Howard Stern interview: "The secret to my show is honesty"

Howard's on the interview circuit again these days but here's him with O'Reilly a few years ago. "The secret to my show is honesty," he says.

Upcoming shows: Hot Soup, Piano's, Beauty Bar, etc.

Hot Soup
Friday's (3/18) Hot Soup lineup:
Joe Machi
Kevin Barnett
Adam Pateman
Adrienne Iapalucci
Matt Ruby
Cope is hosting.

Hot Soup!
Every Friday at 8pm
FREE SHOW
O'Hanlon's (back room)
349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave. (map)
Produced by Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope

More upcoming shows
Thu 3/17 - 8pm - Mish Mosh @ Birch Coffee
Sun 3/20 - 7pm - It Is It @ Piano's
Sun 3/20 - 9pm - Beauty Bar Comedy Show
Mon 3/21 - 8pm - Recess @ King's Cross
Tue 3/22 - 8pm - See You Next Tuesday @ Simply Fondue
Wed 3/23 - 9pm - Everyday Dirt @ Royal Oak

#156

iTunes has the new podcast at #156 on the Comedy chart:



Watch out, Maron. Subscribe via iTunes.

The FIRST Sandpaper Suit Podcast with guest Patrice O'Neal

I'm tired of podcasts that are just comics sitting down with other comics to talk about comedy. So I'm taking a different approach with my new Sandpaper Suit podcast. I'm going to talk about guys and girls and, y'know, just solve that whole thing.

I will talk with comedians and regular people too. And both genders will have their say. And I will tape in different locations. I'll put out a new one about every two weeks. You will want more than that. I will refuse to give it to you. Boundaries!

Btw, I've been prepping for all this relationship talk by watching The Bachelor. So I want you to know that I'm "here for the right reasons." Also, when I have a feeling, I will "own it."

So here we go. It's the new Sandpaper Suit podcast. The first guest is one of my favorite comedians, Patrice O'Neal. We go there.

Patrice O'Neal discusses cheating, monogamy, commitment, threeways, his relationship with his mom, gender roles, harems, the pros and cons of pimping, how to keep relationships fresh, and more. He says, "When people listen to this shit, I'm going to be an asshole to most people. But I'm not saying anything that's wrong. The truth hurts."

You can also listen or subscribe to the podcast at iTunes:
iTunes: Sandpaper Suit with Matt Ruby Podcast

Or you can subscribe to the podcast's RSS Feed. If ya like what you hear, leave a nice comment at iTunes so the rest of the world knows to check it out too. Also, thanks to radio/tech/sound guru Marcus Parks for helping put it together. And stay tuned for the next episode. It will be "the most dramatic" podcast yet.

The second smile

I really dug this interview with Anthony Jeselnik at Splitsider. It's got some smart questions about his onstage persona and evolution.

In the interview, he talks about the joke...

My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She's always eating chocolate, and she likes to joke she's got a chocolate addiction... So, I put her in a car and I drove her downtown, and I pointed out a crack addict, and I said, 'Do you see that, honey? Why can't you be that skinny?'

...that first turned him on to "the second smile":

One night I was at an open mic and I did this joke for the first time, one about my girlfriend being addicted to chocolate. And there’s such a mean twist to it. And the audience reaction was like “ohhhhhh!” It was more than a laugh. It was what [the original head writer for Saturday Night Live] Michael O’Donoghue talks about as the "second smile." Where the audience is laughing but then you cut their throats at the same time. It’s so sharp that they don’t know what the fuck to do. I thought, “That’s it. It’s got to have this mean twist to it.” And then my persona formed around that. I started thinking, “Who do I have to be to pull this off?”...

I think anyone can do it. I think it’s just about the surprise and the revelation. It can be personal or it could be a story. Anything that’s going to suck someone in and then cut their legs out. I don’t think it necessarily has to do with one-liners or non-personal jokes.

The groan/laugh combo is always an interesting one. I forget the bit, but there's one Todd Barry album (From Heaven?) where he tells a joke that receives a mixed reaction from the crowd. He then voices the audience's thought process: "You heard me laughing, didn't you?...You heard me groaning, didn't you?" Sometimes they want it both ways.

Show this weekend including special SUNDAY We're All Friends Here

Tonight and tomorrow (3/11-3/12) I'm at Red Bar Comedy Club in Chicago. Tickets available here. Also tonight (3/11), there's a fun Hot Soup at O'Hanlons. And Sunday there's a special edition of We're All Friends Here at 10pm at The Creek.

SUN (3/13): WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
10pm - Free
The Creek and the Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave. in Long Island City

Lineup:
Phoebe Robinson
Morgan Venticinque
Nick Maritato

Twitter followers

Breakdown of my Twitter followers, via Sprout Social.

Gays and lesbians in comedy

A (gay male) research psychologist examines the over-representation of lesbians in comedy for Scientific American.

Researchers who study homosexuality have discovered that the brains of many lesbians were over-exposed to male hormones during prenatal development, influencing not only their adult sexual orientation, but also masculinizing other behavioral and cognitive traits in which there exist innate sex differences. This is not true of all lesbians, but it is especially true for those who exhibit male-typed profiles. So it is not implausible that some lesbians’ courtship strategies would largely mimic opposite-sex-typed patterns, including a differentiated capacity for humor production that attracts female attention. This would not be a conscious strategy, it must be emphasized, and indeed this is what many critics of evolutionary psychology repeatedly fail to realize. So, for heaven’s sake, don’t mistake this as me saying that lesbian comics go on stage just to score chicks. Gene replication is simply a mechanistic means to an end; if it works, it works. Many evolutionary psychologists, including Miller, believe that our minds are often just epiphenomenal interpreters.

Ah, academics. I wish I could go onstage and start ideas with "it is not implausible that..."

Anyway, interesting theory about why lesbians want to be comics. I think a big part of the story is audiences too and how they respond differently to straight/gay female comics. It takes two to tango and the audience (i.e. society) is half the equation in standup.

This guy also mentions he can only come up with the name of a single gay male stand-up (Ant). But rumor is there are at least several big-name gay male comics out there who just choose to keep it under wraps for Spacey-like reasons.

And he also fails to mention there's a new crop of gay male comics coming up. Guys who talk about being gay but don't rely on the usual stereotypes about homosexuality to get laughs (e.g. Brent Sullivan, Gabe Liedman, etc.). There's a great feature article waiting to happen about that. Get on it New York Magazine.

Anyway, I found the orig story via Mandy Bardsley, who posted this about it on Facebook:

Wow. What scientists (who aren't also historians) say about (homo)sexuality in general is the dumbest shit I've ever read. If only this guy knew that he was repeating some ancient garbage from the turn of the century, like before we found out that women and men both have estrogen and testosterone. I gave the author a list of reading materials.

Ok, so women and men both have estrogen and testosterone. Why does that prove this guy's an idiot? I'm all for a good sexuality-related fight so feel free to post links to any of these relevant reading materials in the comments.

Kevin Meaney, Todd Glass, and "rake bits" in standup

Matteson asked, "Curious if you can think of any stand up bits that could be considered a "rake bit". There must be some. Would take some real balls to power through the middle sections without laughs."

On his WTF (at 34:00 into the podcast), Todd Glass called funny-then not funny-then funny again bits "Kevin Meaney funny." Here's why:



Glass then talks about how David Cross bet him $2,000 when they were on tour together. The bet? That Glass couldn't drag out his Sham-Wow bit, where he lists various uses for a rag, for two and a half minutes. When Glass did it, he says it went great.

They lost me and then they came back...There's a point where they're all thinking, "Yeah, we get the joke. We get it. It's up and down. And you're gonna keep doing it. And we're gonna laugh more. And we're not. We've been through our cycle."

And then if you do it, they go, "Alright." You break them down.

Some other rake bit suggestions in the comments of that post here last week.

