I'm in a really unhealthy relationship. I've got polio and she's got smallpox. It's sick.
I caught a butterfly the other day. Crazy thing is it had a tattoo on it's lower back. It was a picture of a teenage girl.
A friend of mine got a Chinese character tattoo. I asked him what the symbol means. He said, "It's Chinese for 'unoriginal tattoo.'"
Life is like a movie. One that was inspired by a true story.
I want to know where Dr. Pepper went to medical school. 'Cuz he is putting his name on some unhealthy shit.
I admire the optimism of unemployed people who say they're "in between jobs." I'm not optimistic about work, but I am optimistic about sex. So I like to say "I'm in between blow jobs." That might be why I don't get hired.
Sandpaper Suit is NYC standup comic Matt Ruby's (now defunct) comedy blog. Keep in touch: Sign up for Matt's weekly Rubesletter. Email email@example.com.
I'm in a really unhealthy relationship
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