I love Mel Gibson and these other people who go into rehab because alcohol is the cause of their anti-semitism, pedophilia, or whatever. Sorry guys, alcohol doesn't make you do random things, it makes you do what you actually want to do. No one ever gets really shitfaced and then does something altruistic. You never hear, "Dude, I did 14 shots of Jack last night and then I went and volunteered at a soup kitchen." No one says, "We're gonna kill this keg and then we're gonna Teach for fucking America!"
And I think people who need drinking games are pussies. Beer pong? Fuck you. I have a fun drinking game: It's called Beer. You take a drink each time you get thirsty. Easy!
Show some respect for booze. Other drugs don't need games. There's no Heroin Sudoku. No one's playing Crossword Puzzle Crack. "I need 23 across...NOW!"
The other night I saw a commercial for Sam Adams where the owner of the company brags that his whole staff, including the legal team, are "beer geeks." I think that's a great euphemism for alcoholic. Also, Sam Adams sounds like a great company to sue.
Sandpaper Suit is NYC standup comic Matt Ruby's (now defunct) comedy blog. Keep in touch: Sign up for Matt's weekly Rubesletter. Email email@example.com.
Rehab, drinking games, and beer geeks
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