From sold out shows in Austin to a dive bar gig in Jersey City

Ah, back to reality. Did a dive bar gig in Jersey City last night.

I went up first. I opened and thought riffing would work. Not so. Heckling starts right away. ("GET OFF!") Worst of all, I couldn't even understand most of what they were yelling so couldn't comment back. So went to material. Got 'em back but it was a power through set.

Then some Jersey City guys. Loved this riff from one of 'em: There's a guy upfront with a handlebar mustache. Then a second guy with a handlebar mustache walks in from the back and yells out, "I'm here for the jokes." Comic looks at him, looks at the guy in the front, and then goes, "I can't believe you guys found room to park both your hot air balloons outside." Crowd loses it.

After a few more comics, Mark Normand goes up last. By then, the entire dynamic of the room shifted. Material wouldn't fly at all. So he just riffed. And it was maybe my favorite set I've ever seen him do. Rickles-style. ("This is the ugliest audience I've ever seen.") Just shits on the room and everyone in it for over 20 minutes. And they loved it.

He went after one guy in a NASCAR-looking jacket with lots of Dale Earnhardt cracks ("You've got a lot of keys. Don't you guys usually go through the window?"). There was a 50/50 chance of a physical altercation at one point. Dude moved up and started giving attitude back. And so did his friend. Turns out the seemingly really angry guy was a good sport but it was pretty touch and go there for a bit. At the end, people came up to Mark and started hugging him. Don't think I've ever seen people so happy to be insulted before. Good times.

Mark's comment on it: "What's funny is all that riffing I was doing came from doing mics. People shit on mics. But if I got that from them, I can't complain."

Video: Behind the scenes at SXSW Comedy 2009

This video I made takes you behind the scenes at the comedy shows at SXSW 2009 (and some rock stuff too). Includes brief cameos from Hannibal Burress, Matt Braunger, Andy Kindler, Todd Barry, Janeane Garafolo, Margaret Cho, Doug Benson, Natasha Leggero, Marc Maron, Sean O'Connor, and others.

Mortimer wins Best Web Short of '08

My "White Collar Comedy with Mortimer the Steel Baron" video won Best Web Short of '08 at ComedySmack's Smack-Down.

SMACK-DOWN 2008: THE WINNERS
This is a special issue of ComedySmack to announce the winners of ComedySmack's Smack-Down '08: The Best Comedy of 2008. The contestants and winners were determined by our panel of comedy insiders and by public voting. The winning comedy is a representation of the best and funniest items featured on ComedySmack last year. Congratulations to the winners of Smack-Down '08!

Thanks to ComedySmack and to everyone who voted for the clip! And one more round of thanks to Brad Steuernagel, Jay Bois, and Selena Coppock for their help creating the video.

Photo of me with some up and coming comedians

Group shot of comedians at SXSW 2009. From L to R (approx): Janeane Garofalo, Josh Fadem, Charlie Sotelo, Marc Maron, Todd Barry, Matt Braunger, Eugene Mirman, Scott Aukerman, Michelle Biloon, Natasha Leggero, Andy Kindler, Chris Fairbanks, Matt Ruby.

I'm back from SXSW

SXSW was great and my sets went really well. Shot some cool video footage while there, coming soon. Meanwhile, you can check out my SXSW updates at Twitter. Some links to pics there too. Start from the bottom and read up if ya want it in chronological order. Stay tuned for the video, you'll dig it.

Gervais and David talk about the truth and being unique

This "Ricky Gervais meets Larry David" interview is a must see.

RG: I suppose that's why people like yourself don't compromise in your art. That's where no one can get hurt. [In] art you're allowed to be a complete fascist. I don't care about you. There should be no compromise in art.

LD: If you're any good, you kinda have to have a compulsion to tell the truth.

RG: Absolutely. And without guilt. This is guilt-free truth, comedy.

Guilt-free truth. Gotta like that. This Jean Baudrillard quote is kinda related:

Terror is as much a part of the concept of truth as runniness is of the concept of jam. We wouldn’t like jam if it didn’t, by its very nature, ooze. We wouldn’t like truth if it wasn’t sticky, if, from time to time, it didn’t ooze blood.

LD: I want to do things that nobody else can think of. That's what you wanna do.

RG: I want the right laugh. I want to look around and go, "Right, they're not laughing. That's a good sign. I didn't want them to laugh. I don't want you liking my comedy.

"I want to do things that nobody else can think of." THAT'S IT. This whole personal stuff vs. one liners vs. characters and being authentic and all that crap. It's just being yourself in a way that no one else could ever be. Mitch Hedberg is never personal but what he delivers is 100% unique. That's what it's about. It doesn't matter what form it takes. It's just that you're being you in a way that no one else can be you.

Watch the rest.

Info on my SxSW shows

This week, I will totally be messing with Texas. Well, Austin. Does that even count? Anyway, here's where I'll be performing at SxSW:

FRI Mar 20 8:00pm SXSW comedy show @ The Velveeta Room (following Margaret Cho)
SAT Mar 21 8:00pm Show @ ColdTowne Theater (Chris Hardwick headlines)
SAT Mar 21 11:00pm SXSW comedy show @ The Velveeta Room (following Eugene Mirman)

Check my Twitter feed for updates on how it goes. See the full list of comics performing at SxSW.

Jon Stewart should stop using comedy as a shield

Jon Stewart to Jim Cramer:

We both sell snake oil. But, here [on The Daily Show], we at least admit it's snake oil.

I love Jon Stewart. I watch the Daily Show more than any other TV show. I think it's great when he attacks politicians. But that's easy. Everyone does that. What I really like is when he goes after the media. When he indicts Crossfire and CNBC and all these talking heads for contributing to the aura of bullshit that pervades our country.

But one thing I don't like that he does: He plays the "but I'm just a comedian" card. Bullshit Jon. We all know you're more than that now. You can pretend you run a fake news show and that no one should take you seriously. But we all know it's not true. We all know what you're doing matters. We all know people trust and respect you more than most "real" newscasters. You have real power and real authority. And you have it because you speak in a way that demands it.

It just doesn't seem fair for you to run around pointing fingers all the time but then as soon as anyone fires back, you pull up your bubble that makes you bulletproof or Teflon or whatever analogy you want to use.

"This is fake news." Maybe it was. But you've mixed in too much truth to pretend you're a phony anymore. "My show is followed by sock puppets making prank phone calls." So what? Maybe that's the place we're most likely to find the truth in our society right now.

You don't hear Bill Maher doing the same thing. He throws his daggers and then he stands right there and takes his shots. He doesn't hide his attacks behind a cloak of "I'm just a comedian so you can't hold me to the same standards." His attitude seems to be: Yeah, I said it. That's what I think. And I'm right. If you don't think so, take your best shot.

I think that's a nobler approach to take. Stand up for what you believe in. I don't think you'd ever hear Bill Hicks end one of his political bits with, "I'm just a comedian though. You shouldn't take me seriously."

Of course we should take you seriously. You're the only one telling it like it is. If we can't take you seriously, who can we take seriously? You're not peddling snake oil, Jon. You're peddling the truth.

So man up. No more hiding. No more special rules because you're funny. No more using comedy or sock puppets as a shield. It's the easy way out. You said it. You meant it. And you were right.

Bold choices

It's tough when you go see a friend perform. You never know what to say afterwards if it's bad.

Example: A girl I know is in an improv group and after a show, a friend of hers came up and said, "You guys made a lot of bold choices up there." Bold choices aren't necessarily good choices. "Wow, you're mixing 15 horse tranquilizers with a gallon of Mad Dog? You sure are making a lot of bold choices!"

Another good one people say after a show: "You looked like you were having a lot of fun up there." That one also applies to combining pills and booze. Fun and quality aren't the same thing.

My favorite line though is "I could never do what you do." That really means "I could never do what you do...because I have a sense of shame." Or "I could never do what you do...suck that badly."

You'd never hear these sort of "compliments" in another profession: "Excuse me Doctor. I saw you perform surgery today. I've gotta say, you sure were making a lot of bold choices in there. Amputating for an ingrown toenail? Wow. I'm only a third year med student...I could never do what you do!"

