Twittering about Ponzi schemes, fashionably late, etc.

Follow me on Twitter to see what happens when I only have 140 characters to say something. For example:

Lots of talk re: "Ponzi schemes" in the news. But I always hear *Fonzi* schemes & imagine The Fonz hitting an ATM w/ his elbow & cash spitting out.

"fashionably late" = just goes to show what dicks fashion people are. Q: "what's in style this season?" A: "pinstripes...and being rude."

I sometimes get foot cramps during sex. That's why I keep a tub of gatorade next to the bed. Also, I dump it over her head when I'm done. A victory is a victory.

"a family is a dictatorship ruled over by its sickest member." -unknown

Line I enjoy using: "I'm going to have to check with Alanis Morrisette, but I'm pretty sure that's ironic."

"The theater is not so much a profession as a disease, and my first look at Broadway was the beginning of a lifelong infection." -Moss Hart

Wow, Halloween is on a Friday the 13th this year!

Something weird about Piano's as a comedy venue. Even when packed the crowd can be surprisingly tight. Seen it a few times now. Hmm.

Last night I did a show with 14 comics on the bill. Does that sound like a bad idea? It was!

CK & Birbigs didn't get super personal until years in. Maybe you need to put in time doing observational stuff b4 going introspective?

was contacted about audition for a show. the role acc to casting agent: "imagine tom green humping a tank." um, i don't think i'll get it.

Non-Jews using Yiddish terms = fun. E.g. After a show, a girl told me, "I like your stick." Took me a sec to realize she meant schtick.

"pagans" = the go to reference for those w/ wacky relig beliefs. Yeah, a relig that believes in the sacredness of nature - craaaazy, huh!?

Conan O'Brien to Tom Scharpling: "Being the straight man is the hardest thing in comedy."