"You can't just go around calling people Nazis!"

Mark Normand and I have begun IM'ing. Watch out world!

MN: you can't just go around calling people nazis!
MR: i think i know a nazi when i see one. you see this tattoo on my forearm...you see those numbers...those are the lottery numbers i play every day. so i think that gives me the right.
MN: Well, you're the one with the shaved head here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MR: that's a skinhead...totally diff than nazis...i kinda like skinheads. cuz they're so silly. and already in prison.
MN: how are they silly?
MR: how intimidated can you be by people whose claim to fame is matching haircuts? it didn't work for Bon Jovi.
MN: well, they hate blacks too.
MR: hating blacks didn't work for Bon Jovi either!
MN: are you kidding? he was on ally mcbeal!! that's my new catch phrase: "i think he was on Ally mcbeal"

Guest post about being "edgy" over at Dead Frog

I've got a guest post up over at Todd Jackson's Dead-Frog.com: Making Fun of the Zebras isn’t Edgy. Excerpt:

If you want to be edgy, don’t come into the lion’s den and make fun of the zebras. Come into the lion’s den and make fun of the lion. That takes real balls.

If you're a Dead Frog reader here for the first time, welcome aboard. You can learn about me in the sidebar to the right. Here's info on tonight's "We're All Friends Here" show and here's a link to the WAFH podcast.

Butterflies, dolphins, tattoos, and rockets

Here's an example of visiting the junkyard. I put this butterfly/tattoo joke to bed a while ago. Then I thought of a fun tag (the dolphin thing) and brought it back. Then a couple of weeks later the teardrop thing occurred to me. Now it's a fuller bit and feels more substantial than it was as a one-liner.

An analogy for where I'm focusing my joke telling energy these days: I used to spend time trying to shoot lots of rockets into the clouds. Now I'm spending more time trying to get rockets that made the clouds into outer space.

Video: Compilation of acts from Schtick or Treat

Highlights from Schtick or Treat (no Rodney though). Jason Saenz did a great job putting this together. Fyi, we've got more video too but haven't gone through it yet.

Grim reaper comedy

Monday night I performed at a comedy show where, due to Halloween decorations, a motorized grim reaper circled directly above the comedians' heads. Above, Vince Averill "kills" as the reaper flies overhead.

Rodney Dangerfield, king of LPM (laughs per minute)

My tribute set the other night at Schtick or Treat was Rodney Dangerfield. Man, amazing how many punchlines per minute he gets. You think Steven Wright and Mitch Hedberg tell short jokes, but Rodney's the king.

Here's the set I did, cherry picked from different parts of his great "No Respect" album.

No respect at all. When I was a baby I was breastfed by my father.

I tell ya, I can't relax, ya know? The other night I felt like having a few drinks. I went over to the bartender and I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

My wife, I got no sex life either. She cut me down to once a month. Oh, I'm lucky. Two guys I know she cut out completely. I met one of the guys and i told him "Who told you you could fool around with my wife?" He told me, "Everybody." My wife, last night she told me she wants to have sex in the backseat of the car...and she wants me to drive. For crying out loud.

My sex life is nothing anyway. I told a girl from Allstate what I want to put in your hands, you'll never sell me insurance! What a sex life. The only reason I get any girls at all is because of who I am...a rapist. The other night I caught a peeping tom booing me.

I'm getting old. At my age, I want two girls at once so if I fall asleep they got each other to talk to. Are you kidding?

I tell you my trouble, I got the wrong doctor. You know my doctor, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz. I saw him last week. I told him, "Doc, everyday I wake up and I look in the mirror, I wanna throw up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect!" One time I called him, I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. I never had any luck with doctors. My psychiatrist told me I was going crazy. I said if you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion. He said, "Alright, you're ugly too!"

I never got girls. I was making love to one girl and she started to cry. I said, "You'll hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "I hate myself now." This girl was no bargain either. Showed up, she had pigtails under her arms. This girl was fat and ugly. Ooh was she ugly. How ugly? She was known as a "two bagger." That's a girl who's so ugly, when you go out with her you put a bag on your head in case the bag over her head breaks. She was ugly! I bent down to pet her cat, it was the hair on her legs. Ugly chick. I took her to the top of the Empire State Building, airplanes started to attack her. I mean ugly. When two guys broke in her apartment, she yelled, "Rape!" They yelled "No!"