Upcoming shows: Kabin tonight, Hot Soup on Friday, and Chicago next week

My upcoming shows (including Chicago next week):

Thu 3/3 - 9pm - CSL @ Kabin
Fri 3/4 - 8pm - Hot Soup @ O'Hanlon's
Sat 3/5 - 8pm - Comedy Show @ The Cove
Sun 3/6 - 9pm - Entertaining Julia @ Town Hall Pub (Chicago)
Mon 3/7 - 9pm - Hug City Presents: Free Show @ Racine Plumbing Bar & Grill (Chicago)
Tue 3/8 - 9:30pm - Chicago Underground Comedy @ Beat Kitchen (Chicago)
Wed 3/9 - 9pm - CYSK @ Timothy O'Toole's (Chicago)
Thu 3/10 - 9:30pm - Riot @ Chicago Joes (Chicago)
Thu 3/10 - 10pm - Rotten Comedy @ Oakwood Bar and Grill (Chicago)
Fri 3/11 - 10pm - Red Bar @ Ontourage (Chicago)
Sat 3/12 - 8pm - Red Bar @ Ontourage (Chicago)
Sat 3/12 - 10pm - Red Bar @ Ontourage (Chicago)
Thu 3/17 - 8pm - Mish Mosh @ Birch Coffee
Fri 3/18 - 8pm - Hot Soup @ O'Hanlon's
Sat 3/19 - 8pm - We're All Friends Here @ The Creek

Hot Soup
Friday's (3/4) Hot Soup lineup:

Neal Brennan (co-creator of Chappelle Show)
Jeffrey Joseph
Dave McDonough
Eli Olsberg
David Cope
Mark Normand

I'm hosting.

Hot Soup!
Every Friday at 8pm
FREE SHOW
O'Hanlon's (back room)
349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave. (map)
Produced by Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope

The Rake Bit and other jargon

Kung Fu Monkey lists jargon learned while apprenticing in LA writing rooms.

For many, many situations, there was a shorthand to help codify and communicate a problem in the script that was often tantalizingly just out of reach, just at the edge of your writer's "something's ... off" radar.

Never knew there was a name for what's called "The Rake Bit."

"The Rake Bit": Something that's funny, goes on too long so it's not funny, then goes on so long that it becomes INCREDIBLY funny.

Goes under a couple different names, but of writers my age, this seems to be the most prevalent. Based on The Simpsons ep that was a Cape Fear riff. Sideshow Bob climbs out from under a car and steps on a rake. It smacks him. He mutters. He then steps three feet away ... onto another rake. He mutters. ad-near-infinitum.

The bad of cursing and the good of being conversational

I have a joke that used to end with "turn the fuck around." I remember the day I decided to drop the fuck from it. When it worked without the fuck, it felt good. To me, it proved the joke was actually funny and didn't need the shock value laugh-add I got from cursing.

Thought about that while listening to this Saturn Scene podcast, which might be my fave interview with PFT ever.

In this two-part conversation we discuss dissecting details, Lennon vs. McCartney, a wharf full of freaks, bad behavior, good reading, and a life-changing relationship.

Here's what PFT says about cursing onstage:

Even if people are laughing at something, I know when I could have done it better. An example is when I start a new bit, when I'm working on a new thing and it's the first time I'm doing it in front of an audience, I will tend to swear more than I ever do onstage because I'm filling in the idea very conversationally and I swear occasionally in life when I'm talking to people. But it's also there's a survival instinct that kicks in from my earliest standup days that cursing gets laughs.

People will laugh at the f-word. It adds a bite to certain things. But I have always felt that it's a crutch. I know that it is. To me, any time I'm using that word onstage and people laugh at it, I think that's the only reason they're laughing. And if that word wasn't there, they wouldn't find this funny. So I have to figure out how do I get a laugh without using that word and have it be just as big a laugh or bigger than if I was swearing.

Cursing (and sex stuff too) gets laughs because it's a "naughty" thing to do. So it triggers a nervous laughter in people. Sure, they laugh when you say dick, shit, fuck, pussy, or cock. But they also laugh if tickled. Both ways are a bit third gradery. Plus, you can't do it at a clean show (or, if you're at that stage, on TV).

Anyway, the rest of the interview is worth checking out too. Lots of astrology mumbo jumbo facts along the way but the interviewer really knows PFT's career and gets him to talk seriously about comedy in an in-depth way I've never heard before.

Here's what he says about being conversational with his material:

Being able to make it conversationally funny – it's dressed up a little bit for the stage – but I try to keep it as much like I would talk about it in life as possible. If you have a funny story that you tell, even if you're just hanging out with your friends, you're trying...It's the way you're sharing something with a friend of yours, you're not trying to impress your friend. You're coming at it from a point of view that's 'Wait until you hear this. This is what happened to me.' You're not approaching your friend like they are an audience. There's an intimacy there where you're saying, 'Hey, you're going to appreciate this.' That's the feeling that I'm trying to get to onstage always that we're all hanging out and I'm telling these stories.

I think the audience gets a different kind of connection from a conversational performance. It's more intimate. They get to leave feeling like they actually know you as a person instead of some mask that spits out jokes.

Dishes who?

I was hanging out with my four year old nephew recently. Budding comedy fan apparently – well, knock knock joke fan. "Dishes who?" "Dishes is the FBI, open the door!" He can't get enough of that one.

My fave part was his attempt to get me with a classic...

Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: Orange.
Me: Orange who?

Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: Orange.
Me: Orange who?

Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: Orange.
Me: Orange who?

Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: Banana.
Me: Banana who?
Him: [Long pause. Look of confusion.]

And that was it. Meta!

George Carlin: "Fuck hope"

From the intro to his 1997 book Brain Droppings:



Excerpt:

I frankly don’t give a fuck how it all turns out in this country or anywhere else for that matter. I think the human game was up a long time ago when the high priests and traders took over, and now we’re just playing out the string. And that is of course precisely what I find so amusing! The slow circling of the drain by a once promising species and the sappy ever more desperate belief in this country that there is actually some sort of an ‘American Dream’ which has merely been misplaced.

Hot Soup on Friday

Updated Friday (2/25) lineup:
Brooke Van Poppelen
Yannis Pappas
Joe List
Dave Rosinsky
Alice Wetterlund

I'm hosting.

Hot Soup!
Every Friday at 8pm
FREE SHOW
O'Hanlon's (back room)
349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave. (map)
Produced by Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope

Chappelle makes fun of bootlegger

Live footage in 2006 of Dave Chappelle in his hometown of Yellow Springs, OH. He's on stage stalling while waiting for a band to come out. Someone gives him a harmonica. Then he notices a guy filming him in the crowd. Fun to watch him turn it all into laughs.



[Thx MN]

Dissecting MLK's “I Have a Dream” speech

Nancy Duarte maps out Martin Luther King Jr.,’s “I Have a Dream” speech to "illustrate the shape of rhetorical genius." Would be interesting to see this done to a great standup routine.

Related: "The chain: Barack Obama to Chris Rock to Ice Cube" was a post here that quoted Chris Rock talking about political speeches.

I got a music iPod and a comedy iPod. One is all comedy and spoken word, every speech, Kennedy, Martin Luther King, whatever...There's a lot of preachers in there, a lot of gospel stuff, a lot of stand-up. What I do, what a preacher does, what the president's doing, it's all the same -- you're picking your topic, and you're arguing your point. The president's trying to get an applause break; I'm trying to get a laugh. The preacher's trying to get an amen.

Indiana escorts

It's video week! (AKA I'm on the road and don't have much time.)

Here's a clip from an old We're All Friends Here where Dan Goodman talks about getting two escorts during a Memorial Day weekend in Indiana. Y'know, for the vets! Here's how it went down.



More vids of Dan at that show.

The difference between single-camera and multicam sitcoms

I often hear TV comedy types talking about single-camera vs. multicam sitcoms. Example: NBC's Thursday Night Ratings Hang On For Dear Life.

It would really be a terrible sign for great, single-camera sitcoms on TV on any network, NBC or otherwise. As the highest-profile smart sitcoms on TV (well, Modern Family counts too, but they certainly have no issues with ratings), they're kind of the canaries in the comedy coal mines. If they fail, NBC's new bosses are likely to take a cue from the much-more-successful CBS and put broader multicam stuff on the air instead. And frankly, that would be heartbreaking.

