 5/02/2013 | 2 comment(s)

Hot Soup tonight (5/1) w/ Bargatze, Wang, and more

HOT SOUP is back EVERY WED NIGHT at Ella Lounge at 8:30pm. Free show and ya get happy hour drink prices too.

LINEUP THIS WEEK:
Nate Bargatze (Conan)
Sheng Wang (Comedy Central)
Aparna Nancherla (Totally Biased on FX)
Sean Donnelly (Comedy Central)
Matt Ruby (MTV)
Gary Vider (Laughing Skull)
and more!

RSVP to confirm your spot:
FREECOMEDYWEDNESDAYS@gmail.com

Full event details.

Labels: hot soup, shows

Permalink | 5/01/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Doing only one kind of room makes you a weaker comic

Ben Rosenfeld interviews Danny Browning about road work.

Then again, any comedian that does one thing too much, whether it’s colleges or corporate events or strictly bar shows on the road, doing only one thing makes your act get weaker in other venues. If you work thirty colleges a month, and do nothing but colleges, then your act will become very college friendly and a lot less club friendly, I think. I knew a guy who used to be an excellent club comic, then he started doing corporate comedy, now there’s certain clubs that won’t hire the guy because he’s become so crisp and corporate clean. There’s no sharpness or edginess anymore. Working in NYC could be the same way. If you do too much New York work, you might develop an act that works in New York City: you might have seven minutes of riding the subway which would kill in NYC but not in Indianapolis. People in North Dakota wouldn’t give two dog shits about the New York Subway experience. Once you get out on the road, you have to find something else to talk about.

It's like lifting weights. If all you ever do is lift with your right arm, your left arm will...eh, you get it. Anyway, this is prob why CK says, "Go on stage ANYWHERE."

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 4/25/2013 | 0 comment(s)

The story should drive the jokes

Comedy writer Mike Scully on story vs. jokes:

I was recently cleaning out a garage in my house and found some of my first spec scripts that I remember thinking were quite brilliant at the time, and they were just horrendous. They were all basically a bunch of jokes thrown together with little story. So what I learned over time was how important it is to have a good story and conflict between your characters and that the jokes have to come out of that. My initial go was to let the story be driven by the jokes, which is not a good way to go. You’re entertaining yourself a lot when you write it, but when you read it, it’s really awful.

That reminded me of this bit from Pixar’s 22 Rules of Storytelling: "You gotta keep in mind what’s interesting to you as an audience, not what’s fun to do as a writer. They can be v. different."

One thing that's nice about narrative is that it can replace laughter as a hook. When people want to know what's going to happen next, they're still engaged and ok with not laughing for a little bit. But if there are no laughs AND no "edge of the seat"ness going on, that's when they start to drop out.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 4/24/2013 | 0 comment(s)

HOT SOUP is now EVERY Wednesday night at Ella Lounge

HOT SOUP is back on Wed (Apr 24) and we're now going weekly EVERY WED NIGHT! As always, ya get 1/2-off drinks too.

LINEUP
John Roy
Chris Distefano
Joe Pera
Amber Nelson
Garret Richardson
Mark Normand
Matt Ruby

RSVP to confirm your spot:
FREECOMEDYWEDNESDAYS@gmail.com

If you RSVP with 4 or more people, everyone in your group will get a FREE DRINK at the show!

Doors: 8pm
Seating: 8:30pm
Show: 9pm

Ella Lounge
Downstairs room
9 Avenue A (between 1st and 2nd St)
FREE
RSVP: FREECOMEDYWEDNESDAYS@gmail.com

Produced by Mark Normand, Matt Ruby, Gary Vider, and Sachi Ezura.

Sign up for Hot Soup email list.
"Like" Hot Soup on Facebook.

Labels: hot soup, shows

Permalink | 4/23/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Dove, AXE, Unilever, and "real beauty"

Re: Dove's "Real Beauty" ads...

Dove is owned by Unilever which owns AXE which puts out ads that objectify women and perpetuate those same beauty standards that Dove attacks in its ads.

