Chris Rock and I "share" a bill again

Last night, Chris Rock showed up again at Stand Up NY and did a long set of new material (he did one a few weeks back too).

Here's how that works: He walks in. Everyone starts whispering. Comic onstage finishes his set and Chris goes up (other comics get bumped or have to wait and are fine with that because they get to watch a master work shit out). The audience members whisper and seem slightly aghast. All the other comics and waitstaff fill the room at the sides and the back. There's about 50 people in the room.

He puts a yellow legal pad on a stool and starts flipping pages looking for jokes. He doesn't address the crowd or do crowdwork. All he cares about is shaping the jokes on the pad. Most jokes seem already written out. But then you can see where he starts trying to extend. He gets this little glint in his eye and dances around different act-outs.

When he finishes his bits, he leans back against the wall and returns to the pad. He flips through, finds one of his topics, and says out loud, "Hmm...weddings...kinda hack. It's tough to unhack that." The comics in the room love the reference. But he doesn't really play to the industry people at the sides. He's more focused on the middle of the room, the random audience members and their reactions.

He covers a lot of the same topics as last time (like how cruel kids are, how he hates rich kids but now he has his own, how women can never go back financially and men can never go back sexually, etc.). But doesn't do them the same. There are new twists and turns.

Overall, it's not as funny as one of his HBO sets. He's not as committed. The peaks don't go as high and the rhythm isn't there in the same way. In "Bring the Pain" and those other specials, he grabs it by the throat and doesn't let go. These workout sets hit those highs occasionally but include a lot of lulls too. It's a lot more catch and release. Some of the older audience members sit with arms folded and seem unimpressed.

Still there are some great fucking moments. He says love doesn't exist (it's just a combination of like plus need). He talks about how every woman thinks her pussy can change a man. He talks a lot about women and relationships actually (most brilliant bit of the night revolved around "In every relationship, there's a Hall and there's an Oates."). He talks about how he's just good enough in bed. About why you should drop out of school in 2nd grade instead of 10th grade (you'll be qualified for the job you'll get either way). And lot's more. Tough to get it across here but he's got some amazing, ballsy material cooking.

I'm not sure there's any better comedy class than watching someone that good work on material at that stage. More than anything, you see how much hard work it is. He's grinding out this material. He mentioned how men in his family have been lifting shit for 400 years. He's lifting too.

So what's it like to follow a legend? I went up a few comics later and the crowd seemed exhausted by then. You just gotta roll with it, acknowledge what we all just experienced, and use that as inspiration. Crowd was actually pretty loose considering the length of the show (and prob drunk too) so we still had fun.

Related: How Chris Rock works out new material in a small club

Online comments bring out the crazies

Online comments bring out the crazies. A few examples...

At the message board of Bill Maher's site, there's an amusing debate over whether the Jews "control the entertainment industry and the media." Someone named Gorillamom posted this bizarre comment there with random name dropping, gratuituous typos, non sequiturs, etc.

My friend and master screen writer Stewart Stern, is from the Hollywood Jewish community. His family co-founded Paramount Pictures. He wrote the screen play's "Rebel Without a Cause, Cybli (with Sally Field) The Ugly American, The Outsideres, and few others. I loved having lunch with him every Sunday in the gorilla unit. He's a good cook. He prepared the gorillas diets at the zoo every Sunday.

I really wasn't expecting the transition from "he wrote the screenplay for Rebel Without a Cause" to "I loved having lunch with him every Sunday in the gorilla unit." I guess when your name is Gorillamom, it always comes back to the gorillas.

Fox is Evil sells dumb tshirts that make fun of Fox News. People get really offended. Some actual emails received by the site's owner:

From : Jeffrey S
xxxxxx@gmail.com
"I somehow stumbled on your stupid web site. It's dumb and I'm going to tell my friends how dumb it is."

Jeffrey sounds like a good friend! I wish I had a friend like him around to point out dumb things that I'm unaware even exist. My lame friends only tell me about things that are smart or interesting. Sucks.

From: Daniel K
xxxxxx@comcast.net
"Fox News doesn't lie. They are the only ones that stand for family values and supporting war"

Thank goodness there's still someone around that stands for both family values AND war. The two go together like chocolate and peanut butter. It's about time we get this country's priorities back in order.

From: Matt S
xxxxxx@hotmail.com
"your evil. You are gay and you probably would like everyone to be gay to get your ass pounded fag."

Touché, Matt S, touché.

