A busboy comes out with a pizza. He's looking around frantically trying to figure out who ordered the pizza. And then he locks eyes with me. And I realize what's going on after a second and I'm like, "Oh no." And I shake my head. And then I look down at my feet. And then I shuffle away.
And I realized that's how hot girls feel all the time. It's like every guy they meet is trying to offer them a pizza they didn't order. You SURE you didn't order this? Well, are you hungry? Because I have a truck out back with 2,000 more pizzas. I'm all backed up with pizza. Please!?
So guys, imagine what it must feel like if every time you made eye contact with someone they offered you a pizza. At first, you'd be, "Oh great, I like pizza!" But soon it would start to get weird: "You're my cab driver, why are you even offering me pizza? And where would I eat it?" Eventually you'd get fed up. "Listen, I'm just trying to get to work. I don't want a pizza" And then they'd go, "Bitch." "I just didn't want pizza." "Well, maybe you shouldn't have dressed like you wanted pizza then." Which is true if you're wearing a shirt that says, "Offer me pizza. My Daddy didn't love me." You shouldn't do that.
Ah, beauty. What are you gonna do with that? Stare at it, I guess...and then cry.
5/11/09
The margaritas at Rodeo Bar are strong
(L to R) Girl in blue shirt, Mark Normand, me, guy in green jacket, Mara Herron, and Matt Maragno after Matt and Margie Kment's "Now We're Talking" show at Rodeo Bar last Wednesday. I believe Mark is looking for his contact lens, which fell in that girl's ass crack.
5/8/09
How a few Jersey girls stole $3,200 from Greg Giraldo's audience last night
Went to see Greg Giraldo at Gotham Comedy Club last night. I'm a big fan. (Seeing him do a Monday night spot at UCB's Crash Test years ago when I first moved to NYC was a revelatory moment for me. He was like a whipsmart tornado onstage. One of the things that inspired me to try standup even.) Seen him a couple of times since and enjoyed it, but always shorter spots, never a headlining set.
So I was psyched. But the show was a bummer. The crowd was really disengaged. Giraldo even commented on it about 15 minutes in. "I just don't feel like I'm connecting with you guys and I don't know why." I knew why. Or at least a big part of why. It was two tables of Jerseyites sitting 10 feet away. Specifically, three of the girls there who just kept talking throughout the whole fucking show. Texting and looking at their phones and then showing each other what was on their phones. After 35 minutes they got up as a group and left. Huzzah. But then they returned again...and went on to be even more distracting.
Giraldo certainly wasn't terrible or anything. He plowed through and did a solid set. But eventually he just gave up on it when one of them screamed out "It's Tim's birthday." The silly part: Giraldo was setting up a bit about how stupid it is that people expect singing at restaurants and other special treatment on their birthdays. Giraldo couldn't even believe it and pointed out how people like that are exactly the problem he's talking about.
He then finished the bit and one of the girls yelled out something else. His response: "Fuck it, what did you say? I've already given up. I'm just going to marinade in my failure after this anyway so let's talk about whatever the fuck you want to talk about." And then of course the girls shut up. And so he just shat on them. Erupting in a tirade about what "twats" they were and showering them with expletives in a really cruel but funny way. It was pretty fucking great. The crowd loved it. It felt like the whole show had been building up to that moment of them getting their comeuppance.
After returning to his set, there was one more funny comment about the whole thing. Giraldo finished a joke, took a pause, and sighed. The room was dead silent. He goes, "So NOW you're all going to be fucking quiet!? Now, when I've got nothing to say??? You talked throughout every fucking joke so I cut all my bits in half because I couldn't even focus and NOW you shut the fuck up?" Pretty damn hilarious.
I'm used to dealing with shit like this onstage but it was weird being an audience member and watching it all go down. All I wanted was for someone to shut these girls up. I was praying for Giraldo to notice them and shut them down. Or for a bouncer to go over and ask them to keep it down. I even considered passing them a "please be quiet" note at one point but figured that might just make it worse.
They really destroyed the show. And it wasn't a cheap show either. Between tickets and the two drink min, most people there spent at least $40. And there was like 200 people there. That's $8,000. I'd say we only got 60% of the value of a normal Giraldo show. If you're willing to make the leap (and do the math), these girls destroyed $3,200 worth of show. They stole $3,200 from the other people in that room. Crazy. Something like that would never happen at a play. But I guess the fragility of comedy is also a big part of what makes it so great when it's working.
One other thing too. The featuring comic, Jesse Joyce, had a decent set. He didn't address the crowd at all except for one moment when they yelled something out in the middle of a joke. At least Giraldo could break it down and get real with the audience and call the moment. He admitted that shit was going wrong. A headliner can do that. When you're featuring or MCing, you don't get to take chances as much. Imagine if Joyce had done that and turned the whole room sour. Giraldo would have been pissed as hell, I imagine.
Anyway, strange night. And I don't hold it against Giraldo. Still think he's great. Apparently, he'll be taping a new special in June so that will be good to see. Been too long since his last album. (Makes what those girls did even worse since he's probably working hard on getting material ready for that.) Anyway, he's a guy who should be getting more than he does.
So I was psyched. But the show was a bummer. The crowd was really disengaged. Giraldo even commented on it about 15 minutes in. "I just don't feel like I'm connecting with you guys and I don't know why." I knew why. Or at least a big part of why. It was two tables of Jerseyites sitting 10 feet away. Specifically, three of the girls there who just kept talking throughout the whole fucking show. Texting and looking at their phones and then showing each other what was on their phones. After 35 minutes they got up as a group and left. Huzzah. But then they returned again...and went on to be even more distracting.
Giraldo certainly wasn't terrible or anything. He plowed through and did a solid set. But eventually he just gave up on it when one of them screamed out "It's Tim's birthday." The silly part: Giraldo was setting up a bit about how stupid it is that people expect singing at restaurants and other special treatment on their birthdays. Giraldo couldn't even believe it and pointed out how people like that are exactly the problem he's talking about.
He then finished the bit and one of the girls yelled out something else. His response: "Fuck it, what did you say? I've already given up. I'm just going to marinade in my failure after this anyway so let's talk about whatever the fuck you want to talk about." And then of course the girls shut up. And so he just shat on them. Erupting in a tirade about what "twats" they were and showering them with expletives in a really cruel but funny way. It was pretty fucking great. The crowd loved it. It felt like the whole show had been building up to that moment of them getting their comeuppance.
After returning to his set, there was one more funny comment about the whole thing. Giraldo finished a joke, took a pause, and sighed. The room was dead silent. He goes, "So NOW you're all going to be fucking quiet!? Now, when I've got nothing to say??? You talked throughout every fucking joke so I cut all my bits in half because I couldn't even focus and NOW you shut the fuck up?" Pretty damn hilarious.
I'm used to dealing with shit like this onstage but it was weird being an audience member and watching it all go down. All I wanted was for someone to shut these girls up. I was praying for Giraldo to notice them and shut them down. Or for a bouncer to go over and ask them to keep it down. I even considered passing them a "please be quiet" note at one point but figured that might just make it worse.
They really destroyed the show. And it wasn't a cheap show either. Between tickets and the two drink min, most people there spent at least $40. And there was like 200 people there. That's $8,000. I'd say we only got 60% of the value of a normal Giraldo show. If you're willing to make the leap (and do the math), these girls destroyed $3,200 worth of show. They stole $3,200 from the other people in that room. Crazy. Something like that would never happen at a play. But I guess the fragility of comedy is also a big part of what makes it so great when it's working.
One other thing too. The featuring comic, Jesse Joyce, had a decent set. He didn't address the crowd at all except for one moment when they yelled something out in the middle of a joke. At least Giraldo could break it down and get real with the audience and call the moment. He admitted that shit was going wrong. A headliner can do that. When you're featuring or MCing, you don't get to take chances as much. Imagine if Joyce had done that and turned the whole room sour. Giraldo would have been pissed as hell, I imagine.
Anyway, strange night. And I don't hold it against Giraldo. Still think he's great. Apparently, he'll be taping a new special in June so that will be good to see. Been too long since his last album. (Makes what those girls did even worse since he's probably working hard on getting material ready for that.) Anyway, he's a guy who should be getting more than he does.
5/7/09
We're All Friends Here: The 1 Year Anniversary Show
One week from Friday. We're bringing back three of our fave guests from year one:
* Kumail Nanjiani (Jimmy Kimmel Live)
* Sean Patton (Just for Laughs)
* Dan Goodman (Best We're All Friends Here interview ever!)
Plus another special surprise guest too.
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE:
THE 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY SHOW
The comedy chat show with boundary issues
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
FREE
Friday, May 15
9pm @ The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Map
Just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan
* Kumail Nanjiani (Jimmy Kimmel Live)
* Sean Patton (Just for Laughs)
* Dan Goodman (Best We're All Friends Here interview ever!)
Plus another special surprise guest too.
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE:
THE 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY SHOW
The comedy chat show with boundary issues
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
FREE
Friday, May 15
9pm @ The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Map
Just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan
5/6/09
If show producers told the truth, it'd sound like this...
What if show producers were upfront and told the truth to comics they don't want to book? Mark and I were talking about it and came up with this...
Thanks for asking about the show. I'll keep you in mind. Please note that if I do book you, it might not be right away. No need to keep following up. You're on the radar.
I'd like to be honest with you though. I'm extremely picky and I turn down the majority of people who ask to be on the show. If you wind up not getting booked, here's the most likely reason: It's not clear to me that you're funny enough. I know that makes me sound like a dick, but I take pride in putting on a top notch show. If someone comes out and deflates the room, it's a real blow to the show. So unless I know that you consistently kill, I probably won't put you up.
I get why this is annoying. I'm a comic too. I also hustle for spots on other shows and know what a hassle it is to get stage time. In fact, there are plenty of shows that I want to do but can't get booked on. The way I take it: I just need to get better so I reach a point where someone feels silly for not booking me.
A good show producer's priority isn't making other comics happy, it's putting on a great show. Part of that is saying no. The best shows are great because they have tough booking policies. There's a reason why it's hard for people to get a spot on, say, Whiplash — the producer won't put up people who might jeopardize the show. It's also why you have to be "passed" at the best comedy clubs — it's on the club if you fuck up. It can be annoying for comics, but it's usually a very good thing for audiences.
At this point, maybe you're saying one of these:
"I'm funnier than ______ and you had them on the show."
That's your opinion. I might disagree. And if I do agree, maybe it was a mistake. It happens. But I always try to book the best mix of people at each show that we can. Also, I might have reasons for putting someone up that aren't clear to you but make sense to me.
"I booked you on my show so you should have me on yours."
I don't believe in spot swapping. I'm really happy you had me on your show but I don't do straight up trades for spots. I know other people do this but it's just not how I run my show. Sorry.
"But I'm your friend, come on!"
Some of my closest comedy pals are people I haven't booked on the show yet. It's not a popularity or friendship thing. So please understand and still be friendly. I'll do the same. I'm just trying to put on a good show, not piss you off.
"I come to the show all the time though."
Thank you, I love ya for that. But like the spot swapping thing, I'm also not into giving spots out to people just because they show up.
Just to say it again: I really appreciate your friendship, booking me on your show, and/or coming to the show. It's totally not a personal thing. PLEASE continue being my friend, booking me, and coming to the show. (Unless you really hate me. Then do what ya like.)
But I hope you at least appreciate where I'm coming from and the honesty of this response. I know other show producers who either 1) never respond to emails at all or 2) hide out from other comics in order to avoid confrontation. I don't want to be like that so that's where this is all coming from. Cool? I hope so.
And keep in mind this isn't a forever no. It's a right now no. The best way to change my mind: Start killing. All the time. If you're not at that level yet, then keep working harder. Write all the time. Do mics all the time. Become so funny that other people start talking about you.
If you're consistently hilarious and everyone knows it, booking you becomes a no-brainer. (Realize that might take months or years of hard work though.) When you get to that level of funniness, I'll definitely reconsider. Thanks for understanding and good luck.
If you're a show producer and you want to use this text or any part of it, feel free. (If you do repost any part of it online, please link back to Sandpaper Suit.)
Thanks for asking about the show. I'll keep you in mind. Please note that if I do book you, it might not be right away. No need to keep following up. You're on the radar.
I'd like to be honest with you though. I'm extremely picky and I turn down the majority of people who ask to be on the show. If you wind up not getting booked, here's the most likely reason: It's not clear to me that you're funny enough. I know that makes me sound like a dick, but I take pride in putting on a top notch show. If someone comes out and deflates the room, it's a real blow to the show. So unless I know that you consistently kill, I probably won't put you up.
I get why this is annoying. I'm a comic too. I also hustle for spots on other shows and know what a hassle it is to get stage time. In fact, there are plenty of shows that I want to do but can't get booked on. The way I take it: I just need to get better so I reach a point where someone feels silly for not booking me.
A good show producer's priority isn't making other comics happy, it's putting on a great show. Part of that is saying no. The best shows are great because they have tough booking policies. There's a reason why it's hard for people to get a spot on, say, Whiplash — the producer won't put up people who might jeopardize the show. It's also why you have to be "passed" at the best comedy clubs — it's on the club if you fuck up. It can be annoying for comics, but it's usually a very good thing for audiences.
At this point, maybe you're saying one of these:
"I'm funnier than ______ and you had them on the show."
That's your opinion. I might disagree. And if I do agree, maybe it was a mistake. It happens. But I always try to book the best mix of people at each show that we can. Also, I might have reasons for putting someone up that aren't clear to you but make sense to me.
"I booked you on my show so you should have me on yours."
I don't believe in spot swapping. I'm really happy you had me on your show but I don't do straight up trades for spots. I know other people do this but it's just not how I run my show. Sorry.
"But I'm your friend, come on!"
Some of my closest comedy pals are people I haven't booked on the show yet. It's not a popularity or friendship thing. So please understand and still be friendly. I'll do the same. I'm just trying to put on a good show, not piss you off.
"I come to the show all the time though."
