Southern discomfort

I've been drinking whiskey lately. Like a grownup, ya know? And I've noticed something interesting: Cheap whiskeys are named the exact opposite of the people who drink them.

There's Old Grand-Dad. But let's be honest. If you're drinking Old Grand-Dad, you're probably a young grand-dad. You're 32 and putting a diaper on lil' Garth III.

That guy passed out on the sidewalk outside Mars Bar at 3pm on a Tuesday? He spent the day drinking Kentucky Gentleman. Hey, nothing says gentleman like a top hat, monocle, and a puddle of urine!

Canadian Club? Not a very exclusive club. Mostly you just need to be an alcoholic.

Crown Royal? Odd that it's the whiskey of both royalty and homeless people.

Booker's? Drunk almost exclusively by illiterates.

Southern Comfort? Ideal for those who take comfort in vomiting.

Old Crow? Actually, that one's pretty spot on.

No comments:

Moving on/Subscribe to my newsletter

I only post on rare occasions here now. Subscribe to my Rubesletter  (it's at  mattruby.substack.com ) to get jokes, videos, essays, etc...