I'm Time Out NY's "Joke of the Week"

Here's the link for online version.

Labels: buzz, miscellaneous

posted by Matt | 5/15/2008 | Permalink

The debut of "We're All Friends Here" on Friday night

What the hell is going on here? I'm hosting another show now? Yes. It's true. Tomorrow (Friday) night. In Queens? Yes, Queens. "But I don't go to Queens." You do now. Long Island City. It's one stop from Manhattan (or Bklyn) so you'll get there quick. Just take the G or 7. You love those trains! It's a super cool venue: The Creek and The Cave. Cheap drinks. You like those. Outdoor patio for post-show hanging too. And the whole show is free.

I'm cohosting with one of my fave NYC comics: Mark Normand. He likes to say, "We're all friends here." So that's what we're calling the show. "Great, another standup show...who cares?" you say. Well hold on there cowgirl, this is a brand new bag. There are four standups who do sets and then the fun really starts: We sit each one down and grill 'em like a porterhouse at Peter Luger's. We're gonna ask really inappropriate questions too. 'Cuz one thing Mark and I have in common: boundary issues. So we're gonna get into the dirt. Like that Motley Crue autobiography. (Which is fantastic, btw.) Blushes guaranteed.

What will we talk about? Hint: One comic's gay, another one's black, and another one burnt his ballsack with a cigarette the other week and we're gonna show a video of that. Highbrow, baby, highbrow! Really this will be a grand 'ol time. And the comics are super too. Make your presence felt.

Here are the details...

PERFORMERS:
Baron Vaughn (http://www.myspace.com/baronvaughn)
Tom McCaffrey (http://www.tommccaffrey.net/)
Sean Patton (http://www.myspace.com/seanpatton)
Brent Sullivan (http://www.myspace.com/sully2106)

HOSTS:
Matt Ruby (http://www.sandpapersuit.com)
Mark Normand (http://www.myspace.com/heresmarkk)

SHOW INFO:
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
8pm on Friday, May 16, 2008
FREE!
The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY
Map: http://tinyurl.com/5psqlv

Labels: shows

posted by Matt | 5/15/2008 | Permalink

Video: Live at Comix

1) Butterfly. 2) Ghetto. 3) Nazi comic. 4) Too soon. 5) Music snobs. 6) Orbach.

Labels: audio/video, ha

posted by Matt | 5/14/2008 | Permalink

10 things I hate: TravelZoo, RedEnvelope, Cute Overload, etc.

TravelZoo's ad campaign
"What's the deal with TravelZoo?" I don't know advertisement. Isn't that your job? I'm not looking for a homework assignment here. I'd like to see the other ads from this agency...a tourism ad: "Puerto Rico...Where is it?" A drug ad: "Valtrex...you know!" A beer ad: "Michelob...What do you think?"


RedEnvelope catalog
At the bottom of this catalog, it says, "How do you say, 'I love you'?" RedEnvelope, how did you know that this is EXACTLY how I say I love you?! I dump a barrell of rose petals on the bed, strip down to my boxers, and lift my girlfriend over my head while balancing her on my feet. Then we go into the hot tub, fill it with floating candles, and scrub each other with crystal loofahs while singing Feist songs to each other. 1, 2, 3, 4...


Cute animals on the internet
Sites like Cute Overload are porn for chicks. An adorable pug sitting on an Eames chair? That's ridiculous...especially since his legs can't even reach the ottoman. I think the whole thing is Photoshopped anyway. [I was gonna say, "What kind of prick would photoshop that?" But then I remember that I'm the one who made these.]


Guys who complain that there were no chicks at Comic Con
That's like complaining that there's no bacon at a Seder. Also, this is a 100% real conversation that I heard:

Guy #1: I was really disappointed there were no chicks at Comic Con this year.
Guy #2: Do you really want a chick who's into comic books?
Guy #1: Yeah! Do you know how much I'm dying to have a girl bring up Hawkeye in bed?
Guy #2: You're dying to have a girl bring a hot guy in bed?
Guy #1: Hawkeye! Hawkeye in bed.
Me: [Astounded silence.]


"Dealing with Difficult People" seminar
If you need to attend a seminar called "Dealing with Difficult People," then you're the difficult person.


Ridiculous fitness trends
Boot camp yoga? Yeah, 'cuz nothing creates the zen relaxation of yoga better than a drill seargant yelling at you. "I want a room full of downward facing dog poses and I want it NOW!"..."Where you from boy? Tennessee? There's only two kinds of yoga in Tennessee...Bikram and Vinyasa...and that don't look like Bikram to me! So you must be doing Vinyasa!" [Damn, you didn't see the Officer and a Gentleman reference coming now did ya?!]


Silly toilet reading material
What's the best way to show the world what a wealthy and smart businessman you are? A copy of Money Magazine on the toilet...obviously!

