We're All Friends Here podcast now available in iTunes

The first We're All Friends Here podcast on Breakthru Radio has been available online for a bit. And now it's also available in iTunes too. Subscribe via iTunes or RSS feed. (Note: It will show up in your iTunes under the title "Breakthru Radio.")

***How to subscribe to the show FREE on iTunes!***

1. Open iTunes
2. In the top menu, click "Advanced"
3. Select "Subscribe to Podcast"
4. Copy and paste this address into the pop-up window: http://feeds.feedburner.com/wafh
5. In your "Podcasts" page, to the left side of the podcast title (the title is "Breakthru Radio Podcast"), click the little arrow to expand the contents. (Make sure you're viewing the page in "List Form." Click "View" at the top and select "as List")
6. Then click the little "Get All" button on the right of the title to download every episode of We're All Friends Here. Enjoy!

(Thanks to Citizen Radio for the iTunes instructions.)

Episode #2 coming in a couple of weeks.

We're All Friends Here returns on Saturday with List, Turner, and Constantine

We're All Friends Here returns on Saturday (12/12) with:

Joe List (Comedy Central)
Nick Turner (Too Cool for School)
Neil Constantine (NYC)

This will get messy.

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
The comedy chat show with boundary issues
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
FREE
Saturday, Dec 12
Doors at 7:45pm, showtime at 8pm
The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan

Mayer, Kumail, and getting out of your comedy comfort zone

I wasn't there but here's what seems to have happened: John Mayer has a rough (comedy) set at Sweet (he likes to dabble in standup). Kumail goes up after and comments on it. Mayer jumps onstage to riff with him. But thinks he needs to insult Kumail. Calls him "Kabul" and compares him to "one of those ambiguous CNN anchors" because of the way he looks and his "British" accent. Awkward times for all involved. Sources for that rundown: The Comic's Comic talks to Mayer and commenters weigh in, AST thread on the incident, Eugene makes fun of Mayer for "accidental racist" tendencies.

Mostly, who cares? Just another lookyloo incident that only matters because someone tabloid famous is involved.

I do think there's a lesson here about getting outside of your comfort zone though. A lot of comics hit the same couple of rooms over and over and this sort of incident shows why that can be a bad idea.

Mayer almost always goes up at The Cellar where he's pals with the other comics and in with the owners and seems to be able to do whatever he wants because of who he is. (It's also a very cliquey, testosteroney, bust each other's balls kinda environment there.) Once he brought his act to an alt show, it seems like it hit him what a different ballgame it was. All of a sudden, he was out of his element and had to scramble. And the result sounds like it wasn't pretty.

That's the problem with getting stuck in any single comedy ghetto. Instead, I'd advise doing whatever room you can. Alt shows for Brooklyn hipsters, club shows for tourists, urban rooms, Harlem coffee shops, hostels filled with backpackers, Park Slope restaurants, "art star" freak mics, Jersey City dive bars, corporate gigs, suburban hotels, whatever. Lots of jokes will work at one of those places. But a joke that works at ALL of them? You know that's funny.

Will it get awkward sometimes? Yes. But that's the way learning often feels. Uncomfortable.

I hate to go to the CK well yet again, but he put it well:

Go onstage in adverse conditions, that's how you get good. Do you really think that becoming a great comedian means finding audiences that are already ready to laugh at what you have to say?

Being comfortable or getting better: Sometimes you have to pick one.

What makes CK so good?

One thing: It's about the ideas, not the words. Sharilyn Johnson explains:

The cool thing about watching a guy like Louis do shows a week apart is that you can note the differences in wording and inflection in jokes. It struck me last night that he isn’t married to any particular precise wording in a lot of cases. Example: in Toronto, he said milk cartons had been 'invented by some Dutch faggot in 1740'. Last night, he said 'that some Dutch fucking loser invented in 1783'. It doesn’t have to be 1783. It doesn’t have to be 1740. It doesn’t have to be 'loser' or be 'faggot'. And if he wanted, it probably doesn’t even have to be 'Dutch'. So many comics make definitive choices down to that level of detail, and program their autopilot to whichever seems funniest. But Louis doesn’t memorize down to that level of detail, and it’s primarily the ideas themselves that do the heavy lifting. When you think about it, doesn’t that sound like… I dunno… the correct way to do this? No wonder other comedians love him so much.

Not sticking to the same exact wording also keeps you present. You're not coasting when you do that. You're in "front of mind" mode. And that's more engaging to an audience.

Then there's the honesty. Danny Mendlow explains why that's the thing that makes CK "the best working comedian in the world":

So what is it that makes Louis so great? To me, it’s all about his honesty. I believe that comedy is nothing more than the uncensored truth. The reality we all live, but are afraid to talk about, the thoughts we all have, but are afraid to admit. What separates Louis from the rest is that he is so painfully relatable. No matter what the subject matter is, you can’t ever get mad at him because he’s so real and genuine about it. He knows he’s not supposed to say what he’s saying, but he doesn’t care.

It's not just that he doesn't care. He gets off on walking that line. And those provocative topics and setups get people paying attention. Tell an audience that your young daughter is an asshole, and they're really gonna want to hear what comes next. When an audience is locked in like that, it's a lot easier to get laughs.

Plus, he's pretty damn fearless. He's got a willingness to say shit that no one else will say. Maybe my fave example of that is this clip from the Opie and Anthony show when CK responds to Patrice O'Neal's explanation of where the word "kike" comes from:

TV news is too democratic (and toothy)

TV news is too democratic these days. All these poll questions all the time. "Last night, four police officers were shot on Staten Island. Do YOU think this happened? 54% of you said no. 30% of you said Lindsay Lohan!"

CNN will even just read Twitter posts on the news now. Because where else would I go to get random opinions from the internet??? If random, anonymous opinions are news, I guess this will be coming soon to CNN: "Obama's Health Care Plan: Let's see what the bathroom graffiti at McElroy's Pub has to say about it."

Sometimes they'll have something that's not even news, it's just a cool visual. Like a car chase or a building demolition or panda bears. You can't just call something news because it's fun to look at. "Coming up at 11, the final screen of Donkey Kong. You haven't seen that before, right??? And then: Cats on skateboards, do they cause cancer? It's our next poll question."

Anyway, we all know what really matters when it comes to news: Teeth. Lots of teeth.

Free entrance to Just For Laughs audition show (Sunday) + Hot Soup returns (Friday)

This Sunday, December 6, I've got a show at Broadway Comedy Club that's an audition set for the 2010 Montreal Just For Laughs Comedy Festival. If ya wanna come lend some support (and see a bunch of comics bringing their A game), it'd be great to have ya there. Mention my name at the door and the club will waive the cover. The club is at 318 W. 53rd St. b/w 8th & 9th Aves. Showtime 9pm.

And Hot Soup is back on Friday night (12/4) at O'Hanlon's (hey, O'Hanlon's has two apostrophes in one word...impressive!). Check out this lineup:

Myq Kaplan (Comedy Central)
Dan Allen (Comedy Central)
Maeve Higgins (Star of Irish tv show Fancy Vittles)
Gabe Liedman (Big Terrific)
Joe Zimmerman (special guest from North Carolina)

HOT SOUP!
Every Friday
Showtime at 8pm
FREE SHOW
O'Hanlon's
349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave.
Produced by Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope

Other upcoming shows I'm doing:
12/5 7:30pm Lil' Seany Boy Show @ Comix
12/5 9pm Village Lantern
12/6 9pm Just For Laughs Comedy Festival Audition @ Broadway Comedy Club
12/7 8pm Back Door Comedy @ Bar Nine
12/8 9pm Hellz Yeah @ Union Pool
12/11 8pm Cool secret show in Greenpoint (email me for details)
12/12 8pm We're All Friends Here @ The Creek

This calendar has all my upcoming gigs.

