I've been drinking whiskey lately. Like a grownup, ya know? And I've noticed something interesting: Cheap whiskeys are named the exact opposite of the people who drink them.
There's Old Grand-Dad. But let's be honest. If you're drinking Old Grand-Dad, you're probably a young grand-dad. You're 32 and putting a diaper on lil' Garth III.
That guy passed out on the sidewalk outside Mars Bar at 3pm on a Tuesday? He spent the day drinking Kentucky Gentleman. Hey, nothing says gentleman like a top hat, monocle, and a puddle of urine!
Canadian Club? Not a very exclusive club. Mostly you just need to be an alcoholic.
Crown Royal? Odd that it's the whiskey of both royalty and homeless people.
Booker's? Drunk almost exclusively by illiterates.
Southern Comfort? Ideal for those who take comfort in vomiting.
Old Crow? Actually, that one's pretty spot on.
Sandpaper Suit is NYC standup comic Matt Ruby's (now defunct) comedy blog. Keep in touch: Sign up for Matt's weekly Rubesletter. Email email@example.com.
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
Moving on/Subscribe to my newsletter
I only post on rare occasions here now. Subscribe to my Rubesletter (it's at mattruby.substack.com ) to get jokes, videos, essays, etc...
Even the best standups seem to just scrape by. Then you hear about a guy who got a late night writing gig. Pay's nice. Long hours but he...
Patton Oswalt preaches love instead of hate in standup. “Actually, I think when you’re younger, anger and comedy mesh together very, very w...
Never been to a Letterman taping. But I've heard the studio is chilly due to Dave's orders. Was talking about it the other day with ...
Post a Comment