Also, I've never read "Money," but the promo headlines on the cover are some kind of generic: "Smart Moves in a Mean Economy," "The Two Things You Must Get Right," "Buy These Stocks (and Avoid These)," etc. Way to take a controversial stand Money Magazine! I'm guessing the inside headlines read like this: "Don't Buy Things That Suck." Or "Money is Good but Being Broke is Bad."


Tourists who return home acting like natives of where they went
A guy I know went to Spain and came back pronouncing everything like he was a Spaniard: "We spent a week in BarTHalona. And then a couple of days in THaragoTHa." Dude, you're American...you THound like an aTHole. Comprendé? And take off that matador suit while you're at it.


Ridiculously named reporters
I thought Storm Field had a ridiculous name but wow: The hip hop reporter for the New York Times is named "Mike Nizza." MIKE NIZZA!? I'm dying to meet him just so I can ask repeatedly, "Are you Mike Nizza?...ARE YOU MIKE NIZZA?" He'll probably go, "Fuck yeah I'm Mike Nizza. Writer for the New York Tizzle." This is making me uncomfortable. I think I'll just call him Mike N-word instead.

Bad MySpace ads
I love this "Fleetwood Mac Ringtones!!!" ad. Man, they really nailed the Fleetwood Mac demographic with this guy. Actually, he looks more like a Stevie Nicks solo career fan.

Labels: ha, things i hate

posted by Matt | 5/13/2008 | Permalink

Chicago shows this weekend

Attention Chicago. I'll be performing two standup sets there this weekend (Fri and Sun). Details:

1. Friday 9pm Lincoln Lodge. Did this show last time I was in town and it was lotsa fun. Great place w/ huge beers. Fyi, a friend told me this about the show: "Sometimes it gets really packed and they sell out early, so probably best to buy tickets from their site." Here's link for tix. Show starts at 9pm. i'll be up around 10:00 PM - maybe later.

2. Sunday 8 pm @ Town Hall Pub (halsted btwn roscoe and buckingham). Robin Williams dropped in and performed on this show last week. Nice of him to stretch 'em out for me.

Labels: shows

posted by Matt | 5/09/2008 | Permalink

Video: DJ Underground

No one is more underground than DJ Underground. Produced by Brad Steuernagel and Jay Bois (thanks guys!). Music by Ruby Lament. (That's my music project. You can download our new album for free at that link if ya want. Warning: It's not funny.)

Labels: audio/video, ha

posted by Matt | 5/07/2008 | Permalink

Lineup for Tuesday's Flying Carpet

FLYING CARPET
FREE comedy extravaganza
1-year anniversary show!
Tue, May 6 (9:45pm)
RIFIFI at 332 E. 11th St. btwn 1st and 2nd Ave.
Hosted by Matt Ruby

Come celebrate the 1-year anniversary of Flying Carpet! Check out this awesome lineup:
I Eat Pandas
Eric André
Joe Mande
Kenny Zimlinghaus
Ryan Conner
Micah Sherman

I Eat Pandas was voted ECNY Best Improv Group and recently got a TimeOut NY Critic's Pick (TONY: "We like the way I Eat Pandas does it.") Eric André has been on Comedy Central's Live at Gotham and just auditioned for a full 1/2 hour Comedy Central Presents. He's gonna blow the place up. Joe Mande won "Best Emerging Comic" at the ECNY awards and hosts Totally J/K. Kenny Zimlinghaus can be heard on Cosmopolitan Radio on Sirius (and hosts a great show at Rififi that's happening right before Flying Carpet). Special imports Ryan Conner (DC) and Micah Sherman (Boston) are both hilarious. And I'll be hosting and showing a special video from DJ Underground.

Update: Just added Boston's Myq Kaplan to the bill. He got rave reviews for his recent Live at Gotham taping: "Myq Kaplan blew plenty of minds with his awesomeness, earning multiple applause breaks and the attention of everyone downstairs in the lounge/green room. Very poised...A shining performance that'll certainly get him industry attention."

Labels: flying carpet, shows

posted by Matt | 5/05/2008 | Permalink

Flying Carpet 1 year anniversary show

Labels: flyers, flying carpet

posted by Matt | 5/03/2008 | Permalink

Does great comedy have to come from a personal place?

Judd Apatow's advice: Always make sure that your comedy comes from a personal place.

You hear that a lot. Make your material personal. Talk about your family, your fears, your childhood, your secret thoughts, etc. Louis CK or Mike Birbigs come to mind as examples of this approach. And Howard Stern might just be the king of it.

Those guys are some of my faves. But so are a lot of comics who never get personal. Mitch Hedberg, Zach Galifianakis, Steve Martin, Todd Barry...their material rarely touches on intimate details about their lives. Do I know anything about what these guys are truly like at home or whatever? No. Do I care? No.

Maybe they're revealing something about themselves based on how they tell their jokes and look at the world. When Mitch Hedberg talks about Pringles or bananas, you're still getting some pretty deep insight into how his brain works. Maybe it's ok to not get personal if you're being peculiar in your own way. Maybe a strange joke about koala bears reveals as much about you as a story about how your dad yelled at you or whatever.