But to be honest, I have no idea why the number of cameras matters so much to sitcoms. In case you're also in the dark, here's the 411 on single-camera mode:

Well, the reason it's film-like is because it's closer to how they make films. I can tell the difference--can't you? SCM looks more like a movie, and to me, MCM is more like watching a play. Yes, they can switch perspective back and forth, but it's watching one scene on one set unfold in front of your eyes.

If you take the West Wing, for example, one of their signature styles is to film characters having conversations while they're briskly walking through the halls of the White House. That just couldn't happen in MCM, which needs a much more open space to accommodate the different camera angles. Have you ever seen a scene in a traditional sitcom where characters walk through several halls and rooms during a single scene? If you have, you probably noted the difference in the feel, like how weird it is when a sitcom goes on location to Disney World or something. You also can't really get tight close-ups in MCM, etc. What you give up is the energy of a live studio audience, which sometimes fits nicely into a traditional sitcom. It all depends on what you're going for.

I feel wiser now. Well, less clueless at least.

Patrice O'Neal: "It's a mob dynamic"

Hitting for the cycle in SF

In baseball, they call hitting a single, double, triple, and a homer in one game "hitting for the cycle." Today I witnessed the homosexual equivalent of hitting for the cycle: a flight attendant (1B) whose route is San Francisco/NYC (2B) with a handlebar mustache (3B) and a nametag that says "Papa Bear" (HR).

Papa Bear! Y'know, I once considered putting what I'm like in the bedroom on a name tag. But I decided I didn't really want people to start calling me "Foot cramps and excuses."

In SF? Tonight (2/16), I'll be telling jokes at The Business at Dark Room at 8pm. More shows Thu-Sun too.

Start off learning how to "cook rice"

Sometimes it's dangerous to admire the best comics in the world. I mean, sure, be inspired by the greats and what they've done. But if you're doing an 8 minute set in front of 15 people, can you really take the same approach as a Carlin, Pryor, or CK? Can you go out and talk about your mom's funeral like PFT? Can you tell a long, winding rant/tale about fucking a midget like Stanhope does? Can you talk about your hospital visits like Birbigs? Can you talk about a hatefucking-the-crowd-with-magic magician you saw perform years ago like Patton Oswalt?

Sure, you can try. But it really seems like that's the sorta thing that's best saved for once you're doing rooms where people know who you are beforehand, you're getting more time, and you've spent years learning how to make things funny and interesting. Then you can start taking more chances and going for longform stuff.

Actually, I think Birbigs' evolution is especially interesting just because it's been so fast. I love Two Drink Mike. But it's what I think of as a comedy club album. It's rapid fire. It's rhythm. It's setup-punch after setup-punch. He makes fun of Busta Rhymes.

Now, I also dig his later efforts. Sleepwalk With Me was great storytelling. Personal and deep. But if a new comic asked me how to learn from Birbigs, I'd point 'em to that clubby, joke-filled record. Because that style (funny, tight, quick jokes) is the best way out of the starting gate.

I've got some bits that I love to do when I get longer sets — ones where the audience gets to know you and is on your side. But that's not reality for most of the places I perform. And doing the shows I do, I keep winding up feeling like the skill I most need to master is how to hit 'em hard and fast. It can still be personal, heartfelt stuff. But it better be the kind of jokes that slap people in the face.

And if you look at these big names, the bits we see them do now are way different than what they started with. For years, CK was doing silly, absurd jokes. Pryor didn't come out talking about setting himself on fire. It was years of jokey jokes first. You look at the greats, and it's usually the same path. There were years of learning how to write those slap-in-the-face jokes. And then, they began reaching higher.

Here's a 2002 interview with Patton Oswalt where he talks about a similar idea and breaks down what's wrong with folks who set out to be "alternative" comics. He thinks it's better to write knock knock jokes then to be an “I’m just going to go up on stage and talk about my day" comic.

All alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage. I had been doing it for about six or seven years before I started doing places like The Largo and The Uncabaret.

I mean, ninety percent of all comedians are just boring people, and ninety percent of alternative comics are shitty comedians. You take the good ones in the ten percents between the two, and that’s where you get the good stuff.

So I’ve never differentiated between the alternative and the mainstream. There are plenty of alternative comedians, and I mean ones that sort of started off as alternative comics...that’s like saying, “I’m going to start off as a jazz improvisor.” Well, do you know how to play scales? “No. I’m going to start off by improvising.” It’s like a guy saying, “You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to start off as a four-star chef.” Well, can you cook a cup of rice? “No.” Can you cook an omelet? “No.” Well, why don’t you start off learning how to cook rice, and by the way, that takes about a year. Four star chefs take a full year learning how to cook rice and how to cook omelets. “Well, I’m not going to do that.” Well, then you’re never going to be a four-star chef.

So many guys start off going, “Well, I’m just going to be alternative, like Janeane Garofalo.” Well, Janeane Garofalo was banging away for ten years. She was a brilliant joke writer, a brilliant comedian, and then got so good that she could do it in her sleep, and started to challenge herself.

I mean, it’s the same thing with Richard Pryor. Guys watch Richard Pryor and think, “I can do that. He just goes up onstage and says ‘motherfucker.’” Not realizing he had been doing it for fifteen years. I mean, guys go up on stage thinking, “I’m just going to go up on stage and talk about my day like Janeane does.” Uhhh, no, you’re not, actually. You should actually go and write a joke first. You know what? Go and write a knock-knock joke first. Seriously, can you write a fucking knock knock joke?

I remember one time I was at Largo and a guy said, “I love seeing mainstream, headlining comedians come in here trying to be alternative, because they just sweat, sweat, sweat and say, well, it doesn’t really have to be funny! Hahaha.” And I went up after him and said, you know, that is fun to watch, but you know what’s even more fun? Watching an alternative comic out on the road. That’s hysterical. They’re on stage going, “Yeah, me and my friend Terry … you guys know Terry, right? … Huh. Well, we went to Blockbuster and Terry rented “The Wedding Planner” … I mean, if you guys knew Terry … Hell-oooo? Ok, fine, you guys are fucking idiots.” That’s my impression of an alternative comic on the road. “Uhhh, I mean, if you guys knew Terry, you would know … I mean, weren’t you guys there when we all went and played Putt-Putt? Ahhh, you guys are morons. I can’t believe that my thirty friends are not in this room in Ohio right now. This is the shittiest comedy club on the planet.”

Here’s my other impression of an alternative comic on the road: “Ok, you guys aren’t listening to me.”

[Thanks for the link, JH.]

A Sandpaper Suit giveaway: two tix to see Colin Quinn's Broadway show

Colin Quinn's Long Story Short wants to give away two tickets to one of my readers. I said sure. (Tickets normally start at $59 FYI.) If you're interested, email ColinQuinnGiveaways@gmail.com and mention "Sandpaper Suit giveaway" in the subject. The winner will be picked within four days. If you win, feel free to send me a care package with either candy or baboon hearts.

A Hot Soup and We're All Friends Here weekend

FRI (2/11): HOT SOUP
Lineup:
Dan Carroll
Mike Recine
Sagar Bhatt
Taylor Williamson

Mark's hosting. I'm doing a spot. Might have a special guest too. (Hannibal dropped in last week.)

Hot Soup!
Every Friday at 8pm
FREE SHOW
O'Hanlon's (back room)
349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave. (map)
Produced by Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope

SAT (2/12): WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
8pm - Free
The Creek and the Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave. in Long Island City (map - one stop from Manhattan/Bklyn)

Lineup:
Erin Judge
Michael Che
Zachary Sims

Next week I'll be in San Francisco/Oakland. Info on shows there (and other upcoming shows too).

The perfect mix of fringe NYC shows and mainstream road shows

I saw a TV movie once about the American team that went to the first modern Olympics in Athens in 1896. (Note: This is probably a bullshit story but I like it.) At the time, the discus was unknown in America. So the American team went to a blacksmith, showed him a picture of a discus from Greek art, and then had him make one. He made a discus that weighed 20 lbs. The American discus thrower trained with it and could barely throw it. But when he arrived in Athens and picked up the discus to be used in the actual event, it weighed only five lbs. He could throw it easily and beat the Greek champion.

