How prison turns you into a Jewish skinhead

Which gang do you affiliate with if you're a Jew who winds up in prison? Sounds like the premise of a standup bit. But it's David Arenberg's real life. (Answer: You team up with skinheads. Best option amongst bad options.) In this piece, he reflects on being a Jew in state prison.

This makes it difficult for me, of course, to fit into the chow hall. Jews, as we all know, are not white but imposters who don white skin and hide inside it for the purpose of polluting and taking over the white race. The skinheads simply can’t allow me to eat with them: that would make them traitors of the worst kind — race traitors! But my milky skin and pasty complexion, characteristic of the Eastern European Ashkenazi, make it impossible for me to eat with other races who don’t understand the subtleties of my treachery and take me for just another wood. So the compromise is that I may sit at certain white tables after all the whites have finished eating. In exchange, I must do free legal work as directed by the heads (Jewish lawyers, even jailhouse lawyers, are hard to come by in prison) and remit to them a portion of the legal fees I collect from everyone else I do legal work for on the yard.


Bold emphasis is mine. Love the sarcasm here. Nothing more Jewish than that!

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