Unilever doesn't care about beauty standards. It cares about maximizing profits. It's trying to make money off idiot teenage boys who buy that AXE “Bow Chicka Wow Wow” bullshit while at the same time profiting from women who are disturbed by those same images.

The whole thing is greasy. It's like watching Steubenville football players raise money for battered women. Don't give Unilever credit for attacking a problem it helped create.

Btw, Unilever also owns Slim-Fast. Y'know, the weight loss option for fans of "real beauty."

Labels: funny stuff

Permalink | 4/18/2013 | 1 comment(s)

We're All Friends Here - The 4/20 edition

Labels: shows, we're all friends here

Permalink | 4/18/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Feminism and comedy

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 4/17/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Coming clean about what Vooza's up to and why

Big reveal on Vooza (the show about startups I've been making) at TechCrunch, a popular tech blog: "Spoof ‘Startup’ Vooza Gets Serious About What It’s Really Up To — A New Kind Of Web Advertising."

Startups and other advertisers have been paying Vooza to include them in videos that take the piss out of the whole “startup” scene...It’s something that’s been pretty darn successful. So far, Vooza’s clients have included email newsletter startup MailChimp, app analytics platform Tapstream, branding firm Eat My Words and others. The companies pay to have their brand worked into a segment written by Vooza’s writers and featuring its cast of characters — the video then goes out to Vooza’s own audience, and can also be used by the company in any way they wish.

It’s a business model that can be classified as branded content or sponsored product placement, but Ruby says that he thinks of it more as “a throwback to the old school TV advertising model when the stars of a show would do the ads, like Johnny and Ed schilling for Alpo."

It’s a fresh angle that could be hitting at a good time for its niche…Founders nowadays know it’s good for business to be funny. It’ll be fun to see what comes out of Vooza in the future.

And some more press at Young Entrepreneur: "Embrace Your Zany Side: Offbeat Ways Startups Win Over Hard-to-Reach VCs."

Nothing has generated interest among the VC (and entrepreneur) community like a series of about 30 mockumentary videos about a company called Vooza...The weekly videos surfaced in 2012. Rife with subtle sarcasm, the two-minute clips provide "insights" that actually lampoon startup culture — particularly the culture surrounding technology startups.

Also, Gründerszene said Vooza is “Absolut sehenswert!” I think that's good?

More info about Vooza at the site. And here's the latest video, featuring one of Vooza's designers (played excellently by Sarah Tollemache) explaining how she draws inspiration from nature.



You can get notified when new videos come out by signing up for the Vooza email list.

Labels: funny stuff, Vooza

Permalink | 4/16/2013 | 2 comment(s)

Amber Nelson on We're All Friends Here podcast

Amber Nelson guests on newest We're All Friends Here podcast. Hosted by Mark Normand and me. Yes. Listen at iTunes or Cave Comedy Radio.

Labels: funny stuff, podcasts, we're all friends here

Permalink | 4/12/2013 | 0 comment(s)

I'm watching my father die

I'm watching my father die. It's rough. He's on morphine to deal with the pain. Sometimes he starts talking in Hebrew. He grew up in Israel but no one here speaks Hebrew.

He looked through a set of family photos today. He still looked proud when talking about how beautiful his wife was. "There's my model." "Here she was almost at the peak of her beauty." "I was astounded by how good her maternal instincts were." He keeps cracking jokes too. "Everybody else here looks so sad that I'm starting to think I should too."

He wanted a strawberry ice cream soda because he remembered that when he was a kid he used to love them. I went out and bought the ingredients and concocted one. He could barely get the straw into his mouth. But when he did, his eyes lit up. "Delicious!"

My sister, Tamara, and her 6 year-old son, Asher, are here too. My sister is amazing and strong throughout this entire process. We feel like warriors in battle together. One day we all decide to take a break and go for a hike near the ocean. I comment that it's beautiful. "No, it's not," says Asher. He is pissy today. I ask him, "Well what do YOU think is beautiful?" "The only things that are beautiful are Mommy and a rainbow."

