Interesting fact: Ms. Hawaiian Tropic 2009 is also Ms. Skin Cancer 2038.
It's weird that being tan is considered healthy since it's just a sign that you're burning your skin. "How'd you get that healthy glow?" "House fire. Third degree burns. If it wasn't for these embarrassing tan lines, I'd show you my black lung!"
And what's with these people who tan before going on vacation? Y'know, the ones who say, "I'm building a foundation." Foundation? Then before I go on vacation, I should just do three weeks of Vicodin and Ecstacy. Form a base. That way I don't scare off the locals when I get there.
Sandpaper Suit is NYC standup comic Matt Ruby's (now defunct) comedy blog. Keep in touch: Sign up for Matt's weekly Rubesletter. Email mattruby@hey.com.
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