America's drug and alcohol epidemic meets it's match...

Spotted in bar bathroom:



Yup. If there's anyone who hates drugs and alcohol, it's the entertainment industry! Next up: "Anorexia's arch-nemesis: The Fashion Industry!!"

(Nice touch with the raised devil horns too.)

Making 'em think vs. making 'em laugh

"Daily Show" Segment Producer Patrick King in this article about the show's staff:

"The fact is, we are a comedy show, and if it's not funny we're not doing it, no matter how big of an issue it is," King said. "We care really passionately about the things we do, but first and foremost we have to make people laugh."

I agree. First thing ya gotta do is get laughs. Then you can worry about making your point. In fact, that might be a wise career path too. Worry about being funny first and then worry about getting across some sort of "message."

Reminds me of a recent email exchange I had with Myq Kaplan about making 'em think vs. making 'em laugh...

Myq wrote:

you see this carlin daughter interview in punchline?

"In the book, he talks about realizing that laughter wasn’t necessary to know he was being successful at his job. He says, ‘I got that as long as the audience is willing to sit there and nod their heads and I knew that the wheels were turning in their heads, that I was doing my job.’ So, there’s a man who is acknowledging that he is making people think, and he’s okay with it."

I wrote:

didn't see that. interesting.

i'm kinda fascinated by if there's a point when this "make 'em think over make 'em laugh" approach becomes ok. after x number of years, or a certain amount of success, or having been on TV, or once people are knowingly coming to see you vs. just a random crowd, or if you get 1hr instead of 8 mins.

i just can't shake the feeling that someone who does this [i.e. a laughter is not necessary approach] at my level and for the crowds i'm performing in front of is just being selfish. not to mention, that path will never get you on TV or enable you to reach a level of "fame" that you can do this for a career. in short: i wonder if you need to make people laugh first and THEN you earn the right to make 'em think. at least if you want to do it under the umbrella of "comedy."

MYQ wrote:

i think your assessment is pretty much dead on

i mean, if you can be as compelling and interesting as carlin was in an 8-minute set when you're starting, power to you, go for it

(because isn't ALL of beginning standup selfish to a certain degree? most people are bad, and if you weigh only the momentary benefits to yourself versus the horrors you're pushing upon crowds, strict utilitarianism might suggest that everyone stop and never start comedy)

also, when people went to see carlin in his later years, they weren't going to see "a comedy show"
they were going to see carlin

that's probably a considerable, noteworthy difference
(because even if some newby CAN be as compelling/interesting as carlin, that might not entertain or please an audience that's just coming to see "comedy")

i definitely think being funny first and interesting later makes sense, but i don't know if it HAS to be that way
it's probably just harder if you're more interesting than funny first
i'm trying to think of people like stanhope (who i believe always had the capacity to be funny initially), or other interesting people and how they started, and the one that jumps out as someone who might have bucked this route is maron...
i don't believe he was ever just a punchline-providing audience-pleaser, was he?
maybe
either way, i think you CAN do whatever you want from the get-go, but if you DON'T go the funny, audience-pleasing (at least learning that you CAN do it) route, it might be a harder road to hoe (is that an expression?)

I wrote:

agreed. and i also think there's something good about mastering the conventional way of doing something before you start breaking the rules. like miles davis playing standards before getting all freaky avant-gardey. do that (prove you CAN follow the rules) and the choices you make to NOT follow the rules become even more powerful.

MYQ wrote:

agreed agreed.

but then there are the few cases where people do seem to come up with something genius right out of the gate
i hear douglas adams created the hitchhiker's guide in his early twenties
not that it's particularly Unconventional
(and after reading "outliers" and hearing about the standard 10,000 hours of work that most geniuses seem to have put in before they were at the top of their game, like the beatles, etc... have you read it?... it also talks about how, sure, mozart did create his first symphony or whatever when he was 3 or 4, but after putting in 10,000 hours of work after that, the stuff he was writing at 10 or 11 made that original stuff look like crap... i'm paraphrasing... anyway, point is it seems like most people in any art, craft, skill, trade, most of anyone who is great at something does put in the work, and i presume the work most often comes in the form of the conventional at first, learning before becoming awesome)
that said, mozart DID write shit when he was 3 or 4, and regardless of how great it was, he was doing it
so
who knows

Related: Malcolm Gladwell on what makes a great performer: 10,000 hours

Brill "In the Tank"

In the Tank with Jon Fisch = cool podcast that offers interesting interviews with comedians like Pat Dixon, Ted Alexandro, Hannibal Buress, etc. Fisch, Dan Allen, and Dan Shaki cohost it.

Recently they posted an interesting talk with Letterman booker Eddie Brill: part 1 and part 2. Both parts worth listening to (1 has more stuff on the history of the NYC comedy scene and 2 has more about being the Letterman booker).

A taste: He said comics should avoid being too finger-pointy with a crowd. "It's never 'you suck.' It's 'we suck.'" Brill says he didn't book Bill Burr for years 'cuz he was still in the "you suck" phase of his career.

Another Brill tip: Slow down and enjoy the moment. The audience will sense that and respond to you better.

Matt Ruby comedy videos

Here's me performing standup in Chicago:



Another standup clip from Comix in NYC:



This is the most popular video of mine on YouTube. In it, I deal with a heckler not amused by my bit on the gay pride parade.



"White Collar Comedy with Mortimer the Steel Baron" won Best Web Short of the Year at ComedySmack.



"Think Tank" is a web comedy series starring Mark Normand and myself. List of previous episodes.



"I Need Laughs: One week in the trenches of the New York underground comedy scene" is a behind the scenes documentary of a single week in Feb '09 prowling around the alternative/underground comedy scene in NYC (7 parts, 30 minutes total).



Some of my other funny clips:



More of my videos at YouTube.

No Hot Soup on Friday

Thanks to everyone who came out to Hot Soup last Friday. It was an AMAZING show. We're off this week for holiday but will return on Dec. 4. We're sticking with O'Hanlons too. Feels like a better fit for the show.

Breakthru Radio debuts We're All Friends Here show!

The first edition of We're All Friends Here on BreakThru Radio, an online radio station, is now available. In it, we get juicy with Roger Hailes, Giulia Rozzi, Leo Allen, and Jesse Geller. Good things about the move to BreakThru Radio: The show has an expanded format, the sound quality is better, and the racist hat now gets its own alert noise (ping!). So go on over to the BreakThru site to give it a listen.

(Big thanks to Marcus Parks for helping make it all happen. He's also the host of the cool Portrait of a Comedian show on BTR that ya may enjoy.)

The BTR folks are also working on getting a listen via iTunes/podcast link up and running so I'll let ya know when that's good to go. Previous episodes of the podcast available here.

Last Saturday's edition of the show was really super too. We even had one interview that was haunted by a stray cat and mysterious falling objects. Look for that to hit the interwaves next month. And come on out to the next live edition of the show: Sat, Dec. 12 at The Creek. That's a pretty slow weekend for parties and what not so you're probably free.

A shopping list of recommended gear for comedians

Note: None of this stuff will actually make you funny.

Notebooks

I use these Field Notes notebooks because I dig the thin size, perfect for a pants/jacket pocket.


And then there's the classic Moleskine notebook, famous for its use by Pablo Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, and thousands of shitty open mic'ers.

