Andy's Trip To The Auto Show

rooneySome people say Andy Rooney is an old fool who's commentaries on 60 Minutes are worthless. I say, "Phooey!"

To prove my point, Here are some excerpts from Andy's Trip To The Auto Show, one of his recent pieces.

I went to the New York International Auto Show last week. I call it the car show. They have a building full of new cars.

See, now where else are you going to find this sort of informative, hard-hitting, investigative journalism? Nowhere, that's where.

When I was young the cars I remember best were: Ford, Chevrolet, Oldsmobile, Buick, Hupmobile, Packard, Studebaker, Dodge, Plymouth, Cadillac, Chrysler, Pierce Arrow and Pontiac. Some of those are out of business now.

Really Andy, some of those are out of business now!? Well, that explains why my Hupmobile hasn't been delivered yet. I'm going to get on the horn pronto and give that Hupmobile dealer a piece of my mind!

Some of the names are different but the cars are more the same than they used to be, I think. You used to be able to tell a Plymouth from a Chevrolet or a Cadillac from a Ford but it's harder now. I don't even know a Subaru from a Suzuki.

So true Andy, so true: It IS hard to tell these Asian cars apart. In fact, the only thing more difficult is trying to tell the difference between one Asian person and another. Is that guy Chinese or Korean? Really, who knows?

You don't see a lot of dirty cars at the auto show. They have about ten people just dusting them...Car dealers ought to have one car out front with mud on it so we'd all know what it's going to look like most of the time in our own driveway.

Brilliant idea. You know who else should follow this advice: Victoria's Secret. They should have one really superfat model so Americans would know what the lingerie will look like in their own homes.

The manufacturers may be running out of names, too. They're using a lot of letters and numbers now on their cars. The Jaguar X-JR, the Infiniti M35X. I'm about ready for a new car myself. Maybe I'll go out and get myself an AUDI A4 2.OT Cabriolet.

Er, after reading this, I don't think you are ready for a new car Andy. In fact, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be driving at all.

Click here for more of this 5th grade report on a field trip to the Auto Show Andy's commentary.

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