Anyway, just something I've been wrestling with in my own head. Sometimes I think I should get more personal with my material. But then again, it just doesn't seem to come all that naturally to me. Maybe it's cuz it's easier to keep some emotional distance. Or maybe it's just easier for me to make random stuff funny than things that are close to home. Hmm.

Labels: about standup

posted by Matt | 5/02/2008 | Permalink

Comedysmack features Mortimer video

ComedySmack is "a free, daily email service providing a special link-blast that showcases the newest and funniest stuff out there." Today they linked up my White Collar Comedian video.

Labels: buzz

posted by Matt | 5/01/2008 | Permalink

"My short skirt is not an invitation to rape me"

You know the show "The Vagina Monologues"? I heard a girl talking about one of the monologues and it starts out, "My short skirt is not an invitation to rape me."

I totally agree.

But it got me to wondering: If I was going to invite someone to rape me, what would the invitation look like?

Would an Evite be good enough? Or would I make it more formal? After all, this is a life-changing event that I'm inviting someone to...probably needs a classy, sans-serif, italic font.

And I'd prob need my parents to send it too:

"Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Ruby cordially invite you to penetrate their son's asshole. Please tell us if you would prefer chicken or fish with that."

Ack, that's far enough. Disclaimer: This post is not an invitation to rape me.

Labels: ha

posted by Matt | 4/30/2008 | Permalink

Dress your dog up for Halloween

Do you like to show your love for animals by forcing them to do unnatural things? Then you're going to dig the dog costume selection at Costume CRAZE.


Poor Tikidog. He's depressed 'cuz his tits keep falling out of his bikini top.


You wouldn't think a bone would be sharp enough to perform an operation. But you would be wrong.


Why does his pirate hat look more like a yarmulke?


Dogs love a little transgender confusion.


Somehow I'm not getting that Vader intimidation vibe from this mutt.


Gives new meaning to the phrase "dead behind the eyes." Apparently canine law enforcement is tougher than you'd think.


Really? Jewdog!? "Oy, again with the chasing the tennis ball? My back is still killing me what from all the digging for the bones."

More doggie costume madness here.

Labels: ha

posted by Matt | 4/29/2008 | Permalink

Why aren't there comments at this site?

Kary Rogers sent me an email asking why I don't have comments at this site:

Hi Matt,

I've been subscribed to your site for a while now. I enjoy reading your bits, things you've found on the web, and other comedy related experiences. Sometimes when I find a post particularly interesting, I want to follow up with a question, clarification or just a plain ol' comment.

I imagine you have a pretty decent readership and with your insightful posts about comedy, I was wondering why you don't allow comments. I feel that the reader community can increase the value of content in many instances. I know it's not always the case as there are douchebags out there intent on spreading douchebaggery.

Anyway, I like your site and was curious about your thoughts and experiences on engaging the readership.

So why no comments here? 1) I don't really think there are that many people out there who want to comment on my posts. 2) The previously mentioned douchebaggery factor: Online comments tend to be annoyingly lame/negative. 3) I haven't taken the time to figure out how to set them up.

I'd consider turning 'em on though if "the people" desire "a voice" at this site. Anyone else out there wish they could leave comments here? If so, send me an email and let me know.

Labels: miscellaneous

posted by Matt | 4/28/2008 | Permalink

Is Matt Ruby a stage name?

Sometimes people ask me if Matt Ruby is my real name. Well, I have a confession. It's actually a stage name. My real name is Lance Starpower. Ok, that's not true. It's actually Lance Starpowerstein.

Labels: ha

posted by Matt | 4/25/2008 | Permalink

Random comedy thoughts: being a regular, rabbit holes, and discovery

According to one of the guests on this podcast, Richard Lewis and Paul Reiser got into a fistfight once. Lewis put his forearm around Reiser's throat at a club and told him to stop doing his act. That's a steel cage match I'd like to see.

Common mistake I think beginning comics make: Being a regular. Hitting the same rooms with the same people all the time. Too much comfort zone. Too much people laughing at you 'cuz you're all buddies. Mix it up instead. Getting in front of new people is the best way to stretch. Plus, you want to get seen by new people, right?

Stephen Colbert on Charlie Rose shows his improv background: "Be willing to surrender to your plan for the discovery of the moment. if you see a rabbit hole, jump in it. There are no mistakes, only discoveries."

Interesting technique for getting conversational and discovering stuff onstage: Keep speaking no matter what. Just start going and don't let silence happen. Forces you to turn to your subconscious and not overthink stuff. Surprise is funny and flowing is a great way to get it (if you're surprised by what you're saying, it's a lot more likely that other people will be too). Showalter does a good job of it in the video in this post.

The biz card for The Pit theater has a couple of quotes I like: "If you have fun, they'll have fun." And "Follow the fear, truly listen, then react."

Labels: about standup

posted by Matt | 4/24/2008 | Permalink

Videogum links up Orbach animation

Videogum linked up my Jerry Orbach's Eyes animation recently.