So fucking good. There's not a single extra word in there. And the rhythm of his delivery is great too. The last paragraph just builds and builds, rapid-fire. It's like a fighter landing jab after jab. It really elevates the one-liner style to a whole new plane when you can build one joke on top of another like that. Although they're not one liner guys, you see people like Daniel Tosh and Greg Giraldo use a similar sorta pile-on style.

I also inserted a lot of the little asides he uses. Funny how just these lines can become hilarious when used to fill in the cracks between jokes.

What a crowd...Classy crowd...What d'ya wanna fight now? It's a funny line, don't give me that BS. I've been through enough in my life...Are you kidding?...I tell ya...For crying out loud...etc.

Definitely a learning experience to actually write down a great comic's material and study their rhythm and delivery this way.

The Comic's Comic recaps Schtick or Treat

Sean McCarthy on Schtick or Treat:

It was the most fun I've seen out of this community since the last time so many of them had gathered at The Creek in early January for "50 First Jokes." And by this community, I mean I'm not sure how to classify this sub-group of the New York comedy scene. They're not the alt-alt comics. They're not underground comics. They're not the AA ball or junior circuit. So who are they? Do I even need to find a word to categorize them?

"Alt-alt comics" might work because then then it could just be called AA. Are you kidding me? Count me out though...I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. (Viva Groucho!)

Photo from Schtick or Treat: Woody Allen, Janeane Garafolo, and Mitch Hedberg (aka Gilad Foss, Mara Herron, and Chelsea White).

THU = The Manhattan debut of WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE

The Manhattan debut of...
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
The Slipper Room
Thursday, Oct. 30 - $5
Doors at 7PM, Showtime at 8PM (sharp!)
167 Orchard St. (between Stanton and Rivington)

The most inappropriate comedy chat show/podcast around makes its Manhattan debut! The past couple of shows were standing room only at The Creek so we're excited to bring it from LIC to the LES. This show will feature:

Victor Varnado (Conan)
Myq Kaplan (Live at Gotham)
Brooke Van Poppelen (UCB)
Mike Lawrence

...and lots of boundary issues. Afterwards, there's a burlesque show that's FREE for all WAFH attendees.

Listen to the podcast.

From high to low

Ah, funny how fickle this standup thing is. Saturday night we're opening up a show to an overstuffed house, the next night I'm standing on a box in the back of Beauty Bar trying to be louder than the DJ in the front who likes to drown out the comics. The audience is four people (three of whom are Irish) and a few comics in the back. And it's like trying to lift something way too fucking heavy.

One lesson learned: If your audience is mostly foreigners, X out your jokes that have pop culture references for punchlines before you get onstage. I started two jokes only to realize that 3/4 of the audience was gonna have no idea what I was talking about when I got to the end. Whoops.

And I realized afterwards I actually had a great bit to pull out in that situation (my Scott Baio vs. Brits thing). Always painful when you get offstage and then realize exactly what joke you shoulda told.

Back when I was doing more club shows, I prob woulda handled it better. You get used to tourists in clubs. Actually, that's a real problem with doing mostly alternative rooms: Ya get accustomed to completely homogeneous audiences. Can be a dangerous thing if you want to be funny to all kinds of people.

It's one problem I have with shows in, say, Williamsburg. They're often well attended but you're usually performing for exclusively W'burg hipsters. That's fine and all but I'd rather have a wider cross-section in the audience. Manhattan is a hub so shows there get a better mix of people from uptown, Brooklyn, Queens, the 'burbs, etc.

Schtick or Treat was amazing!

Schtick or Treat last night was great. Maybe the funnest comedy show I've seen in NYC. I'm biased but ask anyone else who was there. It was a great vibe, the laughs were nonstop, and the place was packed (people were squeezed into the hallway outside the theater trying to catch a glimpse).