(True story: I was arrested once with another comedian. The cop who was fingerprinting us found out we were comics and said, "I could never do what you guys do." Uh, you get shot at!)

Guest spot on "The Check Spot" podcast

I'm a guest on the most recent edition of The Check Spot podcast (March 14, 2009).

This week, Lee Camp and Matt Ruby join us to talk about Cramer Vs. Stewart, media poisoning, and the importance of the letter K in comedy.

Listen online or get the podcast in iTunes. Thanks to Dan, Arthur, and Dave for having me on the show.

Going clean in front of a church group

I did a show in front of a church group in NYC last week and had to keep it clean.

Keep it family friendly. This is a free event which means anyone and everyone off of the street is welcome to wander in and take advantage of this night (and they will.) If you are a comedian or singer or any other performer, no cursing and no sexual content. This is NOT a night of vulgarity.

That's taking away a few of my favorite weapons, but I managed. Actually, I think it was healthy to go clean for a change. I don't want to rely on going blue to be funny. So I threw out some dirty bits and cleaned up some others that have curses but can fly without 'em too. It also gave me a chance to rotate in some older bits that I hadn't done for a while.

The most challenging thing was riffing. I like to be in the moment, but I don't trust myself to be PG-13 if I'm just letting it fly. The whole point is to not worry about what's going to come out of my mouth next. Once a filter goes up, everything's screwed up.

Still, I had some fun when no one there fessed up to being a vegetarian...

The difference between a me-too show and a remarkable one

The Comic's Comic wrote this about 2009's 50 First Jokes a while back:

I'm not sure this is the kind of show that benefits from such mainstream exposure from the NYT...This year's show was tighter, to be sure, but also probably not the best experience for the kind of unsuspecting Times reader who doesn't normally go to a stand-up comedy show. After all, you're witnessing mostly unknown or unheralded comedians attempting brand-new jokes. That's it. That's the show. For the comedy community, it's a great chance, and perfect timing after the holidays, to reconnect and reboot for a new year. For an audience, well, I'm not sold on what they're doing there. At least on this particular show. Am I wrong on this one?

I think it's a decent point. But I think there's a lesson here to learn for people who produce comedy shows: The shows that get the biggest audiences aren't always the best shows. Sometimes they're ones that have a good hook. And 50 First Jokes has a good hook.

Here are a few other shows that get a ton of buzz: The Rejection Show, Stripped Stories, Mortified, The Naked Show, etc. Packed houses, book deals, press coverage. What do they have in common? They're remarkable. They all have a concept that someone can tell a friend about that's unique and memorable. And that brings in audience, including people who wouldn't normally go to a comedy show.

Me-too shows get lost in the shuffle. If it sounds the same as every other show, why should people give it any special attention? If you want to see a downtown show that features six comics each doing eight minute spots, you have dozens of options. If you want to see people read their childhood diaries, you have only one option. That's the kind of thing that makes a show stand out.

This idea is what Seth Godin, a marketing guy, talks about when he writes about purple cows.

While driving through France a few years ago, my family and I were enchanted by the hundreds of storybook cows grazing in lovely pastures right next to the road. For dozens of kilometers, we all gazed out the window, marveling at the beauty. Then, within a few minutes, we started ignoring the cows. The new cows were just like the old cows, and what was once amazing was now common. Worse than common: It was boring.

Cows, after you've seen them for a while, are boring. They may be well-bred cows, Six Sigma cows, cows lit by a beautiful light, but they are still boring. A Purple Cow, though: Now, that would really stand out. The essence of the Purple Cow -- the reason it would shine among a crowd of perfectly competent, even undeniably excellent cows -- is that it would be remarkable. Something remarkable is worth talking about, worth paying attention to. Boring stuff quickly becomes invisible.

If you're starting a show, think about what's going to make it different than every other show out there. I don't think you have to get over-the-top gimmicky. But if you don't do anything to stand out, don't be surprised when gen pop doesn't care much about what you're doing.

Topical jokes that have no shelf life

Mark: been thinking a lot about this: when I did Broadway that time and watching alexandro, they seem to be able to write good topical jokes about chris brown or phelps. And the audience loves them but they have no shelf life. Should we be doing that? I kinda don't care about that stuff. Whats your take?

Me: i think it works for the same reason riffing works. people give you credit for being in the moment (relatively) and it's obviously relatable. but remember when ck said he never talks about what's in the news? i kinda feel that's a better approach. you build a bit that lasts. i'd rather spend time doing that than trying to make something funny that i'm gonna have to throw away in two months. plus, it's shit that's covered so much elsewhere (late night shows, etc.). a lot less chance you're gonna have a fresh take on something when everyone's making jokes about it.

Mark: good point. Id rather have lasting material that i feel strong about. but on the other hand it shows you can write a joke about anything and its kind of a good exercise i think. but in the long run i'm probably not going to do it. Although it could be a fun discipline to learn.

Me: yeah, i would say if you have a line that comes to ya, go ahead and try it. but i wouldn't slave over it trying to come up with the right punch. i lump it in with crowdwork or the riffing we see people do at the top of a set all the time. that kinda stuff is fun but your real material is what's gonna make or break you. unless what ya really want is to be a writer for SNL, Best Week Ever, Daily Show, or something like that. then i could see how it'd be a good muscle to flex.

A funny opening line I didn't expect to be funny

I sometimes forget that people read this site. My first words onstage at The Pit last night were: "So I was watching TV the other night." And people started laughing. Someone said, "Oh, I get it." Took me a second. And then I realized they were laughing because of the post on how I hate comics who talk about TV. But actually I was just trying to get into my bit about Chuck Norris facts. Weird split second though where I thought to myself, "But I haven't said anything funny yet!?"

An example of an innovative approach to a hack subject: Patton Oswalt's bit on meeting George Lucas

So I've been talking about how TV is a lame subject to tackle and how there can still be interesting approaches to hack subjects. Something that came to mind that relates: Comics who bitch about how the last three Star Wars movies sucked. So done. And really, who cares?

In the hands of most people, I couldn't give a shit. But the exception that shows how you can still take an innovative approach to a topic like that is Patton Oswalt's bit on meeting George Lucas and discussing the prequels. Read the bit or listen to it.

"Would you like a dish of ice cream?"

"Why, yes I would l like some ice cream. That would be very nice!"

"Well here's a big sack of rock salt!"

"What? You said I'd be getting ice cream?"

"Well, when you add the cream and sugar and ice and do a little mixing and then presto, you have ice cream!"

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHERE THE STUFF I LOVE COMES FROM! I JUST LOVE THE STUFF I LOVE! Hey, do you love Angelina Jolie? Does she give you a big boner? Well then here's Jon Voight's ballsack! That's right! The sweaty, pink ballsack she swam out of. Now jerk off to that, you lucky so and so!"

I've never even seen any of the prequels yet I still think it's hilarious. Goes to show that if you take a fresh enough approach, you can talk about anything. Plus, ya can really tell that Patton feels passionately about it. When you care deeply about a subject, you can take it to a place that other comics won't be able to reach.

Mo Diggs also mentions another good exception: John Mulaney's bit on the characters in Law and Order. It is pretty great. Again, Mulaney really does seem obsessed with the show which helps. In the hands of a lesser standup, it'd fall flat.

I stick by the original point though. If you constantly talk about TV, you probably aren't a very interesting person. And if you're not an interesting person, it's tough to be a good standup.

When your mom's a bigger rebel than you'll ever be

My mom was a hippie who did a lot of drugs when she was younger. And when she was older. And in between. Meanwhile, my dad was a prosecutor who worked as an Assistant DA in NYC. Strange match. Sometimes people find out and say, "Oh, like Dharma and Greg." Yeah, except it sucked for real.

I'm tame compared to my mom. Years ago, my cousin told me that when he was 13, she gave him a book with a tab of acid in it for his bar mitzvah. Apparently they were out of heroin and machetes at Inappopriate Toys ‘R Us!

Later, I asked my mom if it was true and she said, “I don’t remember doing that.” But then again, if she HAD done it, there’s a pretty good chance she wasn’t keeping copious notes at the time. Distributing psychedelics to adolescents is not the kind of activity that usually involves a spreadsheet and rigorous bookkeeping, ya know?