Have you ever seen those PSAs about organ donation that mention the beloved late actor Jerry Orbach's donation of his eyes to two people and thought "I wish someone would interview those two people about what it's like to see the world through Jerry Orbach's eyes?" I have, but this animated stand-up clip by comedian Matt Ruby is much better than that idea.

Click on through if ya haven't seen yet.

Labels: buzz

posted by Matt | 4/23/2008 | Permalink

Audio: Live set at New Orleans Comedy and Arts Fest

Live set at La Nuit Theater in NOLA on April 3, 2008. Part of New Orleans Comedy and Arts Fest. Crowd was small but we had fun.

Random notes on the set: I threw in a beads reference to my butterfly joke and cracked that I customized the joke for New Orleans. That got an applause break which I found pretty surpising.

"The light" was the dimming of the stage lights which was weird. That's the point where I say that I feel like I'm supposed to get more emotionally intense.

Also, I started with a 9/11 joke and ended with a 9/11 reference too. When I got offstage, the sound guy told me that my entire set lasted 9 minutes and 11 seconds. Weird.

Labels: audio/video, ha

posted by Matt | 4/22/2008 | Permalink

Springtime, lesbians, and Passover

It's spring! Or as we call it in Brooklyn, "lesbians on bicycles" season. You know that old saying: April showers bring May lesbians on bicycles.

It's also Passover soon. I'm a bad Jew though. I celebrate by adding some water to my liquid soap dispenser...because that’s the most Jewish thing I can think of to do.

I have a tough time with religious holidays because of all the silly stuff you're supposed to do. During Passover, you're supposed to hide the afikomen. It's like an Easter egg hunt, but with matzah instead of eggs. And there's no bunny rabbit or other cute animal attached to the process. It'd be neat if there was though. "Who hides the afikomen? Why it's the Passover Panda Bear, of course!" Everyone knows panda bears are super jewy.

The weirdest part of Passover is that you're supposed to put a glass of wine outside your house for the prophet Elijah. I'd like to meet the Jewish alcoholic who convinced everyone to go along with this plan: “Yeah, you all gotta leave wine outside your house. And tomorrow it will miraculously disappear. I don’t know how it happens. Don’t blame me. I’m just Schlomo, the Jewish town drunk...I can't believe this worked...You know what, for Yom Kippur, leave an 8-ball of coke under the welcome mat. It's for Elijah, really. Prophets need some get up and go too, ya know."

Labels: ha

posted by Matt | 4/18/2008 | Permalink

It's about being a funny person, not having funny material

You can write good jokes. But that doesn't mean you're actually funny. Being funny means people want to laugh before you even get to the punchline.

Your look, your delivery, your rhythm, your attitude, and a bunch of other stuff are what make you funny. Think Groucho or Emo Phillips or Rodney Dangerfield. You want to laugh from the second you hear them talk.

I first felt this onstage while doing my French character, Simon Beauregard. People would laugh at the character. Just the accent and phrasing of what I said would get laughs. A light bulb went off. I was like, "Wow, this is so much easier than relying exclusively on setup/punchline to get laughs."

From Woody Allen On Comedy:

It's all about being a funny person, not about having funny material. Give yourself not your material...

Don't make the mistake of falling into the material trap...You should think of it in terms of you as a funny person. To the degree that you're a funny person, that's how much you'll succeed, not to the degree of the funny material that you have...

The audience wants an intimacy with the person. They want to like the person and find the person funny as a human being.

The biggest trap that new comedians fall into is trying to get by on the basis of their material. Trying to buy or write material and hiding behind it and not getting out there and just opening themselves up."

Great advice.

Labels: about standup

posted by Matt | 4/17/2008 | Permalink

"Dealing with Difficult People" seminar

I got an email the other day for a seminar called Dealing with Difficult People.

My theory: If you have to go to a seminar called "Dealing with Difficult People," then you're the difficult person. If you need to take a seminar in order to deal with the flood of obnoxious people that keep cascading into your life, maybe it's time you look in the mirror.

One of the types of people they single out for being difficult: "The 'Yes' People." Yeah, because who could be more obnoxious than someone who says yes? "Hey Bob, want to help me move on Saturday? Yes? Aw man, why are you being so difficult? I didn't even offer you pizza yet! Read the script next time."

Labels: ha

posted by Matt | 4/16/2008 | Permalink

New show alert: "We're All Friends Here"

Starting on May 16, Mark Normand and I will be cohosting a new monthly show at The Creek and The Cave called "We're All Friends Here."

One thing Mark and I have in common: We love to ask questions that you're not supposed to ask people. So we thought it'd be fun to base our show around that.

We'll invite our fave comics to do a set and then we'll do a post-set interview where we'll pepper 'em with inappropriate questions on topics like sex, drugs, religion, insecurities, politics, racism, or whatever.

If you like watching people who have boundary issues, it'll be right up your alley. It's ok, we're all friends here. Get it?