Books

Best book I've read on the art of standup. Written by someone who was really in the game which helps. Has great interviews with Carlin, DeGeneres, Maher, Lewis, Rock, etc.


Martin looks at the evolution of his act, from childhood magic gigs to blowout arena success.


Not about standup exactly but it definitely relates. Hart, a playwright, wrote this book all about how tough the road was to his first hit play, a comedy called "Once in a Lifetime." Really shows how much dedication and persistence is required to craft something great that gets laughs every step of the way. I read it based on this recommendation from designer Michael Bierut who called it "the best, funniest, and most inspiring description of the creative process ever put down on paper." Also, the NY Times called it "the best book on 'show business' as practiced in this century in our time."


Both of these are excellent reads for writers of any kind. I can sum up the biggest lesson you'll get from both: Get rid of words. Eliminate anything that's not essential.

Movies

Fascinating look at Seinfeld putting together a new routine with cameos from his standup buds. The only shitty part is suffering through all the Orny crap. Fwiw, "I Need Laughs" is my (very) low budget version about what it's like doing standup in NYC.


Played a huge role in pushing alt comedy into the mainstream. Galifianakis' "physical comedy" bit still cracks me up.


Wings for Wheels: The Making of Born to Run
Another non-standup recommendation is this story behind the creation of Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band's "Born to Run" album. Also shows the dedication to craft that goes into making a great piece of art. Even if you're not a Bruce fan, it'll suck ya in.

Albums

The whole series is worth listening to but this is the best one. Amazon sums it up well: "Seinfeld describes his own evolution as a comic, the role of quasi-musical elements such as pacing and rhythm in a performance, and many points of technique that comic wannabes will find of interest." The Carlin and Woody ones are good too.

Audio recorders

Relatively small/cheap. Sound quality ain't that great though.


More expensive but gives ya great sound quality. It's what we used to record the We're All Friends Here podcasts.

The iPhone has a built-in voice recorder app that I see people use too. Not sure how good the sound quality is on it though. Biggest pro of using it: You're already carrying it all the time.

Video cameras

Will give ya video good enough for YouTube or reviewing. Warning: For a "real" tape, I think you want something that's better quality (the sound quality can be iffy).


For better quality stuff, this is one of many options. cNet's Camcorder buying guide offers guidance from real experts.

Video: Gay or straight?

Went to a bar with another comic. A group of girls assumed we were gay lovers. Here's what happened. (Also gives ya an idea of how I'll take a story from a mic and turn it into a real bit at a show.)

Hot Soup Friday night (11/20) at new venue

We're moving the show a block away to O'Hanlon's for the foreseeable future. I could tell you why. But it involves lots of tears, bloodshed, and a synopsis of the last episode of Cougar Town, so let's just skip all that. Anyway, we did the show there last week and it was groovy so we'll keep it going...

This Friday we welcome:
Kumail Nanjiani (Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel)
Jordan Carlos (Comedy Central)
Hari Kondabolu (Jimmy Kimmel)
Nikki Glaser (Tonight Show)
Dan Goodman (getdangoodman.com)

HOT SOUP!
Every Friday
Showtime at 8pm
FREE SHOW
O'Hanlon's
349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave.
Produced by Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope

Saturday (11/21): We're All Friends Here returns!

Our guests on Saturday: Erik Bergstrom, Robert Dean, and Blaine Perry. They all seem normal. They're not. Come see why.

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
The comedy chat show with boundary issues
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
FREE
Saturday, Nov 21
8pm @ The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan

The podcast is coming back soon too — launching on Breakthru Radio. Stay tuned for details.

Running on empty

What was going through my head recently while sitting at the back of a show:

Argh, stop running the light already. Especially since you're eating it. Nothing worse than a guy who is just sucking balls and then decides he's gonna do an extra 10 minutes. And since he's lost them already, he decides he might as well get filthy and offensive. Lots of faggot this and cocksucker that.

I'm up next which makes it that much more agonizing. The host is lighting him. Then I start lighting him. It feels as if the universe is lighting him. Finally, he wraps up. He leaves the stage and then people start walking.

OK, hopefully the host will bring me up quick at least. No such luck. He gets up and does five minutes that also doesn't work. (After each comic he's doing five minutes that don't work, but he doesn't seem to care.) By this point, over half the room has walked. Finally he brings me up. And I go up to a few dazed people who look as if they just watched their mother get punched in the face. What I want to say: "Hey, who's ready to laugh? OK, who's ready to not commit suicide?" I tried to power through, but it was a tough go.

It's one thing to keep doing time if you're killing. But when you're sucking the life out of the room, it's just lame and selfish.

The 10 greatest standup bits of the past 20 years

Below are the 10 best standup bits from the past few decades as determined by me. The rules: Has to be after 1990. Only one per comedian allowed. Went for longer bits over one-liners/quick-hit stuff (that's why no Hedberg).

1. Chris Rock: Black People vs. Niggaz



2. Louis CK: Why?



3. Bernie Mac: You don't understand



4. Paul F. Tompkins: Peanut Brittle (starts at 42:19 in at clip below)



5. Dave Chappelle: Women vs. men



6. Jim Gaffigan: Hot Pockets



7. George Carlin: God



8. Patton Oswalt: KFC bowl



9. Andy Daly: Knock It Off



10. Doug Stanhope: Fuck the Jews



And an honorable mention to Stephen Colbert's 2006 White House Correspondents Dinner speech where he mocked Bush while standing just a few feet away from him. Can't really single out one part as great, but it's def one of the ballsiest comedy sets ever.

Watching Kumail and Patton rip it up on TV

Neat moment after our Hot Soup show on Friday: 15 comics and friends gathering around the bar's TV in the back to watch Sean Patton's "Live at Gotham" set. He did great and everyone loved it. (Btw, Sean did an amazing 30 min set at The Creek recently that really blew me away. He just keeps getting better and better.)

And then a bit later everyone regrouped to watch Kumail Nanjiani's Letterman debut. Man, the Letterman crowd loved him. One of those "tough to get the jokes out through all these applause breaks" kinda sets. And he was even wearing a nifty suit. (Oddly, they played him off to "Born in the USA." What are you getting at, Paul?!) See the recent Times article on Kumail too? Everyone is climbing aboard the bandwagon.

From a personal perspective, I remember seeing these guys honing some of these same bits at NYC open mics less than a year ago. Pretty neat to see the rise from basement to network. I think all the other comics watching at that bar on Friday night felt the same way. For a normally pretty jealous/jaded bunch, there were a lot of good vibes in the room. We all know those guys are both great and deserve what they're getting. So congrats fellas.

Jokes that work in one place but fail in another

Topical jokes have a short shelf-life. Ya can squeeze a few months out of 'em but then ya gotta throw 'em out. That's a big part of why I avoid them. I'd rather spend my time crafting something evergreen. If I'm gonna come up with a great bit, I want to be able to get as much life as possible out of it.

There's another kind of limiting joke: one that's funny only to a specific area. I remember seeing a comic in Chicago one time who was really killing. Great set. But I started to notice something. Every single one of his jokes was Chicago-specific. About riding the el train, going to Wrigley, etc. Funny to the people in that room but what happens if/when this guy ever goes on the road or tries for a TV spot? He had crafted a great set that was worth nothing outside of his hometown.

Ya see it in NYC all the time too. What the hell are those conductors ever saying on the subway? People from Jersey are stupid! And you won't believe how tiny my apartment is... Those topics can get laughs here. But the relatability of 'em is gone when ya go somewhere else.

