An in-depth analysis of that creepy Fox NFL robot

The Super Bowl's gonna be on Fox. That means one final dose of that ridiculous robot that Fox puts on all it's NFL telecasts:

Love how he stretches (because robots totally need to stretch before they play football). And he points a lot too...because robots are HUGE trash talkers. He's all like, "You better get your WD40 ready, bitch!" Or "Yo momma was a Texas Instruments calculator."

Silly me, I thought football was exciting enough on it's own. But no, we need a 'roided out transformer to really jazz things up.

During Thanksgiving he was even a turkey robot. A turkey that's a robot that plays football. Parse that.

People have mixed feelings about the robot. This guy thinks "That fucking FOX NFL robot is out of control"...some choice comments there:

Flex This Says:
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:46 pm
The robot would kick your asses, obviously you guys are just jealous because the robot has a huge johnson and does your girlfriends as long as they needs him for, then he keeps fucking, and fucking, and fucking...By the way...have you seen your girlfriend or wife lately ?

Love this. Mr. Flex nailed it. I hate the robot because I am jealous of him! I'm jealous of him because he's fucking my girlfriend. And then he just keeps on fucking her. And no, I haven't seen my girlfriend lately. Probably because she's fucking the Fox NFL robot. Man, look at what my life has come to. I don't even have a cool screen name like "Flex This."

jamesk256 Says:
January 14th, 2008 at 10:40 am
The robot appeals to the same people who wear sweatpants out shopping. And consider TGI Fridays a good choice for a “special occassion”. These people are idiots, the robot symbolizes all of their shortcomings so they can relate.

Can I agree with James yet still love TGI Fridays? I mean I wouldn't have a wedding reception there or anything. But a bar mitzvah...sure!

"The Fox NFL Robot" is a post that says, "Don’t people like robots? Don’t they like football? Why shouldn’t the two things be combined?" Some comments there:

January 10, 2007 at 2:08 pm
I immensely enjoyed the Fox 25 ROBOT during our regular season and I hope they keep him as a ‘mascot’ for the NFL. For all you anti-Robot folks, relax, it’s an R-O-B-O-T ... he’s fun, he’s energetic, he’s tough and he’s jazzed to play some ball, so just relax and let him! It’s a great icon! Stop taking yourselves so seriously! Life is good!

That sure is an optimistic outlook for someone who's actually commenting on a blog post about the Fox NFL robot. How do you stay so positive even though you're a grown adult living in your parent's basement? (Bah, I'm reading these damn things so I guess I should keep my mouth shut.)

Da Wood
January 11, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Oh, man.....after a 5am bender on saturday night....there is nothing better than watching that robot go f’n BANANAS on FOX!!!! He pulls off some high knees, jumps, and then the trademark ...YOU...YOU...YOU..YOU.....NYYYYAAAAAAAAA!!!!....After i see him my clothes start to rip and my skin turns green.....I’m ready to HULK!!!! GO BEARS!

I assume "Da Wood" is another dick reference, right? I def need to get more penis action going in my screen names.

There's even a FOX Sports Robot Action Figure for $19.95.

Last year's revival of the NFL Robot on FOX marked the beginning of a new era for America's favorite spectator sport...The FOX Sports Robot utilizes its fully articulating joints to evade defenders and score touchdowns. A must-have piece for every sport fanatic's collection.

Saying the return of the robot "marked the beginning of a new era" seems like a slight exaggeration to me.

"A chance to destroy the Fox NFL robot" talks about the action figure. Some of the comments:

Anonymous said...
You Guys are total squids...

Please tell your Sex in the City fantasy league buddies you will be late for power yoga today and go spend your $20 on the Shawn kemp is my father T-Shirt....

You had me at "Please tell your Sex in the City fantasy league buddies you will be late for power yoga today..." That's a pretty terrific way to start a paragraph. We may have the next Raymond Carver here.

I also like this exchange...

October 22, 2007 10:48 AM
Anonymous said...
Why does a robot have to stretch? I ask myself this question every Sunday...

October 22, 2007 11:43 AM
Jarrett Carter said...
Look around the league at the pethora of injuries, and tell me you don't want the robot to warm up appropriately...


October 29, 2007 7:52 AM
Anonymous said...
When I saw that dopey robot doing warmup exercises,deep knee bends and running back and forth,I laughed like hell. I hate to say it, but the robot was the best part of the entire day's broadcast. I'm going to buy the poster and the plastic model.
(ps) I'm 78!

78!? Oh man, tell your kids you have Alzheimer's now. It's only going to get worse.

Lastly, here's the robot dancing and ghost riding the whip...

There's really nothing more to say after that.

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