I'm excited to be doing the show with Mark. He's one of those people who cracks me up both onstage and off. And I think we're going to wear suits. That's how you know it's an EVENT.

The Creek is a great place to do shows too. Kingdom of Heaven and Jerk Practice have been killing it there for a while and now the place is expanding its lineup to have shows Tues-Sat nights. It's a great room to see/do comedy. Plus, there's an outdoor area that'll be most groovy for hanging now that the weather's getting nice. $2 PBRs won't hurt either.

Full details...

Name of show: We're All Friends Here
Cost: $5
Dates: Monthly Friday 5/16, 6/13, 7/11, 8/8
Location: The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, Queens
(718-706-8783)
Subway: 7 to Vernon/Jackson, G to 21 St/Van Alst, E or V to 23 St/Ely Ave.
Time: 8pm

Labels: about standup, shows, we're all friends here

posted by Matt | 4/14/2008 | Permalink

Clichés in the bedroom

Smart people can be pretty stupid about sex.

A guy I know told me that when he's making love to a girl, he can't spank her on the ass because it "feels too cliché." Oh, come on dude. Does this guy really think he's such a pioneer in the bedroom? Is he the Magellan of fucking?

The bedroom is one place where you can play the Greatest Hits. You don't have to be original. No one wants an avant garde blowjob. "She took my dick out and just stared at it for 20 minutes...and then Dennis Hopper and a leprechaun started waltzing in the corner. I'm so glad it wasn't just one of those cliché blowjobs I normally get. Those are so predictable."

I think this guy wants to be the Andy Kaufman of sex. Afterwards he wants the girl to say, "I don't even know whether we had sex or not. He climbed into bed and started reading The Great Gatsby to me. And then we wrestled."

Labels: ha

posted by Matt | 4/14/2008 | Permalink

Cobra Kai foreign policy

If US foreign policy could talk (using outdated movie references):

I'm US foreign policy. I'm Rambo and Rocky Balboa. Driving in a hummer. To pick up Chuck Norris and John Wayne. And we're gonna go to a pool party at Jose Canseco's place and pop some 'roids.

And then we're going to the Cobra Kai dojo. To hang out with John Kreese. And we're gonna finish a couple of handles of Canadian Club and then break some bricks with our heads and chop some wood boards with our cocks.

Why? Because if we don't do it, who will? You Lt. Caffey? You Lt. Weinberg? I don't think so. You need us up on that wall. Otherwise the world is going to be run by people who don't speak English. And you know what people who don't speak English say? Neither do I. And that's just not gonna fly.

You think I'm gonna let those Europussies tell me how many kilometers an hour I can drive? Not on my watch.

You think I'm going to let Mr. Miyagi and his bonzai tree tell me how to spend my tax dollars? Not in my backyard.

USA! Cobra Kai! Sweep the leg!

Labels: ha

posted by Matt | 4/11/2008 | Permalink

"Let's get ready to rumble" violation

Michael Buffer is the announcer who does those "Let's get ready to rumble" introductions at sporting events. He's even trademarked the phrase. At his site, you can join the Michael Buffer "Rumble Team" and report any violations:

The Buffer Partnership now offers a financial reward to those who report a corroborated unauthorized use [resulting in an actual recovery] of the "Let's Get Ready to Rumble", "Get Ready To Rumble" or "Ready to Rumble" servicemarked phrases...

I decided to report a violation to the email address at that page:

Dear Mr. Buffer (or one of his underlings),

Let's get ready to email!

I'm a big fan of your "Let's get ready to rumble" introductions to various sporting events. When I hear your voice, my blood begins to BOIL like water in a teapot that loves boxing.

Recently, I noticed on the "Rumble Rewards" section of your website that you constantly deal with "Let's get ready to rumble" violations reported to you by fans around the world (and you even give these fans a special gift).

Well, I'd like to report a VIOLATION that I have discovered: I saw a commercial for Kraft Cheese Crumbles with the phrase "Let's get ready to crumble!"

Do you see what Kraft is trying to do here? If you take out the c from crumble, well, you see where I'm going with this.

It saddened me to see your catchphrase, which is so melodic yet still barbaric, being used to sell, of all things, cheese. Cheese! "Let's get ready to rumble" is a call to arms for GLADIATORS, not cheese that falls apart (sounds like this is the Buster Douglas of cheese).

In fact, I have my suspicions that Kraft isn't even REAL cheese. I've read that some Kraft products are created in a laboratory. Also, despite their intensity, your words have never clogged my ARTERIES.

Kraft probably thinks they need to use your slogan to "stay in the ring" with Velveeta. But this is not THE WAY to do it. I think it's time you and I team up to give Kraft a TKO. (That stands for "Technical Knockout." Though in this case we may be looking at an LKO, "Legal Knockout." Your lawyers can advise you on that.)

As for the special gift you promise, you don't have to bother. JUSTICE is reward enough for me. As Edmund Burke once said, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." This is a credo that I live by.