And I remember when I was 15, I came home with a crewcut. She actually got mad at me. She said, “Why are you so buttoned down?” Why? Because it’s the only way I have to rebel against you, ya weirdo!

How can you outrebel someone who gives acid to a 13-year old? Steal acid from a 13-year old? Steal a 13-year old?! I did the only thing I could think of: I started a chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. At least I knew she'd never do that.

My least favorite thing to hear: "I've been watching a lot of TV lately and..."

You know that feeling you get when someone starts boring you with details on the "crazy" dream they had the night before? That's the way I feel when comics start talking about TV shows or movies onstage. When I hear "I've been watching a lot of TV lately and..." from a comic, I know I'm gonna hate him.

It's almost always about how some show is "so stupid." And that's what you want to talk to me about? You have a stage, a microphone, and an audience and your big topic is how something on TV is silly. No fucking duh. Why do you think we're here in this room instead of home watching TV. Not to mention that The Soup and Best Week Ever have this ground totally covered.

What I always want to ask these standups: Who are your favorite comics? How many jokes do they have about a stupid TV show? Probably zero. Because no one gives a shit in the long run.

I saw a comic who's nationally known do a downtown show where he started out with "I just got cable" and followed with 10 minutes of jokes about how stupid reality shows on cable are. Really, some show on the National Geographic channel about haunted houses is dumb?! And wait, let me guess, the people on it are dumb too! No way!!! Thanks for the newsflash. Next thing you know there might be some drama on The Real World!

Or do I need to listen to someone tell me for five minutes why Urkel (or whoever) was a dumb character? You know who else realized that: The writers who wrote Urkel to be funny. You're making fun of something that was intentionally created to be silly.

Where's the discovery there? It's like going off on a rant about how dumb a Dr. Seuss book is. "What's the deal with green eggs and ham??? I mean ham, sure. But green eggs. Those sound really unhealthy! Is it food coloring in there? Or seaweed! Am I right, people? I don't know what kinda doctor this Seuss guy is but I wouldn't let him operate on ME!" Making fun of shit that was created to be silly in the first place is pointless.

This stuff doesn't need more attention. We're already buried under an avalanche of televised terribleness. I go to a bar and there are so many TVs on every wall that I can't have a conversation without stupid shit flashing in my face from every direction. And it's always a monster truck rally or a shitty sitcom or highlights from some hockey game that's the Flyers vs. a city that I didn't even realize had a hockey team now, and no one cares yet we can't turn off the TVs because we must have shit flashing in our faces all the time.

So why on earth do I want to go to a comedy show, a place where human beings actually congregate to share something real and listen to someone's thoughts, and hear you tell me how stupid Beverly Hills Chihuahua is?

I know it's stupid. That's why I didn't go see it. Why are you bringing it into my life? I successfully avoided it. I don't care what you think about Watchmen. Or Friday the 13th. Or anything else that is already discussed endlessly in our culture. Don't be a megaphone that amplifies the same crap that's on Access Hollywood and Us Weekly and the rest of the PR machine that dictates what we should care about and consume and watch like we're babies that need to suck on some media conglomerate tit.

You should make sure to record that Beverly Hills Chihuahua joke on an album. Because people will totally want to hear it again in 30 years. That way they can go, "Hey, remember that joke we didn't give a shit about 30 years ago? Let's listen to it again and still not give a shit. And then we can sit around and wonder why on earth this person was ever talking about it in the first place."

So anyway, how about that finale twist on The Bachelor! Were you as absolutely floored as I was? How could he do that to poor Melissa???

Paul F. Tompkins vs. me for ComedySmack's Best Web Short Video of the year

I've been nominated for The Best Web Short Video Of 2008 at ComedySmack for my White Collar Comedian video:



I'm up against Paul F. Tompkins, one of my faves and a guy who is about as funny as it gets. It's like Daniel vs. Mr. Miyagi. Click here to vote. And here's the video:



Again, thanks to Brad Steuernagel, Jay Bois, and Selena Coppock for their help shooting and editing the clip.

The next wave of NYC comics: Cope, Cunningham, Drucker, Goodman, O'Connor, St. Germain, and Sullivan

The comedy hierarchy can be a frustrating thing for aspiring comics. You can't get booked on the top shows because the people who book those shows haven't seen you perform. And since you can't get booked on those shows, the people who put together TV showcases and big festivals don't see you.

If you're lucky, someone refers you and you get a shot. Otherwise, it's a waiting game. Quality bubbles up eventually, but sometimes it takes longer than it should.

I'm in the trenches watching small shows all the time so maybe I can help. Below is a list of the NYC comics (along with five-word or less descriptions) that I think should be the next wave to hit big.

I decided to only include comics whom 1) I've seen multiple times and 2) do NOT have any of the following:

1. A major TV credit
2. An appearance at the Just for Laughs Festival
3. A nomination for an ECNY award

(Kinda arbitrary but I wanted some kinda parameters.) If you have something to say about any of those things, keep an eye out for these guys. And if you produce a show in NYC, you should definitely book 'em.

David Cope: Witty one-liners, suave delivery.


Luke Cunningham: Rapid-fire, intelligent clubby style.


Mike Drucker: Great writer, Onion/SNL/McSweeney's.


Dan Goodman: Sharp, offensive, not for everyone.


Sean O’Connor: Intentional awkwardness plus lotsa likability.


Dan St. Germain: Huge act outs, underrated writer.


Brent Sullivan: Subtle and smart. Comedy for adults.

My ongoing beef with vegetarians

Vegetarian restaurant menus have fake meat products like Sham, Tofurkey, and Fake'n. Sham? Wow. You're telling me right there the product is terrible. "I'd like a bowl of the inferior rip off Chili, please!"

At least meat eaters actually like meat. You don't see this at a steakhouse: "Tonight's special is Crock-oli. That's where we take bacon, compress it into the shape of a broccoli stalk, and paint it green...because THAT'S what we secretly want to eat."

Bacon doesn't need a disguise. It doesn't need to get dressed up in a costume for Halloween. Bacon just shows up and goes, "Knock, knock, I'm Bacon, trick or treat!" And it's always treat. Because it's bacon. And bacon is always treat.

And vegetarians say, "Eating steak is so cruel to cows!" I get it. But us liking steak has been pretty good for cows as a species. We take care of them. And that's good because cows suck in the wild. You won't hear lions going, "How are we gonna catch that wild cow?" "Oh, you mean that animal that you can walk up to while it's sleeping and tip over? I've got an idea. Let's wait until he's sleeping..." Cows should thank us meateaters every night before they go to sleep — standing up. Without us, they wouldn't even be on the planet anymore.

We do eat way too much in this country, though. We're so fucked up that people actually staple their stomachs shut. “C’mon, it’s a sandwich made out of waffles. You think I'm not gonna eat that? What am I, a superhero?" The best is when they need the surgery because they have a "disease." Yeah, the disease is called America. They don’t need stomach stapling in Cambodia. In Cambodia, people are stapling their mouths OPEN — hoping that maybe a bug might fly in there. They call it “The Reverse Roker.”

(An example of glomming onto a joke, Samurai sword-style. The original bit from a while back: "The problem with vegetarians.")

There is no hack subject, only hack approaches

Louis CK has a hot new bit on airplanes which started an interesting conversation over at Shecky Magazine. CK chimes in there too:

But I NEVER thought of [hack] subjects as bad to talk about. If you think any subject is hack, go to youtube and watch Jay leno's appearances on the old Letterman show. There are a ton of them and they're amazing. He was SO Fucking good and everything he talked about was "hack". he did airplane humor in at least five different segments on the same show. he never let it go. Just kept hammering and hammering at it, but with such beautiful percision, such energy, gorgeously worded bits. To frown on them because of the subject matter is to be a self-serving idiot.

(I know, I know, I'm going overboard on the CK posts lately. Sue me.)

My take: There is no hack subject, only hack approaches. You can do a bit on airplanes or anything else. You just need to take an innovative approach that hasn't been heard 1,000 times before.

For example, I've got a bit on the gay pride parade. I think that's potentially a pretty hacky subject to tackle. But I take it somewhere that I think is pretty unique. I know other people have done jokes on this subject before. But I don't think anyone's taken the approach I take or gone to the examples I go to.

