My dad hates everything

My dad doesn't do comedy. But he does do this great character that I call The Improv Complainer. The world throws out a random suggestion and whatever it is, he complains about it.

I spent last weekend with him and my sister. During a drive, I took notes on his various complaints about the options on satellite radio, etc. It went like this:

My sister mentions John Mayer, who's on the radio. My dad: "Who's John Mayer?" Sis: "He dated Jennifer Aniston." Dad: "It certainly didn't do much for his singing."

My sister changes the station. Now a recent Bob Dylan track is playing. My dad loves Bob Dylan. Dad: "Do you have any country?" Me: "Dad, this is Bob Dylan." Dad, realizing it's true: "It's not one of his best."

My sis switches to Howard Stern, who is interviewing Jerry O'Connell. O'Connell says, "I told my wife if she gets another dog, I'm leaving." My dad: "Sounds like a good deal for his wife." Keep in mind he has no idea who Jerry O'Connell is.

We pass a California Pizza Kitchen. My dad: "California pizza!? California pizza is THE WORST."

My sister switches to a hip-hop station. Dad: "How can they call this music?"

Dad: "Matt, did you see Ken Burns' jazz documentary?" Me: "No, how was it?" Dad: "Pretty good but not perfect. Too much about new jazz, not enough about old. He should have had more about Scott Joplin."

My sister switches to the "rock and blues" station. Dad: "Rock and blues? There's no chemistry between the two." Take that Eric Clapton!

That was all within a ten minute span. And the truth is my dad doesn't even like music. Or pizza. He's just constantly on the complaint warpath. (Hmm, a character that complains a lot onstage. I should totally explore that, eh?)

Also, he reminded me of this: He's a real neat freak. When I was a kid, he would constantly make sure that I washed my hands and brushed my teeth. I remember being young when Marvin Gaye's father shot Marvin Gaye. I asked my dad, "Why did Marvin Gaye's father kill him?" My dad's answer, without missing a beat: "Because he wouldn't brush his teeth."

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9 Comment(s)

Anonymous Odinaka said...

Lol, love the anecdote at the end about Marvin Gaye.

I have friends like thsi but I can hardly imagine what it would be like to grow up w/ a father like that

4/29/09, 3:07 PM  
Anonymous Odinaka said...

Lol, love the anecdote at the end about Marvin Gaye.

I have friends like thsi but I can hardly imagine what it would be like to grow up w/ a father like that

4/29/09, 3:07 PM  
Anonymous Dan Fontaine said...

your dad sounds like a character from seinfeld. maybe george's dad? i don't know exactly but someone...

4/30/09, 11:00 AM  
Blogger myq said...

This character should definitely take the stage.

Of the Daily Show.

After it moves to CNN.


(Seriously this stuff is really very funny.
Also probably sad for your dad's existence, if he's actually bothered by everything all the time.
But hilarious to read about, so it evens out, thanks universe.)

4/30/09, 11:11 AM  
Blogger Matt Ruby said...

probably sad for your dad's existence, if he's actually bothered by everything all the time.That's the thing, he doesn't really seem to hate any of these things. Or even care. It's more like it's a game to him. Like that's how he relates to the universe: by complaining about it.

4/30/09, 11:12 AM  
Anonymous LONDONCALLING said...

Are we related ? My Dad hates everything too . We once wrote a sketch in my Dad was a film reviewer every single movie was dismissed with ( heavy Irish accent ) " sure that's madness ".

5/1/09, 4:23 AM  
Blogger myq said...

"...that's how he relates to the universe: by complaining about it."

Complaining about things sucks!


He's right, it IS fun!

I'm stupid!

Still fun!

5/1/09, 10:53 AM  
Blogger Abbi Crutchfield said...

"Sounds like a good deal for his wife."

LOL!

Keep in mind he has no idea who Jerry O'Connell is.

ROTFL

My Mom is tickled pink by complaining. She usually follows it with a loud laugh, like it was a punch line. Then when no one else gets it, she keeps giggling.

5/8/09, 12:47 PM  
Anonymous Sean said...

This post wasn't as good as it could have been. And the comments aren't any better.

8/17/11, 1:21 PM  


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