Helen Hong interviewed by The Comedians:

“When I first started playing outside New York,” says Hong, “I was so surprised when I found how many of my jokes didn’t work there. Even when I went to LA, a place and go at least a couple of times a year and try to get some spots; there are some jokes that are very New York-centric that only work in New York, which is my fault for writing them. Even outside of LA, there are jokes that are too socially edgy that they don’t get it. They don’t get apartment living. If you have too many jokes about going out with your black friend, gay friend, and drag-queen friend, they’re going to be, like, what? So it’s great to have that mix.

That socially edgy thing is something I just heard from someone else too. Apparently, edgy jokes (like something with racial overtones, but not actually racist) will get big laughs in NYC but fall flat on the west coast where people seem to be more sensitive. Curse you, people who are sensitive!

So time and geography are two joke ghettos. I guess the other one would be topic-based. Being overly niche-y. Like I have a new bit I'm doing about Tom Waits. Fun in an alt room where there are hipsters or musicians. Tougher in a room in midtown filled with people who are, um, not in a Tom Waits demographic.

Some may argue you should stick to whatever material you want to do regardless. Eh, I'd rather take it on a show by show basis and deliver the jokes that will work best in that room for that crowd. I see part of the job as being able to read the room and know if one joke's gonna work better than another.

Upcoming shows: Hot Soup, Bethesda, Philly, etc.

This Friday, Hot Soup welcomes:
Jon Fisch (Last Comic Standing/Comedy Central)
Rory Scovel (Comedy Central)
Sheng Wang
Sean Donnelly
...and more.

HOT SOUP!
Every Friday
Doors at 7:30pm, show at 8
FREE SHOW
Professor Thom's (upstairs room)
219 2nd Ave between 13th and 14th St.
Produced by Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope
Drink specials ($3 beers/$4 mixed drinks)

We're All Friends Here returns Nov 21 (a week from Saturday) at The Creek. Also, our first episode of the show on Breakthru Radio is coming soon. Stay tuned for details.

Other places I'll be telling jokes soon:

11/12 8:30pm Always Be Funny @ River Bar (NYC)
11/14 8:00pm Laugh Riot at the Hyatt @ Bethesda Hyatt (Bethesda, MD)
11/16 8:30pm Chip Chantry's One-Man Show @ Khyber (Philadelphia, PA)
11/17 9:00pm Baby Hole @ The Lamp Post (Jersey City)
11/21 8:00pm We're All Friends Here @ The Creek (LIC)

See, comedy takes you to glamourous places!

Photo: A little light reading

Y'know, just a little light reading. Re: the sleeping...Maybe they're just tired of talking to each other.

Nomination form for the 2009 ECNY Awards

Update: Carol Hartsell says, "You only need 1 nomination to be considered for an ECNY & you CAN submit yourself. Numbers don't matter until voting in Feb." Oh, ok then. I guess you can disregard this.

Nomination form for the 2009 ECNY Awards. Ya could nominate me as "Emerging Comic of New York." Wouldn't that be fun? (If you do: Thanks!)

And/or other possibilities: Sandpaper Suit as "Best Website" and @mattruby for "Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Tweeting." Nominations open until December 19, 2009. Run wild, you crazy things.

Think Tank: Pants

Watch more "Think Tank" episodes.

Why Doug Stanhope drinks on stage

Doug Stanhope at Comix last week.

Last week = First time I'd ever seen Stanhope live. Loved it. Early show (he hit the stage before 8pm) but he still managed to get hammered before the end of it...and even wound up having the guy who kept buying him drinks kicked out for constantly yelling stuff out.

Maybe not as many punchlines per minutes as some other top guys, but I feel like he's doing more of a Hicks/Carlin/offensive/"important ideas" thing than almost anyone else right now. And lots of ruthless honesty. The kind of stuff you're still thinking about days later. Plus, the total lack of pandering is great. He fully expects to walk people during his set (no big surprise from a guy who titles CD tracks "Fuck Your God" and "The Upside Of Sexual Abuse.")

Things got interesting after the show too. Then, he was interviewed for some TV pilot where a psychiatrist analyzes comedians. The whole thing was pretty half-assed but it was fun to hear this guy going after Stanhope's lifestyle choices. Q's: Wouldn't you rather be happy? Aren't you worried about dying? Don't you want to improve your mental health? A's: Happy people are brainwashed. We're all gonna die. Clarity is more important than positivity. In front of a crowd of Stanhope fans, this stuff all killed. The psychiatrist didn't have a chance.

A lot of the psych talk focused on Stanhope's drinking and drugging. He admitted he hasn't spent an entire night sober in over 20 years. But he also seemed fine with that. He thinks he has clarity and he doesn't care about living forever so what the fuck? He doesn't want to be happy or "improve his mental health."

It reminded me of something philosopher John Stuart Mill once wrote:

It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied. And if the fool, or the pig, are a different opinion, it is because they only know their own side of the question.

Too bad we never got to hear Mill do standup, eh? Alright, comparing a justifying-his-alcoholism-Stanhope to Mill is a reach. But after listening to Stanhope get analyzed, he really seems like a guy who's operating from a similar core philosophy. And that made it interesting to watch him vs. this shrink who seemed to represent society's view that you're supposed to be happy or something's wrong with you. The problem with that: Sometimes the people with the most wisdom seem the least happy. Does that really mean they need "fixing" though? Anyway...

From a comedian standpoint, the most interesting part of the interview was when Stanhope talked about why he always drinks while performing. Does he need booze to make him funny? I'll paraphrase his answer: No. He doesn't need booze to make him funny. He needs booze to make him a better ACTOR. See, a lot of standup is acting like you just thought of something. And he hates doing that. The only time he enjoys a joke is the moment he thinks of it. When it comes to him. Then he has to go out and say it 300 nights in a row and that makes him miserable 'cuz he feels like he's losing a little part of his soul every time he does it. So he drinks to get over that.

Highlights from the first Hot Soup

Here's a quick peek at our new show Hot Soup:



Tonight's show features Jared Logan (Comedy Central), Luke Cunningham, Dan St Germain, Phil Hanley, and more!

Join the Hot Soup Facebook Group

HOT SOUP!
Every Friday
Doors at 7:30pm, show at 8
FREE SHOW
Professor Thom's (upstairs room)
219 2nd Ave between 13th and 14th St. (map)
With Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope

Myq killed it at his Presents taping last night

That's Myq Kaplan taping his Comedy Central Presents special last night. He crushed it. Ya know you're doing well when your applause breaks keep messing with your rhythm. Myq even started doing a jig at one point to pass the time while the crowd clapped. I think his special will turn out great...no sweetening necessary.

The Sklar Brothers were the second act on the show. Also had a great set. Different vibe. Myq's more of a classic joketeller while the Sklars almost have a vaudevillian feel with the quick back and forth banter and the way they heighten each premise. Their closing bit on Andrew Dice Clay was wonderfully cruel.

I'd never been to a Presents taping before. Quick impressions: It's a hell of a production. Big trucks outside. Fancy stage lights. Crane cameras swooping all around. I can see how if you're booking the comics for it a big priority might be "I want someone who won't fuck this up."

There was only minimal warmup before the first comic. A host did some quick crowdwork and then brought up people in pairs to do a dance off with each other. Sucked balls for those six people but pretty effective at warming up the room I must admit.

The host strongly encouraged lots of energy and applause. And it worked. The crowd was def on the side of the comics. Not like a club where ya gotta work for 'em. After the first set, they switched out the front rows with the middle rows so the faces on camera look different for the two different specials.

And that's about it. They'll be taping more up until Monday. Free tix still available I think.