I guess that's what matters: The joke needs to represent your point of view or how you see things or reveal a unique twist that no one else would give it. That's what I mean by your approach. It's what gives you your voice.

And that's way more important than the subject you're talking about or how popular/common it is. CK's bit is really about people and how they don't appreciate technological advances. Plane travel is just an example he's using, not the real point of what he's saying.

Interesting that he points to Leno too. Here's Jay talking about airplanes on Letterman back in the day:



And another one:



More YouTube search results for "jay leno at david letterman."

Crazy to think that Leno was actually one of the top comics working back then. I think of him as one of those people who was secretly replaced by a robot at some point in the '90s, along with George Foreman, Nicolas Cage, and all the members of Aerosmith.

The Republican hip-hop makeover

Got a kick out this story: "Steele: GOP needs 'hip-hop' makeover."

Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party's principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”

First off, this means we can officially retire "off the hook" as a phrase. Next time someone tries to use it on you, just tell them to talk to the hand. And then shoot yourself.

Also, they really oughta think this hip-hop outreach thing all the way through. When a rapper has a posse, they have bling, weed, and Cristal. That's cool. But when white, southern guys have a posse, they have torches, pitchforks, and a noose. Not nearly as appealing.

Upcoming shows: Morrison Motel, All-Cities Comedy Tournament, etc.

Spots I'll be doing in the next couple of weeks...

Mar 2 - 9:00pm Ed Sullivan on Acid @ Freddy’s Back Room
Mar 3 - 7:30pm George and Dan’s show @ Puppets Jazz Bar
Mar 5 - 7:30pm The Show @ CityLight
Mar 6 - 8:00pm Five Points @ Silkroad Cafe
Mar 6 - 10:00pm 80 Minutes ’Til the Weekend @ Joe Franklin’s
Mar 8 - 7:00pm The First Annual All-Cities Comedy Tournament @ Fontana’s
Mar 10 - 7:30pm Skip and Sparkle @ Ochi’s Lounge
Mar 10 - 9:00pm Morrison Motel @ Cornelia Café
Mar 12 - 9:00pm Tokenjoke @ Potion Cafe

The worst Chuck Norris fact ever

I was watching TV and Chuck Norris came on the screen. Friend of mine goes “Did you know he’s a born again Christian?” THIS is your interesting Chuck Norris fact? That he's a born again Christian? I don't think you understand. Chuck Norris' testicles are fists! Do you realize that? He has fisticles!!! Who cares about his religion? He sleeps on a bed made of human skulls! Get your priorities straight. You need to learn which information to share. "This guy is the square root of destruction...and he's a Sagittarius." ONE of those things is interesting.

Live concerts shot in a minimalist way: CK, Cosby, Pryor, and Springsteen

When asked about the minimalist style of "Chewed Up" (in the commentary track I talked about earlier), Louis CK mentions his favorite two examples of comedians caught on film: Bill Cosby "Himself" and Richard Pryor "Live in Concert" (different than Pryor's "Live on the Sunset Strip").

He points out that in both, they keep it bare bones. They never show the audience and there's a simple set. That's why he decided to go in the same direction. The idea: Glitz doesn't make people funnier. It just makes the whole thing seem like more of a production.

Cosby in "Himself":



Pryor in "Live in Concert":



CK in "Chewed Up":



CK also mentions this Bruce Springsteen video of "The River" as "one of his favorite things to watch" because it feels like "a live event captured," not an overproduced, glammed up thing.

Compare that with the cheesefest that is Bruce's "Dancing in the Dark" video and you get a pretty good idea what CK is talking about.

Wandering with a wireless mic

I did a couple of shows that had wireless mics recently. And I decided to wander through the crowd. Fun way to open up the room.

Audio below is from the Treehouse mic where people can hang in a separate room in the back. There were more people back there than in the front so I decided to grab the wireless mic and take it to the streets. Like the Doobie Brothers. Actually, I felt more like Neil Diamond — and said so. Plus, I spotted another comic's "Aquaman vs. the Joker" comic book and decided to go off on that too.

I'll be performing at SXSW

I've been invited to perform at the SXSW Festival in Austin, TX next month. I'll be doing spots on Friday, March 20 and Saturday, March 21 (time TBD) at The Velveeta Room. Should be great crowds and fun shows (also performing: John Mulaney, Todd Barry, Nick Kroll, Eugene Mirman, Hannibal Burress, Marc Maron, etc.). Looking forward to it.

Highlights from the great commentary on Louis CK's "Chewed Up" DVD

The self-interview piece that's a special feature on Louis CK's "Chewed Up" DVD is totally fascinating. 36 minutes of really interesting insight into standup and his approach. Some highlights:

Building a bit like a Samurai sword
He says that lately he's been adding on to jokes more instead of just keeping them static.

Now I tend to just keep glomming onto something and adding more and more layers and pieces and then taking away stuff that was weak...It's like the way they make Samurai swords. They fold a piece of steel and bang it until it's thin. And then they fold it again and bang it again until it's thin until it's just compact and all the air and impurities are just leaving and it's just this pure, dense steel. So that's what I try to do.

Neat Samurai sword analogy. This idea of extending bits is something that's been on my mind a lot lately too. How to build on existing jokes as opposed to coming up with new ones — and trying to fold older jokes and new ones together to make more of an actual block of material. Something that's really got some meat to it as opposed to just a 30 second in-and-out thing.

Being authentic
Why he chooses to be authentic: It's more fun.

I like to do standup that's very honest. I don't think it's the only way to be a comedian. Some people the whole point of their act is that they're lying or being fantastic or really silly or absurd. I think Steven Wright is a great comedian. Nobody says, "God he's so honest." He's not one of those guys. He just has a whole different thing that makes him funny and makes him great.

For me, what guides what I decide to say or do onstage or not is, "Is this shit really true? Is this really shit you're thinking?" If it's not, you're gonna feel phony and stupid. I don't like phony. I don't like it for me.

There's times I've been getting huge laughs with a bit and then I look at it and I go, "But it ain't real." I don't really mean it. I just knew where to go to find laughs. So sometimes I throw that kind of material away after I kill with it a few times.

To me, it's not important on an integrity level. It's just that it's so much more fun to say shit that's really inside you, that really gnaws at your brain, and to share those thoughts with other people. And especially if they're thoughts that people aren't used to sharing in a humorous way, things that people aren't even used to saying out loud.

I mean beyond saying "fuck" and talking about sex. The really embarrassing unsaid truths. Those are really fun to tell an audience and have them laugh. It's something that I really enjoy. That's why I'm doing standup this way. It's because I like it.

Almost a year ago I asked, "Does great comedy have to come from a personal place?" Since then, I actually have gotten more personal with my material. I'm not 100% there but definitely doing more. And I agree that it's more fun.

One thing that's nice about the "say shit that's really inside you" approach: It really helps a lot when you're in a dead room or things aren't going smoothly. When that happens, it just feels so much better to be talking about something you actually care about instead of ranting about some silly observational thing that no one really gives a shit about. If you're gonna sink, it might as well be on a boat you believe in.

There are no bad gigs
CK also thinks comics should look to take on bad gigs.

It doesn't matter where or who the audiences are. When I meet young comedians who say, "I don't want to work the road." Or "I don't want to work that club because the audiences are stupid." You're fucking stupid. Just get onstage. Go onstage in adverse conditions, that's how you get good.

Do you really think that becoming a great comedian means finding audiences that are already ready to laugh at what you have to say? That are really nice polite audiences? Do you really think that Carlin and Pryor and Bill Cosby started out in clubs full of cool people that were ready to laugh? No. So you gotta come up through a hard road. And that's fun, if you approach it right.

So many alt comics bitch about clubs and vice versa. But there's definitely something to be said for being versatile enough to kill at both. Or anywhere else for that matter. Like Mike Lawrence told me last night, when you've got a joke that kills in a black club in Harlem, at a midtown theater show, and at an art-star mic in the East Village, that's when you know you've got something.

Start from scratch
CK's advice for aspiring standups: Throw out all your jokes.

If you're a comedian and you're killing and you think you can keep doing the same jokes for years and years — Unless you're the best comedian that ever lived, you should be throwing out all your jokes because they stink and writing new ones. 'Cuz it's not like you get worse, you only get better.