Thank you, I love ya for that. But like the spot swapping thing, I'm also not into giving spots out to people just because they show up.
Just to say it again: I really appreciate your friendship, booking me on your show, and/or coming to the show. It's totally not a personal thing. PLEASE continue being my friend, booking me, and coming to the show. (Unless you really hate me. Then do what ya like.)
But I hope you at least appreciate where I'm coming from and the honesty of this response. I know other show producers who either 1) never respond to emails at all or 2) hide out from other comics in order to avoid confrontation. I don't want to be like that so that's where this is all coming from. Cool? I hope so.
And keep in mind this isn't a forever no. It's a right now no. The best way to change my mind: Start killing. All the time. If you're not at that level yet, then keep working harder. Write all the time. Do mics all the time. Become so funny that other people start talking about you.
If you're consistently hilarious and everyone knows it, booking you becomes a no-brainer. (Realize that might take months or years of hard work though.) When you get to that level of funniness, I'll definitely reconsider. Thanks for understanding and good luck.
If you're a show producer and you want to use this text or any part of it, feel free. (If you do repost any part of it online, please link back to Sandpaper Suit.)
5/5/09
5/4/09
Trying to sound foreign
I get annoyed when people go to a foreign country and come back acting like they're actually from that place. "We spent a week in BarTHalona. And then a couple of days in THaragoTHa." Sorry pal, you're American and you THound like an aTHole, comprendé? The matador outfit ain't helping either. Same goes for Americans who say "cheers" instead of thank you. You don't sound British, you sound like a big Ted Danson fan. And if you call me "mate," we better be 1) in Australia or 2) hoisting a mainsail.
5/1/09
The ins and outs of hosting
I recently saw a host who started threatening a guy in the front row. The guy didn't play along with some questions so the MC started "joking" about how he was going to kick the guy's ass and sleep with his girlfriend. I'm fine with playfully roasting crowd members (Sean Donnelly is one MC who does a great job and does that all the time), but when it's physical threats and "really, I'm going to fuck your girlfriend" stuff, it bums me out. I sat there thinking, "This is why so many people who come to comedy shows don't want to sit up front."
I've actually been hosting a bunch lately. In the past month, I've MC'd at RG Daniels and Erik Bergstrom's Sunday Night Standup at Three of Cups, Dan Mahoney and Gabe Pacheco's Haiku show at Jeollado, and Chesley Calloway and Sean Patton's CSL show at Kabin. (All really fun shows, a big thanks to those guys for having me.) And then there's We're All Friends Here of course.
I really dig hosting. With a normal NYC-length set (8-12 minutes), you're in and out. Just when you feel like you get to know the crowd, it's time to go. When hosting, you can take a little more time to feel out the room. You get to come back throughout the night and build up a vibe with the crowd. And it's fun to riff off whatever the last comic was talking about or do crowdwork with people that you've actually gotten to know a little bit.
And I amuse myself by playing a game where I search my brain for any older bit I have that relates to something the comic onstage is talking about. Then I try to segue into it in a non-bitty way. It's a good way to bring dormant jokes back to life. Sometimes you realize there's more bite there than you thought.
Last night I did Harrison Greenbaum and Sam Morril's Don't Touch the Foot show at Sage Theater. It's always hosted by Baratunde Thurston. I've seen Baratunde host a couple of times now and I think he's really great at it. He's a funny guy but what I think he really excels at is the not-funny part of hosting. He gets the crowd to feel like a unit instead of individuals. He's really conversational. He finds out who people are, where they're from, how they found the show, etc. but without doing it in an annoying way. He really builds up the energy before intro'ing each comic and gets the crowd to applaud and make noise without badgering them too much.
And he did a really key thing last night: He got a sparse, spread out room of people to all get up and move to the front couple of rows so it felt more like a cohesive crowd. A little thing like that can really make or break a show.
To be a great MC, you have to be a bit selfless. Instead of putting yourself first, you need to put the show first. Like I've said before, hosting a show is like hosting a party. When you host a party, you don't always have the most fun. You have to worry about the music, getting people drinks, intro'ing strangers, and making sure there's a good energy going on. But all that work is what enables everybody else to feel welcome and have a good time.
Related: Comedy Feng Shui: 10 things that ruin comedy shows
I've actually been hosting a bunch lately. In the past month, I've MC'd at RG Daniels and Erik Bergstrom's Sunday Night Standup at Three of Cups, Dan Mahoney and Gabe Pacheco's Haiku show at Jeollado, and Chesley Calloway and Sean Patton's CSL show at Kabin. (All really fun shows, a big thanks to those guys for having me.) And then there's We're All Friends Here of course.
I really dig hosting. With a normal NYC-length set (8-12 minutes), you're in and out. Just when you feel like you get to know the crowd, it's time to go. When hosting, you can take a little more time to feel out the room. You get to come back throughout the night and build up a vibe with the crowd. And it's fun to riff off whatever the last comic was talking about or do crowdwork with people that you've actually gotten to know a little bit.
And I amuse myself by playing a game where I search my brain for any older bit I have that relates to something the comic onstage is talking about. Then I try to segue into it in a non-bitty way. It's a good way to bring dormant jokes back to life. Sometimes you realize there's more bite there than you thought.
Last night I did Harrison Greenbaum and Sam Morril's Don't Touch the Foot show at Sage Theater. It's always hosted by Baratunde Thurston. I've seen Baratunde host a couple of times now and I think he's really great at it. He's a funny guy but what I think he really excels at is the not-funny part of hosting. He gets the crowd to feel like a unit instead of individuals. He's really conversational. He finds out who people are, where they're from, how they found the show, etc. but without doing it in an annoying way. He really builds up the energy before intro'ing each comic and gets the crowd to applaud and make noise without badgering them too much.
And he did a really key thing last night: He got a sparse, spread out room of people to all get up and move to the front couple of rows so it felt more like a cohesive crowd. A little thing like that can really make or break a show.
To be a great MC, you have to be a bit selfless. Instead of putting yourself first, you need to put the show first. Like I've said before, hosting a show is like hosting a party. When you host a party, you don't always have the most fun. You have to worry about the music, getting people drinks, intro'ing strangers, and making sure there's a good energy going on. But all that work is what enables everybody else to feel welcome and have a good time.
Related: Comedy Feng Shui: 10 things that ruin comedy shows
4/30/09
Upcoming NYC shows: Rodeo Bar, The Lilac, Joe Franklin's, etc.
Where you can see me perform in the next month...
4/30 10pm - Don't Touch The Foot @ Sage Theater
5/01 7pm - Otto’s Shrunken Head
5/03 7pm - All Cities Tourney @ Fontana’s
5/06 8pm - Rodeo Bar
5/08 10pm - 80 Minutes ’Til the Weekend @ Joe Franklin’s
5/09 9pm - Jokes Ahoy! @ The Lilac
5/12 9pm - Baby Hole @ The Lamp Post (Jersey City, NJ)
5/13 8pm - Shrink @ Otto’s Shrunken Head
5/15 9pm - *** WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE @ THE CREEK *** (LIC)
5/16 9pm - Jokes Ahoy! @ The Lilac
5/19 7pm - Comedy Showdown @ Ochi’s Lounge (Comix)
5/21 9pm - Jerk Practice @ Parkside Lounge
5/30 9pm - Jokes Ahoy! @ The Lilac
Info on those Lilac shows:
4/30 10pm - Don't Touch The Foot @ Sage Theater
5/01 7pm - Otto’s Shrunken Head
5/03 7pm - All Cities Tourney @ Fontana’s
5/06 8pm - Rodeo Bar
5/08 10pm - 80 Minutes ’Til the Weekend @ Joe Franklin’s
5/09 9pm - Jokes Ahoy! @ The Lilac
5/12 9pm - Baby Hole @ The Lamp Post (Jersey City, NJ)
5/13 8pm - Shrink @ Otto’s Shrunken Head
5/15 9pm - *** WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE @ THE CREEK *** (LIC)
5/16 9pm - Jokes Ahoy! @ The Lilac
5/19 7pm - Comedy Showdown @ Ochi’s Lounge (Comix)
5/21 9pm - Jerk Practice @ Parkside Lounge
5/30 9pm - Jokes Ahoy! @ The Lilac
Info on those Lilac shows:
Recent Twitter favorites
Follow me at Twitter and you'll get musings like these...
If I was a DJ, my DJ name would be Brass Tacks. And my flyers would say "Let's get down to Brass Tacks."
Darwinism fail: The most attractive people are NOT having the most children. (source: me after a weekend of tot-related events)
Please, no more jokes about 1) pagers and 2) 401k meaning $401,000. We GET it.
Audience etiquette card on the tables at Laugh Riot at the Hyatt show in Bethesda http://twitpic.com/405jc - good idea.
My sister has leopard skin wallpaper in her bathroom. We are a CLASSY family. http://twitpic.com/3x10a
I am hosting a show in the back of a sushi bar tonight. I guarantee you it will be raw.
Heavy drinkers hate New Year's Eve cuz it's "amateur night." Shouldn't stoners feel the same way about 4/20? And when is shroomer's day?
Wanna offend an indie rock snob? Misprounounce the name of The MC5 as if it's a McDonald's product: "My favorite band ever is The McFive!"
I don't care who your favorite Beatle is. As long as your least favorite Beatle is Paul. What a dick.
Jews are good at banking b/c Christians felt it was a dirty job. Hating 'em for it is like hating Mexicans for being good at washing dishes.
I don't understand people who get offended. If someone is wrong, they're stupid. Just ignore 'em. If someone is right, well, they're right.
I think astrology is for silly people. Do you really think everyone born within the same month as you has identical personality traits!?
I think the anarchist movement would go a lot further if it had a strong leader.
If I was a DJ, my DJ name would be Brass Tacks. And my flyers would say "Let's get down to Brass Tacks."
Darwinism fail: The most attractive people are NOT having the most children. (source: me after a weekend of tot-related events)
Please, no more jokes about 1) pagers and 2) 401k meaning $401,000. We GET it.
Audience etiquette card on the tables at Laugh Riot at the Hyatt show in Bethesda http://twitpic.com/405jc - good idea.
My sister has leopard skin wallpaper in her bathroom. We are a CLASSY family. http://twitpic.com/3x10a
I am hosting a show in the back of a sushi bar tonight. I guarantee you it will be raw.
Heavy drinkers hate New Year's Eve cuz it's "amateur night." Shouldn't stoners feel the same way about 4/20? And when is shroomer's day?
Wanna offend an indie rock snob? Misprounounce the name of The MC5 as if it's a McDonald's product: "My favorite band ever is The McFive!"
I don't care who your favorite Beatle is. As long as your least favorite Beatle is Paul. What a dick.
Jews are good at banking b/c Christians felt it was a dirty job. Hating 'em for it is like hating Mexicans for being good at washing dishes.
I don't understand people who get offended. If someone is wrong, they're stupid. Just ignore 'em. If someone is right, well, they're right.
I think astrology is for silly people. Do you really think everyone born within the same month as you has identical personality traits!?
I think the anarchist movement would go a lot further if it had a strong leader.
4/29/09
My dad hates everything
My dad doesn't do comedy. But he does do this great character that I call The Improv Complainer. The world throws out a random suggestion and whatever it is, he complains about it.
I spent last weekend with him and my sister. During a drive, I took notes on his various complaints about the options on satellite radio, etc. It went like this:
My sister mentions John Mayer, who's on the radio. My dad: "Who's John Mayer?" Sis: "He dated Jennifer Aniston." Dad: "It certainly didn't do much for his singing."
My sister changes the station. Now a recent Bob Dylan track is playing. My dad loves Bob Dylan. Dad: "Do you have any country?" Me: "Dad, this is Bob Dylan." Dad, realizing it's true: "It's not one of his best."
My sis switches to Howard Stern, who is interviewing Jerry O'Connell. O'Connell says, "I told my wife if she gets another dog, I'm leaving." My dad: "Sounds like a good deal for his wife." Keep in mind he has no idea who Jerry O'Connell is.
We pass a California Pizza Kitchen. My dad: "California pizza!? California pizza is THE WORST."
My sister switches to a hip-hop station. Dad: "How can they call this music?"
Dad: "Matt, did you see Ken Burns' jazz documentary?" Me: "No, how was it?" Dad: "Pretty good but not perfect. Too much about new jazz, not enough about old. He should have had more about Scott Joplin."
My sister switches to the "rock and blues" station. Dad: "Rock and blues? There's no chemistry between the two." Take that Eric Clapton!
That was all within a ten minute span. And the truth is my dad doesn't even like music. Or pizza. He's just constantly on the complaint warpath. (Hmm, a character that complains a lot onstage. I should totally explore that, eh?)
Also, he reminded me of this: He's a real neat freak. When I was a kid, he would constantly make sure that I washed my hands and brushed my teeth. I remember being young when Marvin Gaye's father shot Marvin Gaye. I asked my dad, "Why did Marvin Gaye's father kill him?" My dad's answer, without missing a beat: "Because he wouldn't brush his teeth."
I spent last weekend with him and my sister. During a drive, I took notes on his various complaints about the options on satellite radio, etc. It went like this:
My sister mentions John Mayer, who's on the radio. My dad: "Who's John Mayer?" Sis: "He dated Jennifer Aniston." Dad: "It certainly didn't do much for his singing."
My sister changes the station. Now a recent Bob Dylan track is playing. My dad loves Bob Dylan. Dad: "Do you have any country?" Me: "Dad, this is Bob Dylan." Dad, realizing it's true: "It's not one of his best."
My sis switches to Howard Stern, who is interviewing Jerry O'Connell. O'Connell says, "I told my wife if she gets another dog, I'm leaving." My dad: "Sounds like a good deal for his wife." Keep in mind he has no idea who Jerry O'Connell is.
We pass a California Pizza Kitchen. My dad: "California pizza!? California pizza is THE WORST."
My sister switches to a hip-hop station. Dad: "How can they call this music?"
