"You can't just go around calling people Nazis!"

Mark Normand and I have begun IM'ing. Watch out world!

MN: you can't just go around calling people nazis!
MR: i think i know a nazi when i see one. you see this tattoo on my forearm...you see those numbers...those are the lottery numbers i play every day. so i think that gives me the right.
MN: Well, you're the one with the shaved head here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MR: that's a skinhead...totally diff than nazis...i kinda like skinheads. cuz they're so silly. and already in prison.
MN: how are they silly?
MR: how intimidated can you be by people whose claim to fame is matching haircuts? it didn't work for Bon Jovi.
MN: well, they hate blacks too.
MR: hating blacks didn't work for Bon Jovi either!
MN: are you kidding? he was on ally mcbeal!! that's my new catch phrase: "i think he was on Ally mcbeal"

Hillary vs. Obama

TE: Someone asked my friend if he preferred hillary or obama
MR: yeah
TE: i told him he should say something like:
TE: well obama is only half black but hillary is 100% woman
MR: that's funny.
MR: but is she?
TE: touché
MR: i'm voting for hillary cuz she's half robot.

Mr. Met at Pinty and Pooja's wedding

Tim: Mr Met at Pinty and Pooja's wedding
Me: nice, like an ESPN commercial
Tim: go mets!
Me: [disappointed] i was hoping he was gonna barf or start feeling up chicks

Wave 'em like you just don't care

You say hey...
Jason: yo
Jason: you say Hey
Jason: You say hey, I say yo
Matt: i am currently waving my arms in the air as if i don't care.
Jason: perfect
Jason: you know the drill
Jason: you are in the club
Matt: truth = if i really don't care, i usually don't wave my arms in the air.
Matt: i just sit. like normal.
Matt: cuz i don't care.

LIterally
Matt: thought of you today when i read this:
Matt: Q&A with Sarah Jessica Parker
Matt: "I have to be involved literally down to splitting the atoms," says the actress about her clothing label, Bitten.
Tim: wow. she can split atoms
Matt: for fashion!
Tim: well thats why they usually do it. for fashion
Matt: spliiting atoms is very in vogue right now.
Tim: i literally crapped my pants when i read that

"How's it feel?" (IM about stand up)

Jason: how's it feel, btw? standup
Me: very interesting. material counts for a lot but so much is delivery, timing, confidence, etc. they say you need to do it for years to even get decent. all about stage time
Jason: Feels like it's one of the hardest jobs there is
Me: one nice thing: there's an easily quantifiable metric for success...laughter. you know if shit is working or not.
Jason: true but the rejection...
Me: yeah, u def have to believe in what you're saying. same material can kill w/ one audience and die with another. it's been an interesting learning curve.
Jason: I bet. It's gotta help in a lot of other ways too. General confidence, general belief in your own ideas, etc
Me: i've prob already got a fairly delusional amount of confidence/belief in my own ideas.