You can follow me at Twitter: twitter.com/mattruby.
You'll get to read stuff like this:
Whenever I hear the B-52's, I start to think, "Hey, these guys aren't that bad." And then Fred Schneider starts singing.
My fave episode of LOST: The one where the writers have no idea what the story arc is for the entire series and cover it up w/ flashbacks!
Ah jeez. Can't afford $10 for Haiti text I sent. Spent it on an iPhone app where I pretend to deliver bags of rice to Haitian refugees.
Did you hear about the new Korean band that sounds just like Hanson? Their hit song is "BibiMMMbop."
[Screw you, I like that one.]
Just took a cross country flight that did NOT show an episode of "Two and a Half Men." I didn't realize that was possible.
It's pretty great that we now pretend like Mariah Carey was never crazy.
Don't get the words epitaph and epithet confused. Unfortunate gravestones will ensue.
I've noticed the less likely a girl is to sleep with you, the more likely she is to ask you to watch her purse.
Late night E train is a real humdinger. Got on it last night and I felt bad for NOT being homeless.
I don't get fancy glass bongs. Last thing I want is something really expensive, really fragile, and that I use EXCLUSIVELY when I'm on drugs.
Her: "I hooked up with [name of celeb]." Me: "I don't know who that is." Her [disappointed]: "Oh."
The only difference between the pilgrims and pirates is motive.
Sandpaper Suit is NYC standup comic Matt Ruby's (now defunct) comedy blog. Keep in touch: Sign up for Matt's weekly Rubesletter. Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
The B-52s, Lost, Haiti, pilgrims, pirates, and Mariah
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Correction: faded. Does it matter?
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