Dad: "Matt, did you see Ken Burns' jazz documentary?" Me: "No, how was it?" Dad: "Pretty good but not perfect. Too much about new jazz, not enough about old. He should have had more about Scott Joplin."
My sister switches to the "rock and blues" station. Dad: "Rock and blues? There's no chemistry between the two." Take that Eric Clapton!
That was all within a ten minute span. And the truth is my dad doesn't even like music. Or pizza. He's just constantly on the complaint warpath. (Hmm, a character that complains a lot onstage. I should totally explore that, eh?)
Also, he reminded me of this: He's a real neat freak. When I was a kid, he would constantly make sure that I washed my hands and brushed my teeth. I remember being young when Marvin Gaye's father shot Marvin Gaye. I asked my dad, "Why did Marvin Gaye's father kill him?" My dad's answer, without missing a beat: "Because he wouldn't brush his teeth."
4/28/09
4/27/09
Jesse Thorn and On the Media hosts discuss Jon Stewart's immunity to criticism
In a recent episode of The Sound of Young America, Jesse Thorn interviewed Brooke Gladstone and Bob Garfield, the hosts of On the Media, a media criticism show on NPR.
Around 22:30 in to the interview, Jesse and Brooke have an exchange on The Daily Show that echoes the thoughts of my post "Jon Stewart should stop using comedy as a shield."
(Gladstone then claims that Stewart has been backing away from this stand, but Thorn disagrees with her.)
Good to see I'm not the only one feeling this way. Just to be clear, everyone in the interview loves Stewart and The Daily Show — and I do too. This isn't about do you like Jon Stewart, it's about whether it's ok for him to deflect all criticism with his "but I'm just a clown" excuse. It's awfully convenient to point fingers for a living and then argue that you're immune from the same kinda treatment. In my book, if ya give it, ya gotta be willing to take it.
Around 22:30 in to the interview, Jesse and Brooke have an exchange on The Daily Show that echoes the thoughts of my post "Jon Stewart should stop using comedy as a shield."
Thorn: As wonderful a media critic as Jon Stewart is, he seems very disinterested in bearing the burden of responsibility for anything he says — and in fact insists against all questioning that all he's trying to do is be funny and that's it, forever and ever amen.
Gladstone: Right. This is true, of course. He has created a wonderfully convenient out for himself.
(Gladstone then claims that Stewart has been backing away from this stand, but Thorn disagrees with her.)
Good to see I'm not the only one feeling this way. Just to be clear, everyone in the interview loves Stewart and The Daily Show — and I do too. This isn't about do you like Jon Stewart, it's about whether it's ok for him to deflect all criticism with his "but I'm just a clown" excuse. It's awfully convenient to point fingers for a living and then argue that you're immune from the same kinda treatment. In my book, if ya give it, ya gotta be willing to take it.
4/24/09
Picking a tape to use
Now that everyone watches standup clips online, the 5-10 minute tape that used to be standard fare feels a bit passé. The reason: Long online videos don't really get watched. Maybe by a show booker but not by normal people. That's why you see Comedy Central and others breaking online clips into 1-3 minute chunks. Just one bit or a few quick jokes. Anything longer overshoots the attention span of online viewers.
Still, you need a tape of a longer set for bookers, contests, etc. The best two recent tapes I have are from a few months back and recently I asked Mike Drucker's opinion (because he is very smart and very funny) on which one I should use. I thought his feedback was interesting so, with his permission, I'm sharing it here. (Unless you're a glutton for my standup, no need to watch both sets. The commentary about tapes in general is why I'm sharing this.)
Me to Mike:
Mike's reply:
Yes, it did help. I was so caught up in the audience reaction and my delivery that I wasn't even really thinking about the overall production quality of the tape. (Gotta get my head out of my own asshole sometimes, ya know?)
Also, it took a bunch of views of the first one before I noticed I say "oh boy" after a few different jokes. Some sorta weird nervous tick that I didn't catch at first. Weird that. Been watching out for it since.
Anyway, may be a moot point now since I had a hot set the other week in Chicago and it was filmed. A copy is on the way and my fingers are crossed it came out well. I think I've progressed since the above tapes were shot so it'll be nice to have one which shows that.
(P.S. That Karma tape, the one that's shot well, was filmed at the New Young Comedians show. A big shout out to Aalap, Chelsea, and Matteson for running a great show and hooking performers up with quality tapes too. The next one is actually tonight, Friday, at 8pm at Karma. Details/tickets here if you're interested.)
Still, you need a tape of a longer set for bookers, contests, etc. The best two recent tapes I have are from a few months back and recently I asked Mike Drucker's opinion (because he is very smart and very funny) on which one I should use. I thought his feedback was interesting so, with his permission, I'm sharing it here. (Unless you're a glutton for my standup, no need to watch both sets. The commentary about tapes in general is why I'm sharing this.)
Me to Mike:
hey MD-
need an expert opinion. i have two sets that are both decent and i'm wondering which one i should use as my goto tape.
i think this one is better (hot crowd, tight set). mark says this one is loose and more "the real Ruby."
hate to waste 20 mins of your day, but if you're willing to watch both and let me know which you think is better to send to show bookers, etc., i'd really appreciate it.
Mike's reply:
Matt,
Here's the deal with the videos.
Normally, I'd say the one you like more is better. Louder laughs longer pauses for laughs, which is great.
BUT I like the look of the other video more. The first video looks a little squashed and too bright and the angle is a bit weird. I think the Karma one has a much more complimentary look for you and feels much more professional-looking.
So comedically, I'd go with the Broadway one. True, the Karma one is a little more your style (and both are great, make no mistake), the Broadway one is just louder and more powerful on the laughs.
However, as far as professional look goes, I would learn towards Karma. It really feels shot well and you look better in it, the curtain looks better in it, and the angle feels more "pro club tape" than the Broadway one, all of which which may make you ultimately seem more professional.
Does that help at all?
Mike
Yes, it did help. I was so caught up in the audience reaction and my delivery that I wasn't even really thinking about the overall production quality of the tape. (Gotta get my head out of my own asshole sometimes, ya know?)
Also, it took a bunch of views of the first one before I noticed I say "oh boy" after a few different jokes. Some sorta weird nervous tick that I didn't catch at first. Weird that. Been watching out for it since.
Anyway, may be a moot point now since I had a hot set the other week in Chicago and it was filmed. A copy is on the way and my fingers are crossed it came out well. I think I've progressed since the above tapes were shot so it'll be nice to have one which shows that.
(P.S. That Karma tape, the one that's shot well, was filmed at the New Young Comedians show. A big shout out to Aalap, Chelsea, and Matteson for running a great show and hooking performers up with quality tapes too. The next one is actually tonight, Friday, at 8pm at Karma. Details/tickets here if you're interested.)
4/23/09
Photos of me from SXSW '09
Hey, I was The Honey Shot over at The Apiary today. Here's the photo:
Apiary caption: "Matt Ruby performs at SXSW 2009 | Photo: fuzuoko"
Man, I hated those silly wristbands. There are more of fuzuoko's SXSW photos at Flickr, including this one:
The cover shot of next month's Smug Illustrated?
And in case ya missed, this video I made goes behind the scenes at the comedy shows at SXSW 2009 (and some rock stuff too).
Man, I hated those silly wristbands. There are more of fuzuoko's SXSW photos at Flickr, including this one:
And in case ya missed, this video I made goes behind the scenes at the comedy shows at SXSW 2009 (and some rock stuff too).
"We're All Friends Here" podcast featuring Rory Scovel, Ali Wong, and David Cope
Now available: The latest "We're All Friends Here" podcast featuring Rory Scovel, Ali Wong, and David Cope. Listen here.
4/22/09
Marc Maron mocks the way comedians laugh
Left: Marc Maron performing at "Punch Up Your Life!" (Pete Holmes and Jessi Klein's new show) last night. This was right after a funny moment where Maron started mocking the way comedians laugh. To paraphrase: "See, that's all the comedians in the back laughing. You can tell because they don't actually laugh. They're too jaded. So they just kinda make a noise ('Aaaaaah') that shows they approve."
Guilty as charged. Actually, I don't even make a sound usually. If I think something's well written, it'll get a smirk out of me. But for real laughs, it's usually gotta be a riff or random aside or something I just didn't see coming at all.
4/21/09
Think Tank: Beach
It's the debut of Think Tank, the new web series from Mark and I. We're gonna try and post a new one every week. Stay tuned.
4/20/09
The invented foil in "Everything's amazing, nobody's happy"
You know that Louis CK on Conan "Everything's amazing, nobody's happy" piece that's taken off? Turns out the guy he's mocking in the joke is actually CK himself. [thx JW]
Interesting that he changed the perspective that way. The rage he feels is what makes the bit sing. It'd be a totally different joke if he said, "I'm an idiot because I felt..."
Also noteworthy that the original incident was years ago. Sometimes jokes come in a flash and sometimes they take months/years of marinading before they hit. I just finished the ending to a bit that I first started doing over two years ago. I had no idea where to take it back then. After a long period of subconscious stewing, helpful advice from others, and plain 'ol getting better at standup, I think it's finally there. Better late than never.
You know what's interesting about that clip to me? It's really about me, it's not about other people. Like the story I tell Conan about the guy sitting next to me on the airplane when the Internet shuts down suddenly, and he says, "This is bulls---," and I go,"How can you be angry? People owe you something that existed a minute ago?" There wasn't anybody next to me on the plane, that was me. People don't talk to me on airplanes. [Laughs] Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me.
The fact is, I was really upset that the Internet shut down. I was livid. Then I caught myself — wait a minute, what are you upset about? This was incredible that it was possible even. It was like an epiphany to me, I started seeing things differently. "Take a breath and calm down, this is as good as they make these right now. This is as good as it is, and it's pretty goddamn great." And the same thing with the planes, they're hurling tons of metal with people in it all over the earth, all day, every day, 24 hours a day, safely. It's because these people are dedicated geniuses that we're all landing safely but somehow it doesn't make us happy. Too bad.
Interesting that he changed the perspective that way. The rage he feels is what makes the bit sing. It'd be a totally different joke if he said, "I'm an idiot because I felt..."
Also noteworthy that the original incident was years ago. Sometimes jokes come in a flash and sometimes they take months/years of marinading before they hit. I just finished the ending to a bit that I first started doing over two years ago. I had no idea where to take it back then. After a long period of subconscious stewing, helpful advice from others, and plain 'ol getting better at standup, I think it's finally there. Better late than never.
4/17/09
Audience member gets sick of personal material
Email exchange with Mark after a recent show...
Me:
Mark:
Me:
my friend who likes comedy was there. interesting to hear his take on the night. he said my set was diff than other comics 'cuz i was the only one who "didn't just talk about his own asshole all night." funny to hear that. we always hear "be more personal" but to this guy it was a turnoff that people just talked about their own lives and nothing else. maybe there's something to the idea that mixing observational and personal is a nicer blend than going all one or the other.
Mark:
I totally agree with your friend. I mean, somewhat. I hate when comics just go up and talk about themselves. I think it can be great but you've gotta talk abt the world around you. to me that's the point of doing comedy. If I talk about myself I try to make it super relatable. When I say my gf had a pregnancy scare that is to set up a joke about babies, not my life.
4/16/09
Tomorrow (Fri) at We're All Friends Here: Glover, Haines, and Haynes
THIS FRIDAY @ 8PM
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
The comedy chat show with boundary issues!
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
Guests:
Donald Glover (30 Rock, Derrick)
Kent Haines (Philly's Funniest Winner)
Andy Haynes (Last Comic Standing, semifinalist Seattle International
Comedy Competition)
Friday, April 17
8pm @ The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Map
Just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
The comedy chat show with boundary issues!
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
Guests:
Donald Glover (30 Rock, Derrick)
Kent Haines (Philly's Funniest Winner)
Andy Haynes (Last Comic Standing, semifinalist Seattle International
Comedy Competition)
Friday, April 17
8pm @ The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Map
Just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan
4/15/09
The fascination with hecklers
This video where I deal with an audience member who yells "fuck you" at me was posted back in November and has been viewed almost 24,000 times (way more than any of my other YouTube clips). Seems like people love the tension that comes when a comic and a heckler go at each other.
This thread at AST has some interesting talk about hecklers, the difference between them and talkers, and some interesting videos of comics dealing with hecklers.
As I've mentioned here before, I really like Paul F. Tompkins' advice on hecklers:
That mentality is part of why I actually stopped during the "fuck you" set and asked the guy why he's yelling. I wanted to know what was going on and see if there was something fun there. And that's what made the whole thing really soar.
(I think having an actual foil in the crowd amped up my energy level too and really helped sell the whole thing. Good lesson there too. Maybe I should start imagining there's an "enemy" in the crowd for more of my bits.)
Some interesting bits from that AST thread: AmericasMobileDevice talks about how smart clubs deal with potential problems in the crowd by seating them near the back:
A non-comic asks, "If I ever grow balls and do standup I think I will just say, 'You guys are embarrassing me, please stop' when I am heckled." Louis CK responds with this:
And bryan_champ posts this video of Chicago comic Ken Barnard doing a great job handling some drunks in the front row. I love how he mocks them yet still keeps them on his side. It's worth checking out.
This thread at AST has some interesting talk about hecklers, the difference between them and talkers, and some interesting videos of comics dealing with hecklers.
As I've mentioned here before, I really like Paul F. Tompkins' advice on hecklers:
What took me forever to learn was that you have to give these people enough rope to either hang themselves or show that they are not actually a threat. It's worth talking to hecklers to see if they are just goons who are trying to ruin your set or if they are just enthusiastic folks who want to get in on the fun. Talking to them lets the audience know what they're all about, so if you need to take them out, you will definitely have the audience on your side. If they're simply nice people who don't realize they're committing a faux pas — and believe me, most people have no idea that it's not good to yell stuff out at shows — you can get some comedy out of it and gently let them know that their input is no longer required.