My dad likes playing a game called Smartmouth with his Grandson. They each yell out words and are impressed by the other's ability to come up with surprising answers. They also both love Jeopardy and trains. He explained to his grandson why railroad tracks are built on stones. So they don't drown when it rains. The water needs somewhere to go. That's why the rocks are there – to raise up the tracks.

He still wants to take a bath. He loves taking baths. Always has. Would spend an hour in the tub every day. He'd bring a newspaper in there. But he's taken his final bath. The pain is excruciating. He can't get out of bed. They say the cancer is spreading "like wildfire." It is eating away at his bones. He wants to be out of pain. He wants drugs, even if it means he can't think clearly.

When he was a child, he loved trains and going to the movies and taking a bath. My grandmother once told me this story about him: When he was about 12 years old, she came home and found water leaking down the stairs. She followed the trail of water and found my father sitting in the bathtub and reading. He was so consumed by his book that he didn't notice the faucet remained on. She told him he would have to clean up his mess. His response: "I can't. I just took a bath and I'm all clean."

He keeps thinking there is powder in his hands. "I want to put the powder in my tea." I get his mug of tea and place it under his hands. He dumps the invisible powder into the glass. He feels better. Later he offers me some powder. "It's for you." I take it. I carry away his invisible powder.

Earlier, when he was looking at the photos and he was beaming, it impacted me. I felt a glow. A power. Something I've only felt before while hallucinating. A strength of aura and presence. The glow of someone being while egos dissolve. He is a part of me and I a part of him.

I've never seen anyone die before. I was prepared for the sadness. The heartbreak. I wasn't prepared for the beauty. The purity. The clarity. The clear perspective. What matters is obvious.

He was in the Israeli military and served as a tank commander. I am convinced that sitting in a steel box in the middle of the desert drove his lifelong obsession with air conditioning. He was a man who could never have it cool enough.

He came to America to go to college. He knew hardly anyone in the US. He started off living at the YMCA. He worked at El Al airlines. He went to Columbia.

He then went to work as a journalist. He worked at Women's Wear Daily and in between covering his normal beats wound up covering the Six Day war in Israel since he was back home when it occurred. That job is also how he met my mother. My grandmother was a lingerie designer and my father went to interview her for a story. My grandmother said, "You should meet my daughter. She's learning how to type and she's seeing a therapist." That was enough of a hook for my dad. They met and realized they both loved some of the same music. Three months later, they were engaged.

When we asked him what he wanted to eat, he said, "Chocolate. Lots of it." At 2pm, he said he wanted to invite members of his song circle over to see him. At 8pm, the living room was full. Two dozen members of his song circle. They sang "Blue Moon" and "Amazing Grace" and "Country Roads" and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and more. They circled him and he sang along. Even though his mind is having a tough time, he remembered most of the words. Maybe lyrics reside in a different part of the brain. Not where the memories are, but where the melody is. Where the feeling is.

He is dying and it is sad but that is not all it is. There is a grace to him. He is trying to be brave. He is scared about what comes next. But he is more scared about staying here. The pain is too much. I told him that whatever happens next, I think it will be ok. He responds, "Me too."

There should be equal amounts laughter and tears, according to the death doctor. I don't feel sad all the time. Once in a while i cry. But mostly it seems alright. Like what's supposed to happen. It feels like a George Harrison song. Sad but beautiful and ok because it's the way things are supposed to go.

He's not eating anymore. He told us to understand if he doesn't want to fight anymore. He wants to let it happen. He is letting go.

When I help him drink through a straw or turn his body, it's the closest I've ever come to feeling like a parent. To taking care of a helpless human being. I feared it would be a burden but it doesn't feel that way. You don't even think about it. You do it because there is nothing else to do. And it makes me think about what you get in return for the act of caregiving.

The death doctor also says there are only four things that matter: Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.

I keep thinking about those four things. My Dad expresses regret over not paying enough attention to his children. I tell him that I forgive him. And I ask him to forgive me for times when I've been a brat or hard on him. He grants me forgiveness. I tell him he was a good dad. I tell him his life had meaning and purpose. I thank him. I tell him I love him. I tell him I am proud of him. I'm proud that he is my dad. He says that he is proud that I am his son. I'm crying as I write this. I say what I need to say to him.