That and "Let's get ready to rumble."

However, the economy is tough these days. So I am willing to accept the CASH BONUS you mention at your site. I wish I could pay the rent with justice, but my LANDLORD has repeatedly stated that's a "no go." Please let me know the amount and when I can expect payment ASAP.

Together, we'll get them to throw in the towel!
Matt Ruby

P.S. I will also be contacting the band EMF since Kraft is using their song "Crumbelievable" in this commercial. EMF may not hold a candle to JESUS JONES, but they have rights too.

No word back yet.

Labels: emails, ha

posted by Matt | 4/10/2008 | Permalink

Random comedy thoughts: Awkwardness, stage notes, Emo on teaching funny, etc.

I measure comics by how funny they are to me the fourth, fifth, or sixth time I see them. I'm more impressed by people who can generate lots of funny material instead of just nailing one eight-minute set. If I see you doing the exact same set as six months ago, I tune out. And I figure that's what you've done too.

Tired: Comedy that's based on awkwardness, uncomfortable silences, interviews between people who don't like each other, etc. Sure, we all love The Office and Curb but they preceded all these Burger King commercials and web series that cover the same territory. The genre now comes off as a photocopy of a photocopy of something that was funny.

In NYC, you spend the first few years performing for other comics. But comics suck as audience members. They're usually bitter, jaded, comedy fatigued, and/or not paying attention. I'd say each real audience member is worth about three comics in the crowd (i.e. I'd rather perform in front of five real audience members than 15 comics).

I crack up when I see comics tell one joke and then look at their notes. If you have to look at notes after only one joke, what the fuck are you doing up there? You've got to be able to remember at least two jokes. If you smoke that much weed, at least start writing notes on your hand so it's a little subtle. (Confession: I do the hand thing sometimes. But it's mostly a mental crutch since I wind up not even checking it 80% of the time.)

Overheard: The entire audience at the second round of Last Comic Standing performances in NYC was made up of soap opera actors. And Live at Gotham tapings had smoke machines to make the venue look more "clubby" on camera. Reality tv that's fake!? It's like Captain Renault in the casino in Casablanca: "I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here."

Emo Phillips on Comical Radio: "You can't teach standup comedy. If you could, you would see a lot more Asians doing it. We need the live response from the audience. It's a messy, chaotic, wonderful, exciting thing."

Labels: about standup

posted by Matt | 4/09/2008 | Permalink

Photos from New Orleans Comedy and Arts Festival

Last weekend's New Orleans Comedy and Arts Festival was a hoot. Cool shows/crowds and lots of comic bonding.

I landed from NYC and went to my hotel where they gave me room 9-11.



Boy, they sure do know how to make a New Yorker feel welcome. When the girl at reception gave me the key, I said, "Too soon...too soon."

The highlight of the weekend: Saturday's crawfish boil at the river.



Here's Nola native Cassidy Henehan putting the moves on a statue.



Ross Hyzer and Danny Solomon filmed a documentary of it all.



The last night featured a fake moustache fiesta. Below, Timmy Williams and Mark Normand match 'staches.

Labels: about standup, photos

posted by Matt | 4/08/2008 | Permalink

New video: Jerry Orbach's eyes (animated standup)

I decided to have some animation fun with my Jerry Orbach bit. Audio from live set at Lincoln Lodge in Chicago a few months back. Listen to the whole set if ya like.

Labels: audio/video, ha

posted by Matt | 4/08/2008 | Permalink

British people don't know who Scott Baio is

I really like watching shows on VH1: Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant, Scott Baio is 47 and Cancelled...Scott Baio is 48 and Suicidal.

I told that joke the other night and there were two guys from England in the front row. One of them shouted out, "Who's Scott Baio?" I asked them, "Did you ever have Happy Days in England?" They looked at each other and said, "Yeah."

Then I realized that they didn't get I meant Happy Days the tv show. To them, it sounded like I thought they'd never had a single happy day in their lives...because they didn't know who Scott Baio was. "You mean you've never seen Charles in Charge? You must not know the meaning of the word happiness." "All that rain and no Chachi? I'm amazed you even survived."

Labels: ha

posted by Matt | 4/07/2008 | Permalink

Are you my nizza?

Best name ever for a reporter who works the hip hop beat: "Nizza." I can hear the conversation now...

1: Did you just ask me, 'Are you my nizza?"
2: No, I asked, "Are you Mike Nizza?"

Labels: ha, in the news

posted by Matt | 4/01/2008 | Permalink

Flying Carpet is tomorrow night at Rififi

Come on out to Flying Carpet, tomorrow (Tues) night at Rififi at 9:45 PM.