That mentality is part of why I actually stopped during the "fuck you" set and asked the guy why he's yelling. I wanted to know what was going on and see if there was something fun there. And that's what made the whole thing really soar.
(I think having an actual foil in the crowd amped up my energy level too and really helped sell the whole thing. Good lesson there too. Maybe I should start imagining there's an "enemy" in the crowd for more of my bits.)
Some interesting bits from that AST thread: AmericasMobileDevice talks about how smart clubs deal with potential problems in the crowd by seating them near the back:
Last time I was up in San Francisco watching a show at The Punchline a group of birthday girls were in line for the show. The guy seating at them was on top of it and sat them in the back close to the door. When I asked a friend about it he said they do that on purpose. That way if the girls get loud they can intervene without having to go through the crowd and if they ask them to leave it will be a short walk. I get the feeling most clubs don't take that proactive stance and I respect the Punchline for doing it.
A non-comic asks, "If I ever grow balls and do standup I think I will just say, 'You guys are embarrassing me, please stop' when I am heckled." Louis CK responds with this:
I usually respond sincerely to hecklers. It doesn't happen to me very often but when someone yells something out, I usually grind the show to a halt, focus on them, and I say very seriously "It really makes it hard for me to do the show when you talk. will you please stop?" They usually get very very embarassed and stop talking.
I really like your approach, though, of admitting your own weakness to them, that it's making you feel embarassed. I think anytime you're being honest, it's a good thing. I don't agree with the other comment that it's a grave mistake to let them know they have power over your feelings. I think that's an unique and very compelling approach.
And bryan_champ posts this video of Chicago comic Ken Barnard doing a great job handling some drunks in the front row. I love how he mocks them yet still keeps them on his side. It's worth checking out.
4/13/09
Easter-theme window display at shop in Boy's Town in Chicago
Did a show at Town Hall Pub in Chicago last night which is in Boy's Town, gay area of Chicago. A block away was a clothing store with this Easter-theme window display:
I think what I like most about it is the subtlety. Did I mention the carrot moves up and down slowly too? Only way this could be more over the top is if they added a banner that says, "What would Jesus fuck?"
I've also been thinking about the gay mafia lately and wondering what they leave in the enemy's bed. A horse's head? Too messy. They probably just leave sheets with an extremely low thread count. And a note that says, "Sleep on that, bitches!"
I think what I like most about it is the subtlety. Did I mention the carrot moves up and down slowly too? Only way this could be more over the top is if they added a banner that says, "What would Jesus fuck?"
I've also been thinking about the gay mafia lately and wondering what they leave in the enemy's bed. A horse's head? Too messy. They probably just leave sheets with an extremely low thread count. And a note that says, "Sleep on that, bitches!"
4/10/09
Upcoming shows in Chicago, NYC, and DC area
Upcoming appearances:
Apr 10 9:00pm Lincoln Lodge Comedy Show (Chicago IL)
Apr 13 8:00pm Zanie’s (Chicago IL)
Apr 14 8:00pm Switzerland Neutral Comedy @ Stain Bar (Brooklyn NY)
Apr 15 8:00pm Extra Fancy @ Bowery Electric (New York NY)
Apr 17 8:00pm WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE @ THE CREEK(Long Island City NY)
Apr 22 8:00pm Haiku @ Jeollado (New York NY)
Apr 23 8:00pm Topaz Bar & Hotel (Washington, D.C.)
Apr 25 10:30pm Arlington Drafthouse (Arlington, VA)
Apr 10 9:00pm Lincoln Lodge Comedy Show (Chicago IL)
Apr 13 8:00pm Zanie’s (Chicago IL)
Apr 14 8:00pm Switzerland Neutral Comedy @ Stain Bar (Brooklyn NY)
Apr 15 8:00pm Extra Fancy @ Bowery Electric (New York NY)
Apr 17 8:00pm WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE @ THE CREEK(Long Island City NY)
Apr 22 8:00pm Haiku @ Jeollado (New York NY)
Apr 23 8:00pm Topaz Bar & Hotel (Washington, D.C.)
Apr 25 10:30pm Arlington Drafthouse (Arlington, VA)
4/9/09
Video: My first urban show in Harlem
Alternative comedy often seems like it's just for rich, white, college educated people. Kinda lame that. That's why I was psyched to do my first urban show in Harlem on Monday night. (I've performed at a smaller one in Brooklyn and some mixed crowd shows before — but nothing like this.) Packed house, 95% black. Very no bullshit crowd. You knew exactly where you stood at all times.
Man, that situation makes you hyperaware. And joke selection becomes huge too. You go through every line and throw out anything that relies on a reference to, say, Jews, Renee Zellwegger, or Philip Glass. And you better hit 'em hard and fast. This ain't no place for wandering or rambling. (Reference point: The host is doing act outs about how uncircumcised dicks look like they're wearing hoodies.)
Now, we all know that in comedy you're supposed to open and close strong. I decided to go the opposite route. Well, they decided that really. But ya live and learn. Though tense, it was really fun. Felt like a real standup experience. Bring it or get the fuck out, ya know?
Here's video of the set along with some 20/20 hindsight annotations. Watch the whole thing to find out why I almost got punched on my way out!
Host went up afterwards and said he expected to find me with a blow dart in my neck! Ha. The good news: He also dug my set, invited me to do it again, and said to not sweat the threat. Can't wait to go back. (Seriously.)
Man, that situation makes you hyperaware. And joke selection becomes huge too. You go through every line and throw out anything that relies on a reference to, say, Jews, Renee Zellwegger, or Philip Glass. And you better hit 'em hard and fast. This ain't no place for wandering or rambling. (Reference point: The host is doing act outs about how uncircumcised dicks look like they're wearing hoodies.)
Now, we all know that in comedy you're supposed to open and close strong. I decided to go the opposite route. Well, they decided that really. But ya live and learn. Though tense, it was really fun. Felt like a real standup experience. Bring it or get the fuck out, ya know?
Here's video of the set along with some 20/20 hindsight annotations. Watch the whole thing to find out why I almost got punched on my way out!
Host went up afterwards and said he expected to find me with a blow dart in my neck! Ha. The good news: He also dug my set, invited me to do it again, and said to not sweat the threat. Can't wait to go back. (Seriously.)
4/8/09
Heck of a subway spill
It's always exciting when you're on a packed subway car during morning rush hour and you spot an empty seat. But then you remember there's usually a reason why a seat is empty.
The other day this happened and on the seat were half-eaten chicken wings and a bottle of Aunt Jemima maple syrup...just spilling all over the seat. Like there was some guy going "What's the most disgusting combination of things I can leave here? Well, I'm out of bull semen and Crazy Glue, so I guess this combo is just gonna have to do!"
Wings and syrup, what a way for this guy to start the day. I know you're not supposed to miss breakfast...but I think the most important meal of the day is any one that you don't eat on the subway.
Come to think of it, an NYC subway stew sounds like a good idea. I think it'd include chicken wings, maple syrup, nail clippings, a rat, a condom, a rat inside a condom, and Jerry Orbach's eyes.
The other day this happened and on the seat were half-eaten chicken wings and a bottle of Aunt Jemima maple syrup...just spilling all over the seat. Like there was some guy going "What's the most disgusting combination of things I can leave here? Well, I'm out of bull semen and Crazy Glue, so I guess this combo is just gonna have to do!"
Wings and syrup, what a way for this guy to start the day. I know you're not supposed to miss breakfast...but I think the most important meal of the day is any one that you don't eat on the subway.
Come to think of it, an NYC subway stew sounds like a good idea. I think it'd include chicken wings, maple syrup, nail clippings, a rat, a condom, a rat inside a condom, and Jerry Orbach's eyes.
4/7/09
Gaffigan's path to success and doing topic-driven material
Listen to Jim Gaffigan on the "Comedy And Everything Else" podcast (hosted by Jimmy Dore, Todd Glass, and Stefane Zamorano).
GREAT interview. Especially good stuff starts around 60 minutes in. Fascinating discussion then about Gaffigan's path in comedy. No idea he used to do characters, political stuff, impressions, biographical stuff about his dad, etc. (He stopped doing political stuff because he thought he looked too Republican and too much "like someone's boss" to get away with it.)
Also talks about doing topic driven material and the challenges of that. His inner voice thing gets some play too. And great stories from the old days. I love imagining him and Greg Giraldo sitting around talking comedy and discussing their biggest influences (Dave Attell and Brian Regan). It's def worth checking out.
A Gaffiganesque experiment
Btw, a few months back I did a little experiment where, inspired by Gaffigan, I attacked a single topic (potatoes) for five minutes. It was pretty dumb (and prob too much of a rip off) so I never did it after that, but you can get the flavor in this video.
I also had a few more jokes on top of that and did it as a complete set at a few mics. It didn't feel right to me for above reasons, but I did notice something interesting. When you stick with a mundane topic for that long, THAT becomes the joke. That I was still talking about potatoes was funny.
Maybe kinda obvious in retrospect but surprised me at the time how much mileage I got in a room just from that. It was like a stunt to keep going on the same topic and people who would normally not give a shit would tune in to see what angle I'd come up with next. They'd even shout out different kinds of potatoes to talk about. (Usually au gratin for some reason.) There was definitely a sense of momentum and rhythm to it.
Fun playing with a topic like this as a concept, but it was also nice to move on. My heart just isn't into talking about something I don't really give a shit about for that long.
GREAT interview. Especially good stuff starts around 60 minutes in. Fascinating discussion then about Gaffigan's path in comedy. No idea he used to do characters, political stuff, impressions, biographical stuff about his dad, etc. (He stopped doing political stuff because he thought he looked too Republican and too much "like someone's boss" to get away with it.)
Also talks about doing topic driven material and the challenges of that. His inner voice thing gets some play too. And great stories from the old days. I love imagining him and Greg Giraldo sitting around talking comedy and discussing their biggest influences (Dave Attell and Brian Regan). It's def worth checking out.
A Gaffiganesque experiment
Btw, a few months back I did a little experiment where, inspired by Gaffigan, I attacked a single topic (potatoes) for five minutes. It was pretty dumb (and prob too much of a rip off) so I never did it after that, but you can get the flavor in this video.
I also had a few more jokes on top of that and did it as a complete set at a few mics. It didn't feel right to me for above reasons, but I did notice something interesting. When you stick with a mundane topic for that long, THAT becomes the joke. That I was still talking about potatoes was funny.
Maybe kinda obvious in retrospect but surprised me at the time how much mileage I got in a room just from that. It was like a stunt to keep going on the same topic and people who would normally not give a shit would tune in to see what angle I'd come up with next. They'd even shout out different kinds of potatoes to talk about. (Usually au gratin for some reason.) There was definitely a sense of momentum and rhythm to it.
Fun playing with a topic like this as a concept, but it was also nice to move on. My heart just isn't into talking about something I don't really give a shit about for that long.
4/6/09
When good words go bad
Sometimes things come out of your mouth wrong. It's a good way to ruin a joke. But it can also lead to some fun riffing opportunities. Here's a recent set at an open mic where I got tripped up on the phrase "malignant tumor."
One of those times where ya have to see opportunity instead of crisis. Fun example of this is Paul F. Tompkins riffing on "Spangwish" during his "Sesame Street" bit on Impersonal. Gaffigan also has a fun one on "Doing My Time" where his inner voice character mocks him for slurring his words ("I think he's drunk").
One of those times where ya have to see opportunity instead of crisis. Fun example of this is Paul F. Tompkins riffing on "Spangwish" during his "Sesame Street" bit on Impersonal. Gaffigan also has a fun one on "Doing My Time" where his inner voice character mocks him for slurring his words ("I think he's drunk").
4/3/09
Dating a comedian must suck
Caught Greg Giraldo doing a show in the LES the other week and he mentioned onstage that he's getting divorced. Got me thinking about the failure rate of comedians in relationships. (And also how few comics I know are even able to get in a relationship at all.)
A big part of the problem has gotta be the whole time factor of doing standup. For pros, being on the road a lot has gotta be tough. I've heard in interviews people like PFT and Birbigs talk about how they like their current NYC "residencies" (at Best Week Ever and Sleepwalk With Me respectively) because it lets them spend less time on the road and gives 'em more QT with the fiancé/wife. My recollection is hazy, but I think Jim Gaffigan and Brian Regan have also discussed how they try to not be on the road for too long because it takes them away from the family.
Even if you're not at that level, it's still hard. You're out every/most nights of the week at bars and getting home late. That's not the healthiest foundation. Clearly you need someone who really supports you in what you're trying to do and understands the game and how it works. You could bring your signif other to shows, but how much comedy can you subject someone to before it turns into a punishment? (Then again, someone who never goes to see you perform seems like a problem too.) Bringing someone to an open mic is just plain cruel — unless you've got some sort of S&M thing going on and the whip ain't cutting it anymore.
For a certain type of comic, you also have to add on the whole telling the truth thing. (I don't think this applies to a comic who does clever one-liners or observational stuff.) People who really open up onstage might not be able to turn that off in their personal life. I'd imagine that'd be a pretty tiresome quality in some ways.
And even if it's just onstage that they're brutally honest or say unpleasant things, that's still gotta be a tough thing for a spouse/gf/bf to handle. I'm thinking about bits I've heard done by certain guys who fit this description. Giraldo talked about doing blow with a hooker and how awful marriage is. Daniel Tosh talked about getting a stripper in Kansas City pregnant. CK talked about how terrible it was to listen to his wife (at the time) tell stories and how, without her, he'd wind up living alone under a bridge like a troll...and how nice that would be. Chris Rock talked about getting caught cheating and how new pussy "always clears your mind." Howard Stern...well, what hasn't Howard talked about on air?
I know, I know...they're joking. These are jokes. And the stage should be the one place where you don't have to answer to anyone else. And a signif other should understand that a comic who wants to be personal but edits him/herself on sensitive topics is hamstrung. You might understand that, but still...
