Cheese Nips

Spoiler alert: The rest of this post will be fucking hilarious. Deal with it.

Are Japanese people offended by Cheese Nips? Not only is the nip part offensive, but 90% of Asian Americans are lactose intolerant so the cheese part adds some extra salt to the wound.

Lightbulb! Maybe there's a market for other racist snack foods. "Ooh, a bag of Onion Spics!" "Halloween = time to stock up on Candy Coon."

I have a pool shaped kidney. (It's an above-ground kidney.) The doctors are worried because it's full of chlorine...and vicodin.

Sometimes when people move they ask you to help and offer you pizza in exchange. This is not an equitable trade. If I am going to carry a couch up four flights of stairs, I need more compensation than cheese and tomatoes.

"Paint my house and I'll give you a cracker."
"I don't think so!"
"Scrub the floors for a lollipop?"

People who are lactose intolerant piss me off because I hate intolerance in any form. These people are prejudiced against dairy products and I won't stand for it. First they came for the cheese, then they came for the Jews.

Hating intolerance is not a very tolerant thing to do.

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