What makes the Sports Guy so good

Good to see Bill Simmons, ESPN's Sports Guy, getting so much press lately for his new basketball book. He's long been one of my favorite writers on the web. I hardly even give a shit about sports yet I still read his column each week. I love the way he takes creative approaches to his columns (e.g. the winners and losers of the NBA's 2009 free-agent buying spree using 50 quotes and exchanges from "Almost Famous"). And he's a master at working in pop culture references and personal stories in a genuinely funny, personal way. Read the guy long enough and ya feel like you actually know him.

It's a good example of coming up with a unique voice too. Before Simmons, a sports column written from the perspective of a fan was a real anomaly. Then, everyone writing about sports was always trying to be an insider. Simmons deliberately stayed away from the locker room and palling around with players and that's a big reason why his take is so fresh.

Plus, I love that he talks about race in a frank, honest way. Like talking about the complications of the NBA being a league of mostly black players marketing itself to a mostly white audience and a mostly white media. Where else do you hear this discussed in the sports media? Most announcers and journalists pretend to be color blind but then ya listen close and wind up noticing how frequently they talk about guys who "hustle" (i.e. white), guys who are "natural athletes" (i.e. black), etc. Anyway...

A good Simmons starting point: the Sports Guy Glossary which highlights his best stuff. Sample: How to Spot the Guys Who Wield Just A Bit Too Much Power:

The bouncer at any snooty bar ... the deli counter guy who only gives samples to people he deems worthy ... ice skating judges (especially the French ones) ... softball umpires ... the guy at Best Buy who checks receipts before you can leave the store ... sixth-grade gym teachers ... bank tellers ... bartenders in crowded pickup joints ... condo association presidents ... sports radio hosts who hang up on callers when they don't agree ... everyone who works at a video store ... stewardesses on long airplane flights ... movie theater ushers ... the maitre'd at any restaurant in Vegas or Manhattan ... and the hotel worker in charge of the volleyball games at any resort.

Also, his B.S. Report podcast has recently been featuring interesting interviews with funny people (Patton Oswalt, Jeff Ross, Matt Stone, Neal Brennan, etc.) It's worth checking the archives even if ya don't care about the sports stuff.

Think Tank: Animals

Watch more "Think Tank" episodes.

When should a comic start to promote himself?

A reader question:

I've done 41 mics so far. I'm over the initial hump but that's just the first foothill at the base of the mountain. Topic idea: when should a comic start to promote himself? Do you often see guys promoting themselves too soon? Or posting clips online they shouldn't be posting? Do some comics not promote enough?

My .02: Get a solid tape and put a clip up online. Use that to get shows. Keep hitting mics too. Whenever you get stage time, destroy. Hope people notice. It will take a while though.

Once you get a funnier clip down the road, use that one instead (and delete the old one if it's something you no longer want others to see). Have a website that people who like you can check out, just a simple one is fine. Start an email list and/or a Facebook page so you can keep in touch with people who like you. Also good: Start a show and promote that. In fact, that may be the best way to get attention at an early stage. Have a kick-ass show and fill the seats. This is a good way to get other comics to know about ya too.

If someone comes up to you after a show and says they dug your set, ask them for their email or give 'em a biz card with your contact info so it's not a one-time only thing. I wouldn't worry too much about promo photos or anything else that's gonna cost ya a lot of money. Not worth it at this stage.

Also, recognize that people will judge you by your first impression. If you're not bringing A game yet, you might want to hold off on approaching industry or producers of top shows. They may write you off and then not be tuned in if/when ya do get better. Right now you're like a band with its first demo tape. Get better before you turn on the "full court press" of promotion.

Tonight's Hot Soup: Popp, Bargatze, McCaffrey, and Drucker

Tonight's show features Jesse Popp, Nate Bargatze, Tom McCaffrey, and Mike Drucker.

HOT SOUP!
Every Friday
Doors at 7:30pm, show at 8
FREE SHOW
Happy hour drink prices
Professor Thom's (upstairs room)
219 2nd Ave between 13th and 14th St. (map)
With Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope
Join the Hot Soup Facebook Group

Video: Highlights from The 2nd Annual Schtick or Treat

Schtick or Treat was terrific

Thanks so much to everyone who came out and either watched or performed at the show. It was a really great time. Video highlights coming soon!

Video: Animal mating rituals (repost with working clip)

The side of the majority isn't funny

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect."
-Mark Twain

I think it's true for standup too. Are you arguing something that everyone in the room already agrees with? Then who cares? And how funny is it if everyone already feels the same way?

I'd much rather hear you defend something horrible. Or something that everyone is on the other side of. At least then you'll be interesting. And that tension is a lot more likely to result in something funny.



I love during this set when CK says, "What other terrible things to defend?" (about 7:40 in). It comes in between him defending terrorists and explaining when it's ok to rape someone. Yeah, sounds terrible on paper. But that's why it's funny.

Along the same lines, Chris Rock says offending people is part of being an artist:

"Somebody should always be offended," Rock says. "Somebody in your life should always be like, 'Why did you have to do that?' Always. That's just being a real artist. That's the difference between Scorsese and Disney."

Maybe I like that idea so much because of how little I respect people who get offended. What is that even about? If someone says something that's wrong, then they're wrong. That means they're stupid and why would you get worked up about that? Just pity their foolishness.

And if they say something that's true, then, well, it's true. You may not like it but it's the truth so what can you do about it? If you get offended by the truth, life must be a real pain in the ass. Either way, being offended seems silly.

Schtick or Treat is this Wednesday (10/28)

Two days away from the big show where 30+ NYC comedians come together to perform as their favorite comedy legends. Full details, lineup, ticket info for the show here. If you can't make it out, Bowery Poetry Club will be streaming a live broadcast of the event online. You can watch it here.

Also: Thanks to everyone who came out to Hot Soup on Friday. Show was a big success (standing room only) and all the comics had great sets. I think we got a good thing cooking. Next one will be this Friday (10/30) at Professor Thom's. Same time: 7:30pm doors, 8pm show. Full Hot Soup details/address here. Come on out.

Video: Hot Soup Etymology

Come on out tonight! Details on the show.

Search Sandpaper Suit

Looking for posts from the archives about a specific topic? Search Sandpaper Suit below:

Photo: Live at The Pit

Video: "I Need Laughs: Back to square one (Part 7 of 7)"

Part 7 of "I Need Laughs: One week in the trenches of the New York underground comedy scene." Wrapping up with some sex talk, more jokes, a random dude on the street who likes my tie, and the credits.

See all seven clips of "I Need Laughs" (and details about it) here.

Hot Soup, new Manhattan show, debuts this Friday

Hot news! I'm co-producing a new weekly show and it's in the East Village. No schlepping to LIC for this one, yeah! It'll be Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, David Cope, and myself (all very funny, great guys) putting it on and we'll be booking the best standups in the city every week. And it's FREE. Every Friday at Professor Thom's (upstairs room). That's at 219 2nd Ave (between 13th and 14th St) in the East Village. Doors at 7:30pm and showtime at 8pm.

Join the Hot Soup Facebook Group

HOT SOUP!
Every Friday
Doors at 7:30pm, show at 8
FREE SHOW
Professor Thom's (upstairs room)
219 2nd Ave between 13th and 14th St. (map)
With Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope



And here's more of my upcoming dates (calendar)...

10/20 11pm Show @ Comic Strip Live
10/21 7:30pm We're Nice People @ Parkside Lounge
10/23 8pm Hot Soup! @ Professor Thom's
10/25 8pm Sunday Night Standup (hosting) @ Three of Cups Lounge
10/26 8pm A Case of the Mondaze @ Manchester Pub
10/27 9pm Donkey Show @ Union Pool
10/28 7pm Schtick or Treat @ Bowery Poetry Club
10/30 8pm Hot Soup! @ Professor Thom's
10/30 9pm Almost Famous @ Village Lantern
11/03 9pm Symbology @ The Creek (LIC)

How do you know when your comedic character has arrived?