After that, my dad went to law school at NYU. He graduated and went to work in the D.A.'s office in Manhattan. He was an Assistant DA while there, working alongside Rudy Giuliani for a while. I think he saw some pretty awful stuff while working that job. NYC back then was a seedy place. He then went on to work at the U.S. Attorney's office working on white collar crime, racketeering, and stuff like that. Going after Wall Street types and mob guys and the like. After that, he went into private practice. I don't think he liked that nearly as much as putting the bad guys in jail. He eventually left the law entirely and went to work in the garment industry. But he always thought like a lawyer.

He and my mom had an interesting relationship. The prosecutor and the hippie. The teetotaler and the druggie. The logician and the artist. Surprisingly, they managed to make this civil war work. I think it may be because of their mothers. Both of them had intrusive, overbearing mothers that they rebelled against. A large reason their marriage worked is because they left each other alone. He'd be in the basement working on his model trains, she'd be in the garage sculpting. But we always ate dinner together as a family. I think that was important.

He wants to watch Jeopardy still. He used to shout out the answers. Now he just lies there and watches. Every once in a while he laughs. I hear the laugh from the other room sometimes and for a split second I feel like everything is fine. I've always heard that laugh. It bellows. But the moment passes and I recall that the laugh is vestigial. It's residue. Like the warm coals left after a fire.

He is less able to communicate. You can see it frustrates him. He spent is entire life stone cold sober. Maybe a Tom Collins every few weeks, but that was it. And now he's high as a kite on an insane amount of morphine and methadone. He is helpless. He asks me to sit next to him more. He said when I'm there he feels braver. Every day I'm there, I tell him I love him. And I say thank you. And I tell him he was a good parent.

The health care worker last night told him he had a beautiful house and that his wife was lucky. His response: "No, I was the lucky one."

I just learned today that he was on a show called Quiz Kids when he was a teenager. It was on the radio. He won. Even when you think you know it all about someone, there are more layers to peel away.

We are watching March Madness games. Well, they're on the TV and I am watching them and he is staring at them. I remember watching that classic Duke-Kentucky game years ago with him. The one where Christian Laettner made an amazing last second shot. I hate Duke but we both wound up jumping up and down and yelling about what an amazing shot it was.

Now here we are decades later. And it makes me think about sports and why they matter. I remember my dad driving me to AYSO soccer games every Sunday when I was a kid. I remember the drives to far away towns. And I remember him taking me to Friendly's after the game where I'd get a burger or an ice cream sundae.

And i think about when he would take me to see the Yankees. My favorite part was walking through the concrete tunnels on the way to our seats and seeing the glimpses of grass through each gate. That feeling of anticipation sticks with me more than the actual games. He couldn't care less about baseball. Sometimes he'd bring the paper and read it while I watched the game. But he'd go because he knew I loved it. And because it let us spend time together. Maybe the holy part of sports is how it brings fathers and sons together. A reason to connect. The way strangers talk about the weather.

He was from Israel but he didn't care about Judaism. I remember asking him if he cared whether or not I married a Jewish woman. He said, "If I cared about that, I wouldn't have moved to America." He didn't give a shit about religion or synagogues. He'd go along with it for my mom. But it seemed to have no impact on him.

He loved Jeopardy, trains, The New York Times, playing bridge, animals (especially his fish), crossword puzzles, WWII history, High Noon, Churchill, Reagan, John Wayne, the Marx Brothers, Abbot and Costello, Stephen Wright, Rita Rudner, MGM musicals, Twin Peaks, cable news, and singing.