Imagine being married to one of those guys. How would it feel listening to those bits? Having your friends hear your husband tell those jokes? Would any of those guys be fine with it if the person they loved got up on a stage and discussed stuff like that in public? Is that just something you've gotta accept when you decide to be with that type of person?
And then you have someone like Dave Chappelle who's totally open about everything but almost never mentions his wife or being married on his albums/specials. Maybe that's an even weirder thing...to not be mentioned at all.
I got no answers here. Just thinking.
Anyway, I guess a comic could always try dating another comic instead of a civilian. But Jesus, who the fuck wants to date a comedian? I guess that's the problem right there.
A big part of the problem has gotta be the whole time factor of doing standup. For pros, being on the road a lot has gotta be tough. I've heard in interviews people like PFT and Birbigs talk about how they like their current NYC "residencies" (at Best Week Ever and Sleepwalk With Me respectively) because it lets them spend less time on the road and gives 'em more QT with the fiancé/wife. My recollection is hazy, but I think Jim Gaffigan and Brian Regan have also discussed how they try to not be on the road for too long because it takes them away from the family.
Even if you're not at that level, it's still hard. You're out every/most nights of the week at bars and getting home late. That's not the healthiest foundation. Clearly you need someone who really supports you in what you're trying to do and understands the game and how it works. You could bring your signif other to shows, but how much comedy can you subject someone to before it turns into a punishment? (Then again, someone who never goes to see you perform seems like a problem too.) Bringing someone to an open mic is just plain cruel — unless you've got some sort of S&M thing going on and the whip ain't cutting it anymore.
For a certain type of comic, you also have to add on the whole telling the truth thing. (I don't think this applies to a comic who does clever one-liners or observational stuff.) People who really open up onstage might not be able to turn that off in their personal life. I'd imagine that'd be a pretty tiresome quality in some ways.
And even if it's just onstage that they're brutally honest or say unpleasant things, that's still gotta be a tough thing for a spouse/gf/bf to handle. I'm thinking about bits I've heard done by certain guys who fit this description. Giraldo talked about doing blow with a hooker and how awful marriage is. Daniel Tosh talked about getting a stripper in Kansas City pregnant. CK talked about how terrible it was to listen to his wife (at the time) tell stories and how, without her, he'd wind up living alone under a bridge like a troll...and how nice that would be. Chris Rock talked about getting caught cheating and how new pussy "always clears your mind." Howard Stern...well, what hasn't Howard talked about on air?
I know, I know...they're joking. These are jokes. And the stage should be the one place where you don't have to answer to anyone else. And a signif other should understand that a comic who wants to be personal but edits him/herself on sensitive topics is hamstrung. You might understand that, but still...
Imagine being married to one of those guys. How would it feel listening to those bits? Having your friends hear your husband tell those jokes? Would any of those guys be fine with it if the person they loved got up on a stage and discussed stuff like that in public? Is that just something you've gotta accept when you decide to be with that type of person?
And then you have someone like Dave Chappelle who's totally open about everything but almost never mentions his wife or being married on his albums/specials. Maybe that's an even weirder thing...to not be mentioned at all.
I got no answers here. Just thinking.
Anyway, I guess a comic could always try dating another comic instead of a civilian. But Jesus, who the fuck wants to date a comedian? I guess that's the problem right there.
4/2/09
Comic Strip Live lottery and getting "discovered"
Here was the scene at the Comic Strip Live lottery last night. They're going to "find the next Eddie Murphy or Jerry Seinfeld in this group." Good luck with that Comic Strip Live.
Random draw determined dates. How it works: Everyone gets a five minute spot on a Tuesday 11pm show where the owners will watch them perform and give feedback. I guess the best get a callback to do another spot. And then maybe they get passed. Mine's on October 20. Viva advance planning! Talent ranged from people who have never done comedy at all to people who have been on Comedy Central.
Oh, and by the way, you get the date of your spot on the back of a flyer promoting CSL's bringer show. Just in case you wanna, you know. The cynic in me is looking for the angle here: Is it just a marketing stunt? A way to promote bringer shows? A way to get people to bring friends to a Tuesday, 11pm slot that would normally be empty? Or maybe they sincerely are looking for new talent to bring into the room? If so, how come they're the only club in NYC that actually seems to reach out to people in this way? Hmm.
I got a late number and had to stay the entire time. Man, I hated the scene. I hate cattle call stuff like that. 200 comics in one room ain't a pretty site. Neuroses overload. As Mark said, like pigs in a trough.
Funny how everyone thinks they just need a break. They just need to be seen by one person. They just need a manager. They just need to get on this one contest. They just need this or that and then their career will take off. I was there too so I'm throwing glass stones or whatever...but what happened to just being hilarious? You know, being funny every time you perform until it gets to the point where people want to book you on shows or whatever because they know you'll make the audience happy. I know, that takes a while. But this "American Idol" notion that ya just need to be discovered doesn't feel healthy. Seems like it's often the refuge of people who are lazy or delusional.
Anyway, after that I did a spot. First time on stage since Saturday (I was out of town). Felt rusty. Funny how just a few days off can do that to ya. Show was rather strange too. I went up first. Crowd was six comics in front and then the audience in back...and by audience, I mean a table of four senior citizens and a couple of gals in the back row, one of whom would yell out stuff like "You sure talk a lot." And "I came here to laugh." And "It's ok, I like you."
Great. Tried to do some crowdwork upfront but nothing. That's when she yelled out "I came here to laugh." So I went to material. Got some laughs along the way but whole thing was a letdown. One of those nights where ya leave feeling "I shoulda done something different but I don't know what." Anyway, the night got even worse for comics (surprise: she started talking even more!) so I guess I should be thankful.
4/1/09
Upcoming shows: CSL, Night of No Bullshit, Extra Fancy, Haiku, etc.
Apr 01 - 9pm Comedy Show @ O’Hanlons
Apr 02 - 9pm Comedy as a Second Language @ Kabin
Apr 04 - 7pm Night of No Bullshit @ Parkside Lounge
Apr 06 - 9pm Comedy Dungeon @ Jazz on the Park
Apr 14 - 8pm Switzerland Neutral Comedy @ Stain Bar
Apr 15 - 8pm Extra Fancy @ Bowery Electric
Apr 17 - 8pm *** WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE @ THE CREEK ***
Apr 22 - 8pm Haiku @ Jeollado
Want to book me on a show? Write me at matt@mruby.com.
Apr 02 - 9pm Comedy as a Second Language @ Kabin
Apr 04 - 7pm Night of No Bullshit @ Parkside Lounge
Apr 06 - 9pm Comedy Dungeon @ Jazz on the Park
Apr 14 - 8pm Switzerland Neutral Comedy @ Stain Bar
Apr 15 - 8pm Extra Fancy @ Bowery Electric
Apr 17 - 8pm *** WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE @ THE CREEK ***
Apr 22 - 8pm Haiku @ Jeollado
Want to book me on a show? Write me at matt@mruby.com.
"Jumping for Joy" podcast appearance
Listen here or search "Jumping for Joy" at iTunes. Details:
Finally, Mark and I get to do a podcast together! This one was really fun. I actually like doing podcasts a lot because it's more free-flowing than being onstage. You can still be funny but without feeling like you've gotta hit a punchline every 10 seconds.
Zachary Sims and Mark Normand sit down with Matt Ruby to discuss the South by Southwest festival in Austin, annoying things on the subway, and how to dress like a gentleman.
Finally, Mark and I get to do a podcast together! This one was really fun. I actually like doing podcasts a lot because it's more free-flowing than being onstage. You can still be funny but without feeling like you've gotta hit a punchline every 10 seconds.
3/31/09
Lines from the Pete Holmes roast at UCB
Outta town so I missed the Pete Holmes roast at UCB. Sounds like a fun one. A spy reports:
Were ya there? Any fave moments?
Anthony Jeselnik: "John Mulaney is proof that women can be funny."
Somebody called Jared Logan Jiminy Glick.
Pete Holmes: "You may have seen Julian McCollough at the Comedy Cellar or Bang Bus."
David Angelo: "My favorite thing about Mulaney is...Nick Kroll."
John Mulaney: "Kumail is rising fast. The only thing that can stop him now is Allah! You fucking traitor!"
Anthony Jeselnik: "I don't care if Herzog makes it. I just want his mom to die."
Were ya there? Any fave moments?
My guest spot on The Comedy Nerds podcast
The Comedy Nerds is a cool website and weekly podcast about comedy from Dustin D’Addato and Dan McInerney. The guys recently had me as a guest on the podcast — the topic: "How To Put On A Kick Ass Comedy Show."
Listen here.
A few weeks back comedian Matt Ruby had a great post on his blog Sandpaper Suit about all the things necessary to put on a quality comedy show. We loved it and invited him on to talk about the do’s and don’t of producing a comedy show. We discuss the importance of sound, lights, hosting and much much more. If you are thinking of producing your own show or have ever wondered what goes into it you’ll want to take a listen.
Stand-up comedian and producer of the indy comedy show “Too Cool For School” Nick Turner joins us as well.
Listen here.
3/30/09
"Do you have any advice for beginner comedians?"
Slava Yaryshkin interviewed me for his Stand-up Comedy 101 blog. Among other things, he asked me, "Do you have any advice for beginner comedians?" My answer to that:
Read the entire Q&A here.
Well there's the usual stuff like get onstage as much as possible, learn how to be funny not just how to write jokes, and other things you can hear people say on the "On Comedy" CDs (Seinfeld and Woody ones are great) or listening to CK interviews (the one on his new DVD is super).
Here's one I don't hear a lot: Learn how to listen. The audience is having a conversation with you. They're talking back to you. They're just not using words. So you have to gauge that energy and how they're feeling and if they're with you or not and steer the ship accordingly. I think a lot of new comics just spit stuff out at the crowd and they're surprised when they don't get something back. Slow down and have a conversation. Comedy, especially in small rooms, is more like harmonizing with the crowd. You have to hear what note they're singing back to you and then use your words and timing and inflection to get on their wavelength and vice versa. If shit ain't flying, turn conversational. Just tell the truth about that moment. Being in the moment and unfunny is way better than reciting a script and being unfunny.
That's kinda namby pamby. How about something more concrete? Try different stuff. When you're starting out, I think it can be healthy to try one liners, longer bits, characters, and other things. Exercise those different muscles. See what hits. What feels comfortable (and not). Sometimes stretching yourself will lead you to places that other people wouldn't go. That will make you more interesting than other comics. Most comics are boring. Don't be boring.
Oh, and go see good comics perform. I see a lot of new comics who only go to open mics and that's it. That's like trying to learn physics from a bunch of lab rats. Go see a master and you'll learn a ton you'd never learn on your own.
One final thing: I think comics are like magicians, but with words. There are too many out there just doing card tricks. Try to saw a woman in half.
Read the entire Q&A here.
3/27/09
The most recent "We're All Friends Here" podcast featuring Julian McCullough, Jamie Lee, David Angelo, and Gilad Foss
We just put up the most recent "We're All Friends Here" podcast featuring Julian McCullough, Jamie Lee, David Angelo, and Gilad Foss. It was a fun one. Listen here.
3/26/09
We're All Friends Here tomorrow (Fri) night
TOMORROW (FRI) NIGHT: WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE
The comedy chat show with boundary issues!
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
With Rory Scovel, Ali Wong, and David Cope
Friday, March 27
Doors at 9:30pm (show starts at 10pm)
The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Map (Just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan)
The comedy chat show with boundary issues!
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
With Rory Scovel, Ali Wong, and David Cope
Friday, March 27
Doors at 9:30pm (show starts at 10pm)
The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Map (Just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan)
3/25/09
From sold out shows in Austin to a dive bar gig in Jersey City
Ah, back to reality. Did a dive bar gig in Jersey City last night.
I went up first. I opened and thought riffing would work. Not so. Heckling starts right away. ("GET OFF!") Worst of all, I couldn't even understand most of what they were yelling so couldn't comment back. So went to material. Got 'em back but it was a power through set.
Then some Jersey City guys. Loved this riff from one of 'em: There's a guy upfront with a handlebar mustache. Then a second guy with a handlebar mustache walks in from the back and yells out, "I'm here for the jokes." Comic looks at him, looks at the guy in the front, and then goes, "I can't believe you guys found room to park both your hot air balloons outside." Crowd loses it.
After a few more comics, Mark Normand goes up last. By then, the entire dynamic of the room shifted. Material wouldn't fly at all. So he just riffed. And it was maybe my favorite set I've ever seen him do. Rickles-style. ("This is the ugliest audience I've ever seen.") Just shits on the room and everyone in it for over 20 minutes. And they loved it.
He went after one guy in a NASCAR-looking jacket with lots of Dale Earnhardt cracks ("You've got a lot of keys. Don't you guys usually go through the window?"). There was a 50/50 chance of a physical altercation at one point. Dude moved up and started giving attitude back. And so did his friend. Turns out the seemingly really angry guy was a good sport but it was pretty touch and go there for a bit. At the end, people came up to Mark and started hugging him. Don't think I've ever seen people so happy to be insulted before. Good times.
Mark's comment on it: "What's funny is all that riffing I was doing came from doing mics. People shit on mics. But if I got that from them, I can't complain."
I went up first. I opened and thought riffing would work. Not so. Heckling starts right away. ("GET OFF!") Worst of all, I couldn't even understand most of what they were yelling so couldn't comment back. So went to material. Got 'em back but it was a power through set.
Then some Jersey City guys. Loved this riff from one of 'em: There's a guy upfront with a handlebar mustache. Then a second guy with a handlebar mustache walks in from the back and yells out, "I'm here for the jokes." Comic looks at him, looks at the guy in the front, and then goes, "I can't believe you guys found room to park both your hot air balloons outside." Crowd loses it.
After a few more comics, Mark Normand goes up last. By then, the entire dynamic of the room shifted. Material wouldn't fly at all. So he just riffed. And it was maybe my favorite set I've ever seen him do. Rickles-style. ("This is the ugliest audience I've ever seen.") Just shits on the room and everyone in it for over 20 minutes. And they loved it.