Something Mark and I talked about the other night: How it'd be neat to just throw out all our material and start from scratch. The problem: Your A-set is a lifeline you don't want to give up. Sure, you may work in a new bit here and there. But dumping it all? That's a hard pill to swallow. You're gonna go through rough spots instead of killing as much as you know you could. But I also think if you did it, you could muscle up some of your B-material and turn it into A.

And the rest...
Couple more quick CK things: He mentions that Muhammad Ali is his life hero "in every way." And he says he curses because when he doesn't, he feels like he's being dishonest.

Actually, one thing I took away from the whole interview: It feels like he's kinda addicted to telling the truth. He has to explain why an answer is cut by saying the batteries on his camera ran out. And then he explains that the light is different because he went and ate a sandwich. And when he's talking about boxing, he stops himself and says, "This is all way too serious and self-indulgent." It's like his filter is broken or something. If it's on his mind, it comes out.

Enough with this "greatest generation" talk

Heard a couple of old timers refer to themselves as "the greatest generation" the other day. (Not exactly the humblest generation, are they?)

I'm pretty sure the greatest generation is ALWAYS the one that's just about to die. No one's gonna stick up for generations from centuries ago. You won't hear, "Those guys in the 1820's really kicked the shit out of smallpox."

It's always the same argument too: "We lived through the great depression and WWII." Yeah, I can't imagine what it would be like to live through a total collapse of the economic system and a war that never seems to end. Maybe one day our generation will have SOME idea what that's like.

Notice how you never hear about the things they were awful on. Putting the Japanese in internment camps. Blacklisting communists. Turning firehoses on black people because they wanted to VOTE. Yup, you sure did knock it out the park on all those things, greatest generation.

It all just seems like a big middle finger to the generation after them. Which is strange because that's THEIR kids. Everytime they call themselves "the greatest generation" alive, they're kinda saying, "Wow, we sure were awful parents!"

Now on iTunes: My appearance on The David Angelo Radio Show

In case you missed the live broadcast, my appearance on The David Angelo Radio Show is now available in iTunes. It's the 2/12/09 episode.

When should you quit?

So it takes years to get great at standup. But what if you just suck and never get good? How do you know when to hang it up? Do you really want to be the guy who gets up onstage and the younger guys start whispering to each other, "Did you know he's been doing it for 12 years!? And he's doing this same shit show as us."

I've heard comics mention "tests" they need to meet. One is seven years. By seven years in, you need to have either a real TV credit (like a "Live at Gotham") or a big festival spot (e.g. Just For Laughs) or something that shows you're on the crab. (Yeah, it's a Deadliest Catch reference. Sue me.) Another test: If you've been doing it for a while and you haven't killed in the past year, you should quit.

Of course, it all depends what you want to get out of it. As long as you keep getting better and are enjoying it, you might as well keep doing it. If it's just a hobby, go as long as you want.

But there can be a problem if you're one of these tone deaf people who just doesn't get it. You know, the guy who still wants to "make it" but everyone else knows it just ain't gonna happen. Imagine a 300 lb. 50-year old who's convinced he can make the NBA. There's a fine line between "having a dream" and being batfuck delusional.

Reminds me of something I've heard Birbigs talk about before: You have to lie to yourself and be delusional to make it as a standup because you're just not good at first. The problem is a strong sense of self-delusion can make people think they're getting somewhere when they're not.

A related thing I don't get is people who have done standup for a while and aren't getting booked on a lot of real shows but think they're above open mics. If you're so funny, how come you're not getting booked more? And if you're not as funny as you want to be, then why aren't you going to mics more? Bugs me when people think they're "owed" something by how many years they've been doing comedy. Everyone's gotta scratch and claw for it. Maybe you've spent all those years doing it wrong, ya know?

Video: "The Lake is Closed"

Talking about shrooms...



FYI, the video portion of this clip was shot the day this happened.

Comedy Feng Shui: 10 things that ruin comedy shows

Comedy is a fragile thing. One little distraction can throw an entire room off.

So let's say you're thinking about starting a comedy room. Obviously, ya want funny comics and a decent audience. But there's more to it than just that.

Here's a list of 10 common problems that bring down comedy shows. Keep in mind if you're producing a show.

1) Distractions in the room
#1 culprit: The bar's in the same room as the show. People ordering drinks can be loud and distract from the stage. A venue where the bar is in a separate room is ideal. Also, any other distractions or things moving in the room can take a toll. If you have waitstaff, make sure they take orders quickly and quietly. Unplug any video games that flash or make sounds. Same goes for disco balls or flashing lights. If there are loud audience members, go over and politely ask 'em to keep it down. Etc.

2) The PA sucks
Get a decent sound system. Karaoke machines or boomboxes or tiny guitar amps rarely amplify a comic's voice enough. Comics need to be louder than the crowd. Otherwise, it can turn into a free for all. Volume is one of the powerful advantages a comic has over a heckler (or other crowd disturbance).

3) Shitty host
Nothing's worse than a mediocre MC who keeps coming back onstage and killing the momentum by doing too much time between acts. Good hosts aren't selfish. The make everyone feel comfortable, warm up the room, keep the energy positive, bring the crowd back if someone bombs, prevent distractions, etc. Save the indulgent sets for when you're just doing a regular spot. When you're hosting, your job is to make the other comics look good.

4) Crowd is too far apart
You want the room to feel as intimate as possible. (The goal is to get the whole crowd to feel like a cohesive unit.) So put your seats close together. And do what ya can to avoid a split room, where people are, say, on the left and right sides but the middle is empty. If you're not seating people, have the host encourage 'em to move up (or left/right) so the room feels balanced. It's an annoying thing to have to do, but it can make or break the show. And take away the back row(s) of seats if you expect a less than full house.

5) Too much light
The more light there is, the more people feel self-conscious and think others are looking at them. And when they feel that way, they don't laugh.

6) Noise spilling in
If there's a DJ spinning in the back room and it bleeds in, everyone's gonna be distracted from the stage. Same with a loud AC unit or other noisey stuff. The closer you get the room to feeling like a theatre (i.e. quiet and dark), the more people will get into the show.

7) Bad room layout
A wide but shallow room is better than a long and deep one. (If people are too far away from the stage, they don't feel involved and it's easier to tune out.) Also, make sure there's actually a raised stage. If comics are on the floor, they lose the power ya get from being elevated on stage.

8) Mixed media
Doing a variety show that has music, sketch, improv, and/or standup combined seems like a fun idea. But it can really wreck the flow of a show. Handle with care if you take this approach.

9) Free booze or tickets
Giving away free booze and tickets (aka "papering the room") gets people in the seats, but there's a price to pay: They're a lot more likely to be mooks that talk or don't pay attention. And if ya give out free booze before or during a show, things can get a bit rough 'n tumble.

10) Producer doesn't care
If the person putting the show together doesn't care, it shows. The best rooms are run by people who care about both the performers and the audience. That's why The Comedy Cellar or The Comedy Studio (in Boston) are such great rooms...the ownership gives a shit and it shows.

For example, check out The Cellar's reservation page:

Our space is limited, intimate and cozy. We find that parties larger than 8 are usually noisy (even without meaning to be) and this disrupts the show. Multiple reservations resulting in groups larger than 8 will also not be honored. Over the years, we have found this to be an essential rule to follow. Sorry for any inconvenience.

Most venues would kill to have a large group. But that can kill the show for everyone else. Admirable restraint on The Cellar's part I think. And the reservation confirmation e-mail also includes this note:

We ask that you please keep conversation to a minimum during the show. It's a small room, and even whispering can be heard by the performers and people around you. If this seems like a no brainer, it's because you are sober. After a drink or two, it sometimes seems less obvious!

Gentle but firm. A good tone to keep in mind when dealing with audience members.

Now, avoiding all these things won't guarantee a good show. But it will definitely increase the odds. And at least you won't have a bunch of bitchy comics in the back of the room making excuses for why they didn't have good sets.

Actually, you'll always have that. But at least it'll be a bit less justified.

