The first rule of comedy is to not dig a hole, when you're the MC, is to not dig a hole for the comic who's coming up. Ya wanna bring it up. But we're all friends, we've all sort of bonded. So I wanna bring it up and everything like that.
I haven't done comedy in a while. I took like six months off. [To show producer in the back] Remember what happened? [Show producer yells out: "Yeah, your friend died."]
Yeah, my buddy, I don't know if you heard about it. Lt. Col. [his name], a good friend of mine, was killed in Afghanistan by an IED and he's the husband of my really good friend [gives her name]. Killed in Afghanistan. [Long pause.]
Coming to the stage now from New York City. [Laughs] Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't that be awesome? I'm kidding. Stop it. [Looks at me.] He's like, "No, no, no. No!" [Makes stretching sign with hands.]
[Note: He was NOT kidding about the dead friend. He was kidding about bringing me up after saying that. But then he did it anyway!]
This guy's funny. You guys are gonna love him. Matt Ruby.
Couldn't believe it. I got up and felt like I had to say something in response. So I went, "Ah, the old dead friend intro again." Silence.
Trying to think of what could've been a worse intro. Maybe: "I've been thinking a lot lately about how I was molested. And how I love abortions. And you guys see all these spiders too, right? Kill the Jews! Here he is: Matt Ruby!!!"