All the seats were filled with civilians, while all the comics stood in the back (nearly every comic stuck around for the entire 2 1/2 hour show too). And it was the rare night where the comics in the back of the room laughed harder than the real audience members in front. The audience seemed to be playing catch up (they didn't instantly recognize all the comics) but they still were having a great time.

I did my set as Rodney Dangerfield and had a blast.

I'm getting old. At my age, I want two girls at once so if I fall asleep they got each other to talk to. Are you kidding?

Standout sets came in two flavors: those who were accurate and those who brought their own flavor. Dan Soder's Dave Chappelle was pitch perfect. Gilad Foss' Woody Allen also was dead on. Sven Wechsler's Yakov Smirnoff had a delightful Russkieness. And Cheslee Calloway's Tom McCaffrey was pretty sweet...right? And McCaffrey (who did Louis CK) was even in the room to enjoy it, the only comic to both perform and be imitated.

As far as bringing their own flavor, I thought Ross Hyzer's Chris Rock was great. He went up pretending he didn't understand the concept and thought he was just going to show a clip of a bit he liked (even I bought it and yelled out, "You don't have to go.") He said he'd perform it anyway and then way into Rock's infamous n*****s vs. black people bit and meekly started explaining why he hates n*****s. Afterwards, he told me he's been waiting years to be able to pull off that idea. My cohost Mark Normand's Paula Poundstone was also great. Immense shoulder pads and lots of sprawling over a chair made the whole thing way funnier than the actual Poundstone.

Afterwards, a couple who had been in the audience came up to me and asked, "Who was the girl who told the joke about the banana? The one where it's red?" I realized she meant Mitch Hedberg (whom Chelsea White had performed). The woman asked me to write down both Mitch's name and Chelsea's name because she wanted to hear Mitch and also see Chelsea perform again sometime. That seems like the perfect outcome: audience members being introduced to both a legend and a local up and comer.

Overall, it was great to see the whole scene come together like that. It had a really pleasant, positive vibe and someone even commented, "If every show had this much positivity with comics getting along and having fun, a lot more people would come out to comedy shows in New York." I don't know about all that but it definitely felt like a cool, "you had to be there" moment. And you can bet we'll be schticking again in a year.

Schtick or Treat (Sat) is Time Out NY Critic's pick

Time Out NY on Schtick or Treat: "Following the lead of tribute bands, more than 30 local comedians perform as their favorite stand-ups in this Halloween special. Tom McCaffrey as Louis C.K., Dan St. Germain as Monique, etc. There's no way this won't be fun."

Quick jokes or longer bits?

Did a two-minute audition spot for a standup competition this week. Was able to squeeze in three bits. Afterwards I wondered if I shoulda gone for more one-liners. Get more mileage that way.

Talked about it with the comic who went before me and he said though he normally prefers to do bits, in situations like that he tries to get four quick setup/punch jokes in and then tell one bit at the end. His explanation was something like this: "Look at who gets 'Live at Gotham' and those other shows...It's the guys who tell jokey jokes, not long bits."

Then last night at Kabin, I walked out feeling almost the opposite. Had a fun set but the quick jokes I did felt flatter than the longer bits. Maybe it was my delivery. They still worked, just had to fight to get 'em over. As soon as I got into some longer bits and more personal stuff, I felt more relaxed and the crowd started to get into it more. It really all depends on time/place/crowd/mood...so many moving parts. Part of what makes standup so fascinating.

Btw, that Kabin show is really killing it, def one of the best shows going downtown right now. Everyone had a great set at it last night. And man, Dan St. Germaine had a breakout spot at the end. The crowd just loved his long act outs, which get very theatrical and keep going. He even got a standing ovation from a couple of people there. Always fun to watch people you know have a "next level" set like that.

The problem with fitting in

Was thinking about that "When Standup Stood Out" movie recently. In it, all the Boston comics were jealous of the breakout success of Steven Wright and Bobcat Goldthwait.

But when you look back, the distinctiveness of their acts set them miles apart from the rest of the pack. All the other guys blurred into a faceless mob of angry, Irish, working class dudes who tell the same kind of jokes. (Imagine the guys who work the docks in season two of The Wire, just Irish instead of Polish and comics instead of dock workers.) No wonder Carson's booker went for the weirdos instead.

