Native Americans. Boy, we really did a number on them, huh? Yet now America names all its military weapons after them. Tomahawk cruise missile, Apache helicopter, Blackhawk helicopter, etc.
There's gotta be some Native American guy who's pissed off about this: "Why don't you name your weapons after the stuff you actually used against us? Have some Blankets with Smallpox Bombs. Send in some Broken Treaty Helicopters."
Even weirder: Whitey murdered all these Indians and stole their land, yet every Saturday in the fall 80,000 white folks go to a football stadium in Florida and cheer on a team called the Seminoles. They put war paint on and those hats with the feathers and sing an Indian war chant while doing the Tomahawk Chop (demonstrated admirably in this photo).
That's some fucked up shit. Like imagine if the Germans had won WWII. Then, a few years later, there's a stadium in Munich where thousands of Germans go to cheer on a soccer team called The Fighting Rabbis. And all these Germans are wearing yarmulkes and have those long curls. And every time a goal is scored they sing Hava Nagila while doing that chopping motion. (Yeah, they'd still do the chop — but now it'd be the Circumcision Chop.)
I'm not sure people would be ok with that, even if there were Jewish casinos everywhere.
Sandpaper Suit is NYC standup comic Matt Ruby's (now defunct) comedy blog. Keep in touch: Sign up for Matt's weekly Rubesletter. Email email@example.com.
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LOL. PS: Tomahawk Cruise sounds like a lounge act in a casino. "You complete-um me"
I feel dirty.
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