We're All Friends Here: Latest podcast is live and next show's on Friday at 9pm

The podcast from the last show is now live: listen here. Next one's on Friday at 9pm and will feature Julian McCullough, Jamie Lee, David Angelo, and Gilad Foss!

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
The comedy chat show with boundary issues!
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
Friday, February 20
9:00pm @ The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Map (it's just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan)

And check out our new logo (thanks to Megan Pendergrass):

Audio: The fuzz and me at the beach

I was accused of being a pedophile on the day of my mom's funeral. Here's how that went down:


(There's a longer version of this story on the latest We're All Friends Here podcast but this version's tighter.)

The most underrated comedian in NYC is Jesse Popp

Tompkins. Mulaney. Popp. Tonight at UCB for free. Huzzah.

Good to see Jesse Popp up there with those names too. He's the most underrated comic in the city. He's constantly churning out new material and it's always hilarious. Masterful writer, great Norm-esque sarcastic delivery, and a swell guy to boot.



He's the guy who every comic I know is like, "Damn, he's so good. Why isn't he getting more stuff?" Sometime you'll hear people playing a guessing game about him: "How much awesome material does Popp have in the bank? 2 hours? 3? More?" I actually smiled when I saw he was added to tonight's lineup 'cuz he really deserves to be on the best shows with other great comics.

Check out the clips at his MySpace page. Also, you can see him every Sunday at Beauty Bar at 9pm at the show he cohosts with the also very funny Vince Averill. Popp also had a fun We're All Friends Here interview which you can listen to here.

Put on your own show

Most of the shows I do spots on are produced by other comics. They work to bring out a crowd, set it up with the venue, etc. I do the same so I know it's a pain. A fun pain, but still.

So, if you're an up and coming comic, is it your duty to produce a show? Is it fine for a standup to just perform for audiences other comics work to bring out but to never bring anyone out themselves?

I don't if it's a duty, but I definitely think it's a good idea. First of all, it seems kind of leechy to be someone who benefits from the efforts of your peers without giving back in any way. You're like a dude who likes getting head but refuses to eat pussy. Second, it's a great way to get on the map. People notice when you put on a show, especially if it's a good one.

I can imagine the counterargument: "But I don't think I can bring out a crowd." Then host a mic or something. Or team up with a few other comics to put on a group show so there's less pressure on each individual to draw. "But I'm a bad host." Then get someone else to host for you and just do a normal set during the show.

If you don't put on a show or contribute to the scene in some other way, then you better be so hilarious that booking you is an irresistible option. (Once you kill consistently, then it doesn't really matter if you're producing shows. You bring something to the table that ain't easy to find: consistent funny.) But if you're not bringing that and you're not putting on a show, why do you think others will reach out to you?

I guess it's a slippery slope though since this tit for tat mentality can lead to the whole "I booked you on a show so you should book me" thing. That makes me uncomfortable because, well, I want to do spots on other people's shows but not feel like I'm then obligated to book them on mine. So maybe I'm a hypocrite?

Sea of glasses at Eugene Mirman show

Photo taken at Eugene Mirman's book release party the other night:



Only one conclusion can be drawn: Eugene Mirman's comedy will destroy your eyes! Either that or he's got some new bit that's in 3D. He's always innovating that guy.

"The bathroom attendant just strongarmed me into giving him a dollar."

A guy I know came out of the bathroom at a comedy club and said, "The bathroom attendant just strongarmed me into giving him a dollar." I said, "Really? Did you wash your hands?" His reply: "Yeah. And then I took a piece of gum, a lollipop, and some cologne."

So it wasn't so much that the attendant strongarmed him as it was that he didn't want to LOSE money being a bathroom attendant. It's not like he's got a sponsorship deal. The guys at Dentyne aren't going, "How can we reach that exclusive urinal demographic?"

And I love the idea of a bathroom attendant "strongarming" someone. Strongarming is for communist dictators. That's like saying, "That shoeshine boy rules his stand with an iron fist! Surrender or your shoes go to Siberia!" Stalin and Castro strongarm. When you're the bathroom attendant at Comix named King, you ask.

Yeah, his name is actually King. Which I find fairly amusing since he's a bathroom attendant. I give his parents points for positive thinking. But I might have to deduct a few for accuracy. "What's the name of the new janitor?" "Princess."

Red Velvet Whoopie Pie

Can't decide whether this thing looks more like a clam from another planet or a pocket pussy...from another planet. I also love that it's called a gob. What better way to say Happy Valentine's Day than to give your lover a vagina gob!

Letterman: "Joaquin, I'm sorry you couldn't be here tonight."

Joaquin Phoenix melts down on Letterman [via RVV]:



Man, fascinating to watch. Phoenix seems like he's doing a bit, like Charles Grodin used to do on Carson and Letterman when he'd act all fake pissed off. And he gets laughs too. It's a train wreck but the crowd is riveted. I'm kinda tired of the whole "The Office" formula (i.e. uncomfortable moments = comedy), but here's a real life example of why it works so well. Cringe-worthy moments and laughter are closely linked.

Letterman is such a pro too. Keeps an even keel and pokes fun while keeping the whole thing afloat. (Doing We're All Friends Here has given me a new respect for the challenges that interviewers face.) "What can you tell us about your days with The Unabomber?" "Joaquin, I'm sorry you couldn't be here tonight." And I love when he asks, "Can you set up the clip for us Joaquin?" and Paul just starts laughing!

Tonight (Thu) I'll be on the radio on The David Angelo Show

Tonight (Thu) at 8-9pm I'll be appearing live on The David Angelo Show. Angelo's a super funny comic and his radio show is rated #9 somewhere. I'm not sure where but I bet it's somewhere good. Go here to listen: www.davidangeloradio.com. Or it will be archived later if you're that sort.

Here's Angelo on the show:

So the show is really picking up some charge. The first episode had over 500 downloads through itunes and switchpod - which is probably the best debut in non-celebrity podcasting history. I am also pretty sure we are destroying the Quincy Jones podcast in the numbers game.

Also, Angelo likes puns a lot so I've been getting ready...

1) I went to a party at Jimmy Dean's place the other night. It was a total sausagefest.
2) Did you hear about the new Beverly Hills Cop exfoliating sponge? It's called The Axl-F-oliator.

Oh man, get ready. (251)-300-JOKE is the call-in line for the show if you want to ask us questions about illegal immigration (I'm pro!) or the Jets quarterback situation (I'm con!). I don't believe you're allowed to call in about anything else on talk radio though.

And talk about synergy...Angelo is on the next We're All Friends Here show on Feb 20 (Fri) at The Creek at 9pm. Hee ya. Details...

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE:
The comedy chat show with boundary issues!
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
Friday, February 20
9:00pm @ The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Map: http://tinyurl.com/3l4wot
Just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan

This show will feature Julian McCullough, Jamie Lee, David Angelo, and Gilad Foss!

Valentine's liquor store

The liquor store near my home:



Just what I need: A liquor store that comes right out and tells me, "You're mine." C'mon booze, you don't have to rub it in.

Louis CK at Comix = most impressive standup show I've ever seen

We watched Louis CK do a 1 hour and 22 minute set last night at Comix. And our table of four comics all agreed: He's the best out there right now. It's not even close. He just filmed a special a year ago and he's got that much new material. And it's not just ok material. It's all fucking great. Every single bit of it.

Was like watching a master class. It's all so effortless, feels like he's just talking. But there's a punchline every 10 seconds. And then he'll keep getting wilder with it until he ends on some crazy line and cracks, "I just said that because I knew it would piss you off." And then he smirks.

More physical act-outs than I've ever seen him do before. And first time I've ever heard him address his new single life. More bits on his kids. And some really great stuff about what's wrong with our culture today. I think his bit on people who complain about their cellphones is destined to be a classic. And he even does 10 minutes on airplanes and airports and makes 'em seem like fresh topics.

At one point, he lost his place (maybe intentionally?) and went in reverse describing the last 6 topics he'd discussed in order to remember his point. The crowd burst out in applause. His response: "People will clap at any list." And then that smirk again. Great. And his intro bit was fun too. All about "I don't know what to say to you people. I don't actually have a reason to be talking to you." Man, it was just all so good.