Some questions from a reader:

1) What would you consider the best way to get feedback on your performance/material when you don't really know the other comics that you perform with regularly? I've been doing stand-up for almost two years, maybe three nights a week, at best. I know most comics by recognition because we perform regularly together but I don't have the family-like rapport the other comics have with each other. Aside from my girlfriend and a few random suggestions from strangers, I don't feel like I have the steady feedback that most other open mic comics get from each other. Thoughts?

Um, three nights a week for two years and you don't have rapport with any other comics? That's a problem. Start making friends. Comedy is pretty tough if you take a lone shark attitude. Find at least a couple of people who you respect and get to know 'em. You need allies in this game. In fact, I think the first few years is basically you trying to impress other comics and just using the crowd as a means to do that.

2) Recently, you posted something from Brian Kiley on trying to find your comedic character. I'm still trying to figure out what my gimmick is as a performer. Right now, I think I'm a grad student in a relationship who likes to gives random musings on what I find to be ridiculous. I don't know if the audience buys into it though. How do you know when your character has arrived? Does the audience tell you? Other comics?

I think the audience tells you with laughs. Also, other comics might be able to point out "this sounds like you." Like Mark will sometimes tell me a joke sounds "very Ruby" which can be a good pointer that it's something "in character" or however you wanna say it.

And fwiw: "I'm a grad student in a relationship who likes to gives random musings on what I find to be ridiculous"...This seems way too generic to be your comedic character. Try harder to figure out what's really unique about you or what you say on stage.

3) Lastly, what is the general rule on injecting esoteric references into your material? One of my favorite comics is Patton Oswalt and I would say that random cultural and literary allusions is 75% of his act. My mind operates the same way too but I always either a) get scared because of the audience demographic or b) psyche myself out on whether its funny or not. I just wanted to get your takes on this.

No general rule that I know of. Try it. If people laugh, great. If not, maybe it's a bad idea. Or maybe you need to find a different audience. One thing to keep in mind: If you rely too much on pop culture or specific niche references, you can limit the scope of people who get you. That's not a grand idea for someone just starting out.

And btw, I disagree that those kind of references are 75% of Patton's act. People like him and Dennis Miller certainly get esoteric, but there's a lot of stuff along the way that ANYONE can understand too.

Do you also want to get advice about standup from someone who is almost totally unqualified to give answers? Then send your questions to me at matt@mruby.com.

Divorce Magazine?

Attention fans of gag gifts! Know a married couple? Hoots guaranteed when ya subscribe one of the partners to Divorce Magazine. Just imagine the conversations that will follow the first issue's arrival in the mailbox.

Married already? Next time ya get in a fight with the spouse, just sit on the couch and leisurely read a copy. That's sure to settle things down in a hurry.

Also, note the mag's tagline at the site: Help for generation "ex" — because everyone knows: Divorce = a great time to pull out the puns.

[Thx TE]

Comedy clubs vs. rock clubs

Eugene Mirman discusses doing comedy in rock clubs in a couple of old interviews...

1. Stay Free! interviews Eugene Mirman

STAY FREE!: That brings me to a whole other thing, which is that you went on a rock tour.

MIRMAN: I really like playing rock clubs, but it can be more work if an audience doesn't know you.

STAY FREE!: The comedy shows you host are structured more like rock shows than comedy. At the crappy comedy clubs here, they make the comedians bring X number of people before they're allowed to perform.

MIRMAN: Well, that's a "bringer" show. None of the people I know do those shows anymore, or would ever. That's when you're starting out. I find it easier to get on Conan O'Brien than to perform regularly at some of the clubs here, so I just don't really try anymore. Not that I tried that hard.

STAY FREE!: So it wasn't really a complex thought process of, "Oh, I'm not going to run my shows like that because that's lame."

MIRMAN: Right. When people ask me to perform at clubs, or if I audition for something, I'll go to a club, but also it's different in New York than in Boston. When I was in Boston, there were three comedy clubs. In most clubs you start as an opener, then you're a "middler," and then you're a headliner, and there's this system. But the system seems pointless and depressing. Here it's kind of different, because there's just a bunch of people performing for 20 minutes at a time at a club, as opposed to an opener. Anyway, the point is that rock clubs and alternative spaces are, for me, just as good if not better exposure, they're fun, and you make more money. The argument against it is that it doesn't exist. You have to make it. That's what's inconvenient about it. You have to create your own thing, which I personally enjoy.

2. Dead-Frog interviews Eugene

Also when I was talking to Mike, I told him that his material is equally at home at some place like “Invite Them Up” and at a comedy club. Do you feel the same way about your own material?

What I feel in terms of comedy clubs is that some are great and some are not, but I’d rather just draw my own audience that wants to see me. If I’m in a comedy club, it’s good in a sense that you do get other random people. But if you do it a rock club or a theater, the people who are coming to see it want to see you or someone you’re with or someone with a certain sensibility. Not to see comedy in general.

And the truth is I just want people to enjoy what I’m doing. I was supposed to do some shows in Vegas. And I was supposed to do eight and I only did two of them. And it was because it was a terrible mismatch. It was a weird bad room where there were people who were in respirators. But the point is they wanted to see entertainment and I would have gladly entertained them. It’s just that I didn’t have anything that they would really enjoy. So I’m just really just trying to find a way to do what I’d like to do.

But I’ve done sets with Patton (Oswalt) at Caroline’s and other stuff, but I’d just rather start my own night and have it always full and do things that I want to do, as opposed to figuring out how to break into some random place.

Why aren't more comics touring rock venues these days? Eugene, David Cross, Comedians of Comedy all did it a few years back. But I can't think of too many who are doing it now.

Video: "I Need Laughs: I Need Laughs (Part 6 of 7)"

Part 6 of "I Need Laughs: One week in the trenches of the New York underground comedy scene." No booked shows means open mic'ing. This clip has me trying out some new bits and talking with other comics about mics. And I drop by the Cellar for a minute too. Funny thing: Josh Comers, the guy who makes the "paying your dues" joke, is now a writer for Conan.

More of "I Need Laughs" (and details about it) here.

This Camry owner is oddly proud

I question anyone that is THIS proud of driving a Camry.

Do you need a manager?

Reader question:

Do you have a manager? Do you NEED a manager? There is a lot of confusion around the kind of help having management can offer. Does it really open doors? Or is it just a shortcut to a door you may eventually open yourself?

Things to consider:
Some comics book all of their own gigs (i.e. Elayne Boosler, "Comic Insights", Silman-James press)
Young people can rise quickly (i.e. Aziz Ansari, Donald Glover), getting big writing credits and cast into shows with big stars. Did they do it with the help of management?
I have heard that Saturday Night Live casting will not consider letting someone audition unless they have managment.

I do not have a manager (and no one's offered). Would I consider it? Sure. 15% of nothing is still nothing.

But, unless your career demands are overwhelming you (unlikely), I don't think you NEED one either. A good manager can def help open some doors. But lots of people have managers and get little/nothing as a result.

I guess I think the big misconception is that a manager can take a nobody and "make them" overnight. I think a good manager can take heat and make it hotter. But if you're doing nothing right now, I think it's unlikely that a manager will come in and turn you into an overnight sensation.

In reality, most people who think they "need a manager" probably should worry more about getting funnier. That's the best way to make things happen. Be undeniably good. Do that for long enough and good things will happen.

