I like it when super fat guys grow those super thin beards. You know, the kind that show you where their jawline would be if their face and neck didn't congeal into one big blob.
The only way you should have one of those thin beards is if you are 1) over 300 pounds, 2) Puerto Rican, or 3) in a boy band. Or all three. And if it's all three, why isn't there a reality show about you on MTV? "Menudo Fatcamp" = ratings gold!
You know, that's wrong. We shouldn't make fun of fat people. They're naturally hilarious. We should just watch them and let the laughter flow on it's own.
Sandpaper Suit is NYC standup comic Matt Ruby's (now defunct) comedy blog. Keep in touch: Sign up for Matt's weekly Rubesletter. Email email@example.com.
Fat guys and really thin beards
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