He went after one guy in a NASCAR-looking jacket with lots of Dale Earnhardt cracks ("You've got a lot of keys. Don't you guys usually go through the window?"). There was a 50/50 chance of a physical altercation at one point. Dude moved up and started giving attitude back. And so did his friend. Turns out the seemingly really angry guy was a good sport but it was pretty touch and go there for a bit. At the end, people came up to Mark and started hugging him. Don't think I've ever seen people so happy to be insulted before. Good times.
Mark's comment on it: "What's funny is all that riffing I was doing came from doing mics. People shit on mics. But if I got that from them, I can't complain."
3/24/09
Video: Behind the scenes at SXSW Comedy 2009
This video I made takes you behind the scenes at the comedy shows at SXSW 2009 (and some rock stuff too). Includes brief cameos from Hannibal Burress, Matt Braunger, Andy Kindler, Todd Barry, Janeane Garafolo, Margaret Cho, Doug Benson, Natasha Leggero, Marc Maron, Sean O'Connor, and others.
Mortimer wins Best Web Short of '08
My "White Collar Comedy with Mortimer the Steel Baron" video won Best Web Short of '08 at ComedySmack's Smack-Down.
Thanks to ComedySmack and to everyone who voted for the clip! And one more round of thanks to Brad Steuernagel, Jay Bois, and Selena Coppock for their help creating the video.
SMACK-DOWN 2008: THE WINNERS
This is a special issue of ComedySmack to announce the winners of ComedySmack's Smack-Down '08: The Best Comedy of 2008. The contestants and winners were determined by our panel of comedy insiders and by public voting. The winning comedy is a representation of the best and funniest items featured on ComedySmack last year. Congratulations to the winners of Smack-Down '08!
Thanks to ComedySmack and to everyone who voted for the clip! And one more round of thanks to Brad Steuernagel, Jay Bois, and Selena Coppock for their help creating the video.
3/23/09
Photo of me with some up and coming comedians
Group shot of comedians at SXSW 2009. From L to R (approx): Janeane Garofalo, Josh Fadem, Charlie Sotelo, Marc Maron, Todd Barry, Matt Braunger, Eugene Mirman, Scott Aukerman, Michelle Biloon, Natasha Leggero, Andy Kindler, Chris Fairbanks, Matt Ruby.
I'm back from SXSW
SXSW was great and my sets went really well. Shot some cool video footage while there, coming soon. Meanwhile, you can check out my SXSW updates at Twitter. Some links to pics there too. Start from the bottom and read up if ya want it in chronological order. Stay tuned for the video, you'll dig it.
3/20/09
Gervais and David talk about the truth and being unique
This "Ricky Gervais meets Larry David" interview is a must see.
Guilt-free truth. Gotta like that. This Jean Baudrillard quote is kinda related:
"I want to do things that nobody else can think of." THAT'S IT. This whole personal stuff vs. one liners vs. characters and being authentic and all that crap. It's just being yourself in a way that no one else could ever be. Mitch Hedberg is never personal but what he delivers is 100% unique. That's what it's about. It doesn't matter what form it takes. It's just that you're being you in a way that no one else can be you.
Watch the rest.
RG: I suppose that's why people like yourself don't compromise in your art. That's where no one can get hurt. [In] art you're allowed to be a complete fascist. I don't care about you. There should be no compromise in art.
LD: If you're any good, you kinda have to have a compulsion to tell the truth.
RG: Absolutely. And without guilt. This is guilt-free truth, comedy.
Guilt-free truth. Gotta like that. This Jean Baudrillard quote is kinda related:
Terror is as much a part of the concept of truth as runniness is of the concept of jam. We wouldn’t like jam if it didn’t, by its very nature, ooze. We wouldn’t like truth if it wasn’t sticky, if, from time to time, it didn’t ooze blood.
LD: I want to do things that nobody else can think of. That's what you wanna do.
RG: I want the right laugh. I want to look around and go, "Right, they're not laughing. That's a good sign. I didn't want them to laugh. I don't want you liking my comedy.
"I want to do things that nobody else can think of." THAT'S IT. This whole personal stuff vs. one liners vs. characters and being authentic and all that crap. It's just being yourself in a way that no one else could ever be. Mitch Hedberg is never personal but what he delivers is 100% unique. That's what it's about. It doesn't matter what form it takes. It's just that you're being you in a way that no one else can be you.
Watch the rest.
3/19/09
Info on my SxSW shows
This week, I will totally be messing with Texas. Well, Austin. Does that even count? Anyway, here's where I'll be performing at SxSW:
FRI Mar 20 8:00pm SXSW comedy show @ The Velveeta Room (following Margaret Cho)
SAT Mar 21 8:00pm Show @ ColdTowne Theater (Chris Hardwick headlines)
SAT Mar 21 11:00pm SXSW comedy show @ The Velveeta Room (following Eugene Mirman)
Check my Twitter feed for updates on how it goes. See the full list of comics performing at SxSW.
FRI Mar 20 8:00pm SXSW comedy show @ The Velveeta Room (following Margaret Cho)
SAT Mar 21 8:00pm Show @ ColdTowne Theater (Chris Hardwick headlines)
SAT Mar 21 11:00pm SXSW comedy show @ The Velveeta Room (following Eugene Mirman)
Check my Twitter feed for updates on how it goes. See the full list of comics performing at SxSW.
3/18/09
Jon Stewart should stop using comedy as a shield
Jon Stewart to Jim Cramer:
I love Jon Stewart. I watch the Daily Show more than any other TV show. I think it's great when he attacks politicians. But that's easy. Everyone does that. What I really like is when he goes after the media. When he indicts Crossfire and CNBC and all these talking heads for contributing to the aura of bullshit that pervades our country.
But one thing I don't like that he does: He plays the "but I'm just a comedian" card. Bullshit Jon. We all know you're more than that now. You can pretend you run a fake news show and that no one should take you seriously. But we all know it's not true. We all know what you're doing matters. We all know people trust and respect you more than most "real" newscasters. You have real power and real authority. And you have it because you speak in a way that demands it.
It just doesn't seem fair for you to run around pointing fingers all the time but then as soon as anyone fires back, you pull up your bubble that makes you bulletproof or Teflon or whatever analogy you want to use.
"This is fake news." Maybe it was. But you've mixed in too much truth to pretend you're a phony anymore. "My show is followed by sock puppets making prank phone calls." So what? Maybe that's the place we're most likely to find the truth in our society right now.
You don't hear Bill Maher doing the same thing. He throws his daggers and then he stands right there and takes his shots. He doesn't hide his attacks behind a cloak of "I'm just a comedian so you can't hold me to the same standards." His attitude seems to be: Yeah, I said it. That's what I think. And I'm right. If you don't think so, take your best shot.
I think that's a nobler approach to take. Stand up for what you believe in. I don't think you'd ever hear Bill Hicks end one of his political bits with, "I'm just a comedian though. You shouldn't take me seriously."
Of course we should take you seriously. You're the only one telling it like it is. If we can't take you seriously, who can we take seriously? You're not peddling snake oil, Jon. You're peddling the truth.
So man up. No more hiding. No more special rules because you're funny. No more using comedy or sock puppets as a shield. It's the easy way out. You said it. You meant it. And you were right.
We both sell snake oil. But, here [on The Daily Show], we at least admit it's snake oil.
I love Jon Stewart. I watch the Daily Show more than any other TV show. I think it's great when he attacks politicians. But that's easy. Everyone does that. What I really like is when he goes after the media. When he indicts Crossfire and CNBC and all these talking heads for contributing to the aura of bullshit that pervades our country.
But one thing I don't like that he does: He plays the "but I'm just a comedian" card. Bullshit Jon. We all know you're more than that now. You can pretend you run a fake news show and that no one should take you seriously. But we all know it's not true. We all know what you're doing matters. We all know people trust and respect you more than most "real" newscasters. You have real power and real authority. And you have it because you speak in a way that demands it.
It just doesn't seem fair for you to run around pointing fingers all the time but then as soon as anyone fires back, you pull up your bubble that makes you bulletproof or Teflon or whatever analogy you want to use.
"This is fake news." Maybe it was. But you've mixed in too much truth to pretend you're a phony anymore. "My show is followed by sock puppets making prank phone calls." So what? Maybe that's the place we're most likely to find the truth in our society right now.
You don't hear Bill Maher doing the same thing. He throws his daggers and then he stands right there and takes his shots. He doesn't hide his attacks behind a cloak of "I'm just a comedian so you can't hold me to the same standards." His attitude seems to be: Yeah, I said it. That's what I think. And I'm right. If you don't think so, take your best shot.
I think that's a nobler approach to take. Stand up for what you believe in. I don't think you'd ever hear Bill Hicks end one of his political bits with, "I'm just a comedian though. You shouldn't take me seriously."
Of course we should take you seriously. You're the only one telling it like it is. If we can't take you seriously, who can we take seriously? You're not peddling snake oil, Jon. You're peddling the truth.
So man up. No more hiding. No more special rules because you're funny. No more using comedy or sock puppets as a shield. It's the easy way out. You said it. You meant it. And you were right.
3/17/09
Bold choices
It's tough when you go see a friend perform. You never know what to say afterwards if it's bad.
Example: A girl I know is in an improv group and after a show, a friend of hers came up and said, "You guys made a lot of bold choices up there." Bold choices aren't necessarily good choices. "Wow, you're mixing 15 horse tranquilizers with a gallon of Mad Dog? You sure are making a lot of bold choices!"
Another good one people say after a show: "You looked like you were having a lot of fun up there." That one also applies to combining pills and booze. Fun and quality aren't the same thing.
My favorite line though is "I could never do what you do." That really means "I could never do what you do...because I have a sense of shame." Or "I could never do what you do...suck that badly."
You'd never hear these sort of "compliments" in another profession: "Excuse me Doctor. I saw you perform surgery today. I've gotta say, you sure were making a lot of bold choices in there. Amputating for an ingrown toenail? Wow. I'm only a third year med student...I could never do what you do!"
(True story: I was arrested once with another comedian. The cop who was fingerprinting us found out we were comics and said, "I could never do what you guys do." Uh, you get shot at!)
Example: A girl I know is in an improv group and after a show, a friend of hers came up and said, "You guys made a lot of bold choices up there." Bold choices aren't necessarily good choices. "Wow, you're mixing 15 horse tranquilizers with a gallon of Mad Dog? You sure are making a lot of bold choices!"
Another good one people say after a show: "You looked like you were having a lot of fun up there." That one also applies to combining pills and booze. Fun and quality aren't the same thing.
My favorite line though is "I could never do what you do." That really means "I could never do what you do...because I have a sense of shame." Or "I could never do what you do...suck that badly."
You'd never hear these sort of "compliments" in another profession: "Excuse me Doctor. I saw you perform surgery today. I've gotta say, you sure were making a lot of bold choices in there. Amputating for an ingrown toenail? Wow. I'm only a third year med student...I could never do what you do!"
(True story: I was arrested once with another comedian. The cop who was fingerprinting us found out we were comics and said, "I could never do what you guys do." Uh, you get shot at!)
3/16/09
Guest spot on "The Check Spot" podcast
I'm a guest on the most recent edition of The Check Spot podcast (March 14, 2009).
Listen online or get the podcast in iTunes. Thanks to Dan, Arthur, and Dave for having me on the show.
This week, Lee Camp and Matt Ruby join us to talk about Cramer Vs. Stewart, media poisoning, and the importance of the letter K in comedy.
Listen online or get the podcast in iTunes. Thanks to Dan, Arthur, and Dave for having me on the show.
3/13/09
Going clean in front of a church group
I did a show in front of a church group in NYC last week and had to keep it clean.
That's taking away a few of my favorite weapons, but I managed. Actually, I think it was healthy to go clean for a change. I don't want to rely on going blue to be funny. So I threw out some dirty bits and cleaned up some others that have curses but can fly without 'em too. It also gave me a chance to rotate in some older bits that I hadn't done for a while.
The most challenging thing was riffing. I like to be in the moment, but I don't trust myself to be PG-13 if I'm just letting it fly. The whole point is to not worry about what's going to come out of my mouth next. Once a filter goes up, everything's screwed up.
Still, I had some fun when no one there fessed up to being a vegetarian...
Keep it family friendly. This is a free event which means anyone and everyone off of the street is welcome to wander in and take advantage of this night (and they will.) If you are a comedian or singer or any other performer, no cursing and no sexual content. This is NOT a night of vulgarity.
That's taking away a few of my favorite weapons, but I managed. Actually, I think it was healthy to go clean for a change. I don't want to rely on going blue to be funny. So I threw out some dirty bits and cleaned up some others that have curses but can fly without 'em too. It also gave me a chance to rotate in some older bits that I hadn't done for a while.
The most challenging thing was riffing. I like to be in the moment, but I don't trust myself to be PG-13 if I'm just letting it fly. The whole point is to not worry about what's going to come out of my mouth next. Once a filter goes up, everything's screwed up.
Still, I had some fun when no one there fessed up to being a vegetarian...
3/12/09
The difference between a me-too show and a remarkable one
The Comic's Comic wrote this about 2009's 50 First Jokes a while back:
I think it's a decent point. But I think there's a lesson here to learn for people who produce comedy shows: The shows that get the biggest audiences aren't always the best shows. Sometimes they're ones that have a good hook. And 50 First Jokes has a good hook.
Here are a few other shows that get a ton of buzz: The Rejection Show, Stripped Stories, Mortified, The Naked Show, etc. Packed houses, book deals, press coverage. What do they have in common? They're remarkable. They all have a concept that someone can tell a friend about that's unique and memorable. And that brings in audience, including people who wouldn't normally go to a comedy show.
Me-too shows get lost in the shuffle. If it sounds the same as every other show, why should people give it any special attention? If you want to see a downtown show that features six comics each doing eight minute spots, you have dozens of options. If you want to see people read their childhood diaries, you have only one option. That's the kind of thing that makes a show stand out.