That's kinda what I feel like doing standup in NYC is like. Training with a discus that's way too heavy. It's annoying and frustrating but it also is making you better. When you get out to real crowds in other towns, you know you can rip it.

NYC is a bizarre place to do standup. You've got to fight for stage time here. Meanwhile, I did a show in Virginia last week for a room of 80 real audience where some of the comics were total newbies. What a different way to come up than starting out in NYC.

In other towns, people are enthusiastic to be at a show. They're willing to meet you halfway. In NYC, it feels like a constant progression of arms-folded audience members silently asking, "Ok, why should I pay attention to YOU?" Show after show, it's a grind — like you're constantly trying to scrape people off the floor and inflate them.

(Worth mentioning here: The shows I do on the road are more crowded so that certainly helps. It's nice to be able to drop into a town and do the best shows there and then leave. Living in another place would probably be a whole different story.)

In other towns, there are Republicans in the room. In NYC, everyone already agrees with each other. In other towns, you can actually shock people. Here, it's almost impossible to truly push people's buttons. New Yorkers have their buttons pushed all day. They're numb to it.

Different material works. Things that are considered hacky here can get big laughs on the road. A guy can talk about his kids for 30 minutes on the road. Never see that at a show in Brooklyn. I've got a bit on 9/11 that works great in NYC but eats it on the road. As soon as they hear 9/11, you can feel the tone of the room change and a sense that they no longer feel it's safe to laugh. They shut down. Talking about drugs, rednecks, religion and other stuff can take on a different tone too.

It's fascinating. And it gets to the truth of what's really funny about your act. Not just to one group of people, but to everyone.

Last summer, Patton Oswalt hit the road with Kyle Kinane. While announcing the dates, Patton talked about Kyle finding his voice...

Kyle’s been opening for me for about two years, and during that time he’s grown in those lurching leaps forward that young comedians take when they find their voice and everything they experience then becomes a joke. The act of writing “jokes” is no longer a task separate from them being in tune with how they recognize and react to even the most mundane details of their lives...

...and then Patton praises the way Kyle books his own tours:

See, what he’s done for himself this summer is what a lot of young comedians with a lot of free time and slim prospects should be doing – he posted, online, that he was putting together a tour, and saw who invited him to use their space...

This is why Kyle’s going to be huge – he’s mixing the fringe with the mainstream. Doing those three D.I.Y., loosey-goosey alt-style places (and yes, there’s “alt” in Oklahoma – hell, one of the best shows I ever did was a punk club in Salt Lake City). Then he follows it up with a bucket of ice water called The Tempe Improv.

Comedians who only did rooms like The Largo and Uncabaret never grew any muscles or hide. Comedians who only did the road and never experimented eventually had their voices muffled behind the muscles. Kyle’s pursuing a balance here.

Getting out of NYC definitely helps you get that balance. In "In The Life of the Road Warrior with Nikki Glaser," Nikki talks about sounding "roady."

When I first moved to NYC, I was super self-conscious about sounding too "roady" in the sense that it might seem too rehearsed, but really, I try my best to be the same comic on or off the road. I try and challenge road crowds to go with me on certain, more absurd bits. On the other hand, I try to trick hip NYC crowds into embracing bits I've been perfecting for years...

They don't want to laugh at something that sounds contrived in any way. The trick is adding more "ums” and "likes” to give the illusion that you're coming up with it off the top of your head. I’m kidding, but seriously, they tend to clam up when they sense it has been done to death, as would anyone. It's good though, because it forces you to freshen up stale bits. It's a challenge...

I have learned over the years that the more liberal the town, the more groans you'll get. I remember thinking that San Francisco was going to be a place where I could spread my wings and let my darkest, weirdest material fly, but I quickly learned that was not the case.

Yeah, the absurb/weird stuff that might fly at a Brooklyn show won't get you far at a club in San Diego filled with marines. At that point, you start asking yourself: What kind of comedian do you want to be?

How do you want to handle it when a girl yells out "You're funny for a Jew"? What about when the MC brings you up by mentioning his buddy that was killed in Afghanistan by an IED? Or when a gay heckler yells "fuck you"?

Sure, strange stuff happens at NYC shows too. But it's a different kind of strange when you're on the road. And dealing with all those different elements, it feels like that's how you get good.

I'm glad to train with the heavy discus here. But it sure is nice to get outta town too. It's all about the mix.

Sandpaper Suit and Schtick or Treat get ECNY nominations

Thanks to the Elders of Zion for making this happen. Get your vote on here.

(If you're new here, the "Best of Sandpaper Suit" posts are a good place to start.)

Laker/Coppock/Lemon episode of We're All Friends Here is up

We're All Friends Here is back at The Creek on Saturday night (2/12) at 8pm. And the latest episode is up at BreakThru Radio...

We're All Friends Here | 01.18.11
00:00 Mark Normand and Matt Ruby Intro
07:38 Damien Lemon
25:05 Mark Normand and Matt Ruby
26:02 Selena Coppock
36:00 Mark Normand and Matt Ruby
36:40 Chris Laker
63:36 Mark Normand and Matt Ruby
64:41 Finish

You can also listen through iTunes.

When to admit a set is going poorly

Interesting comment thread going at the handling-a-poor-set post I put up last week.

Is #4 a good idea? Seems like we comics always have the urge to say, "Wow, this is a huge pile of fail!" ...but as soon as we say that, at that point it DOES become a huge pile of fail.

I chimed in there with my .02 on it which is, basically, you should avoid dwelling on things going poorly for as long as you can. You often wind up sabotaging yourself by going negative. But at some point, I do think it's worth pointing out the elephant in the room if that elephant is a roomful of people who clearly dislike the words coming out of your mouth.

Super Bowl ads

Mercedes used Janis Joplin's "Mercedes Benz" in its ad. They TOTALLY get her intention with that song. Y'know, Rumsfeld has a new book out...maybe he should use Dylan's "Masters of War" to promote it.



Last year it was Betty White. This year it's Roseanne Barr. I wonder which woman Snickers will decide to physically assault next year.



Oh, and Pepsi MAX got in on the beating-up-women act too. Next time you decide to beat your wife, make sure you've got a Snickers and a Pepsi MAX on hand.

Also, next year we should hire China to do the halftime show.

Hot Soup w/ Katz

Lineup for tonight (2/4):
Louis Katz
Ben Kronberg
Danny Solomon
Ilana Glazer

Hot Soup!
Every Friday at 8pm
FREE SHOW
O'Hanlon's (back room)
349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave. (map)
Produced by Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope

(I'm outta town so won't be there. But if you're in DC area, you can catch me on Saturday night in Bethesda, MD at this show.)

The checklist I go through during shitty sets

Had the hardest bomb I've had in a while the other night. Sucked. Someone in the back even yelled out "No one's laughing!" Oh, thanks for the update.

Felt terrible. But on the subway ride home I started going over what happened and what I shoulda done differently. And I started feeling like I had done what I could do, ya know? You can't always control the outcome, but you can control the process. And I felt like my damage control steps were what they should have been.

In my defense, it wasn't exactly an ideal room. Some people up front were there for the show but in the back was a chatty birthday party of 12 or so people who were there to celebrate, not watch comedy.

And I knew it was going to be rough as soon as I got there. Host had a tough time. Then first comic did ok but he was loud and yelling and that's just not my style. Then it was my turn.

I was gonna try new stuff but beforehand I decided to go with topics I thought would be most relatable to the room. And I told my quickest jokes. If I was gonna go down, I was gonna go down firing. Nothing worse than telling long, drawn out setups as you feel the air slipping out of the room.

Still, it wasn't going well. The "No one's laughing!" came from the birthday party in the back. I responded with something like:

No one's laughing because I can't tell jokes because you guys won't stop talking. See comedy needs the audience to pay attention too. And this kinda feels like trying to have sex with someone who keeps checking their watch the whole time.

And that actually got a round of applause from the people upfront. The people who aren't talking are the ones who always seem happiest when you try to shut down the yappy members of the crowd. They're on your side because it's their best chance at a good show.