I'll be hosting and there are great comics on the bill:
Matt McCarthy (just taped a set for Comedy Central's Live at Gotham and he was also at the Montreal Just For Laughs festival)
Jesse Popp (he's been on Comedy Central's Premium Blend and cohosts the Beauty Bar show)
Jamie Lee (VH1 Best Night Ever and Diamonds in the Fluff show)
Luke Thayer as Tony Francione, The New York Sport Guru ("Loves this city baby, and isn't afraid to shed a tear for Big Blue")
Joe Powers (cohost of Morrison Motel)
Phil O'Reilly (elder statesman of laughs, saw this guy at a mic and said you have to do my show...imagine your dad or grandpa doing jokes about Tupac, but weirder and funnier)

And it's free too.

Flying Carpet with Matt Ruby
FREE Comedy Extravaganza
Tuesday, April 1 at 9:45 PM
Rififi
332 E. 11th St. btwn 1st and 2nd Ave.

Labels: flyers, flying carpet

posted by Matt | 3/31/2008 | Permalink

Front of mind vs. back of mind

I'm probably happiest onstage when I riff off something in the moment and it's genuinely funny. You get a whole different energy when you're using the front of your mind (spontaneous) vs. the back (written material).

And people respond to that energy. Especially if you're calling out a truth in the room that hasn't been addressed. When you do that, it's like a big tension reliever for the whole room. People laugh because the bubble's been burst. A few examples:

I'm at a mic last week. The host talks about meeting up with this gay couple he knows who's names are Gordon and Sven. I get onstage and say, "If I wrote a novel with a gay couple in it named Gordon and Sven, my editor would make me change their names. Because those names are too gay to be believable. The only way they could be more gay is if their names were Alejandro and Guy Who Likes Cock in His Ass. By the way, that's the Native American name for gay dudes."

Then I talked about this crazy woman in the crowd. During the show, she sits in the back and keeps talking during the other comics sets. And instead of applauding she yells out the words, "Clap, clap, clap." So I went onstage and say something about it. Then she yells out, "I can't clap, my wrist is broken." Whoops.

But then I realize this excuse doesn't fly. "That is a good reason for not clapping. But that does not explain why, instead of laughing, you keep yelling out the words, 'Laugh, laugh, laugh." (Which she also did.)

Then I said, "Every time you do that it makes me sad: Tear, tear, tear. I would hate to go running with you. You would probably be all saying, 'Sweat, sweat, sweat' the entire time." Only a small crowd but they ate it up and she was silent for my set. I said, "I had to diffuse that bomb early. Phew."

Then, last night at Kabin, I'm doing a set and the host is talking to the crowd and finds out that there's two girls from Harlem and two girls from Denmark in the crowd. First thing I say after being intro'd: "Boy, you guys are in for a treat. Because my comedy is targeted specifically at the Harlem/Denmark demographic. If there was a Venn diagram for it, one circle would be Harlem and one would be Denmark. And the overlap in the middle would say, 'My comedy.'" (Fyi, I love Venn diagram jokes.)

I went into my material after that. But now I think I should have gone further and launched into my "Denmark material": People from Copenhagen talk like this, but people from Stockholm talk like this. And what's the deal with fjords? You can't have a word with an f followed by a j. That's fjust ridiculous.

Near the end of my set, a couple in the corner started making out. I said, "Are you guys making out during my set? That is awesome. I'm not surprised. My comedy is like Barry White's music. It turns people on. You are all totally going to get laid tonight. I have to get off stage soon because otherwise this whole room will turn into an orgy."

My material went over well too, but it's the moments like that which really elevate a set in my mind.

Labels: about standup, ha

posted by Matt | 3/29/2008 | Permalink

General Tso's chicken

Whenever I get Chinese food, I get General Tso's chicken. I don't know who General Tso was but I bet he wasn't a very good general. Otherwise, he might be more famous for General Tso's battle plans instead of General Tso's chicken.

Great generals usually aren't known for the food they prepared. "You know what they say about Ulysses S. Grant: He makes one hell of a meatloaf! It is to die for. Especially if you are a confederate."

"You haven't lived until you've tasted General Patton's lasagna. It fights the war on two fronts: delicious and filling."

I bet General Tso's enemies made fun of him too: "Oh no, General Tso's army is attacking us...I hope they don't sauté us until we surrender!"

Labels: ha

posted by Matt | 3/28/2008 | Permalink

McCarthy, Popp, and more at Flying Carpet on Tuesday

The next "Flying Carpet with Matt Ruby" will be at Rififi on Tuesday, April 1 at 9:45 PM. I'm hosting and comics will include Matt McCarthy (Comedy Central's Live at Gotham), Jesse Popp (Comedy Central's Premium Blend), Joe Powers, Jamie Lee, and more. It's free too.

Labels: flying carpet, shows

posted by Matt | 3/27/2008 | Permalink

Audio: DJ Underground live at "Kingdom of Heaven" show

I brought DJ Underground, my audiophile character, to the Kingdom of Heaven show at The Creek and The Cave last week. Just filmed another video starring DJ Underground so look for that soon too.

About 2:50 in I blurted out "Tony Danza" when I meant to say "Elton John." Note my technique for recovering when I say the wrong thing: Repeat it until it seems like you meant to say it.

