Bold choices

It's tough when you go see a friend perform. You never know what to say afterwards if it's bad.

Example: A girl I know is in an improv group and after a show, a friend of hers came up and said, "You guys made a lot of bold choices up there." Bold choices aren't necessarily good choices. "Wow, you're mixing 15 horse tranquilizers with a gallon of Mad Dog? You sure are making a lot of bold choices!"

Another good one people say after a show: "You looked like you were having a lot of fun up there." That one also applies to combining pills and booze. Fun and quality aren't the same thing.

My favorite line though is "I could never do what you do." That really means "I could never do what you do...because I have a sense of shame." Or "I could never do what you do...suck that badly."

You'd never hear these sort of "compliments" in another profession: "Excuse me Doctor. I saw you perform surgery today. I've gotta say, you sure were making a lot of bold choices in there. Amputating for an ingrown toenail? Wow. I'm only a third year med student...I could never do what you do!"

(True story: I was arrested once with another comedian. The cop who was fingerprinting us found out we were comics and said, "I could never do what you guys do." Uh, you get shot at!)


Mike Drucker said...

You missed the worst one.

The worst one is "I'm glad I finally got to see you perform."

There's not even a compliment in there, it just conveys the information that they're happy they now know what your performing abilities are.

Anonymous said...

the worst one is " so, how do you think it went ?"

the kindest thing is a pat on the shoulder and " fuck em " whispered in the ear

Mo Diggs said...

The worst one is "Are you getting paid yet" and you say "Yeah I made 35 dollars last year!"

Matteson said...

"You look really comfortable up there," is a classic too.

I've also gotten this a couple times when I told people I do stand up: "Oh, are you funny?" No, I'm not. It's really awkward for everyone involved. Clearly if someone does stand up they at least think they're funny. Why would you ask that?

Aalap said...

Have you ever gotten this one...I'm so proud that you're doing this. you mean failing at my dream? thanks.

Matt Ruby said...

All good ones fellas. And let's not forget, "You're so brave to get up there like that!"

RG Daniels said...

This was a pretty bold post Rubes.

myq said...

Yeah, I'm with RG--I'm proud of you posting like this, it looks like you're having a lot of fun.

I could never do what you do, except at my own blog.

Moving on/Subscribe to my newsletter

I only post on rare occasions here now. Subscribe to my Rubesletter  (it's at  mattruby.substack.com ) to get jokes, videos, essays, etc...