I went back to bits but it was still awkward. I switched to my A material at that point. Still struggled. When A doesn't work, not much else you can do. So I moved on to crowdwork. Didn't go anywhere either. I admitted it was going poorly and got a laugh off that. Hung on for a couple more minutes and finished up.

It still felt like shit. But at least I pulled out every tool I had in my belt. Made me realize I have a subconscious checklist I go through during shitty sets:

1. Are you telling the right jokes for this crowd? If yes and it's not working...
2. Are you telling fast jokes? If yes and it's not working...
3. Are you trying your A material? If yes and it's not working...
4. Are you addressing the situation (i.e. it's not going well) honestly? If yes and it's not working...
5. Are you trying crowdwork? If yes and it's not working...
6. Do whatever the fuck you want.

Bringing standup to the screen

In this interview, CK talks about bringing his standup to the screen on Louie.

The way that it comes out of the standup is that a lot of the ideas start as stand up ideas of what I end up filming, so I kind of make a decision, what's the funniest way to execute this? Is it going to be to just say it on stage, or is it going to be to see it as a film?

Made me think of one bit he does about how there's no masturbation equivalent for people who love food.

For sex, there's masturbation, but for food, there's nothing. You don't watch Food Network, like...[rubs his tongue as if he's jerking it off]...oh, yeah!

When I was watching the show, I felt like that bit was the seed for this scene...



...except he's going for laughs purely through visuals/editing instead of through words.

"Where the fuck are the ugly/normal looking comedians?!?"

I will miss LA-bound Sean O'Connor. An example why: this comment thread at a Brooklyn Vegan post that showed photos of comics at 50 First Jokes.

Zero Hour → Airplane!

Check out how closely Airplane! echoes the movie Zero Hour:



While on the subject, let's not forget the wonder that is Johnny in Airplane!



(via PO on BSR)

Hot Soup w/ Doogie

Lineup for Friday (1/28) night:
Doogie Horner
Dan St. Germain
David Angelo
Brendan McLaughlin
Scott Moran
Mark Normand

I'm hosting.

Hot Soup!
Every Friday at 8pm
FREE SHOW
O'Hanlon's (back room)
349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave. (map)
Produced by Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope

The internal monologue of a participant in one of Domino's Pizza focus groups

Sure Domino's, I'd love to be in your focus group. What's that? This focus group takes place in the middle of 12 acres of tomatoes? Well, that makes sense. Nothing suspicious there. After all, doing focus groups in a city is the kind of thing the OLD Dominos would do. So sure, let's drive three hours away to this shack on a tomato farm which is a very typical place for a focus group to take place.

Ooh, that's an interesting question. Do I think I have a right to know where Domino's ingredients come from? I do think that! I was just telling my friend the other day...AAAAAAAH! IT'S SOME KIND OF EARTHQUAKE! THE WALLS ARE CRUMBLING!!! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. HUG ME...Wait a minute. What? Seriously? You mean, oh my goodness...we're NOT going to die? We're just going to stroll through a field of tomatoes that are used to make your tomato sauce that is in no way actually manufactured by scientists in a laboratory in New Jersey? Oh, Domino's. You are so mischievous! Lucky for you, I am playful too.

So what are you going to with all this footage? An ad campaign? Exciting! Do you have a clever tagline yet? Lay it on me. "Domino's Pizza - Oh Yes We Did." Wow, that feels fresh. I'll play along: "Oh no you di'int!" But you did! This is fun. I feel just like a sassy black lady from 1997.

You should definitely keep going down this path of clever wordplay that uses urban catchphrases from the last century. After all, nothing makes white people more comfortable than saying things that black people stopped saying a decade ago. You could do "Domino's Pizza - Talk To The Hand." Y'know, 'cuz the pepperoni ain't listenin'. Ha! Or offer a new sausage pizza and say, "Domino's Pizza - Gettin' Piggy With It." That Will Smith is a hoot, isn't he? Or wait, I think I've got it: "Domino's Pizza - Don't Go There."

Leno crowd jeers at Bill Maher

Just got around to watching this. Ballsy stuff. Never seen a late night crowd actually turn on a guest and shout "no" at him. But Maher sticks to his, um, guns and backs up his argument.

Should you confront a joke thief?

Max Reisman wrote to me:

I was at an open mic on Tuesday in Park Slope. Toward the end a woman performed. She was okay. The audience was really feeling her. I was liking the material until she started a new joke that I realized I'd heard before... on the Daily Show a couple months back (as someone slightly obsessed with the show). It wasn't even the same premise. It was word for word, the same joke, followed by the same punchlines. And she delivered it with a passion, that I can't fathom. She owned it. I was sitting in the front row, and just sat silent, hoping the rest of the crowd also picked up on it.

Whether or not the rest of her set was original, her stealing Jon Stewart's monologue definitely throws it up in the air. My question: What's appropriate? Do I call her out on it in private, someone I've never met? Luckily, I'd already performed or else I don't think I would have been able to hold back my feelings. If I was the host, I think I definitely would have brought it up. I hate this woman.

I think there's two different cases. One is where someone tells a joke that's similar to something you've heard before. This happens to everyone at some point. When it's me doing the similar joke, I'm grateful when someone tells me they've heard something like it before. It saves me hours of honing and trying a joke that I'd just have to throw out later anyway.

Well, I like it when someone knows exactly who did the similar joke and when they did it. If someone's like, "I think I've heard that before but I can't remember where." Well, then I might ask around (find those guys who have encyclopedic knowledge of comedy albums). If no one else confirms hearing it before, I might just keep doing the bit.

From the other side, I have gone up to comics and told them, "Hey, [famous comic] does a joke just like that." Or sometimes I'll just mention, "The premise is similar to another premise by [famous comic] but I think you're ok." I've found that, almost universally, good comics appreciate knowing that someone else has touched on something similar. You'd rather know than not know.

Now, back to your case. This woman is a thief. She knows she's stealing. You could confront her but you won't be delivering any news to her. If she was a real comic, she'd deserve the full Patton Oswalt shaming, scarlet letter thing. But as a (newbie?) open mic'er, there's a chance she doesn't know how wrong this is. Instead of attacking her, I might just tell her that you know the bit is stolen and that if she keeps doing it (or other stolen bits), every other comic will talk shit about her and she'll ruin her reputation.

Or just ignore her and let the chips fall where they may. This whole policing other people's material thing can get outta hand and take your eye off the ball (i.e. being funny yourself).
I sent the above to Max and he responded:

I felt pretty much the same way you responded. I've had a comic come up to me after doing a joke for the first time that I thought of on the way to the comedy club. I saw a guy walking while smoking a cigar in the east village, 4 pm... and ranted about how much of an asshole this made him.

The other comic, who I'm friendly (FB friends) with, told me it was Carlin's. I thanked him for the exact reasons you stated and was happy to never do it again. It's like having your fly unzipped. A true friend notifies you, instead of allowing you make a fool of yourself in front of everyone. Unless of course, to continue the comparison, you're aware of the unzipped fly, and this is a prop joke, and you're horrible. And I think W.C. Fields did that gag first a while back.

Rodney'd

Hot Soup w/ Wang and other upcoming shows

Lineup for Friday (1/21) night:
Sheng Wang
Brooke Van Poppelen
Zach Sims
Nate Fernald

Cope's hosting and I'm doing a set.

Hot Soup!
Every Friday at 8pm
FREE SHOW
O'Hanlon's (back room)
349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave. (map)
Produced by Matt Ruby, Mark Normand, Andy Haynes, and David Cope

Other places I will be telling jokes soon:
1/19 - 8:30pm - Connotation @ Luca Lounge
1/26 - 8:00pm - Buskers Bar and Grill (Hoboken)
1/28 - 8:00pm - Hot Soup @ O'Hanlon's
1/29 - 8:00pm - Auld Anxiety @ The Creek
1/30 - 7:30pm - Comedy Covo @ Covo
1/30 - 9:30pm - Ditch Comedy Show @ Bar Four
2/01 - 10:30pm - Makeout Party @ Beauty Bar Brooklyn
2/02 - 8:00pm - Ha-Ha @ Ri Ra (Arlington, VA)
2/03 - 8:00pm - Comedy Night @ Topaz (DC)
2/05 - 8:00pm - Laugh Riot at The Hyatt @ Bethesda Hyatt (MD)
2/07 - 9:00pm - Ed Sullivan on Acid @ Freddy's
2/11 - 8:00pm - Hot Soup @ O'Hanlon's
2/12 - 8:00pm - We're All Friends Here @ The Creek

(SF & Chicago dates coming soon too. Stay tuned.)