More evidence why it's good to develop a unique voice — that includes material, delivery, look, etc. — that stands out from the pack. If you fit in seamlessly with all the other comics in your crew, you're just a face in the crowd.

Upcoming shows at Kabin, Chelsea Market, etc.

Shows I'll be on in the next week...
10/23 THU 9PM: Comedy as a Second Language @ Kabin
10/24 FRI 9PM: [Not comedy] Rare live performance by my band Ruby Lament (at loft party in Williamsburg, email me for details)
10/25 SAT 8PM: Shtick or Treat @ The Creek
10/26 SUN 9PM: Vince & Jesse's show @ Beauty Bar
10/27 MON 7:30PM: Comedy Night @ The Chelsea Market
10/27 MON 9PM: Comedy Dungeon @ Jazz on the Park
10/30 THU 8PM: We’re All Friends Here @ The Slipper Room

Doing 30 and visiting the junkyard

So I did a 30 minute set on Friday. That's a lot more room to stretch out than the 7-10 min sets you typically get in NYC. It was nice to be able to go deeper into some personal stuff (e.g. talking about my parents) that maybe doesn't have as many punchlines-per-minute but has more of a narrative. I also dusted off some golden oldies (a few of which proved themselves worthy of a comeback).

Actually, that's something I've been doing a lot more in the past few months: revisiting old jokes and retooling them. I used to constantly plow ahead with writing fresh material. I figured the best way to learn about creating funny was to try to keep making it from scratch.

But now that I've got more experience under my belt, it's fun to go back to the old stuff and see if there's any gold there. A lot of times there's a good premise that I didn't milk enough or didn't know how to maximize back then. (Dan refers to his old jokes as a "junkyard" that he dives into occasionally to find gems, a good analogy methinks.) It's funny how just one new tag or a slight changing to the wording can breathe new life into a bit that seemed stale.

"We're All Friends Here" podcast: play, subscribe, or share

As of November '09, the new We're All Friends Here podcast is available on BreakThru Radio, an online radio station.

→ LISTEN TO WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE (11/09 - present)
→ LISTEN TO WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE (06/08 - 09/09)

BTR Episodes:

• BTR episode 8/21/2012: Andy Hendrickson, Michelle Wolf, and Nimesh Patel
• BTR episode 7/26/2012: Jermaine Fowler, Adam Conover, and Jessica Watkins
• BTR episode 6/19/2012: Nate Fridson, Rojo Perez, and Taylor Ketchum
• BTR episode 3/20/2012: Greg Stone, Tim Warner, and Luis Gomez
• BTR episode 1/17/2012: Matt Ruby and Mark Normand interview each other (with guest co-host Neal Stastny)
• BTR episode 12/20/2011: Adam Newman, Justy Dodge, and Chris Distefano
• BTR episode 11/15/2011: (Encore) Tom Sibley, Calise Hawkins, and Jonathan Powley
• BTR episode 10/18/2011: Jessimae Peluso, Andy Sandford, and Amber Nelson
• BTR episode 09/20/2011: (Best of) Damien Lemon, Dan Carroll, and Jason Saenz
• BTR episode 08/16/2011: Tim Dimond, Nore Davis, and Jeff Wesselschmidt
• BTR episode 07/19/2011: (Best of) James Adomian, Michael Che, and Tom Sibley
• BTR episode 06/21/2011: Jason Good, Rae Sanni, Thomas Dale
• BTR episode 05/17/2011: Yannis Pappas, Jesse Popp, and Dan Soder
• BTR episode 04/19/2011: Zach Broussard, George Gordon, and Harrison Greenbaum
• BTR episode 03/15/2011: Nick Maritato, Phoebe Robinson, and Morgan Venticinque
• BTR episode 02/15/2011: Michael Che, Zach Sims, and Erin Judge
• BTR episode 01/18/2011: Damien Lemon, Selena Coppock, Chris Laker
• BTR episode 12/21/2010: Nate Bargatze, Dan Carroll, James Adomian
• BTR episode 11/16/2010: (Best of) Kevin Barnett, Mike Lawrence, and Ray Combs Jr.
• BTR episode 10/19/2010: Jason Saenz, Doug Smith, and Anthony Devito
• BTR episode 09/21/2010: Tom Sibley, Calise Hawkins, and Jonathan Powley
• BTR episode 08/17/2010: Sarah Maywalt, Trey Galyon, and Kevin Barnett
• BTR episode 06/15/2010: Two Year Anniversary Show with Ali Wong, Erik Bergstrom, and Brooke Van Poppelen
• BTR episode 05/18/2010: John F. O'Donnell, Yannis Pappas, and Ray Combs Jr.
• BTR episode 04/20/2010: Mike Lawrence, Josh Comers, and Mara Herron
• BTR episode 03/16/2010: (Couples show) Sean O'Connor/Nicolia Demas, Luke Thayer/Abbi Crutchfield, and John/Molly Knefel
• BTR episode 02/16/2010: Sam Morril, Mike Recine, and Mick Diflo
• BTR episode 01/20/2010: Joe List, Nick Turner, and Neil Constantine
• BTR episode 12/29/2009: Erik Bergstrom, Robert Dean, and Blaine Perry
• BTR episode 11/24/2009: Roger Hailes, Giulia Rozzi, Leo Allen, and Jesse Geller