This idea is what Seth Godin, a marketing guy, talks about when he writes about purple cows.
If you're starting a show, think about what's going to make it different than every other show out there. I don't think you have to get over-the-top gimmicky. But if you don't do anything to stand out, don't be surprised when gen pop doesn't care much about what you're doing.
I'm not sure this is the kind of show that benefits from such mainstream exposure from the NYT...This year's show was tighter, to be sure, but also probably not the best experience for the kind of unsuspecting Times reader who doesn't normally go to a stand-up comedy show. After all, you're witnessing mostly unknown or unheralded comedians attempting brand-new jokes. That's it. That's the show. For the comedy community, it's a great chance, and perfect timing after the holidays, to reconnect and reboot for a new year. For an audience, well, I'm not sold on what they're doing there. At least on this particular show. Am I wrong on this one?
I think it's a decent point. But I think there's a lesson here to learn for people who produce comedy shows: The shows that get the biggest audiences aren't always the best shows. Sometimes they're ones that have a good hook. And 50 First Jokes has a good hook.
Here are a few other shows that get a ton of buzz: The Rejection Show, Stripped Stories, Mortified, The Naked Show, etc. Packed houses, book deals, press coverage. What do they have in common? They're remarkable. They all have a concept that someone can tell a friend about that's unique and memorable. And that brings in audience, including people who wouldn't normally go to a comedy show.
Me-too shows get lost in the shuffle. If it sounds the same as every other show, why should people give it any special attention? If you want to see a downtown show that features six comics each doing eight minute spots, you have dozens of options. If you want to see people read their childhood diaries, you have only one option. That's the kind of thing that makes a show stand out.
This idea is what Seth Godin, a marketing guy, talks about when he writes about purple cows.
While driving through France a few years ago, my family and I were enchanted by the hundreds of storybook cows grazing in lovely pastures right next to the road. For dozens of kilometers, we all gazed out the window, marveling at the beauty. Then, within a few minutes, we started ignoring the cows. The new cows were just like the old cows, and what was once amazing was now common. Worse than common: It was boring.
Cows, after you've seen them for a while, are boring. They may be well-bred cows, Six Sigma cows, cows lit by a beautiful light, but they are still boring. A Purple Cow, though: Now, that would really stand out. The essence of the Purple Cow -- the reason it would shine among a crowd of perfectly competent, even undeniably excellent cows -- is that it would be remarkable. Something remarkable is worth talking about, worth paying attention to. Boring stuff quickly becomes invisible.
If you're starting a show, think about what's going to make it different than every other show out there. I don't think you have to get over-the-top gimmicky. But if you don't do anything to stand out, don't be surprised when gen pop doesn't care much about what you're doing.
3/11/09
Topical jokes that have no shelf life
Mark: been thinking a lot about this: when I did Broadway that time and watching alexandro, they seem to be able to write good topical jokes about chris brown or phelps. And the audience loves them but they have no shelf life. Should we be doing that? I kinda don't care about that stuff. Whats your take?
Me: i think it works for the same reason riffing works. people give you credit for being in the moment (relatively) and it's obviously relatable. but remember when ck said he never talks about what's in the news? i kinda feel that's a better approach. you build a bit that lasts. i'd rather spend time doing that than trying to make something funny that i'm gonna have to throw away in two months. plus, it's shit that's covered so much elsewhere (late night shows, etc.). a lot less chance you're gonna have a fresh take on something when everyone's making jokes about it.
Mark: good point. Id rather have lasting material that i feel strong about. but on the other hand it shows you can write a joke about anything and its kind of a good exercise i think. but in the long run i'm probably not going to do it. Although it could be a fun discipline to learn.
Me: yeah, i would say if you have a line that comes to ya, go ahead and try it. but i wouldn't slave over it trying to come up with the right punch. i lump it in with crowdwork or the riffing we see people do at the top of a set all the time. that kinda stuff is fun but your real material is what's gonna make or break you. unless what ya really want is to be a writer for SNL, Best Week Ever, Daily Show, or something like that. then i could see how it'd be a good muscle to flex.
Me: i think it works for the same reason riffing works. people give you credit for being in the moment (relatively) and it's obviously relatable. but remember when ck said he never talks about what's in the news? i kinda feel that's a better approach. you build a bit that lasts. i'd rather spend time doing that than trying to make something funny that i'm gonna have to throw away in two months. plus, it's shit that's covered so much elsewhere (late night shows, etc.). a lot less chance you're gonna have a fresh take on something when everyone's making jokes about it.
Mark: good point. Id rather have lasting material that i feel strong about. but on the other hand it shows you can write a joke about anything and its kind of a good exercise i think. but in the long run i'm probably not going to do it. Although it could be a fun discipline to learn.
Me: yeah, i would say if you have a line that comes to ya, go ahead and try it. but i wouldn't slave over it trying to come up with the right punch. i lump it in with crowdwork or the riffing we see people do at the top of a set all the time. that kinda stuff is fun but your real material is what's gonna make or break you. unless what ya really want is to be a writer for SNL, Best Week Ever, Daily Show, or something like that. then i could see how it'd be a good muscle to flex.
A funny opening line I didn't expect to be funny
I sometimes forget that people read this site. My first words onstage at The Pit last night were: "So I was watching TV the other night." And people started laughing. Someone said, "Oh, I get it." Took me a second. And then I realized they were laughing because of the post on how I hate comics who talk about TV. But actually I was just trying to get into my bit about Chuck Norris facts. Weird split second though where I thought to myself, "But I haven't said anything funny yet!?"
3/10/09
An example of an innovative approach to a hack subject: Patton Oswalt's bit on meeting George Lucas
So I've been talking about how TV is a lame subject to tackle and how there can still be interesting approaches to hack subjects. Something that came to mind that relates: Comics who bitch about how the last three Star Wars movies sucked. So done. And really, who cares?
In the hands of most people, I couldn't give a shit. But the exception that shows how you can still take an innovative approach to a topic like that is Patton Oswalt's bit on meeting George Lucas and discussing the prequels. Read the bit or listen to it.
I've never even seen any of the prequels yet I still think it's hilarious. Goes to show that if you take a fresh enough approach, you can talk about anything. Plus, ya can really tell that Patton feels passionately about it. When you care deeply about a subject, you can take it to a place that other comics won't be able to reach.
Mo Diggs also mentions another good exception: John Mulaney's bit on the characters in Law and Order. It is pretty great. Again, Mulaney really does seem obsessed with the show which helps. In the hands of a lesser standup, it'd fall flat.
I stick by the original point though. If you constantly talk about TV, you probably aren't a very interesting person. And if you're not an interesting person, it's tough to be a good standup.
In the hands of most people, I couldn't give a shit. But the exception that shows how you can still take an innovative approach to a topic like that is Patton Oswalt's bit on meeting George Lucas and discussing the prequels. Read the bit or listen to it.
"Would you like a dish of ice cream?"
"Why, yes I would l like some ice cream. That would be very nice!"
"Well here's a big sack of rock salt!"
"What? You said I'd be getting ice cream?"
"Well, when you add the cream and sugar and ice and do a little mixing and then presto, you have ice cream!"
"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHERE THE STUFF I LOVE COMES FROM! I JUST LOVE THE STUFF I LOVE! Hey, do you love Angelina Jolie? Does she give you a big boner? Well then here's Jon Voight's ballsack! That's right! The sweaty, pink ballsack she swam out of. Now jerk off to that, you lucky so and so!"
I've never even seen any of the prequels yet I still think it's hilarious. Goes to show that if you take a fresh enough approach, you can talk about anything. Plus, ya can really tell that Patton feels passionately about it. When you care deeply about a subject, you can take it to a place that other comics won't be able to reach.
Mo Diggs also mentions another good exception: John Mulaney's bit on the characters in Law and Order. It is pretty great. Again, Mulaney really does seem obsessed with the show which helps. In the hands of a lesser standup, it'd fall flat.
I stick by the original point though. If you constantly talk about TV, you probably aren't a very interesting person. And if you're not an interesting person, it's tough to be a good standup.
When your mom's a bigger rebel than you'll ever be
My mom was a hippie who did a lot of drugs when she was younger. And when she was older. And in between. Meanwhile, my dad was a prosecutor who worked as an Assistant DA in NYC. Strange match. Sometimes people find out and say, "Oh, like Dharma and Greg." Yeah, except it sucked for real.
I'm tame compared to my mom. Years ago, my cousin told me that when he was 13, she gave him a book with a tab of acid in it for his bar mitzvah. Apparently they were out of heroin and machetes at Inappopriate Toys ‘R Us!
Later, I asked my mom if it was true and she said, “I don’t remember doing that.” But then again, if she HAD done it, there’s a pretty good chance she wasn’t keeping copious notes at the time. Distributing psychedelics to adolescents is not the kind of activity that usually involves a spreadsheet and rigorous bookkeeping, ya know?
And I remember when I was 15, I came home with a crewcut. She actually got mad at me. She said, “Why are you so buttoned down?” Why? Because it’s the only way I have to rebel against you, ya weirdo!
How can you outrebel someone who gives acid to a 13-year old? Steal acid from a 13-year old? Steal a 13-year old?! I did the only thing I could think of: I started a chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. At least I knew she'd never do that.
I'm tame compared to my mom. Years ago, my cousin told me that when he was 13, she gave him a book with a tab of acid in it for his bar mitzvah. Apparently they were out of heroin and machetes at Inappopriate Toys ‘R Us!
Later, I asked my mom if it was true and she said, “I don’t remember doing that.” But then again, if she HAD done it, there’s a pretty good chance she wasn’t keeping copious notes at the time. Distributing psychedelics to adolescents is not the kind of activity that usually involves a spreadsheet and rigorous bookkeeping, ya know?
And I remember when I was 15, I came home with a crewcut. She actually got mad at me. She said, “Why are you so buttoned down?” Why? Because it’s the only way I have to rebel against you, ya weirdo!
How can you outrebel someone who gives acid to a 13-year old? Steal acid from a 13-year old? Steal a 13-year old?! I did the only thing I could think of: I started a chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. At least I knew she'd never do that.
3/9/09
My least favorite thing to hear: "I've been watching a lot of TV lately and..."
You know that feeling you get when someone starts boring you with details on the "crazy" dream they had the night before? That's the way I feel when comics start talking about TV shows or movies onstage. When I hear "I've been watching a lot of TV lately and..." from a comic, I know I'm gonna hate him.
It's almost always about how some show is "so stupid." And that's what you want to talk to me about? You have a stage, a microphone, and an audience and your big topic is how something on TV is silly. No fucking duh. Why do you think we're here in this room instead of home watching TV. Not to mention that The Soup and Best Week Ever have this ground totally covered.
What I always want to ask these standups: Who are your favorite comics? How many jokes do they have about a stupid TV show? Probably zero. Because no one gives a shit in the long run.
I saw a comic who's nationally known do a downtown show where he started out with "I just got cable" and followed with 10 minutes of jokes about how stupid reality shows on cable are. Really, some show on the National Geographic channel about haunted houses is dumb?! And wait, let me guess, the people on it are dumb too! No way!!! Thanks for the newsflash. Next thing you know there might be some drama on The Real World!
Or do I need to listen to someone tell me for five minutes why Urkel (or whoever) was a dumb character? You know who else realized that: The writers who wrote Urkel to be funny. You're making fun of something that was intentionally created to be silly.
Where's the discovery there? It's like going off on a rant about how dumb a Dr. Seuss book is. "What's the deal with green eggs and ham??? I mean ham, sure. But green eggs. Those sound really unhealthy! Is it food coloring in there? Or seaweed! Am I right, people? I don't know what kinda doctor this Seuss guy is but I wouldn't let him operate on ME!" Making fun of shit that was created to be silly in the first place is pointless.
This stuff doesn't need more attention. We're already buried under an avalanche of televised terribleness. I go to a bar and there are so many TVs on every wall that I can't have a conversation without stupid shit flashing in my face from every direction. And it's always a monster truck rally or a shitty sitcom or highlights from some hockey game that's the Flyers vs. a city that I didn't even realize had a hockey team now, and no one cares yet we can't turn off the TVs because we must have shit flashing in our faces all the time.
So why on earth do I want to go to a comedy show, a place where human beings actually congregate to share something real and listen to someone's thoughts, and hear you tell me how stupid Beverly Hills Chihuahua is?
I know it's stupid. That's why I didn't go see it. Why are you bringing it into my life? I successfully avoided it. I don't care what you think about Watchmen. Or Friday the 13th. Or anything else that is already discussed endlessly in our culture. Don't be a megaphone that amplifies the same crap that's on Access Hollywood and Us Weekly and the rest of the PR machine that dictates what we should care about and consume and watch like we're babies that need to suck on some media conglomerate tit.
You should make sure to record that Beverly Hills Chihuahua joke on an album. Because people will totally want to hear it again in 30 years. That way they can go, "Hey, remember that joke we didn't give a shit about 30 years ago? Let's listen to it again and still not give a shit. And then we can sit around and wonder why on earth this person was ever talking about it in the first place."
So anyway, how about that finale twist on The Bachelor! Were you as absolutely floored as I was? How could he do that to poor Melissa???
It's almost always about how some show is "so stupid." And that's what you want to talk to me about? You have a stage, a microphone, and an audience and your big topic is how something on TV is silly. No fucking duh. Why do you think we're here in this room instead of home watching TV. Not to mention that The Soup and Best Week Ever have this ground totally covered.
What I always want to ask these standups: Who are your favorite comics? How many jokes do they have about a stupid TV show? Probably zero. Because no one gives a shit in the long run.
I saw a comic who's nationally known do a downtown show where he started out with "I just got cable" and followed with 10 minutes of jokes about how stupid reality shows on cable are. Really, some show on the National Geographic channel about haunted houses is dumb?! And wait, let me guess, the people on it are dumb too! No way!!! Thanks for the newsflash. Next thing you know there might be some drama on The Real World!