Gorilla tries online dating

What happens when a gorilla sets up a profile on the dating site OK Cupid (with the username "iamagorilla") and then starts messaging girls? See below.

The profile:





Some of the messages sent by iamagorilla to various girls in NYC area:























No one wrote back. And then OK Cupid removed iamagorilla from the site.

Should you sound like you're telling jokes?

A self-described "open mic'er" writes:

I'm getting to a point where I can learn from listening to my sets. I am hearing that if I tighten up my delivery, I'd get that much more laughs. So I was wondering what your thoughts on delivery were. What I am learning from what I'm hearing is that I'd get a better response if it didn't sound so clearly like I was telling a joke. But I digress, I was wondering what your insights were on the topic of delivery.

Well, kinda obvious but I'll say it anyway: If you hear a certain type of delivery gets better results, do that more. And tightening up is always a good thing. I think too-many-words-syndrome is the most common mistake I hear newbies making. Get in, get to the funny part, and get out.

Should you sound like you're telling jokes is an interesting question. As with most stuff in comedy (and life), I don't think there's one right answer. If you write jokey jokes, I think selling them as jokes is fine. If you're talking about really personal stuff, then sounding more conversational is probably appropriate.

Some people really sell a performance (for example, PFT in the snakes in can bit) while others work hard at trying to look like they're not selling a schtick (Birbigs and Bill Burr are two that come to mind). Different styles, all work great. But these guys who look like they're just being conversational are still selling a performance, it's just in a different way. It takes a lot of hard work to pull off looking like you're not trying hard...if that makes any sense.

I will say this though: When you're starting out, I think it's good to take chances and try stuff to see if it's a good fit. So maybe try going over the top on some stuff and see how it goes. Do a character. Or turn up the performy knob in another way. Mess around and see what feels right/works for you. Later on, things usually start to cement and it gets harder to take those chances.

Groucho'd

Hot Soup on Friday with Dixon and Scovel

Boy, it's gonna be a lot tougher to get the blood of a Christian child for my matzah recipe this Passover. Maybe I'll use cocktail sauce instead. Anyway...

FRI (1/14): HOT SOUP
8pm - Free
O'Hanlon's Bar - 349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave.

Lineup:
Pat Dixon
Rory Scovel
Claudia Cogan
Nick Maritato
Jeff Maurer

I won't be there because I'll be at Spit Take Friday in Brooklyn. I'll be back next week. Now you know.

“Like a planet pulled into orbit by a star”

This look at Jay Z explains how he fell in love with hip hop and began carrying a notebook with him everywhere. Sounds similar to the way many fall into standup too.

In the summer of 1978, when he was 9 years old and growing up in the Marcy housing projects in Brooklyn, Shawn Carter — a k a Jay-Z — saw a circle of people gathered around a kid named Slate, who was “rhyming, throwing out couplet after couplet like he was in a trance, for a crazy long time — 30 minutes straight off the top of his head, never losing the beat, riding the handclaps” of the folks around him, transformed “like the church ladies touched by the spirit.” Young Shawn felt gravity working on him, “like a planet pulled into orbit by a star”: he went home that night and started writing his own rhymes in a notebook and studying the dictionary.

“Everywhere I went I’d write,” Jay-Z recalls in his compelling new book, “Decoded.” “If I was crossing a street with my friends and a rhyme came to me, I’d break out my binder, spread it on a mailbox or lamppost and write the rhyme before I crossed the street.” If he didn’t have his notebook with him, he’d run to “the corner store, buy something, then find a pen to write it on the back of the brown paper bag.” That became impractical when he was a teenager, working streets up and down the eastern corridor, selling crack, and he says he began to work on memorizing, creating “little corners in my head where I stored rhymes.”

Gravity.

Somalis, Wicked, schizophrenia, pinata, etc.

Some of the things I've posted recently at twitter.com/mattruby:

Warning: That musical Wicked is NOT about the way people speak in Boston.

Can't remember. Am I a fan of Iron & Wine...or Iron Maiden & Ecstasy?

It's pretty impressive that, after all they've been through, Somalis are still the best wine experts in the world.

I think this often: "I'm mad at myself for finding you interesting."

Starting a new magazine about our culture's celeb obsession. Calling it "Us, Weakly."

My family has a history of schizophrenia. No, it doesn't.

Started taking shroids! Steroids laced with shrooms. I can now bench press the interconnectedness of the universe.

I rather enjoy urinals that are filled with ice cubes. Makes me feel like I am opening up a hole in the ozone layer.

Nostalgia is just fear in disguise.

Starting a family is a good move if you want to deal exclusively with people who are obligated to be around you.

Pinata teaches kids the important lesson that if you savagely beat an animal for long enough, delicious candy falls from the sky.

Kid Rock's "Born Free" is a great song if you want to be patriotic but think John Mellencamp is a little too edgy.

Sucks to be an exterminator going through heroin withdrawal. Feels like spiders crawling on your skin AND like you have to go to work.

The blind baseball writer's version of what happened with Birbigs

Baseball writer Hal McCoy is the blind sportswriter Birbigs talks about here:



McCoy says years later Birbigs invited him to a show and gave him front row seats. His version of events:

I was there to accept the Milt Richman ‘Ya Gotta Have Heart’ award because I continued to work after I was declared legally blind.

For some reason, as entertainment for the evening, the New York writers hired comedian Mike Birbiglia. During his monologue, he said something about some baseball writers who can’t write.

When it was my turn to speak, Birbiglia had gone to the bathroom - a good move because who wants to hear a baseball writer speak?

After his bathroom visit, he stood off-stage as I spoke and I said, “Maybe some baseball writers can’t write, but it’s obvious after hearing Birbiglia that some comedians can’t tell jokes.”

As I left the microphone to return to my seat at the dais, Birbiglia was returning to his seat and we passed. He stuck out his hand to shake hands and I ignored his hand. I didn’t see it. He didn’t hear my speech so he didn’t know I am legally blind.

So when he sat down next to pitching legend Dennis Eckersley, he said, “Did you see that guy ignore my handshake?”

Said Eckersley, “- - - - him.”

Only later did Birbiglia learn of my vision problems, so he now includes that story in his act when he comes to one of his schticks, “What I should have said was nothing.” He includes it on his DVDs, too, and when he came to Dayton a few years ago he invited me to the show and gave me front row seats. He told the Dayton audience the story.

One of his schticks! Heh. What I'd really like to hear is Eckersley's version of what happened.

Dealing with an "I need to go first/last/etc." comic

A fellow comic/producer asked me:

you run a couple of shows, let me ask you this, does this ever bother you, when people text you and tell you when they need to go up?

I understand if I have a big name or someone that has a paid spot somewhere else...but I have been telling every one that does my show, it starts between 8:30 and 8:45 and then I still get "dude I have to go at this time" or "I have to go first." What if they are not the stongest comic? Do you jeopardize the show and put them first? I always do my best to get them on in a good time, but it does not always happen and then they get bent out of shape.

My answer to him: If someone has another spot somewhere else, we'll try to accommodate them. Maybe not an exact time but try to get 'em up in first half or second half of show depending. Esp if they text/let us know somehow beforehand.

If they just don't wanna go first, that's another thing. No one likes going first but someone's gotta do it. I try to frame it so people see it as a compliment ("I like to have someone strong go first so i'm gonna have you open it."). I don't like putting someone weak as the first comic. Sets a bad tone for the room. I'd rather sandwich 'em in the middle somewhere.

But bottom line IMO is that no one has a right to complain about where they go in lineup. If you run a strong show, they should be happy you're giving 'em a spot wherever.

This weekend: Hot Soup and We're All Friends Here

FRI (1/7): HOT SOUP
8pm - Free
O'Hanlon's
349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave.

