Follow me at Twitter and you'll get musings like these...
If I was a DJ, my DJ name would be Brass Tacks. And my flyers would say "Let's get down to Brass Tacks."
Darwinism fail: The most attractive people are NOT having the most children. (source: me after a weekend of tot-related events)
Please, no more jokes about 1) pagers and 2) 401k meaning $401,000. We GET it.
Audience etiquette card on the tables at Laugh Riot at the Hyatt show in Bethesda http://twitpic.com/405jc - good idea.
My sister has leopard skin wallpaper in her bathroom. We are a CLASSY family. http://twitpic.com/3x10a
I am hosting a show in the back of a sushi bar tonight. I guarantee you it will be raw.
Heavy drinkers hate New Year's Eve cuz it's "amateur night." Shouldn't stoners feel the same way about 4/20? And when is shroomer's day?
Wanna offend an indie rock snob? Misprounounce the name of The MC5 as if it's a McDonald's product: "My favorite band ever is The McFive!"
I don't care who your favorite Beatle is. As long as your least favorite Beatle is Paul. What a dick.
Jews are good at banking b/c Christians felt it was a dirty job. Hating 'em for it is like hating Mexicans for being good at washing dishes.
I don't understand people who get offended. If someone is wrong, they're stupid. Just ignore 'em. If someone is right, well, they're right.
I think astrology is for silly people. Do you really think everyone born within the same month as you has identical personality traits!?
I think the anarchist movement would go a lot further if it had a strong leader.
Sandpaper Suit is NYC standup comic Matt Ruby's (now defunct) comedy blog. Keep in touch: Sign up for Matt's weekly Rubesletter. Email email@example.com.
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