Or do I need to listen to someone tell me for five minutes why Urkel (or whoever) was a dumb character? You know who else realized that: The writers who wrote Urkel to be funny. You're making fun of something that was intentionally created to be silly.
Where's the discovery there? It's like going off on a rant about how dumb a Dr. Seuss book is. "What's the deal with green eggs and ham??? I mean ham, sure. But green eggs. Those sound really unhealthy! Is it food coloring in there? Or seaweed! Am I right, people? I don't know what kinda doctor this Seuss guy is but I wouldn't let him operate on ME!" Making fun of shit that was created to be silly in the first place is pointless.
This stuff doesn't need more attention. We're already buried under an avalanche of televised terribleness. I go to a bar and there are so many TVs on every wall that I can't have a conversation without stupid shit flashing in my face from every direction. And it's always a monster truck rally or a shitty sitcom or highlights from some hockey game that's the Flyers vs. a city that I didn't even realize had a hockey team now, and no one cares yet we can't turn off the TVs because we must have shit flashing in our faces all the time.
So why on earth do I want to go to a comedy show, a place where human beings actually congregate to share something real and listen to someone's thoughts, and hear you tell me how stupid Beverly Hills Chihuahua is?
I know it's stupid. That's why I didn't go see it. Why are you bringing it into my life? I successfully avoided it. I don't care what you think about Watchmen. Or Friday the 13th. Or anything else that is already discussed endlessly in our culture. Don't be a megaphone that amplifies the same crap that's on Access Hollywood and Us Weekly and the rest of the PR machine that dictates what we should care about and consume and watch like we're babies that need to suck on some media conglomerate tit.
You should make sure to record that Beverly Hills Chihuahua joke on an album. Because people will totally want to hear it again in 30 years. That way they can go, "Hey, remember that joke we didn't give a shit about 30 years ago? Let's listen to it again and still not give a shit. And then we can sit around and wonder why on earth this person was ever talking about it in the first place."
So anyway, how about that finale twist on The Bachelor! Were you as absolutely floored as I was? How could he do that to poor Melissa???
3/6/09
Paul F. Tompkins vs. me for ComedySmack's Best Web Short Video of the year
I've been nominated for The Best Web Short Video Of 2008 at ComedySmack for my White Collar Comedian video:
I'm up against Paul F. Tompkins, one of my faves and a guy who is about as funny as it gets. It's like Daniel vs. Mr. Miyagi. Click here to vote. And here's the video:
Again, thanks to Brad Steuernagel, Jay Bois, and Selena Coppock for their help shooting and editing the clip.
I'm up against Paul F. Tompkins, one of my faves and a guy who is about as funny as it gets. It's like Daniel vs. Mr. Miyagi. Click here to vote. And here's the video:
Again, thanks to Brad Steuernagel, Jay Bois, and Selena Coppock for their help shooting and editing the clip.
3/5/09
The next wave of NYC comics: Cope, Cunningham, Drucker, Goodman, O'Connor, St. Germain, and Sullivan
The comedy hierarchy can be a frustrating thing for aspiring comics. You can't get booked on the top shows because the people who book those shows haven't seen you perform. And since you can't get booked on those shows, the people who put together TV showcases and big festivals don't see you.
If you're lucky, someone refers you and you get a shot. Otherwise, it's a waiting game. Quality bubbles up eventually, but sometimes it takes longer than it should.
I'm in the trenches watching small shows all the time so maybe I can help. Below is a list of the NYC comics (along with five-word or less descriptions) that I think should be the next wave to hit big.
I decided to only include comics whom 1) I've seen multiple times and 2) do NOT have any of the following:
1. A major TV credit
2. An appearance at the Just for Laughs Festival
3. A nomination for an ECNY award
(Kinda arbitrary but I wanted some kinda parameters.) If you have something to say about any of those things, keep an eye out for these guys. And if you produce a show in NYC, you should definitely book 'em.
David Cope: Witty one-liners, suave delivery.
Luke Cunningham: Rapid-fire, intelligent clubby style.
Mike Drucker: Great writer, Onion/SNL/McSweeney's.
Dan Goodman: Sharp, offensive, not for everyone.
Sean O’Connor: Intentional awkwardness plus lotsa likability.
Dan St. Germain: Huge act outs, underrated writer.
Brent Sullivan: Subtle and smart. Comedy for adults.
If you're lucky, someone refers you and you get a shot. Otherwise, it's a waiting game. Quality bubbles up eventually, but sometimes it takes longer than it should.
I'm in the trenches watching small shows all the time so maybe I can help. Below is a list of the NYC comics (along with five-word or less descriptions) that I think should be the next wave to hit big.
I decided to only include comics whom 1) I've seen multiple times and 2) do NOT have any of the following:
1. A major TV credit
2. An appearance at the Just for Laughs Festival
3. A nomination for an ECNY award
(Kinda arbitrary but I wanted some kinda parameters.) If you have something to say about any of those things, keep an eye out for these guys. And if you produce a show in NYC, you should definitely book 'em.
David Cope: Witty one-liners, suave delivery.
Luke Cunningham: Rapid-fire, intelligent clubby style.
Mike Drucker: Great writer, Onion/SNL/McSweeney's.
Dan Goodman: Sharp, offensive, not for everyone.
Sean O’Connor: Intentional awkwardness plus lotsa likability.
Dan St. Germain: Huge act outs, underrated writer.
Brent Sullivan: Subtle and smart. Comedy for adults.
3/4/09
My ongoing beef with vegetarians
Vegetarian restaurant menus have fake meat products like Sham, Tofurkey, and Fake'n. Sham? Wow. You're telling me right there the product is terrible. "I'd like a bowl of the inferior rip off Chili, please!"
At least meat eaters actually like meat. You don't see this at a steakhouse: "Tonight's special is Crock-oli. That's where we take bacon, compress it into the shape of a broccoli stalk, and paint it green...because THAT'S what we secretly want to eat."
Bacon doesn't need a disguise. It doesn't need to get dressed up in a costume for Halloween. Bacon just shows up and goes, "Knock, knock, I'm Bacon, trick or treat!" And it's always treat. Because it's bacon. And bacon is always treat.
And vegetarians say, "Eating steak is so cruel to cows!" I get it. But us liking steak has been pretty good for cows as a species. We take care of them. And that's good because cows suck in the wild. You won't hear lions going, "How are we gonna catch that wild cow?" "Oh, you mean that animal that you can walk up to while it's sleeping and tip over? I've got an idea. Let's wait until he's sleeping..." Cows should thank us meateaters every night before they go to sleep — standing up. Without us, they wouldn't even be on the planet anymore.
We do eat way too much in this country, though. We're so fucked up that people actually staple their stomachs shut. “C’mon, it’s a sandwich made out of waffles. You think I'm not gonna eat that? What am I, a superhero?" The best is when they need the surgery because they have a "disease." Yeah, the disease is called America. They don’t need stomach stapling in Cambodia. In Cambodia, people are stapling their mouths OPEN — hoping that maybe a bug might fly in there. They call it “The Reverse Roker.”
(An example of glomming onto a joke, Samurai sword-style. The original bit from a while back: "The problem with vegetarians.")
At least meat eaters actually like meat. You don't see this at a steakhouse: "Tonight's special is Crock-oli. That's where we take bacon, compress it into the shape of a broccoli stalk, and paint it green...because THAT'S what we secretly want to eat."
Bacon doesn't need a disguise. It doesn't need to get dressed up in a costume for Halloween. Bacon just shows up and goes, "Knock, knock, I'm Bacon, trick or treat!" And it's always treat. Because it's bacon. And bacon is always treat.
And vegetarians say, "Eating steak is so cruel to cows!" I get it. But us liking steak has been pretty good for cows as a species. We take care of them. And that's good because cows suck in the wild. You won't hear lions going, "How are we gonna catch that wild cow?" "Oh, you mean that animal that you can walk up to while it's sleeping and tip over? I've got an idea. Let's wait until he's sleeping..." Cows should thank us meateaters every night before they go to sleep — standing up. Without us, they wouldn't even be on the planet anymore.
We do eat way too much in this country, though. We're so fucked up that people actually staple their stomachs shut. “C’mon, it’s a sandwich made out of waffles. You think I'm not gonna eat that? What am I, a superhero?" The best is when they need the surgery because they have a "disease." Yeah, the disease is called America. They don’t need stomach stapling in Cambodia. In Cambodia, people are stapling their mouths OPEN — hoping that maybe a bug might fly in there. They call it “The Reverse Roker.”
(An example of glomming onto a joke, Samurai sword-style. The original bit from a while back: "The problem with vegetarians.")
3/3/09
There is no hack subject, only hack approaches
Louis CK has a hot new bit on airplanes which started an interesting conversation over at Shecky Magazine. CK chimes in there too:
(I know, I know, I'm going overboard on the CK posts lately. Sue me.)
My take: There is no hack subject, only hack approaches. You can do a bit on airplanes or anything else. You just need to take an innovative approach that hasn't been heard 1,000 times before.
For example, I've got a bit on the gay pride parade. I think that's potentially a pretty hacky subject to tackle. But I take it somewhere that I think is pretty unique. I know other people have done jokes on this subject before. But I don't think anyone's taken the approach I take or gone to the examples I go to.
I guess that's what matters: The joke needs to represent your point of view or how you see things or reveal a unique twist that no one else would give it. That's what I mean by your approach. It's what gives you your voice.
And that's way more important than the subject you're talking about or how popular/common it is. CK's bit is really about people and how they don't appreciate technological advances. Plane travel is just an example he's using, not the real point of what he's saying.
Interesting that he points to Leno too. Here's Jay talking about airplanes on Letterman back in the day:
And another one:
More YouTube search results for "jay leno at david letterman."
Crazy to think that Leno was actually one of the top comics working back then. I think of him as one of those people who was secretly replaced by a robot at some point in the '90s, along with George Foreman, Nicolas Cage, and all the members of Aerosmith.
But I NEVER thought of [hack] subjects as bad to talk about. If you think any subject is hack, go to youtube and watch Jay leno's appearances on the old Letterman show. There are a ton of them and they're amazing. He was SO Fucking good and everything he talked about was "hack". he did airplane humor in at least five different segments on the same show. he never let it go. Just kept hammering and hammering at it, but with such beautiful percision, such energy, gorgeously worded bits. To frown on them because of the subject matter is to be a self-serving idiot.
(I know, I know, I'm going overboard on the CK posts lately. Sue me.)
My take: There is no hack subject, only hack approaches. You can do a bit on airplanes or anything else. You just need to take an innovative approach that hasn't been heard 1,000 times before.
For example, I've got a bit on the gay pride parade. I think that's potentially a pretty hacky subject to tackle. But I take it somewhere that I think is pretty unique. I know other people have done jokes on this subject before. But I don't think anyone's taken the approach I take or gone to the examples I go to.
I guess that's what matters: The joke needs to represent your point of view or how you see things or reveal a unique twist that no one else would give it. That's what I mean by your approach. It's what gives you your voice.
And that's way more important than the subject you're talking about or how popular/common it is. CK's bit is really about people and how they don't appreciate technological advances. Plane travel is just an example he's using, not the real point of what he's saying.
Interesting that he points to Leno too. Here's Jay talking about airplanes on Letterman back in the day:
And another one:
More YouTube search results for "jay leno at david letterman."
Crazy to think that Leno was actually one of the top comics working back then. I think of him as one of those people who was secretly replaced by a robot at some point in the '90s, along with George Foreman, Nicolas Cage, and all the members of Aerosmith.
3/2/09
The Republican hip-hop makeover
Got a kick out this story: "Steele: GOP needs 'hip-hop' makeover."
First off, this means we can officially retire "off the hook" as a phrase. Next time someone tries to use it on you, just tell them to talk to the hand. And then shoot yourself.
Also, they really oughta think this hip-hop outreach thing all the way through. When a rapper has a posse, they have bling, weed, and Cristal. That's cool. But when white, southern guys have a posse, they have torches, pitchforks, and a noose. Not nearly as appealing.
Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party's principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”
First off, this means we can officially retire "off the hook" as a phrase. Next time someone tries to use it on you, just tell them to talk to the hand. And then shoot yourself.
Also, they really oughta think this hip-hop outreach thing all the way through. When a rapper has a posse, they have bling, weed, and Cristal. That's cool. But when white, southern guys have a posse, they have torches, pitchforks, and a noose. Not nearly as appealing.
Upcoming shows: Morrison Motel, All-Cities Comedy Tournament, etc.
Spots I'll be doing in the next couple of weeks...
Mar 2 - 9:00pm Ed Sullivan on Acid @ Freddy’s Back Room
Mar 3 - 7:30pm George and Dan’s show @ Puppets Jazz Bar
Mar 5 - 7:30pm The Show @ CityLight
Mar 6 - 8:00pm Five Points @ Silkroad Cafe
Mar 6 - 10:00pm 80 Minutes ’Til the Weekend @ Joe Franklin’s
Mar 8 - 7:00pm The First Annual All-Cities Comedy Tournament @ Fontana’s
Mar 10 - 7:30pm Skip and Sparkle @ Ochi’s Lounge
Mar 10 - 9:00pm Morrison Motel @ Cornelia Café
Mar 12 - 9:00pm Tokenjoke @ Potion Cafe
Mar 2 - 9:00pm Ed Sullivan on Acid @ Freddy’s Back Room
Mar 3 - 7:30pm George and Dan’s show @ Puppets Jazz Bar
Mar 5 - 7:30pm The Show @ CityLight
Mar 6 - 8:00pm Five Points @ Silkroad Cafe
Mar 6 - 10:00pm 80 Minutes ’Til the Weekend @ Joe Franklin’s
Mar 8 - 7:00pm The First Annual All-Cities Comedy Tournament @ Fontana’s
Mar 10 - 7:30pm Skip and Sparkle @ Ochi’s Lounge
Mar 10 - 9:00pm Morrison Motel @ Cornelia Café
Mar 12 - 9:00pm Tokenjoke @ Potion Cafe
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