Spokesjew

Joe's black. I'm jewish. We had this conversation the other night.

Joe: I've tried matzah and I don't like it. Couldn't you guys figure out how to make bread?
Me: Matzah sucks 'cuz we made it while being chased through the desert for 40 years by a bunch of Egyptians. I'd think you'd be able to empathize. I bet the bread wasn't so great on your slave ships either.
Joe: [Laughs]
Me: When the man comes for you, sometimes you forget to grab the yeast. If the Klan surrounded your house, you might take off before packing up the Crisco.

Which reminds me, I've been thinking about Mel Gibson's "The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Yeah, 'cuz, you know, as a people, wars have worked out pretty well for us Jews. After World War II, we looked around at each other and said, "Oh yeah, gimme some more of that!"

Also amusing to me: the stereotype that Jews love money. You know, unlike all other ethnic groups. Other ethnic groups just hate money. They give away cash left and right.

Actually, the reason Jews got good with money is because Christians refused to do banking or financial jobs in the Middle Ages. The church said it was filthy so Jews had to take over all the money-related careers. Meanwhile, Christians decided to stick with cobbling and smithing or whatever the hell else people did back then. Not the best move in retrospect. (Hey, Jews have fucked up plenty too...outlawing bacon for starters.)

How can you hate a group of people for doing a job that you forced them to do because you considered it beneath you? It'd be like hating Mexicans for being busboys. But I've never heard someone say, "Damn Mexicans, they love dirty dishes!"

Anyway, Jews don't love money. We love bargains. We've been conditioned to by Jewish holidays, which always seem to be based on a crazy good bargain. For Passover, the little bit of matzah each Israelite took out of Egypt miraculously lasted 31 days. For Hannukah, a one day supply of oil lasted eight days. It's no wonder we get excited when there's a 30% off sale at Saks.

Jokes vs. funny

While waiting to go onstage, vet comic Todd Lynn likes to offer words of wisdom to new jack comics. From last night:

There's a difference between writing good jokes and being funny. When you're funny, people laugh no matter what you say. Funny is about timing, delivery, attitude, and confidence. Writing good jokes is about being smart. The trick is bringing the two together.

Don't slouch onstage. Look like you care about your jokes. The audience will reflect your energy.

Steve Martin has a way with words

From Steve Martin - Comedy Is Not Pretty!

The long buildup stretches out the tension. This joke could be told in 10 seconds but it's the stretch that gives it tension and gives away the persona of the narrator. Interesting: The punchline is actually silence. The pause is when you realize the true message being conveyed is the complete opposite of the words being said. That incongruity is the laugh spark. Then you've got the smarmy tag "Oh, not have way I guess." Brilliant act-out that gives a final punch to it and shows the level of bullshit being dispensed.

West Virgina

West Virginia won the NIT but the team's championship T-shirts said "West Virgina." [Insert joke about meager intelligence of West Virginians here.] At least the tees didn't say West...bah, forget it.

Thoughts on sex and dating

Revealing laughs

Which jokes you laugh at can sometimes reveal a bit too much. A couple of weeks ago I saw Jim Norton do a joke about how awkward it is to go with your girlfriend to get your AIDS test results because then you can't really celebrate that much. Some guy in the back starts stomping his feet and going "Aw, yeah. For real!" Later on, Jim started joking about how once a guy starts having sex, he can't stop. The guy in the back shouted out his approval again: "That's the truth!" Best of all, this guy in the back was on a date! She must've been so thrilled to be out on a date with a STD-having rapist who can't keep his mouth shut at comedy shows.

How Chris Rock works out new material in a small club

I got bumped from my set at Stand Up NY last night...but for a damn good reason: Chris Rock showed up to do a 45-minute set. He's getting material ready for a tour in the fall (and I heard him mention on TV recently that he's doing a New Year's Eve show at Madison Square Garden too). There were only about 30 or so people there so it was a loose vibe. He did all new material and glanced at his notes on a yellow legal pad pretty frequently.

He came out and mocked some guy who was trying to film the set and then pretended to stop by putting the camera on the table. Chris said, "I've made fucking movies! You don't think I know when I'm being filmed!?"

Some of the bullet points for the night:
* He hates rich kids so now he kinda hates his own kids
* Kids are cruel ("You don't need to be taught to hate, you need to be taught to love.")
* Walmart is the AIDS of retailers
* Hip hop is weak nowadays
* Hot chicks are always in debt because they think someday a man will come and "clean up the mess"
* Women "can never go back" financially, men can never go back sexually

Of course, it was all about the delivery. He didn't get that preacher vibe going very often but it came out in spots. There were 5-10 lines during the night that were just ridiculously good. Like lightning bolts. My sense is that he starts with these bolts and then writes around them.