At 3am one night, he begins battling the caregiver trying to change his sheets. She comes to get me. I sit by his side. He is out of it. He tells me he won't let her do it because she doesn't really want to do it. I explain it is her job. He does not relent. I sit by him. We talk. At some point he starts singing the chorus to "You Can't Always Get What You Want." I join him. Damn, I love the Stones. And I think about the music that was in our house when I was growing up. I start crying. And I say, "Thank you for exposing me to art. I grew up in a house with people who loved art and I am so thankful for that." It's true. The music from the speakers, the books on the shelves, the movies we'd watch. They are the reason I see the world the way I do. I remember being a little kid thinking my parents were weird when they would sing along to Bob Dylan. Now I listen to Blonde and Blonde and am mesmerized by how the words dance.

This process is such a stripping away. On a primal level, you see what matters. He has reverted to his mother tongue. He wants to see faces that he recognizes. He wants to sing songs he remembers. He wants his family next to him. Even when he doesn't understand what is happening, he looks at us and trusts us to do what's best for him. He's not hungry but he says he'll eat if we join him. Dining together matters to him. We always ate dinner together as a family. He likes to be touched. Whenever a woman goes to kiss him, he puckers up his lips and leans in for a smooch. He is floating away but simple things like these are the gravity that pull him back.

Every hour, he gets asked this question: How much pain are you in from 1-10? 10 is the most pain. 1 is no pain. The idea is to get his pain to a manageable level. If he's at a 6 or higher, he gets more morphine. The problem with that is he gets so zonked out that he's not even lucid anymore. Understandably, he's chosen to be pain-free over lucid. What a question though: Do you want to minimize your pain for the sake of mental clarity? What will you sacrifice to get to 2? What are the benefits you get from enduring at 7? I think about the choices we all make every day to numb our pain. What is pain and what is just the price of being aware? When are you broken and when are you just feeling?

Eventually, my mom got sick with MS and they moved out to Trinidad, California. The mild temperature there was good for her disease and she had a great view even when she couldn't move. I think her disease was more painful for my dad than it was for her. He felt helpless. My mom took the p.o.v. that "my journey is now inside my brain." I don't think my dad could see it that way. He saw her slow decline as a travesty. It tore him up. When she passed about six years ago, I think it was a big relief for him. It seemed to lift him out of depression. He joined a song circle. He played bridge. He made new friends. He met his "lady friend" Carol that he was with for a couple of years. I asked him why he didn't call her his girlfriend. He said, "After a certain age, a woman is a lady and not a girl."

We spend a fun day together despite his condition. We look through family photo albums. We listen to Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash. We watch The Sting and a Marx Brothers movie. I remember him showing me Marx Brothers movies when I was a little kid. And watching Steven Wright standup specials. He loved to laugh. It was my first exposure to comedy and the joy it could bring.

During the Cohen album, my Dad says, "He has such contempt for ships and shoes." I have no idea what this means. I say, "Really?" "Of course, listen to the lyrics." Alrighty then. I ask my Dad what he has contempt for. He pauses. "A shallow, meaningless life." I think he's talking about himself now. I decide to change the subject. "And what do you love?" I ask. Another pause. "Country." "You mean America?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because it gave the rest of the world hope." It takes an outsider to appreciate things sometime. He loves America more than most people born here. I think of the fervor of born again types. How not having something at first makes you love it even more when you do find it. He's that way with America. So many Americans take it for granted. He does not. His love for America is not a flag pin kind of love. It is the type of love that is so strong you don't even talk about it.

Things keep breaking around the house. The dishwasher stopped working the other night. It's closed but it doesn't think it's closed so it won't start. The garage door won't stay down. We had to unplug it in the closed position. The TV remote seems to have gone haywire too. You push channel up and it instantly starts scrolling through all the channels, like there's a madman at the helm. As his body shuts down, all his appliances are giving up the ghost too.

He was a gentleman. And he never wanted to be a burden on anyone. This is the email he sent when he found out he had cancer:

Hi kids,

I was diagnosed today with advanced metastatic bone and lung cancers.

The prognosis is not good.

I've had a good run and don't mind dying, but I do fear the pain and helplessness that come with this disease.

Let me know if you want me to update you. I don't want to burden you with this needlessly.

I love you very much.