I feel like he's got some sort of secret formula. Maybe it's the 20+ years of doing it. But I feel like coming up with a great bit is like climbing a mountain for us guys. And for him it's like going out for a jog.

Also, there's so much passion in his delivery. He just really cares (or seems too) about everything he's talking about. All the people he discusses really piss him off and he can't wait to explain why. That energy pushes it all over the top. It's that anger and passion that let him take topics that would be meh if others did them and makes them fly.

Fwiw, supposedly Chris Rock and Darren Aranofsky (director of The Wrestler and Requiem for a Dream) were hanging out with him backstage after the show.

Afterwards, we went to UCB and saw Mirman, Schaal, Galifianakis, etc. Was fun. But couldn't hold a candle to what we had seen at Comix. CK is the bar.

And btw, Paul F. Tompkins and John Mulaney are scheduled to do Whiplash next week at UCB. And there's another Benson Interruption there on Feb. 18. Reserve it up. All these kickass shows make ya feel kinda lucky to be in NYC.

Trying to write extended bits instead of quickies

Lately, I've been trying to write extended bits that are a few minutes long as opposed to just a funny joke and on to the next topic. Part of that is stretching existing bits and another part is trying to fold other jokes (old and new) into the new stuff. Mark and I were discussing it:

Me:

actually, the way birbigs works is helpful on that too. he's reusing jokes from his first two albums in his new show. but it's all there to support the story and his attitude. "a rapist wouldn't have a bed like that"...I think he's used that joke on two CC Presents and his new show too. but it's because it's the PERFECT joke for setting up who he is and where he's taking the audience.

Mark:

Aww man, tying jokes in to other jokes is the best. not only does it help you remember it but it sounds so much better. that's how audiences tell an amateur from a pro. It looks more like a convo. seamless. When I do that longer spot next week, I'm going to try to weave a lot of shit together.

Did you read somewhere to do that or did it just come as a natural progression?

Me:

Natural progression I guess. I just feel like there's a flow when shit is tied together. It feels like there's a bigger point rather than just trying to get laughs. And the comedians I dig most...CK, Birbigs, Tompkins, Mulaney...all their bits are longer. It's not in-and-out jokes. They're on a topic for minutes at a time. They go somewhere with it. I figure if that's what I like most, then that's what I should be trying to do.

It used to be I'd have an aha moment for a new joke idea. Now it's sometimes an aha moment where I figure out that some old joke I threw away can be tied in with something new I'm working on.

CK and Galifianakis tonight (Monday)

Oh what a night. Late December 1963. Or early February 2009, if you like comedy.

CK is doing a set at Comix tonight for $15. Tickets. Last minute thing. CK explains:

Hello folks. I am all of a sudden doing a full hour plus long set tonight at COMIX on 14th street in new york city. I am running the set for a director who might shoot my next special with me in March. So if you want to see me do my full concert set in a half full club in New York city for a relatively cheap price, come to COMIX tonight, Monday, February 9th at 8PM.

Also tonight:

Whiplash @ UCB
11:00 pm — FREE
Monday February 9, 2009
w/Zach Galifianakis, Kristen Schaal, and Eugene Mirman.
Reservations.

Video: Boot Camp Yoga

Saw this sign for a Boot Camp Yoga type class near where I live:



I made a movie showing what I imagine that being like:



(Made this using xtranormal — you type something, it turns it into a movie.)

Nominees for ECNY Awards announced

Hey there, my "We're All Friends Here" cohost Mark Normand was nominated as Best Emerging Comic at the ECNY Awards! Congrats Mark, well deserved. And I mean that. Not only is he really hilarious — he's still one of my faves to watch even though I see him constantly — but he hustles as hard as anyone in the game.

I asked Mark if he had any comment to share with y'all. His response:

Oh boy... uh, I really appreciate it. I want to thank all the really shitty shows in new york for making comedy incredibly hard. Also, Vote Patton!

Heh. He means Sean Patton, who's also nominated (and hilarious). What a diplomat.

How were nominees determined? According to the site, internet voters could nominate people and then the finalists were determined by the ECNY Industry Committee.

We take that list to our hand-picked Industry Committee which consists of a broad spectrum of comedy professionals based in New York. These people live and breathe comedy: they manage theaters, they produce shows, they work in television, they run internet sites, they blog about us and review shows. The Industry Committee vote and the top vote getters became nominees.

Winners will be announced at an awards ceremony on March 9 at Comix.

What it feels like to kill

What's it feel like when you're really killing? I was watching "The Hustler" the other day and I thought this speech that Fast Eddie (Paul Newman) gives comes close to describing something that probably can't really be described. He's talking about playing pool but you get the drift...

When I'm goin', I mean, when I'm REALLY goin' I feel like a... like a jockey must feel. He's sittin' on his horse, he's got all that speed and that power underneath him... he's comin' into the stretch, the pressure's on 'im, and he KNOWS... just feels... when to let it go and how much. Cause he's got everything workin' for 'im: timing, touch. It's a great feeling, boy, it's a real great feeling when you're right and you KNOW you're right.

It's like all of a sudden I got oil in my arm. The pool cue's part of me. You know, it's a - pool cue, it's got nerves in it. It's a piece of wood, it's got nerves in it. Feel the roll of those balls, you don't have to look, you just KNOW. You make shots that nobody's ever made before. I can play that game the way... NOBODY'S ever played it before.

Ok, maybe it's a stretch. But I dug it.

Don't be [redacted]

Mark and I discussing the sameyness of comics we see at mics/shows in NYC...

Me:

i think comics we know don't think about this enough: what will i be remembered as after the show? the audience will know me as "the guy who talks about _____." what's the blank? birbigs whole act: i say stupid things i shouldn't. CK: i'm miserable and i hate my kids.

at the shows we go to, it's just so many white dudes telling similar jokes. why are you different? why will the crowd remember you? why would i know [redacted #1] from [redacted #2] from some other white dude who looks just like 'em? gotta have some sorta hook.

Mark:

Of course you have to stand out. I honestly don't know the difference between [redacted #3] and [redacted #4]. To me they are the same fucking guy! That terrifies me. I never want to be that. On stage or in life. Be you, stand out, don't conform.

Confusable comics get redacted in people's brains.

Daily Show guest too fat to walk to set?

Daily Show guests always walk on to the set from the wings after being introduced by Jon Stewart. But not former National Economic Council Director Lawrence Lindsey, who stopped by the show on Monday. Instead, he's just there. Sitting. Waiting.



Unprecedented! Now I'm just dying to see this guy walk somewhere. Anywhere. Maybe he just gets hauled around from place to place using a system of pulleys — or anti-gravity suspensors like Baron Vladimir Harkonnen in Dune.

(That's right, I went old school Sci-Fi reference on your ass. Sue me! Hmm, that might be my new tagline..."Sue me!" Got a nice ring to it.)

The Pocket is down

FYI, The Pocket (sidebar area where I share links) is down for the time being due to a meltdown at bookmark sharing website Ma.gnolia. "The failure appears to be catastrophic." Sounds bad, but apparently they're working on it. If they can't fix, I'll look into using something else.

Update: Switched from Ma.gnolia to Delicious for The Pocket's links. Let's see how it goes.

Harvard Business School, Sandpaper Suit, and Chris Rock's small experiments

Whoa, Sandpaper Suit got a shoutout at the Harvard Business School blog. Here: "Innovate Like Chris Rock." In it, Peter Sims, author of a book on leadership, refers to my post about watching Rock work out new material. Here's what Sims wrote:

We can all innovate like Chris Rock. Consider his process and methods.

First, he picks small venues where he can do rapid, low-risk experiments with new material. In gearing up for his latest global tour, he made between 40 and 50 appearances at a small venue called the Stress Factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey, not far from where he lives. Rock told the Orange Country Register, "It's like boxing training camp. I always pick a comedy club to work out in."

In front of audiences of say 30 to 40 people, Rock will bring a yellow legal note pad with lots of joke ideas scribbled on it, according to fellow comedian Matt Ruby. In sets that run say 45 minutes, many of the jokes will fall flat, but according to Ruby, "There were 5-10 lines during the night that were just ridiculously good. Like lightning bolts. My sense is that he starts with these bolts and then writes around them."