Like "Walmart is the AIDS of retailers." He talked about how Walmart kills off all other stores and how Walmarts are so big they're like a town (security guard tells him: "You were by frozen foods? You really shouldn't be near there after 11pm.") Then he'd glance over at his legal pad and say, "No unions." Then just start ranting about no unions or health care for the employees there.

It was tough to tell how much was prepared and how much was just ranting on the spot. He even commented on some of the bits halfway through. "This needs to be fleshed out more if it's gonna make it. It's just you don't want to hack it up with the whole 'Walmart's a town' thing...etc."

He did hardly any crowdwork. Why bother? It's not like he's gonna be able to use that on HBO. He wasn't there to play, he was there to get material together.

Crowd was pretty much in awe. Random tourists from Amsterdam and North Carolina got way more than they bargained for. And then there was the bunch of comics in the back just soaking it up. A few more showed up as word got out via text messages.

Chris didn't stick around afterwards. He got off stage and then headed out (and I heard later he went and did another set at The Cellar).

Update: Chris Rock and I "share" a bill again

Obvious beauty

Venue: Bowery Poetry Club
Date: 3/12/07
Length: 6 minutes
Crowd: 60 people



Sometimes girls get catty and say "I guess she's pretty...if you like that kind of obvious beauty." Well, call me crazy but when it comes to beauty I kinda like the obvious kind. You know what subtle beauty is? Ugly. I don't want beauty that makes me think.

"Funny" isn't what makes people laugh

People think jokes are funny or they're not. The truth is it's all relative.

Every comedian knows that a joke that kills in one room can die in another. It's rare to laugh out loud at a comedy record when you're listening at home even though the people in the room are guffawing. And the opposite is true too: A comic who's only so-so on TV or on a CD can be a riot live.

It all depends on the setting. Are there other people around? Does the room have energy? Are people warmed up? Is it a lively group? Etc. One interesting thing I've noted is listening/watching a comic at home with even just one or two other people leads to a lot more laughter than if you're alone.

What's So Funny? Well, Maybe Nothing (NY Times) is a scientific look at why people laugh. Turns out "funny" has less to do with laughter than a lot of people think. And the results are definitely interesting from a standup perspective.

According to the article, people use laughter as a punctuation mark. It's an exclamation point, a gasp, an a-ha, a recognition, a conversational lubricant like nodding or saying, "uh huh."

He found that most speakers, particularly women, did more laughing than their listeners, using the laughs as punctuation for their sentences. It's a largely involuntary process. People can consciously suppress laughs, but few can make themselves laugh convincingly.

I think that last part is interesting too: You can't fake laughter convincingly. That's part of the whole rawness of comedy. An audience can pretend to like a band or a painting, but it's pretty obvious when people are fake laughing. You're either on the bus or off the bus.

Also, we laugh as a way to connect.

The brain has ancient wiring to produce laughter so that young animals learn to play with one another. The laughter stimulates euphoria circuits in the brain and also reassures the other animals that they're playing, not fighting.

Playing, not fighting. That's why comics can get away with saying some of the meanest and/or most truthful things, because they do it in a playful way. They can deliver straight, painful medicine because the pill is coated with sugar. It's amazing what you can get away with saying as long as people are laughing.

There are also a lot of control/hierarchy issues in play.

[Laughter is] a subtle social lubricant. It's a way to make friends and also make clear who belongs where in the status hierarchy...[From an experiment:] When the woman watching was the boss, she didn't laugh much at the muffin joke. But when she was the underling or a co-worker, she laughed much more, even though the joke-teller wasn't in the room to see her. When you're low in the status hierarchy, you need all the allies you can find, so apparently you're primed to chuckle at anything even if it doesn't do you any immediate good.

So people laugh at others who they perceive to have higher status. That's why control is such a big part of standup. If you lose control of the room, forget about it. If they don't respect you, they'll never laugh.

But what about Rodney Dangerfield, king of "no respect"? That's bullshit schtick. Listen to an album of his and you can see he's got the whole room in the palm of his hand. Total master at controlling the room. No respect, my ass.

Actually, that's a common comic ploy, insult yourself as a way to ingratiate yourself with the audience. Then once they've "let you in," ya take 'em over.