Dad

He weakens further. The end is near. I told him that he lived the American dream: He saw America in movies and decided to come here. He arrived and experienced Greenwich Village in the 60s. He knew no one in the US yet rose up the ladder through hard work. He became a prosecutor and put away the bad guys. He met an amazing woman. He settled down in the suburbs and had children that he loved. He built elaborate model railroad tracks in the basement. He watched Jeopardy every night. And then he retired to a house on the north coast of California with a beautiful view. What more could you ask for? I told him he had done well and lived a real fucking life. And then I kissed him on the forehead and said goodbye. He said ok and smiled. He looked weak and more beautiful than I'd ever seen him.

He's dead now. But it's ok. He had a good run. And today he'll be buried next to Mom, near the Redwoods and the ocean. His friends will gather and sing Amazing Grace. That was his favorite song.

I'm so grateful for this past week. I'll never forget it. And I keep thinking about those four things: Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.

Photos of my Dad. More about my mom.

Labels: miscellaneous

Permalink | 4/05/2013 | 8 comment(s)

Siskel and Ebert as insult comics

This Roger Ebert obit includes this fun exchange:

Their disagreements were more entertaining than their agreements, complete with knitted brows, are-you-serious head-shaking and gentle (or not) barbs. Mr. Siskel once taunted Mr. Ebert about his weight: “Has your application for a ZIP code come through yet?” Mr. Ebert came back with a dart about Mr. Siskel’s receding hairline: “The only things the astronauts saw from outer space were Three Mile Island and your forehead.”

The article also mentions his credo in judging a film’s value: “Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions never lie to you.”

A while back, I published an article here based on things he'd written: "Roger Ebert on the pathos of Rodney Dangerfield, W.C. Fields, and Groucho Marx." It was a huge thrill when Ebert thanked me for it on Twitter.

Hey, thanks @mattruby, for quoting me on Rodney and Groucho. bit.ly/tjgYxG

— Roger Ebert (@ebertchicago) November 27, 2011

I always thought he was a standup guy, in the real sense of the word. No bullshit. Equally able to appreciate a Godard film and something with a lot of explosions. He got that both high and low can be beautiful. Whenever I see an interesting movie, I go and read his review afterward for some perspective on it. I'm gonna miss doing that in the future.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 4/04/2013 | 1 comment(s)

Matthew Weiner on the perfect acceptance speech

Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner discusses the show's rise and mentions his perfect acceptance speech.

I was watching the Oscars, and I saw Jennifer Lawrence on the steps, and I thought: That was the perfect acceptance speech. How do you avoid the envy and appearing arrogant? How do you say the perfect thing, now that you're not an underdog anymore? I don't think she did it on purpose, but you see that and see how she behaves, and you're like, it could not go any better than that. If I was writing an acceptance speech, I would have it start with someone falling off the steps.

Interesting angle. Even when you're on top, make yourself the underdog.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 4/04/2013 | 0 comment(s)

WAFH Podcast: Damien Lemon

Damien Lemon is latest guest on We're All Friends Here podcast. It's good. You should listen. Hosted by Mark Normand and me. Yes. Listen at iTunes or Cave Comedy Radio.

Labels: funny stuff, podcasts, we're all friends here

Permalink | 4/02/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Preventing jokes from sounding robotic

Justin Zimmerman asks:

Do you write out your jokes word for word, and then when you perform go from an outline and then speak off the cuff with just the general idea? OR do you memorize everything word for word and then rehearse it to the point that like an actor it comes natural?

I am able to develop funny material organically or by writing but once I perform it for the 2nd time, it starts to sound robotic. I want to be able to keep that natural off the cuff sound.

Also to get over the hump of being funnier in real life than on stage would you just recommend more stage time?

My answer: I do not write jokes out word for word. I have an idea and then I'll go out and try it and see what words come out of my mouth that work best. Sometimes I'll work up a pretty fleshed out version in my head. Other times I'm just more rambling. If the bit stays in the act, it starts to get more rehearsed and take shape as a more structured thing. There is a danger in a bit losing its energy and starting to sound rote. It might not be that good of a joke then. Or it might mean that you need to upgrade your performance chops/acting ability in order to get the bit to keep working. Sometimes giving a bit a rest and then bringing it back can breathe new life into it.