Labels: audio/video, characters

posted by Matt | 3/27/2008 | Permalink

Joe Fournier draws me doing standup

Illustrator Joe Fournier was at a show I did at Lincoln Lodge in Chicago a few months back. He sent me these illustrations he drew of my set:

Labels: images, miscellaneous

posted by Matt | 3/26/2008 | Permalink

Aziz goes from "nerdy guy" to "the ugly tree"

Aziz Ansari used to do a whole bit about how much it sucked that a Google search for his name would pop up this lead from a Gothamist profile of him:

Aziz Ansari looks like the nerdy guy you went to high school with, and doesn't do too much to negate that image once he takes the stage.

Almost makes ya wonder if New York Magazine is deliberately trying to feed him material with this piece: Aziz Ansari and Friends Are Even Funnier Than They Look.

Aziz Ansari’s crew look kinda like they jumped out of the ugly tree and hit every branch just for laughs, and we wouldn’t put it past them: They do dumb like few other funny-looking guys.

Jumped out of the ugly tree and hit every branch just for laughs? Who says that?

Labels: about standup

posted by Matt | 3/26/2008 | Permalink

OB-GYN rotation

A friend of mine is a doctor going through rotations at the hospital. He recently spent a month doing OB-GYN stuff. His guy friends were excited for this constant exposure to vaginas...what a blast, eh?

Well, it turns out that the parade of vaginas at an inner city hospital gynecology department is not exactly a "greatest hits" collection.

It's kinda like if you're a mechanic. You don't see Lamborghinis all day. You see 1979 Pintos that haven't had the oil changed in two decades. And you open up the hood and there's a rat in the carburetor. And the antifreeze doesn't connect to the fan belt.

Antifreeze connect to the fan belt? That didn't make any sense. I don't know anything about cars. Or maybe it's that I don't know anything about vaginas. Because I can never find the fan belt when I'm having sex. And I always forget how to hook up nipple clamps...is it positive to positve or positive to negative?

I do think a GPS for the g-spot would be a good idea, though. "You are going the wrong way...Turn left in 3 millimeters...You have reached your destination!"

Labels: ha

posted by Matt | 3/24/2008 | Permalink

A real sandpaper suit

Whoa, a real life Sandpaper Suit...tailored from 3M Hookit P120 sandpaper.



It was created by artist Hamish Pringle and is currently being shown at an exhibition in London.

This suit made from sandpaper raises questions of what it would be like to wear – uncomfortable no doubt - and what its impact on others would be – discomfiting perhaps? Would such a suit knock the rough edges off its owner, or increase them? Would it literally rub other people up the wrong way, or smooth them over?

Seems like a good tagline for this site..."Sandaper Suit: Comedy that will rub you the wrong way."

Labels: miscellaneous

posted by Matt | 3/21/2008 | Permalink

Scrolling ticker was funky fresh

Scrolling Ticker went pretty much as promised: interesting, awkward, and funny. Kumail talked about Octopusses and "cheese" and Rob brought out his badazz mothafuckin' beat machine fo' real.

Here's a taste of the ticker commentary during Rob's beat machine freestyle adventure:

Clap people! Bee rock! Keep it missionary. He's making it up as he goes along. Freestyle. Groovy ruby. Heal the earth. i'm typing to the beat. Get in Rob's hat. Yes. Evil shit. That's the name of the preset: Evil Shit. Get ample. Laser! She sounds sassy. Funky fresh is kind of an oxymoron.

Needless to say, ya kinda had to be there.

Labels: shows

posted by Matt | 3/21/2008 | Permalink

The story behind Scrolling Ticker (Thursday night at UCB)

Scrolling Ticker with Matt Ruby is all set for Thursday night at UCB Theater at 6:30 PM. The concept: Standup comics perform and I type commentary at the same time which shows up on the screens at the theater (the comic can also see what I type and riff off it).

Just did a tech walkthrough at UCB Monday night and I think the setup will work well there. I've tried out the idea a couple of times in other venues but it'll be nice to do it at a theater that can handle the tech/lighting requirements (the tricky part: making sure that the comic is lit well yet keeping the room dark enough so the screen is still visible).

Someone asked me the other day why I'm doing this instead of a normal standup show. A few reasons: 1) I go see a lot of comedy shows and they all start to blur together after a while. So I wanted to create something different than the status quo. 2) It throws comics off their normal rhythm and forces 'em to freestyle a bit. I like that. It might not be funny all the time. It might be awkward. It's up in the air. 3) It increases the chances of a unique, you-had-to-be-there moment happening. 4) It brings me closer to my dream of being one of those old muppets in the balcony who gets to offer his .02 on everything.

The show will feature Rob Cantrell and Kumail Nanjiani, two of my fave comics in the city. They are also two guys who riff well and will probably get a kick out of the randomness of the whole thing. Let's see what happens!

More details or make reservations.

Labels: about standup, scrolling ticker, shows

posted by Matt | 3/19/2008 | Permalink