Bob Dylan thinks like a standup

This is a great clip from the Scorcese doc on Bob Dylan called "No Direction Home." The way he tosses out words/ideas here reminds me of how comics play with an idea, start talking out loud, mix things up, and hope something fun/surprising sneaks out.

More answers to Stupid Ass Questions

Below is the rest of my Q&A as resident expert over at Stupid Ass Questions the other week. They supply really dumb questions, I supply answers (question #1 here):

2. Dear Stupid Ass Questions: My toe hurts real bad. I stubbed it the other day and it still is killing me. Do you think I could go to the grocery store and have a bunch of cans fall off the shelf and say one got me on the toe? I don't have any medical insurance so it would be easier if someone else paid it instead. Also, I could ask for a little more just so I won’t sue them.

This is a great plan! Make sure you do it real slapstick like though. I want it to look like a Benny Hill episode! So bring your boombox (an iPod w/ speakers could work too) and play some silly music. Then start acting goofy. Like you might be unstable. Knock over a woman's cart! Yell "This is why the sky is yellow!" And then head for the peas. You can't just do cans of anything. Peas. Cans of peas. And then knock a ton of them off the shelf and roll around and imagine that you're Andy Dick or Mr. Bean or Geraldo Rivera. That's the way to pull off this caper. Caper, now there's a word that's not used often enough. Well, I guess the food word is used often enough. Funny how capers are these things you can put on a fish or this big scheme you try to pull off. I wonder if there's ever been a caper caper! You know, like a group of criminals gets together to pull off a big heist of a place that bottles capers. We could call it the Great Caper Caper. Everyone would need code names. And masks. Like in Reservoir Dogs or Point Break. Too bad Keanu wasn't in Reservoir Dogs. Like a virgin! Remember when they talked about that? That was a fun scene. May peas be with you!!!!

3. SAQ’s.com: I bought deodorant and still get b.o. all the time. My friends and family all make fun of me. Am I doing something wrong? Also, am I supposed to take the cap off when I use it? The instructions inside didn’t say to and I thought leaving the cap on would make it last longer.

Oh man. Wow. I know how you feel, man. I use products all the time without taking the cap off. Sometimes I brush my teeth and I just put the whole tube in my mouth. Or I'll drink apple juice but leave the cap on and really just lick the outside of the bottle. Also, I'll sometimes take a bottle of pills and swallow them all and try to commit suicide. But then I'll remember that I left the cap on. So I didn't really attempt suicide at all. But I tell everyone I did. That way they feel sorry for me. And I get attention. I like attention. Maybe it's because my parents didn't love me enough. They were off doing their own thing a lot. My dad wasn't really talkative, ya know? But I still love him. He'd take me to baseball games once in a while but he'd just sit there and read the newspaper the whole time. He didn't care about baseball. What I don't get is anti-perspirant. It actually makes me STOP sweating? That's weird. And it's all sticky and stuff. Nah, I'll take the regular old deodorant myself. I use Tom's of Maine deodorant. And toothpaste too. In fact, the other week someone asked me what kind of toothpaste I use. I meant to say Tom's of Maine but what came out of my mouth was "Uncle Tom's." That's a tough one to cover up. "Yeah, um, haven't you noticed that my teeth have been ACTING white lately???" So yeah, try taking that cap off and see if life changes. That's the only way to figure out stuff in life: Try it and see if the result is better than the other way. Science!

4. Stupidassquestions: A friend invited me for dinner but I don’t want to go. Her whole family eats with their mouths open and food goes flying everywhere including in my food. Couldn’t I get Aids from them? How do I politely get out of this disgusting and unsanitary dinner party?

Whoa, this family seems like a real piece of work. For one thing, they eat with their mouths open. For another thing, they have AIDS! Talk about 0 for 2. It's especially rude when people have diseases, I think. I wish they would stop doing that. Hey, disease boy! You know what you should try? Health! Yeah, try NOT having a disease. You ever think about that, tough guy? Why don't you just tell that disease "I'm not interested." Yeah, that's the way to deal with these things. There's a lyric in a Luna song that goes "Living with sick people makes me feel so strong." Maybe you should take advantage of this mouthtacular in order to feel better about yourself. You can just think of yourself as the best in the room at eating with your mouth closed and not having AIDS. Well, I don't know if you'd be the best in the room at not having AIDS. You would probably just be tied with everyone else in the room who doesn't have AIDS. It's kind of a binary thing. On or off. Zeroes and ones. That's the way I see the world. Black and white. No gray. How come sometimes you spell grey like that with an "e" and sometimes it's gray with an "a." I think the "e" way seems more British. Bad teeth! One time I told a joke about Scott Baio and there were two guys from England in the front row and one shouted out "Who's Scott Baio?" I asked, "Didn't you have Happy Days in England?" But they didn't know I meant the TV show Happy Days. To them, it sounded like I thought they had never had a single happy day in their entire lives. Because they didn't know who Scott Baio was. Like that would be such a crippling blow. "All this rain and no Chachi!? How will I go on?" Brits! Can't live with them, can't water their flowers unless they give you the key to their apartment.

5. Dear Stupid Ass Questions: A good client of mine is constantly sending me pictures of her children. God only knows why, I never indicated I wanted them. So far I have thrown them all away in the circular file. Just yesterday she calls and says she will be in the area and is stopping for a visit and place an order. Then she says, I have an adorable picture of the kids for you to add to your collection. Holy crap, what do I do?

Well, the first thing I need to know is what you do for a living. If your job is, say, putting together photo albums of people's children – well, maybe that's why she's sending you pictures of her children. Or maybe you're a plastic surgeon. Then she might be sending you photos of her kids hoping that you'll perform surgery on them some day. Boy, plastic surgery. That stuff really works. People get it and they look SO much better. They are taut. Like a sail in the wind. Full speed ahead! And botox. That's a fun one. I think they put the stuff that makes you sick when cans have dents in them into a needle and then inject it into your skin. Me, I can't stand needles. I hate doctors too. I once had a cat that hated going to the vet. He'd make quite a ruckus when we took him! He also liked to bite strangers who came into our house. But he'd lure them into it by circling around their ankles and waiting until they tripped over him. And then he'd bite them. I always thought that was very thoughtful of him. To entrap them into "the first punch." His name was Couscous. No, not named after the food. Named after Inspector Couscous from a Richard Scarry story. He was a dog that dressed up like a dancer to foil a crime syndicate. Cross dressing in a little kids story. Don't see that everyday. My little nephew reads Richard Scarry now. This kid is funny. He saw his mom drinking something and asked what it was. She replied, "Red wine." He said, "Give me some. I need it." He NEEDS it!? A little two year-old alkie! How about that? He can enter AA and nursery school at the same time. Why is god stuff part of AA? Can't you quit drinking even if you don't believe in god? Or is it mandatory for atheists to be...is it on the wagon or off the wagon? I can never remember which is the good one and which is the bad one. I mean sobriety and drunkenness. I can never remember which one of those is the good one and which is the bad one. Hmm, maybe you should just show her a bunch of pictures of other people's kids. And then go, "Surprise!" And have a bunch of people there and turn it into a party. She'll forget all about the photo thing then. Maybe you'll even get a conga line going. Wishes can become dreams if you just let the rainbows into your water filter. That's what Couscous used to say anyway. Mazel tov!

Video: "I Need Laughs: This guy's a standup comic (Part 5 of 7)"

Part 5 of "I Need Laughs: One week in the trenches of the New York underground comedy scene." After the shitty show I did in Part 4, I head to another show...with even fewer people at it. With a crowd of six people, I decide to just chat with the room and stumble across some interesting stuff. Then Mark, my civilian friend Brian, and I discuss it afterwards in a cab on the way to another show.