Being funny in real life is a different animal than being funny on stage. Ya may want to get into a zone of doing more riffing and bringing your natural energy up there instead of solely relying on prepared bits that make it seem like you are reciting a script. At some point though, you're going to want jokes you can fall back on – unless you're gonna be a 100% riff/crowdwork guy which can be a tough path.

Justin replied:

After you take an idea to the stage, I'm assuming you'll record your set and then make changes to your new bit to the words are how you like them. Then do you write the bit down word for word just for memory sake? Or just leave it as an outline and let your brain do the work?

I do record my sets. If something is worth noting, I'll go about and listen to it again. Sometimes I'll write down the exact phrasing I've used, but I've noticed I don't refer to those notes often. So if I want to remember something specific, I'll make a point of trying to lock it in mentally.

Also, I like it when an IDEA is funny as opposed to a certain order of words. If there's real meat to a joke, I don't think you need to say it exactly the same way each time. Plus, that's a good way to keep things fresh too. When I lock into saying the words as if it's a script, the joke often loses some punch.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 4/01/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Joking about food news at Eater.com

I'm one of the comics in this...

Eater presents our newest video series We Love Food, in which a group of comedians tackles the weird, wild, and wacky food world news of the past month, from the overturning of the soda ban to Michael Wolff's anti-restaurant rant.

...Check it out: WE LOVE FOOD: The Soda Ban, Wolff's Rant, and More. Here's one of the vids:

Labels: funny stuff

Permalink | 3/29/2013 | 0 comment(s)

No ATL trip

FYI, had to cancel my ATL and Athens shows this week. Bummer. Hope to make it down there another time.

Labels: shows

Permalink | 3/27/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Founder Philosophy at Vooza

Vooza’s CEO, ahem, offers up an unhealthy dose of founder philosophy and explains why he’s anti-schedule, prefers email, thinks code is like poetry, and takes inspiration from chefs. He also reveals the secret to work-life balance and the key question to ask during job interviews. More at Vooza.com.

Labels: funny stuff

Permalink | 3/26/2013 | 0 comment(s)

I took a photo to prove I was there but I wasn't really there because I was taking a photo

I keep thinking about a rock show I went to last month. It was Ty Segall and it was the first show I've been to in years that actually had a mosh pit and crowdsurfing. (No, I didn't mosh. It's bad for my arthritis.)

But I kept thinking there was a weird vibe at the show – in a good way. Finally, it occurred to me this was the first concert I've been to in years where no one was holding up a goddamn phone or camera trying to capture the moment.

Instead, the threat of violence took over. Maslow's hierarchy of needs in full effect! If you're worried about getting kicked in the head by a combat boot, you stop caring about your Instagram feed. And the whole show was better for it. The crowd was actually PRESENT.

See, we all keep taking photos and shooting videos in order to prove to others that we are experiencing something. But because we keep taking photos and shooting videos, we never TRULY experience that thing.

I want more gorilla mind and less Gorilla Glass. Lately, I've been wishing there were mosh pits everywhere I go. Maybe then people would actually pay some attention.

Labels: funny stuff

Permalink | 3/25/2013 | 0 comment(s)

Interview clip: "How to Rebound From Rejection"

Finally, a subject I'm actually an expert in...



It's from Capture Your Flag's Erik Michielsen latest interview with me. Third year in a row we've done a Q&A like this. Here's the full playlist from this year's interview at YouTube. And here's Year 2 and Year 1.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 3/22/2013 | 0 comment(s)

New WAFH podcast: Chris Distefano

Chris Distefano guests it up on the newest We're All Friends Here podcast (Facebook page for WAFH). Hosted by Mark Normand and me. Listen at iTunes or Cave Comedy Radio.