Everything is a muscle

Open and close strong, wander in the middle. Work in 20% new material. The less you're gonna get laughs, the more real you should be. No sense being performy in a dead room. "I can't believe he just said that." might be worth more than laughter. Befriend other comics at your own level. Those above you won't give you the time of day. Those below you suck. Get a show so you can trade stage time with other comics. Stage time is currency. Work work work. Will other comics watching you say that a joke is hack? Then cut it. Everything is a muscle: The more you use it, the stronger it gets. Talk about what scares you, what you hate, what's dumb, what you're ashamed of. Get comfortable. Control the room. Never apologize. Cut it in half, then take another 10% out. Sometimes it's them, not you. Use jokes that you know kill as your barometer. The meaner you are, the more playful you should seem. Tickle, don't poke.

Shopping at Macy's

Don't hate the prayer...

Caroline's set: Friends with benefits, Shakira, etc.

Venue: Caroline's
Date: 3/3/07
Length: 6 minutes
Crowd: 80 people



I was asked to perform at Caroline's for a comedy school graduation show. Crowd was d-e-a-d (situation not helped by the fact that it was 2pm, crowd seemed mostly suburban types, and I was the first comic to go on). Went with more of my one-liner bits but only got mild laughs. A lot of jokes that normally kill got barely any response. I blame it on the crowd. Bastards!

(Actually, I just saw Chris Rock on Bravo and he was talking about how a good comic *never* blames the crowd. Fair 'nuff.)

If it was a normal show, I prob would've broken it down after a minute or two and turned more conversational. But given the situation, I figured it was best to just plow on through.

Recent sets by Rick Shapiro, Zach Galifianakis, and Louis CK

Rick Shapiro: Crazy rant performance art style. Dirty as shit. Half the crowd walked out during his set. He wasn't suprised. The man has seen some dark things methinks. The good part: rambling shamanic style to his delivery. Not holding back on anything. Bukowskiesque.

Zach Galifianakis: Hour set in front of big crowd at Irving Plaza. Just absolutely killed it. He's so on top of his shit right now. Felt like the comedy equivalent of seeing Radiohead right after OK Computer came out. Mixes the one-liner piano jokes with more conventional style and incorporates some crowdwork walking through the aisles and then closes with a big musical number.

The one liner quick hit style is all about rhythm. It's like a boxer who relies on his jab. You just keep peppering and peppering and wearing down the audience. And the whole thing builds a rhythm. The audience starts to get the "beat" and knows when the punch lines are going to come. And once you've got 'em, you've got 'em. It builds like a wave. At that point, even when a joke's only mediocre, it still gets laughs. This paragraph has way too many analogies. I'm gonna stop now.

Louis CK: Showed up again at Stand Up NY to work on material. Did exactly the same set as the previous week, just fine tuning it. Experimenting with just changing a word here or a phrase there and getting the timing just right. There was 15 people there, dead room, and he still got 'em. Guy just seems like such a pro when he's up there. My fave bit from the set is where compares girls and women (e.g. "there's no 'women gone wild' 'cuz when women go wild, they kill their husband and drown their kids in a tub.")

Headed out soon after that with Dan and Joe (other comics at the club) and wound up waiting on the subway platform with Louis. We said hey and nice set and then left him alone. On the train there was some crazy guy singing out loud along with his iPod. We were joking and shooting the shit and then Louis came over to chat. We asked him about his new material and he said he's working on putting together another hour's worth of material. He was headed to the Cellar, presumably to do the same set again. He doesn't know where/when it'll wind up. We talked a bit about his last HBO special and then it was time to get off the train.

It was striking to me because so many comics seem so obsessed with hierarchy BS that they won't even talk to comics who they think are "beneath" them. Or they'll just crack on them. Yet Louis, who's got HBO specials, didn't give a shit. He just came over and said hey and was a regular guy willing to talk, even though we're just three comics starting out. Puts getting blown off by some hack in perspective.

Oscar Fever!

Cops and comics

Venue: Bar None
Date: 2/22/07
Length: 8 minutes
Crowd: 25 people

Q: What's kryptonite to a comic?
A: A room full of drunken cops!

The place was crawling with 'em. Really drunk ones too. Show started with one of 'em, black dude, grabbing the mic and riffing and joking around and generally being unwilling to give up the mic. He was actually kind of funny. His cop buddies were loving it and egging him on. Problem: The show was supposed to begin and he wouldn't get off the mic. Finally, one of his pals gets him offstage and they all start taunting the comics and yelling shit like "You better be funny, NYU boy."