More of "I Need Laughs" (and details about it) here.

Lineup for the 2nd Annual SCHTICK OR TREAT (Oct 28 at Bowery Poetry Club)

The 2nd Annual
SCHTICK OR TREAT
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
A pre-Halloween comedy tribute show
30+ NYC comedians come together to perform as their favorite comedy legends!

Wed, Oct 28
7pm SHARP showtime (6pm doors)
The Bowery Poetry Club
Tickets: $7 at the door/$5 online
308 Bowery (Between Houston and Bleecker)
F train to 2nd Ave, 6 to Bleecker
Facebook Event invite

LINEUP:
Richard Jeni (Kumail Nanjiani)
Kumail Nanjiani (Pete Holmes)
Paul F. Tompkins (Sean Patton)
Jim Gaffigan (Luke Cunningham)
Sam Kinison (Mike Drucker)
Johnny Carson (Mark Normand)
Neil Hamburger (Matt Ruby)
Steven Gold (Matt McCarthy)
Dana Carvey (Adam Newman)
Brian Regan (Jason Saenz)
Cedric the Entertainer (Nick Turner)
Dave Attell (Danny Solomon)
Judy Tenuta (Leslie Goshko)
Jim Carrey (Charlie Kasov)
Carrot Top (Pat Stango)
Bill Burr (J-L Cauvin)
Jeff Dunham (Jay Welch)
Sinbad (Abbi Crutchfield)
Alonzo "Hamburger" Jones (Neal Statsny)
Emo Phillips (Matt Goldich)
Norm MacDonald (Dan Curry)
Jeff Foxworthy (Roger Hailes)
Reggie Watts (Rory Scovel)
Big Jay Oakerson (Jared Logan)
Kristen Schaal (Jamie Lee)
Adam Sandler (Matt Maragno)
Richard Lewis (Dan Mintz)
Eddie Izzard (Dan Fontaine)
Joy Behar (Molly Knefel)
Mitch Hedberg (Mo Diggs)
Brett Butler (Dan St. Germain)
Rip Taylor (Mike Lawrence)
Dana Gould (Jon Clark)
Bernie Mac (Dan Wilbur)
Lenny Bruce (Tim Warner)
Orny Adams (Shawn Pearlman)
Bob Newhart (Ross Hyzer)
Joan Rivers (Alice Wetterlund)
Conan O'Brien (Chelsea White)
Arj Barker (Chesley Calloway)
Fozzy Bear (Aalap Patel)
Jim Breuer (RG Daniels)
Ron White (Ben Kissel)
Jack Benny (Ray Field)
Steve Martin (Erik Bergstrom)
Albert Brooks (Sean O'Connor)
Doug Benson (Alex Grubard)
Gilbert Gottfried (Gilad Foss)
Todd Barry (Luke Thayer)
Andrew Dice Clay (Rob O'Reilly)

Here we go again. Another Halloween, another Schtick or Treat. If ya missed last year's, here's the idea: Bands often perform special "tribute" sets on Halloween and do a show as some bigger, more famous band. It's fun and crowds dig it. This is like that, but with comedy. It's a quick turnover show where each comic gets up to three minutes to do a set as a famous comic and then it's on to the next performer. Last year's was a ton of fun and this one should be a blast too.

Some of last year's performers:



This year, you'll get to see people like Alonzo "Hamburger" Jones:



And while we're announcing stuff...
Coming soon: a new weekly standup show in Manhattan.

HOT SOUP!
Begins Friday, Oct 23 @ 8pm
A weekly standup show every Friday at 8pm
With Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope
Professor Thom's (upstairs room)
219 2nd Ave between 13th and 14th St.

Chris Rock and a French TV show make the same Polanski joke in different ways

Chris Rock was on Jay Leno last week and used OJ as a reference point when talking about Roman Polanski:

People are defending Roman Polanski because he made some good movies. Are you kidding me? He made good movies, THIRTY YEARS AGO. Even Johnnie Cochran don't have the nerve to go, 'Well, did you see O.J. play against New England?'

Here's the clip:



Great stuff. This NY Times article on the Polanski case brings up a similar approach taken by a French TV show. The show takes the same basic concept (i.e. it's silly to think a crime is justifiable just because the accused happens to be a good artist or athlete) and bends it in a slightly different way...

“There is a generous America that we like,” [Frédéric Mitterrand, France's culture minister] said. “There is also a scary America that has just shown its face."...

Meanwhile, A popular French cable television satire, “Les Guignols de l’Info,” ridiculed Mr. Mitterrand. Recalling Chris Rock’s joke that O. J. Simpson would have been in jail years earlier if he had been “Orenthal the Bus Driving Murderer,” a puppet on the show depicting the French culture minister referred to “the Beast of the Bastille,” Guy Georges, who raped and murdered perhaps as many as 10 young women in the early 1990s. “If Guy Georges had directed ‘Citizen Kane,’” the minister-puppet said, “I would have let him out.”

Interesting to see the variation there in a joke that's making the same point. Different streams that still wind up in the same river.

Btw, the site Jezebel wrote about Rock's bit on Leno and said, "I'm amazed it took a comedian to say it outright." Really? You're amazed it took a comedian to say a truth that the rest of our culture isn't saying? Uh, start paying more attention to comedy.

I think Rock's bit comparing Sarah Palin to Michael Vick similarly nailed the truth in a way that wasn't being widely discussed in the media:



Maybe Rock isn't as consistent as he used to be. But man, when he's on, it's still awesome to watch.

We're All Friends Here tonight w/ Leo, Rozzi, and Hailes

Tonight's guests: Leo Allen (SNL/Comedy Central), Giulia Rozzi (UCB), and Roger Hailes (Comedy Central).

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
The comedy chat show with boundary issues
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
FREE
Friday, Oct 2
8pm @ The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan

Bill Hicks’s Principles of Comedy

Chris Hardwick wrote a great post trying to answer the “How does one go about being a comic” question. Along the way he offers up the following list which is posted on the wall at the Laughing Skull in Atlanta.

BILL HICKS’S PRINCIPLES OF COMEDY

1. If you can be yourself on stage nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.

2. The act is something you fall back on if you can’t think of anything else to say.

3. Only do what you think is funny, never just what you think they will like, even though it’s not that funny to you.

4. Never ask them is this funny – you tell them this is funny.

5. You are not married to any of this shit – if something happens, taking you off on a tangent, NEVER go back and finish a bit, just move on.

6. NEVER ask the audience “How You Doing?” People who do that can’t think of an opening line. They came to see you to tell them how they’re doing, asking that stupid question up front just digs a hole. This is The Most Common Mistake made by performers. I want to leave as soon as they say that.

7. Write what entertains you. If you can’t be funny be interesting. You haven’t lost the crowd. Have something to say and then do it in a funny way.

8. I close my eyes and walk out there and that’s where I start, Honest.

9. Listen to what you are saying, ask yourself, “Why am I saying it and is it Necessary?” (This will filter all your material and cut the unnecessary words, economy of words)

10. Play to the top of the intelligence of the room. There aren’t any bad crowds, just wrong choices.

11. Remember this is the hardest thing there is to do. If you can do this you can do anything.

12. I love my cracker roots. Get to know your family, be friends with them.

Great stuff. #7 esp rocks. If you're not getting laughs, at least talk about something that's actually compelling/interesting to you. It's your best bet for at least holding people's attention. Without that, you'll never get laughs anyway.