Lineup:
Julian McCullough
Mike Lawrence
Will Hines
Joe Pera

I'm hosting and Andy is doing a spot. (Hot Soup is a weekly show produced by David Cope, Andy Haynes, Mark Normand, and Matt Ruby.)

SAT (1/8): WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
8pm - Free
The Creek and the Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave. in Long Island City

Lineup:
Chris Laker
Damien Lemon
Selena Coppock

New episode of We're All Friends Here is up

There's a new episode of our We're All Friends Here show on Breakthru Radio available (it's listed as the 12/21/10 episode there). It features James Adomian, Nate Bargatze, and Dan Carroll and we taped it on Thanksgiving night. Two of them were on mushrooms and one of them was wearing a hat. Note: The intro is kinda windy but it evens out after that.

The next We're All Friends Here live show is at The Creek this Saturday night. Stay tuned for details.

Back in a bit & some podcasts to check out

Sandpaper Suit is going on hiatus for a couple of weeks. Back in 2011 so don't get yer knickers in a twist.

Meanwhile, I recommend you check out Norm Macdonald on Greg Fitzsimmons podcast. Fuck is he funny. Just so so good.

Norm Macdonald comes to Greg’s garage for possibly the funniest podcast in the history of mankind. Norm gives his thoughts on Oprah, he announces women are not throwing, and have never thrown themselves at him, and tells what happens when Alan King mouthed off to Don Rickles. Norm gives comedy lessons with the help of Steve Allen, Greg premieres the new game Talk Your Way Out of It, they play Liar’s Poker, and they write a joke for Greg’s Jimmy Kimmel Live appearance.

And over at AST, ericluxury compiled a comprehensive list of podcasts (with links) in which Paul F Tompkins has appeared. PFT might be my fave podguest around. Those links will show you why.

If you need some reading material, see if you missed any of the "Best Of" posts here or check out "The Pocket" links over at Delicious (that's all the comedy posts I link up in the sidebar).

OK, I hope your stocking is not filled with coal. Although come to think of it, that would certainly be comedic. Give it a go!

Dunkin' Donuts drag and the Ziploc finger

One last thing about that Seinfeld/Conan post, specifically this idea that "Jews do not celebrate martyrdom." Um, tell that to my Grandma. If complaining was an Olympic event*, that woman woulda been its Michael Phelps.

The poor lady considered herself the victim of, well, pretty much everyone/everything in the world. Even when watching TV. I still have vivid memories of being a kid and being amazed by her disgusted reactions to two commercials.

Whenever these commercials came on the air, she would go, "Oish, oish, oish. It's disgusting. How can they do this to me?" As if there was a boardroom somewhere with the goal of trying to outrage her elderly Jewish sensibilities.

And I'm still not so sure what was so offensive to her about them. Here's one. It's with the Dunkin' Donuts guy dressed up in drag:



I guess maybe the drag element of the donut dude was the problem? Or the way he fails to hide his mustache? Whatever it was, she was not having it.

The other featured a talking finger plugging Ziploc bags:



I don't even know what's up with the finger thing. Why is that offensive? Is there something sexual about a talking finger? I truly have no idea what the problem was.

Anyway, she also smoked More cigarettes, made a mean babaganoush, and bragged about stealing ashtrays from hotels around the world. Go figure.

* Speaking of strange Olympic events, I was talking to an Indian friend the other day. I asked what sports they're good at in India. He said, "None, really. But if spiritual enlightenment was an Olympic event, they'd win every year." Hmm, turning enlightenment into a sporting event might be slightly missing the point.

But let's go with it. First we need a name for this enlightenment competition. Instead of March Madness, I suggest March Mindfulness. To measure the winner, I'm thinking a "yo mamma" type contest between competitors. The twist: You win by complimenting your opponent's mother instead of insulting her. Bonus aura points if you get extra Zen with it. "Yo momma is so thin that when she sits around the house, she moves quietly and gently from one room to another — leaving no trace, like the path of birds in the sky."

Friday's Hot Soup lineup

FRI (12/17): HOT SOUP
8pm - Free
O'Hanlon's Bar - 349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave.

Lineup:
Keith Alberstadt
Jeffrey Joseph
Dan Soder
Jake Young

(Hot Soup is a weekly show produced by David Cope, Andy Haynes, Mark Normand, and Matt Ruby.)

GhettoMyspace and the world of merch

Dan Goodman is a funny comic. GhettoMyspace is his pet project that explores the underbelly of MySpace. It's pretty hilarious.

GhettoMyspace.net, recently featured on Tosh.0, is a site dedicated to real photos from people’s myspace profiles. On this site you will find kids with guns, drug dealing, ghetto booty, hood funerals, and in general people having a great time. May we all have as much fun as the people in the pictures.

Now he's selling merch that uses images from the site. His room is filled with boxes of GhettoMyspace clothes. I asked him what it's like to go into the merch biz. Here's his answer:

Welcome to the Adult Learning Annex:

Below is a picture of the room I sleep in. It is now full of boxes of GhettoMyspace clothes. There's something really funny about sleeping next to your debt. I think it would be harder to get deep in debt if you actually had to sleep next to large heavy boxes. Like for every thousand bucks you owe the credit card company they would send you a giant box full of weights. Every time you send in a payment you would send it in with a proportionate amount of weight. That's actually where I'm at living with these boxes of clothes. Every shirt I sell gives me more room.

This all started innocently enough. Like everyone else I'm trying to figure out how to make money off the internet. After GhettoMyspace.net started to get some national attention (Tosh.0, Bossip, Death and Taxes Mag), I asked around and everyone else who I knew making internet money was doing it with merchandise.

Here's where my own business failings step in. I get it in my head, I don't just want to make crappy promo merch, I want to make nice clothes. Great idea, but nice clothes are expensive, and I know nothing about starting a fashion line. The whole thing cost me way more than I thought in my obsession to get it just how I wanted it. If I sell all those these clothes I can do another run where I'll actually make money. Until then I am selling clothes just to get out of the hole and make room in my apartment. The attached picture is how I wake up, in sheer terror. The only saving grace is the clothes are awesome.

My whole time in comedy has been spent trying to be successful doing only what I think is funny. When I finally made a compromise I still fucked it up. I decided to get crazy high standards for something nobody has standards for, after show merchandise. I don't know how it's going to turnout, but at least my name with be on something really funny which is worth more than a couple grand.

Buy a GhettoMyspace shirt and support a hairbrained scheme. If we all supported more clueless dreamers and their goofy ideas the world would be a lot less dull. Besides where else are you gonna get a tshirt that has a baby with a gun on it.

Performing wired

Another interesting bit from that Bill Simmons podcast with "The War for Late Night" author Bill Carter I mentioned the other day: Carter mentions Letterman is totally wired when he hosts his show.

First he drinks incredible amounts of coffee. So he's really wildly stimulated. Then he sits down and right before he starts the show, he unwraps four Hershey bars and he breaks the squares up and he builds a tower, a huge tower of Hershey bars, and then he wolfs them down one by one right before he goes on the air. And so when he hits the air, the guy is flying on sugar. Absolutely flying on sugar. Maybe this is why he had a heart problem. Occasionally when he's on the air, he will say, "There's nothing better than a Hershey bar."

Never seen Letterman live but I mentioned this to someone and he told me that Letterman can't even sit down between guests and paces around when the cameras are off.

And speaking of getting amped up for the stage, I've seen Kindler down Red Bulls before going onstage. And a NYC comic you may know, in a revealing "In The Tank" interview a while back, discussed doing blow before performing.

Tortoise/hare paths to creativity

What if you're someone who's been working at comedy for years and nothing ever happens? When is it time to quit? I asked that a while back. Couple of articles I read recently reminded me of the topic.

Stephen King argues you need to know when to give up as a writer.

The biggest part of writing successfully is being talented, and in the context of marketing, the only bad writer is one who doesn't get paid. If you're not talented, you won't succeed. And if you're not succeeding, you should know when to quit.

When is that? I don't know. It's different for each writer. Not after six rejection slips, certainly, nor after sixty. But after six hundred? Maybe. After six thousand? My friend, after six thousand pinks, it's time you tried painting or computer programming.