Or subscribe via iTunes or RSS feed. (Note: It will show up in your iTunes under the title "Breakthru Radio.")

How to subscribe to the show FREE on iTunes:

1. Open iTunes
2. In the top menu, click "Advanced"
3. Select "Subscribe to Podcast"
4. Copy and paste this address into the pop-up window: http://feeds.feedburner.com/wafh
5. In your "Podcasts" page, to the left side of the podcast title (the title is "Breakthru Radio Podcast"), click the little arrow to expand the contents. (Make sure you're viewing the page in "List Form." Click "View" at the top and select "as List")
6. Then click the little "Get All" button on the right of the title to download every episode of We're All Friends Here. Enjoy!

(Thanks to Citizen Radio for the iTunes instructions.)

Older episodes of We're All Friends Here: For older episodes (from June '08 to Sept. '09), you can listen via the player below, via iTunes, or RSS feed.

About the show: We're All Friends Here is a comedy chat show with boundary issues hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand. The live show, which began in May '08, occurs once a month at The Creek in Long Island City, Queens (just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan). Each show is also recorded and published as a podcast too.

The format: Matt and Mark host NYC comics who do a quick set and then sit down to talk about taboo issues from their lives (sex, drugs, religion, race, etc.) Things can get a bit hairy but it's a safe place — we're all friends here.

Smell this weed?

How come when people have really good weed they always want you to smell it first? That's not how you do that drug. It's like saying, "Man, this cocaine is amazing...you've got to listen to it!"

Schtick or Treat is this Saturday

See the full lineup and details.

Tight ship at the Cellar

The Comedy Cellar is the best room in town (maybe the country?). Consistently good lineups and lots of big name drop ins (Rock, Chappelle, CK, etc.).

But it's interesting how they work with new comics. From what I've gathered, comics there (at least new ones anyway) need to do the exact same set each time. Throw in a new joke and the guys who run the place will ask you about it. The reason: They want you to do only A material. Want to try something new? Then do it somewhere else. Also, they give you lots of notes before and after your sets (even up to which jokes you should tell and the order to do them in).

Seems a bit controlling but they do have a great thing going so you can't really knock 'em that much. And you've gotta admire the hands on approach compared to the lackadaisical attitude at a lot of other clubs (where the people who run the place don't seem to give a shit about the actual quality of the performances).

It's good for audiences and the club but, I imagine, not the funnest situation for comics. You can see why lots of the guys who work there enjoy getting to perform in alternative rooms where experimenting is encouraged.

FYI, the Cellar's site offers free passes for Sunday to Thursday (2 item min still applies though).

My first 30

I'll be performing for 30 minutes tonight at The First Half Hour show at The Creek. Opening up: Melissa Surach and David Cope. Looking forward to stretching out.