It's all part of a process. When the material falls flat, Rock will even pause to say things like, "This needs to be fleshed out more if it's gonna make it."

In an eerie way, Chris Rock innovates like Amazon does. Amazon led by founder and CEO Jeff Bezos has continuously used experiments to identify unique growth opportunities beyond the company's core book business - such as the Kindle, Amazon stores, and elastic cloud computing.

Ah, ol' Mortimer the Steel Baron would be so proud — though he's more of a Wharton man really.

FYI, several of the bits Rock was working on at the time wound up in his "Kill The Messenger" special. Overall, I thought KTM was funny but not as great as his first couple of HBO specials. And the rapid-fire cuts between the different shows really sucked. Didn't it occur to anyone at HBO that kind of chop suey editing might fuck with the timing?

February NYC shows at beer gardens, wine bars, candy stores, etc.

I'll be doing spots at these upcoming shows:

02/03 09:00 PM - Comedyland @ Bohemian Hall and Beer Garden
02/08 08:00 PM - Denial Sunday @ Rouge Wine Bar
02/10 07:00 PM - Comedy Showdown @ Ochi’s Lounge (Comix)
02/12 08:00 PM - Live on DavidAngeloRadio.com
02/13 10:00 PM - The Ultimate Experts @ The Producer’s Club
02/20 09:00 PM - WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE @ THE CREEK
02/21 08:00 PM - If You Build It @ Karma
02/22 08:00 PM - Sunday Night Standup @ Three of Cups Lounge
02/23 07:30 PM - Monday Evening Stand-Up @ Pete’s Candy Store

Ya can always find upcoming gigs listed at my MySpace page.

(Updated) Brian Regan wrings the towel dry

(Updated this post with a version of the clip that works.)

According to Patton Oswalt: "Brian Regan's THE BEST stand-up working today." I don't know if I'd go that far, but I def enjoy watching Regan perform (and I give guys like him, Birbigs, Gaffigan, and Paul F. extra points for being clean yet still funny).



One thing I noticed while watching this "Me Monsters" clip: He really knows how to wring the towel dry. By that, I mean he really gets every last drop out of an act out. A couple of examples...

Example 1: At 1:40 in, he makes fun of people who have to outdo ya with their medical tales. A lot of comics would end after one or two examples (say where he gets a laugh on "I've had nine wisdom teeth pulled.") But Regan milks it for a good 20 seconds more. Turns a premise that most comics would get only a chuckle out of into a full bit that hits hard. (Applause break but who knows if that was sweetened afterwards.)

Example 2: At 3:14 in, he makes fun of "Me Monsters" who talk about themselves too much. Again, he turns what would be a one-line punch by another comic into a full 20 second act out. (Maybe 20 seconds is some kind of magical amount of time for act outs?) It's not just stretching for the sake of stretching either. He goes somewhere by ending with the chest thumping and the whole extended thing offers the perfect contrast for the short moon line that follows.

Is it better to start off as a comic in NYC or somewhere else?

I'd say somewhere else. Stay in (or, if you're in a podunk town, move to) Chicago, Boston, or Seattle and take some time to build your chops. The worst thing about comedy in NYC is how hard it is to get stage time. Other cities give you more of a chance to grow and get in front of real audiences sooner (and non-NYC crowds are usually more tolerant). Then, when you're really killing it in your home town, consider making the move.

That said, you'll be in for a rude awakening when you get here. Comics who are really cooking in, say, Seattle come to NYC and find that they pretty much have to start over. That can be a tough thing, to go from doing sweet gigs in front of real audiences to schlepping from one open mic to another where you're performing only for comics who don't give a fuck.

Also, you'll probably have to dump a lot of your material. Jokes that work on the road or in other cities can crash hard in NYC. The plus side to that: I think if you can kill here, you know you've got strong material. I feel like the talent level of other comedians and the savviness of audiences here really push you to come up with stronger material than you would otherwise.

After you move here, then what? Well, it helps if you've got friends here already. Being hilarious is a good start, but having people who can hook you up with spots and vouch for you to others can help you skip ahead and save months of grunt work. Still, you'll probably need to perform wherever and whenever at first.

And then there's the whole social aspect of being a comic. Being "on the scene" is cheesy sounding but it is the best way to get spots and get known.

Derek Sivers is a guy who advises musicians but I think a lot of his advice applies to comics too. In Advice for a 19-year-old guitarist who wants to be a session musician, he talks about the importance of social skills:

Commit yourself to learning the social skills needed to be the guy that people call. It means a few hours a day of meeting everyone you can, being around the studios where people are hiring session musicians, being a good listener, being positive and helpful, keeping in touch, etc.

(I made a living as a session musician in NYC for a few years. I’m a good guitarist, but I swear the reason I kept getting called is I would find a way to appreciate whatever crap they played me, telling them that it’s awesome. It was a white lie but a good one, because people can be really insecure in the studio, and need encouragement.)

Be humble and constantly learning, understanding you’ve made a many-year-long commitment to mastery. Some may scoff at you for being the new kid in town, so agree with them, respect their experience, and make sure they know you’re committed. So few really are, that you’re sure to stand out.

Just translate that to comedy and it's equally good advice. Go to all the shows, listen to people, be positive, leave witty comments on people's Facebook accounts, tell someone when you like one of their bits, and show that you're really committed to it. Do that for long enough and people notice.

And constantly get more hilarious. The best thing you can do is be undeniably good.

Taping sets to get phrasing and delivery and to remember funny riffs

I'm at a mic the other night watching a comic who's kinda struggling. Yet a couple of lines he says get huge laughs. The thing is they aren't his intended punchlines. They're just little asides: "I was at this mic the other week and no one there liked me." "I work with Italian guys, the kind who wear gel in their hair." I know, they don't sound funny, but these lines got laughs.

Too bad he wasn't recording his set. He might be able to listen back, find the laughs, learn from 'em, and maybe even use those exact lines again.

A week later I saw this girl get up and riff off one of the earlier comics. She went into detail about her woes with men and how she was a late bloomer and it was all fucking hilarious. Totally off the cuff. Then she settled into her material. Wasn't nearly as funny. I sat there thinking what a shame she wasn't taping the set. She had gold, and it was probably just going to slip away.

In fact, I hardly ever see people taping their sets which is surprising to me. After the fact, it's tough to remember where the laughs came 100% of the time. Plus sometimes it's the exact phrasing or delivery that gets the laugh. If you don't tape it, you may never figure out how/why what you said was funny. You make your job that much harder. And you waste your stage time in a way. As a wise man once said, "Stage time in this city is too valuable to waste."

Here's an example of how taping a set made one of my jokes better. It's an older bit I've been bringing back recently:



"Promotion done!" wasn't part of the original bit. Just came out one night and it seemed to serve as a nice exclamation point. I think people wanted a hook to hang a laugh on.

If I hadn't been taping that set, I'm not sure I ever woulda remembered even saying that line (or that it got laughs). But now I always include it. Do I feel like a dork always setting up my recorder or a camera? Yeah. But it's better than just letting good stuff slip away.

The definition of the word "anal"

It's weird that the word "anal" means either 1) you're doing a completely disgusting sex act or 2) you're incredibly neat. I'm sticking my penis where you shit...or I really like organizing my sock drawer!

If you are anal, you hate anal. Well, can you be a guy who's both anal and into anal? I guess it could work...some guy who uses his OCD as an excuse: "Nancy, I told you: I need to have sex with your body parts in alphabetical order!"

It almost seems like one of those things that would lead to a misunderstanding on Three's Company:

Larry: Jack, you told me she was an anal freak!
Jack: Larry, I meant a neat freak.
Mr. Furley: I don't think you're getting your beads back this time.
Larry and Jack [in unison]: Mr. Fuuuuurley!

Actually, I think if you're anal, you have to find a different way to degrade a woman. I guess you could call it emotional anal. Like you call your wife from a strip club. "Yeah, headed to the Champagne Room honey, just thought you'd like to know." It's still messy, but only in your head.

Y'know the key to a good joke about anal: You've got to stretch it as wide, I mean as long as you can.

Take it easy ladies, ya gotta be the butt of the joke sometimes!

Ok, this has gone too far.
That's what she said.

Enough. [Begins penning apology letter.]