I am really into Rom Coms. Y'know, Romanian Communists.
NY Post headline writer's wet dream: A Buddhist monk caught committing armed robbery. Resulting headline = "Felonious Monk!"
Kombucha is really tasty if you like fruit juice with a nice lil' splash of aftertaste vomit.
Me to real estate agent: "Pardon me, sir, how do I get to Carnegie Hall?" His reply: "Location, location, location."
Method actor? Pshaw. Be a rhythm method actor: No acting on days 8-19 of each month. After that, act inside whatever you want!
Angelina Jolie is like a crazy cat lady, but with third world babies instead of cats.
Apparently this is a bad thing to say to a friend: "If you need a list of topics you should discuss with your therapist, let me know."
There's never been an accountant with dreadlocks.
Only young people like sweet drinks, like Absolut Raspberry. Old people don't need vodka infused with anything except broken dreams.
Watching "Working Girl." That song "Let the River Run"...is that about menstruation? After all, that is truly the sign of a working girl.
People keep telling me I look like Dexter. I need to stop murdering.
More at twitter.com/mattruby.