I think it's weird that there's a basketball team called the Utah Jazz because there's nowhere you're less likely to hear jazz music than in Utah. They should be forced to play teams with equally inappropriate nicknames, like the Missipi Tolerance. Or the West Virginia Intellectuals.
What the fuck is nougut? Does it exist anywhere other than candy bars? Can you go to a restaurant and get a steak with a side of nougot? (And how the fuck do you spell nougit? Hopefully one of those ways was right.)
Bands are always putting up stickers in bathrooms. I'm too lazy to do all that stickering though. So I named my band "Employees Must Wash Hands." My side project is called "Gentlemen."
Did you know that Eskimos have over 50 ways to say, "Fuck, I wish I lived somewhere warmer."
Before you take a trip there's always that one guy who says, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." The weird thing is it's always the biggest fuckwad you know. "Dude, I've seen you go rock climbing on acid with midget hookers." If I limited myself to things he wouldn't do, there would be nothing left.
Sandpaper Suit is NYC standup comic Matt Ruby's (now defunct) comedy blog. Keep in touch: Sign up for Matt's weekly Rubesletter. Email email@example.com.
10 things: Utah Jazz?
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