Moby's #1 fan is out to get me

First, I made a video joking about different ways to assassinate Moby.

Moby then linked up the video at his blog because he thought it was funny: "i especially like the image of me being eaten by a tyrannosauraus rex. and if you're going to die, it might as well be at the hands of a very young hall -n- oates."

Responses poured in from his fans. Some thought it was funny, others thought it was in poor taste. But one diehard fan, Patrice (his MySpace profile image to the left), really took it personally...

10/16, 2:23 am - Moby posts video.

Patrice's responses:


10/16, 2:34 am - As long as I live no body will kill you [Moby] without being killed by my own hands
No matter how long it would take me and find the bastards
 That's a vow

10/16, 2:41 am - What a crap song !!!
I try to imagine the guy getting his rocks on recording that shit track !!!
While in 100 y's time pupils will study your music @ school like classics, nobody will ever remember this man ... just like eninem of my arse by the way!


10/17, 7:47 am - [Posts these photos]

10/17, 8:26 am - [Sends me MySpace message with a note and alternate lyrics]

Kill Ruby
Kill Ruby
Kill Ruby until he's dead

He eats shit and he's a real fucker
He eats shit and he's a real fucker

Would you like some proper food ?
No I can't coz I'm Matt Ruby
I only eat shit

Son of a whore !

KILL RUBY until he's dead

Kill him with a mower
Kill him with a mower

If I were his father
If I were his father
I would cut his balls off and give them to feed our pig ...
Yes let Matt Ruby's balls make our pig stronger ....


10/18, 9:30 am - I started a doll voodoo and needles on Matt Ruby with some italian witch ...
His balls will dry down to the size of raisins
His tongue will swell at night unexpectedly from 1 am to 2 am causing hyper ventilation and suffocation !
His nails will turn purple, blacken and fall then will regenerate instantly after 1 hour, repeatedly with unbearable suffering only at daytime, driving him to distraction ...
He'll wake up if he can sleep with the devil's feet every fridays for the whole week-end
and finally will have hallucinating visions of his mother moaning and getting pound-shagged by a monkey in front of him every time he utters the word Moby
 Until he apologizes for being untalented and retires nooooooowwwwwww

[Note: If my balls dry down to the size of raisins, what will my father use to make his pig stronger?!]


About Patrice
So just who is my nemesis? He's got an interesting bio at his MySpace page. He starts off by talking about how he's written 130 "down or up-tempoed tunes" (diverse!) and sings "22 tracks per night as an average" (stamina!). Then it gets really good...

I was 25 when I decided to go and live in LONDON England. I studied there and partook in several auditions for musicals like Les Misérables and Pocahontas with good scores, for cruise liners. Back vocals on Rachid's demo, solo artist who happened to be one of Earth, Wind and Fire members' son. Worked as an extra on Portray of a Lady, 5th element, James Bond 18 and James Bond 19 where I met Talk Talk's first percussionist with whom I made comic shows and gigs in UK.

Alright, I guess when you make a song/video about wanting to kill someone, it's only fair to get some grief back in return. But I never expected to get death threats from someone who brags about 1) being an extra in a movie where he met Talk Talk's first percussionist, 2) auditioning for cruise ship musicals, and 3) singing backing vocals on the demo of a guy who is the son of a member of Earth, Wind, and Fire.

Inspired by Patrice, I'm thinking about adding this my bio: "I played the triangle during the American Idol audition of Sal Benedetto, nephew of Vincent Benedetto, bass player on two of the tracks on 'Sports' by Huey Lewis and the News."

Anyway, if I turn up murdered, send that image of goth Harry Potter Patrice to the cops, would ya?

Moving on/Subscribe to my newsletter

I only post on rare occasions here now. Subscribe to my Rubesletter  (it's at  mattruby.substack.com ) to get jokes, videos, essays, etc...