Abandoned premises

Joke premises that never went anywhere...

Women who knit on the subway are the female equivalent of men who attend ComicCon: They are both publically admitting failure with the opposite gender. / People always say they tried gay stuff "one time at camp." Where are all these gay camps? I went to camp and no one ever hit on me. Now I've got a complex that I was a way ugly 10 year old. / I heard someone say the other day: "Fan fiction is kinda sad." Do we really need the "kinda" in there? That's like saying the Pope is "kinda religious."/ I know a girl who uses rhyming nicknames to describe people like Chatty Kathy and Skinny Minny. I'm trying to sell her on Asshole Fredasshole, but no luck yet. / The Grammys are music awards for people who don't actually like music. / "The Bachelor: London Calling" was a strange title since "London Calling" is a Clash song and The Clash doesn't really seem like a good fit for The Bachelor. It's like having "My Super Sweet 16: The Blowin' in the Wind edition." / I'm always amused by the "rockers" on American Idol. It's like watching the Disney version of Aerosmith. (Oh wait, Aerosmith IS the Disney version of Aerosmith now.) These guys are just barely dangerous. They are related to rock 'n roll in the same way Robitussin is related to heroin. / It's important to realize commercial success and artistic quality have little relationship to each other. / The problem with Passover: Too many questions. / Cottonelle has new ads that say "Be kind to your behind." It's the first time I've seen a toilet paper ad that actually mentions your ass in any way. My suggestion for the next one: "Cottonelle: Back that azz up!" / Times New Roman is for pussies.

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