Further, almost every aspiring writer knows when he is getting warmer - you start getting little jotted notes on your rejection slips, or personal letters . . . maybe a commiserating phone call. It's lonely out there in the cold, but there are encouraging voices ... unless there is nothing in your words which warrants encouragement. I think you owe it to yourself to skip as much of the self-illusion as possible. If your eyes are open, you'll know which way to go ... or when to turn back.

Then again, economist David Galenson has studied creative output and found there are different paths for successful artists. If you judge by the current value of their artwork, some artists burn bright early and then fade away (Andy Warhol peaked at 33, Frank Stella at 24, Jasper Johns at 27), while others grow over the long-term and do their best work later in life (Willem de Kooning at 43, Mark Rothko at 54, Robert Motherwell at 72). The same split is seen in writers too.

Conceptual poets like T. S. Eliot, Ezra Pound, and Sylvia Plath, each of whom made sudden breaks from convention and emphasized abstract ideas over visual observations, were early achievers. Eliot wrote “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” at 23 and “The Wasteland” at 34. Pound published five volumes of poetry before he turned 30. On the other hand, experimental poets like Wallace Stevens, Robert Frost, and William Carlos Williams, whose work is grounded in concrete images and everyday language, took years to mature. For example, both Pound and Frost lived into their eighties. But by the time Pound turned 40, he had essentially exhausted his creative output. Of his anthologized poems, 85 percent are from his twenties and thirties. By comparison, Frost got a late start. He has more poems in anthologies than any other American poet, but he wrote 92 percent of them after his 40th birthday.

On and on it goes. Conceptualist F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote The Great Gatsby – light on character development, heavy on symbolism – when he was 29. Experimentalist Mark Twain frobbed around with different writing styles and formats and wrote The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn at 50. Conceptualist Maya Lin redefined our notion of national monuments while still a college student; experimentalist Frank Lloyd Wright created Fallingwater when he was 70...

We should also leave room for those of us who have, er, avoided peaking too early, whose most innovative days may lie ahead. Nobody would have heard of Jackson Pollock had he died at 31. But the same would be true had Pollock given up at 31. He didn’t. He kept at it. We need to look at that more halting, less certain fellow and perhaps not write him off too early, give him a chance to ride the upward curve of middle age.

So even if you suck now, maybe you're a comedy Rothko who will bloom later in life. Maybe.

Obama riffs on his lip

Ah, the ol' verbal miscue into funny riff. Ya don't always see it from the prez, though.

Why Seinfeld took Leno's side over Conan

In The B.S. Report: 11/10 (a podcast), Bill Simmons has a revealing talk with "The War for Late Night" author Bill Carter about Conan, Leno, and Letterman.

Carter says Seinfeld took Leno's side because he felt "[Conan's] youth movement thing was against the old time comics." He summarizes Seinfeld's view this way:

You don't take the #1 guy off the air. You don't do it. I took myself off the air. That's one thing. You don't go to a guy who is #1 and tell him: "That's it. You're off the air." Who does that?

We're in show business. This is what we do. We're supposed to look for the best jobs. We're supposed to get them. We're supposed to pursue them. It's not right for Jay to walk off the stage and say, "It's all yours Conan, take it." You just don't do that in show business.

Here's the Google Books excerpt where Seinfeld gives his .02. Basically, he feels The Tonight Show is a meaningless concept since people never say "I'm doing The Tonight Show" and instead say "I'm doing Jay; I'm doing Dave; I'm doing Conan."



Carter ends the section by describing Seinfeld's frame of reference this way: "Jews do not celebrate martyrdom."

Fri = Hot Soup with Kaplan and Wong

FRI (12/10): HOT SOUP
8pm - Free
O'Hanlon's Bar - 349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave.

Lineup:
Myq Kaplan
Ali Wong
Greg Barris
Sara Schaefer

Normand is hosting and I'm doing a spot.

(Hot Soup is a weekly show produced by David Cope, Andy Haynes, Mark Normand, and Matt Ruby.)

Conversational CK-ness

I liked what Sean said about it at The Comic's Comic:

Louis CK, still so great. Even when he's clearly doing material, because the way Louis CK does material is so conversational already.

Sometimes people ask me "What do you talk about when you do standup?" The real answer I'd like to give: the same things I talk about when I'm not doing standup. I'm not all the way there but that to me is the pinnacle — to talk about the same things onstage that I talk about when offstage, when I'm hanging out with a friend or someone who I find interesting. If those things are what I talk about with someone I like and respect, but then I go and talk about meaningless bullshit in front of an audience it shows either 1) I don't respect the audience or 2) I'm not good enough to get laughs out of the stuff I truly want to talk about. Either way = kinda shitty.

Also, I think hitting that level of conversationality (?) comes from how you write. When you manufacture jokes like they're math problems, they come out sounding like jokey jokes. When you go onstage with an idea and just talk it out and find the laughs organically, it winds up sounding like a real conversation.

Or, when a bit is based off a real conversation with someone, that has a similar effect. Sometimes I find the best way to write material is to go get drunk with a friend I think is smart/interesting and carry along a notebook for anything standup-ish that pops up.

Spellchecking Hanukkah

Happy Hanukkah! Burn that midnight oil! That phrase is about Hanukkah, right? Or is it a quote from that bald Australian dude who is worried about our beds burning? I can never remember.

(Have you ever tried to spellcheck Hanukkah? I just did and my Mac responded with "whatever"...hmm.)

Hanukkah is a weird holiday because it kinda reinforces some negative stereotypes about Jews. What shape do we like our chocolate? In the shape of gold coins! If only I could have all my food shaped like cash. And waiter, bring me a slice of that cake that's in the shape of controlling the media.

Also, the whole holiday is based on the idea that we got a great deal. We paid for one night of oil yet it lasted for eight nights. What a value. It's like Uncle Morty going, "These slacks? I got them for 70% off at a Macy's. A real bargain. We should turn this into a holiday!"

Speaking of relatives, did you know my dad used to inspect my hands before I could eat dinner every night? True story. He would smell them in order to make sure I had washed them. That's a father's way of saying, "I've got this problem. And now I'm passing it on to you."

Needless to say, I now wash my hands all the time. And I have issues with grabbing that pole on the subway. Have you ever seen someone do that and then bite their nails? Blech. I'd rather lick a SARS popsicle.

Anyway, back to Jew stuff: I remember the first time I heard the word "jewed" used as a verb. I was in college and it was said by a guy from Iowa who had a mullet and drove a lowrider and whose nickname was "The Duder." That was on his license plate too. Also, everyone would go to his dorm room every day to watch him feed a mouse to his snake.

I consider this the perfect person to deliver the word "jewed" for the first time. See, people talk a lot about who they lose their virginity to, but who you lose your slurginity to can be just as important. Like the first time you hear the n-word, it should be from a guy wearing a Celtics jersey. Preferably one named Sully who has strong opinions about which House of Pain album is the best one.

Carlin: "Originally this job was called fool"

Well this is a different way to open a TV set:

Hot Soup Hanukkah Show!

Y'know how much you think you'll laugh? It will actually be 8x as much laughter as that.

FRI (12/3): HOT SOUP (THE HANUKKAH EDITION)
8pm - Free
O'Hanlon's Bar - 349 E 14th St between 1st and 2nd Ave.

Lineup:
Josh Gondelman
Jared Logan
Calise Hawkins
Sean Donnelly

I'm hosting and Normand is doing a spot. Last chance this year to see me at the Soup, I think.

FYI, Hot Soup is a FREE weekly standup comedy showcase every Friday. It's produced by David Cope, Andy Haynes, Mark Normand, and Matt Ruby.

Other upcoming shows I'm doing:
Thursday, 12/2 - 8:00pm - Time to Kill @ The Creek
Saturday, 12/4 - 8:00pm - Lil' Seany Boy Show @ Triple Crown
Sunday, 12/5 - 8:00pm - Buns and Puns @ Arlo & Esme
Friday, 12/17 - 9:00pm - Sack Lunch @ Cafe Vivaldi