Labels: funny stuff, podcasts, we're all friends here

Permalink | 3/20/2013 | 0 comment(s)

The "formula" for writing monologue jokes

A reader wrote in with a question on monologue writing:

When it comes to monologue jokes for late night, I've heard other good comics say there are two (or maybe three?) different formulas that are used, and every monologue joke fits within this basic format (I want to say Jeselnik said it on a podcast, but not 100%). Anyway, when I write my normal bits I'm not conscious of structure / formula, and I'm not sure what these monologue "formulas" are... do you know?

amendment: I actually do understand one of the formulas, is to take a headline, read it back, and then just add a punchline to the end of it. So, not sure what the other one or two formulas are.

Easy question. The main formula:

Late night monologue joke = (1/2 base of celebrity × height of news story) × pi / Kim Kardashian

Actually, I know zilch about monologue jokes so passed along the email to a few guys who work at late night shows. Most didn't want to answer on the record. But I will say they bristled at the question ("it's not really like we have a Mad Libs for every story") and mentioned it's not as simple as it sounds because you have to write for your host's voice/preferences.

But David Angelo, funny standup and former writer for Fallon, was willing to tackle the question (kinda). He argues the jokes are formulaic and predictable because the public is those things.

I'll say anything but I don't really get what the question is.

Obviously there's a lot of formula. You want all the formulas? Just...uh...watch a monologue. They aren't exactly hidden. Phrases that get repeated: "Or, as X calls it..." Different hosts might lean on some more than others. There's like 10 in common use. Then there's non-formula jokes which might account for <50% of the monologue but are 99% of the work. I will say this though - the formulas are used because the audience needs them. It's not because writers are lazy. The audience just reacts to them without needing to do any joke math. I can come up with a genius joke on a topic and - guess what - the formula one will get the bigger laugh. So, if anyone has a problem with joke formulas, take it up with the creeps you hang out with, not me!

I posed some followup q's:

Re: "The audience just reacts to them without needing to do any joke math." Are TV audiences dumber than comedy club audiences? Why are the formulas necessary on TV but not at clubs? How does having to generate so much material every night force you into using formulas (or whatever ya call 'em)? Or does it?

David Angelo:

-Are TV audiences dumber than comedy club audiences?
I'm the wrong guy to ask here because I think they're all aggressively incompetent. On a micro level, it obviously depends on the club and the tv show. But a TV audience generally has more distractions.

-Why are the formulas necessary on TV but not at clubs?
Have you been to a comedy club? Have you seen the genre of comedy called "iPhone autocorrect jokes?"

How does having to generate so much material every night force you into using formulas (or whatever ya call 'em)?
Eh, it's like I said - mostly for the benefit of the crowd. But, also worth noting, is that the news is THE SAME ALL THE TIME. Same holidays, same crimes, same stupid celebrities, same events. It's all the same. You got two sentences to write something that's (A) funny and (B) makes sense. "The B has to 'be' there." That's a phrase from my new comedy workshop seminar I just invented. Want a joke on China? guess what, child labor and eating dogs. Does China have other references? Sure - but are you going to be the guy who mentions "The Long March" to 1 million households under the assumption they know it? Probably not.

If anyone else in the know wants to chime in, leave a comment.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 3/19/2013 | 1 comment(s)

Chris Rock's final step in putting together new material

Chris Rock & David Spade interviewed by Howard Stern. Howard asks them if they use writers for their standup. Interesting answer from Rock where he talks about how he writes two hours of material and then brings in five guys to watch him work for a week in Florida and offer up tags. He uses comics he knows and new guys too: "Sometimes I'll see a new guy on Comedy Central or something and I'll go, 'Let me see what that guy's got.'" That'd be some call to get.



At 56:10, he talks about working out new material in small clubs and going to Hannibal's show at Knitting Factory. He says, "You can manage a little place on just attitude. 300 people, I can just kinda bullshit my way through this. Experience will kick in."

Speaking of, Hannibal's show was super fun last night. Standing room only/line-outside-the-door packed. Hot crowd too. Here's a shot of Joyelle Nicole hosting.

Labels: about standup

Permalink | 3/18/2013 | 2 comment(s)