Victor was hosting and had the rough job of trying to grab the reins. Half the room hipsters and comics. The other half drunken cops talking to each other, yelling at the stage, and acting rowdy. The energy was actually pretty intense and, if judo'd properly, it might've segued well. But Victor took the bite and started getting antagonistic back at them. Shit nearly got out of hand at one point when one of them bumrushed the stage but then got held back by his buddies. I talked with Victor later and he said he's gotten rushed a couple of times while onstage but friends *always* hold the cockmouth back.

Anyway, Mike O'Rourke was the first comic and entered the lion's cage. He's fucking funny. Took it to 'em. The cops kept pretending they weren't cops, claiming at various points to be FDNY, Sanitation, dodgeball teachers, etc. But when Mike joked about having warrants one of them got all up in his face and he had to explain, "I'm fucking joking!" Mike's got a great style, acting kinda street/thuglike but being really intelligent with the shit he says. I dig.

By the time he got off, the room had been somewhat corralled. Actually, I might've helped a bit by yelling at one particularly loud table to shut up so we could pay attention to Mike. See, it's one thing if people are yelling at the comic and interacting. But if they're just talking loudly to each other and facing away from the stage, it distracts from the whole room. It's like a leak in a bucket. Energy keeps getting sucked out.

Still, the vibe of the room was really tense and bizarre. Cops and comics operate in a similar way, they always need to be in control. And that's where the clash happened. Neither side wanted to give an inch.

So another comic comes up. Kinda quiet white dude doing smart jokes. He's not bad but too timid to handle this crowd. Then, apparently another comic who was booked on the show decided he didn't want to go on. So the gals who do the show ask me if I want to go up. I was just at the show to get some cheap drinks, didn't expect to perform. But I think my yelling at the cops showed I was game for whatever and could maybe handle the situation.

So I went up. Started just chatty without really telling jokes. Tried to build some familiarity. Then I went into my bit on slutty girls. Right move. At least got the train rolling. I had one table talking back, with a really drunk cop on the verge of passing out and some chick who I assume was also a cop. Then I went into white collar comedy tour. Didn't really fly well. I was sloppy and slow 'cuz I was drunk and thrown off by the room a bit. Tough to concentrate when there's a dude about to pass out right in front of you. Everyone else in the room sensed it too. So I started chatting with him. But he couldn't even form a sentence. It was like trying to run a race against someone moving in slow motion. Whole thing descended from there. I just went off from any material and tried to comment on the room. Made fun of that girl's clothes (Filene's Basement in '97), the bar (the bucket collecting piss under the urinal pretty much summed it up), and the fact that the drunk dude tried to compliment his galpal by saying, "She's been around a long time." Just what every girl wants to hear, right?

It wasn't a very funny set. I wasn't prepared, I was pretty drunk, and I barely got any jokes out. But it was compelling to watch. And in that situation, if you can tread water, you've done pretty well. Another buckeye earned (or whatever those things on Ohio State's helmets are).

Win the hard ones first

Venue: Stand Up NY
Date: 2/18/07
Length: 9 minutes
Crowd: 20 people

Watching Mike DeStefano work was a real pleasure. Room was split, half black/white, and he played it beautifully, tailoring his act to the black folks and making fun of the white people. Lesson: Win over the people most likely to not like you, and the rest of the room will follow.

I had a good set too. I "headlined." But really, after 2.5 hours of comedy (some really bad), it's the bitch spot. It's like calling the guy who goes last at a gangbang the headliner. But I had good combo of riffing on the room and working in material.

Since the room was mixed, I decided to bring up race stuff too. White people are usually so sensitive about race that if you just talk about it in an honest way it comes across in a really refreshing way. Some of what I said:

I'll talk about black and white people. Who gives a shit? I'm not gonna say anything bad...'cuz I'm not fucking racist. I smoke too much weed to be racist. I don't have the energy for it. Racism does seem like a nice distraction from being broke and dumb though, like a vacation from your mind: (sarcastic) "I'm not thinking at all about my trailer cuz I hate black people." It's weird that black guys are always wearing hooded sweatshirts. Because you'd think if there was one group of people that would be opposed to outfits with hoods...Maybe we'll start seeing Jewish people growing little Hitler moustaches.

Butterfly with a tattoo

Butterfly / Stickers / Jazz / Zaragoza / Eskimos